Baby in NICU

Oh my goodness sweetheart! You are completely normal!! When I was pregnant with my son I thought... whatever.. I'll never bond with him and even told the doctor's to clean him up first. When he came out and I heard his little cry I would have jumped off the table if I had any strength left and wasn't strapped down! It was all I could do to wait till they brought him back to me. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I will keep you in my thoughts! Hang in there honey and know that it will all be worth it in the long run! :)

Hello E.,

It is so natural to have those feelings and you should know that you are not the only one to have them. I had my daughter at 31 weeks on March 4th. She just came home from the NICU 2 weeks ago. The 7 weeks she was in the NICU were such an emotional roller coaster ride for me. However, having her home with me now is amazing and I appreciate every second I get to snuggle with her. My daughter isn't really able to breastfeed for more than 5 minutes and then we bottle feed her breastmilk. The pumping and feeding can be exhausting but totally worth it. Also, I have an amazing husband who feeds my little girl while I pump in the evenings so I can get some sleep. Find a good lactation consultant and try to get support from other parents who have similar experiences. I was amazed at how many people I knew also had premature babies, people I worked with and friends of friends. I would email them and it was nice to hear from people who could sympathize. If you need to chat you can instant message me as well. Hang in there and it is true you just have to realize that the NICU really is the best place for your baby right now and they are doing everything they can to get your son home with you as soon as possible.

Take care.

K.

Hi there,

My first child,now 7, was born at 33 weeks and spent 10 days in the NICU due to many of the same issues your son is having. This was a very difficult time and what you're feeling is totally normal!! For me, pumping and giving him my milk was the only way I felt connected to him. In addition, I was the only one who could provide him with the best nourishmnet possible for a premie- feeling empowered in an otherwise helpless situation. I have no great advice on how to get through this other than to remind yourself he is where he needs to be and he will be home when he is ready. I can remember feeling like I was the only one in the world who didn't get to bring her baby home but all I had to do was look around the NICU and realize I wasn't alone. In addition, I began to hear lots of women's stories about their NICU experience and it was reassuring to hear how life went on in a normal fashion once the baby came home. I wish you all the best. M.

E.,

I can totally relate to you. My son was 6wks early and was in the NICU for a month. The longest month of my life. The hardest day for me was leaving the hospital without my baby. I was a wreck. I too pumped every 3 hours for 4 wks. Looking back i can't believe i did that. But you do what you have to do. Your body, your mind, your heart ARE confused of course.
I would visit him everyday and we would practice nursing, tons of kangarooing him and getting to know this little person. we got on a schedule and that became our life for that month.

When we talk about that time with friends and family now, it always amazes me how for them they say it was such a hard, sad time. For me and my husband...we were getting to know our baby and loving every minute. There were rough times no doubt but the nurses and docs in the NICU are angels and your baby is in the best care he can be in. This time is hard, but focus on the day. When I stopped wondering "when do i get to bring him home?" and just would "be" with him it was so much easier and the more special and wonderful each day with him was. Your son will home soon and i will keep you in my thoughts. you will get thru this...keep pumping that perfect milk for him, he will drink it all!
E.

Oh E.,
I really feel for you. Yes, I went thru the same thing. I'm sure you have had other respones by now but I just had to respond too!
Let me start by saying my son is now 21 yrs old & expecting his first child(my first grandchild). So I'm sure everything will be fine.
My son was a scheduled c-section (however it was about a week before my due date)and he had the same issues. He was put on the machine that breathed for him. Due to him being a lil early they said his lungs were not fully developed and were collapsing. He then had a lil juandice. But he was SO big compared to some of the other babies in NICU,it did make me feel like he didn't belong there. I felt horrible for the other mom's seeing my big baby next to premies etc...
I was only 20 at the time so I was so freaked out! I had to travel to & from the hospital which was 15-20 miles away, and would go there 2-3 times a day. One day the nurses finally asked me not to come the next day, they said they would tattle to my doctor if I didn't just go home & get some rest.....Sure like I could....the nurses were just wonderful don't get me wrong,they were trying to protect me(at the time I didn't see it that way).
I did also have a 14 month old son at home, so I could see their point but dammit my baby was in the hospital!
So,yes I know exactly how you feel,like there is something you should be doing to make it better or that you should be there with the baby at all times, that IF I had done something differently my baby would be home with me.....
Of course all those reasons that sound so sane, are not. There was NOTHING I could have done differently (I was diagnosed with epilepsy during the pregnancy,so this is why I felt guilty.)I'm sure it will all work out ok for you, but I will still say a prayer.
Just remember you are a wonderful mom!!!!! and someday that lil guy will be saying the same thing!Hang in there, and please if you feel like you want to talk you are welcome to e-mail me ____@____.com
Good Luck & God Bless You and your family...
From one mom to another....
Happy Mother's Day!!!!! (you deserve it)
Lisa

Hi E.,
What your feeling is completely normal. My son was born at 29 weeks and came home from the NICU after six weeks. Leaving the hospital without him was the worst day of my life. It was completely unnatural, and I was, of course hormonal. You are not crazy! Hormones do play a role, but I would be concerned for you if it did feel natural to you to not have your baby with you. My advice would be to spend as much time as possible at the NICU during changing and feeding times. It can be tough to change and swaddle your baby with the wires and what not, but you will get used to it quickly and the nurses will help you. Ask the docs to let you do kangaroo care as much as possible. Even if all you can do is place a hand on your baby's head and the other on his feet, he will feel better contained and soothed, and you probably will feel better, too. Also, resist any temptation you might have to blame yourself for your baby coming early. It just happens sometimes, and it is not your fault. Another suggestion is to have the nurses work with you to get you used to not watching all the monitors during the week before you take your baby home. It is important that you learn how (or, in your case already having two kids, remember) to judge how your child is doing just by watching him and seeing his color and demeanor. Also, please give yourself permission to be upset/scared/whatever you are feeling. Of course others are worse off, but that does not mean that your feeling are not valid or important. It is totally fair to mourn not having the birth experience you expected -- giving birth is a pretty darn big deal! I also went through a Mother's Day with my son in the NICU, and I so feel for you right now. Take good care of yourself.
K.

Dearest E.,

My oldest son, who is now 26, came early as well. Your feelings are normal so please do not give yourself a hard time for feeling them. I have never cried so hard as the day I went home and left him in the hospital NICU alost 27 years ago. When you cannot hold him, stroke him and have as much physical contact as you can. He needs it and so do you.

I also pumped and pumped and pumped until he could take any nipple, bottle or me. He developed a great sucking reflex but never really liked to nurse and I was only 25 and young and was struggling. I ended up pumping and freezing breast milk so that he could have it for about 6 months.

What hospital was he born at? There should be a support group of other Moms who have gone through this to help you along. If not, please respond to me individually and I will give you my phone number. I'd like to help if I can.

And you are right - your harmones are not making this any easier.

God Bless and let me know if I can help -

B.

Hang in there! Your baby will be home with you soon. Try to hold him as much as possible when you visit. There is a lot of research that shows the benefits of skin to skin contact. When my baby was in the NICU, due to being born at 35 weeks, I had her naked up on my chest as much as possible. Soon this will all be a memory!

Hi. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. My daughter was in the NICU for a little more than a week because she was early and they just wanted to make sure that she can suck and digest properly. I was in the hospital a little longer than usual. Maybe 1 or 2 days because I had pre-eclampsia (spelling) hence the reason I was induced early. Anyway, the first day I was home without her, I was ok and got some things done before she came home. Then the second day was really hard by the evening time. It was hard to go and visit her, because at that time we only had one car and my husband was at work. The NICU advised me to call anytime, no matter how many times a day. It really helped when I talked to her nurse and she would give me an update on how she was doing. The nurse was very positive and encouraging and it uplifted my spirits a bit. It was hard to go and visit and have to leave her there to. Just remember that your son is very well taken care of. Call and see how he is doing as often as you like. I hope this helps and may God keep you, bless you and your family and give you strength to endure this and make you a stronger mother/person.

I wonder how those that lost their babies at birth (my mom) got through it. I don't think I've ever asked my mom.

Hang in there. My daughter was 3 months premature, she was in the hospital for almost 8 weeks. He won't remember being in the hospital and he's getting the best possible care right now. Visit him as much as you can, I know that's hard with two other siblings. I also have a 2 year old, I spent half my day at home and the other half at the hospital, I made sure to come during feedings and some bath times when she was alert. But just think, he'll be home soon and all if this will be behind you. Just stay positive and you'll pull through.

E.,
First and formost being freaked out is so normal. I have had two children in the NICU. You can make this an excellent expirence however. My daughter (first born) who is 11 was born at 27 weeks and weighted 1.35 lbs. She stayed in the hospital for almost 3 months. When I wasnt able to hold her I had my hand in the isolete so that I could feel her and her feel me. (to this day she likes my had on mer tummy) I was never able to nurse her due to her small size and my large bust size but I did pump.

The nurses are a great resourse. They have been doing this for along time and are great listeners to the moms. I had the nurse teach me how to do everything that I could and when I was there I took over, unless I legally couldnt do something, I did it. Because of the excellent training the nurses gave me I was able to bring my daughter home at 2.15 lbs!

The most important thing that got me through my NICU time is I had a positive attitude and I feel that my daughter could feel that and it helped her grow. I also ended up talking to the other moms in the NICU and became friends, we still get together and talk all the time. It is a bond that is special and a normal birth mom wont be able to understand.

Hang in there...

I've never been in your situation but I honestly think feeling emotional and strange when you just had your baby and he's not home is totally normal. Do they let you visit him often? Why can't you hold him? It's very important for him to be around you early on so I'd definately push for seeing him as often as I could, and holding him if possible, very frequently.
AND, YAY for boys. We have 3 boys too :)

Hi E.,

I completely understand what you are going through. The moment my daughter was born, they rushed her to the NICU- I didn't even get to hold her for the first time until she was 6 hrs old! While her stay was not as long as your baby's, I just wanted to send you some love and reassure you that it will get better! Your baby will come home and you will quickly forget about these rough days. The anxiety and impatience are completely normal and to be expected because as you said, it's completely unnatural for a mother to be separated from her newborn. It's going against every naturaly instinct in your body, and all those hormones aren't helping the situation. The best advice I can give you is to stay positive, speak to your baby when you can, and concentrate on the moment you get to bring him home. It will be unbelievably wonderful, I promise.

Take care of yourself and your little ones, and focus on all the good times heading your way shortly.

xoxo
J.

My heart goes out to you and I understand completely how you feel. My son was born with a birth defect - PRS and had to be in the NICU for 2.5 months. It was excruciating especially when I saw women every day being wheeled out of the hospital with their new baby in their arms going home. My son is now 6 months old and at home with me. I promise that what you feel is so normal and very soon this will all be a memory...

My advice to you - focus on the pumping and getting ready for him to come home. If you don't have one yet, get a breast pumping bustier so you don't have to hold the pumps. They are inserted into the bustier and you can go hands free! Also, get rest cause when your child comes home, you will not get the sleep. I know that it sounds impossible but everyone told me that and I ignored it and when I got my son home I realized what good advice it had been.

Remember, focus on what your child needs - your pumping and you being well rested.

Hi E.!

Well...you probably ARE a crazy emotional wreck! :o) A woman may sometimes never know what kind of reaction we'll have in this types of emergencies. It sounds like you're are being a GREAT mom by being all ready for him. It would be natural for anyone to be having "crazy" emotions right now.

For whatever reason, God needs YOU stronger for your son's sake. Try your best to "keep everything going"....it will all work out.

You and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers...

:o) N.

dear E.:

my first son, aaron, was born prematurely and had to stay in the incubator, because he swallowed some meconium, was blue, cold, and the first thing he had to taste was the tube sucking all the meconium and then sugar water to help him.....
i stayed with him , but could not hold him.... the dr's told me that he could never do so many things.. that i ignored them ... because i knew that each child is different and aaron certainly is.....
he is 17 years old is very particular about many things, and he is a healthy young man, extremely smart, we travelled the world together.... aaron is 17 years old now and attending usf.... it was hard from the start, but it gets better.... please take the time to sleep and all the rest you can now that your baby is @ the hospital.... once he is home... it is lots of work... at least i was always worried if aaron was breathing, if he threw up while sleeping, and at night he was so cold that he had to sleep with me to keep him warm, so i did not really sleep because i did not want to smother him....
do you have family support? i had a great social support, great friends that came to give me some sleeping breaks in the afternoon, so i could be alert at night.. ... as aaron grew so did his immune system, and he is a healthy athlete, something dr's told me will never be..
i later had two more babies... all healthy and different from each other..... i read so much in order to help my boys... from swimming with aaron to help his lungs... his nutrition, his skin so delicate, and his likes and dislikes.... and it was all worth it!... they are happy accomplished boys... i did my best to nurture all aspects of their lives... and i continue on that track ... please take the time to take care of your self.. we can not help any one if we do not help our selves....
warmly,
sandy

Hello,
My son was also in the NICU for 9 days when he was born, he was 19 days over due and we had a long, stalled labor with meconium, and he had trouble in the beginning. They kept him in the NICU because he had a high C reactive protein test and was given high doses of antibiotics, so I TOTALLY feel for you and want you to know that it will be over and you will have your son home so soon and you forget about the hospital and "start over" and pretend that the NICU never happened. My husband and I even created a second "birthing" at home in our bed, pretending that he was just born and we were home with him. The hospital and NiCU are totally energy draining, go and be with your baby as much as possible but remember to get rest and eat healthy. Keep pumping and Nursing as much as possible- this will also help him learn to nurse well so he can get out sooner. One day you will appreciate the NICU for helping your son. Cry when you need to, Lord knows I cried daily for not having my baby with me- it is something physical too, your body knows you gave birth and Needs the baby- it is so hard, I know, but you will get through it You are stong powerful woman and mother who will survive this and take home your healthy and happy baby so soon
take care

I'd say it sounds like you're handling things pretty well. Of course you're impatient and totally emotional and hormonal! That's completely understandable. My nephew was in NICU for six weeks, and I know my sister-in-law really relied on the support of her family. She wasn't afraid to ask for help from family and friends, and she had to, since the baby was born two states away from where her husband was in grad school, and he had to go back to school before the baby could come home. Eventually the little guy learned to eat, and now he's a whole head taller than all the other four-year-olds he plays with! Hang in there! Things will be crazy for a while, but it will get better.

you are just a really really good mom.

E.,
I remember feeling exactly the same way you do. Our son was born two and a half months early with what sounds like the same issues your son has. Ahh... the memory of bonding with hospital soap and my breast pump. It is so very hard to be going through all of the postpartum things and have a baby in the NiCU. You are not crazy. Perhaps an emotional wreck, but that is to be expected, and nothing wrong with that.

The only advice I can give to to take good care of yourself so you can stay strong for the baby and the rest of your family, and to try to visit him as much as possible until he can come home. I did skin to skin nursing and holding when I visited, which seemed to help me and my son a lot with bonding and the time we could spend together.

My frustration and impatience was around the feeding stuff. I felt as though my son nursed just fine, but they kept telling me that he couldn't come home until he could eat and keep down so much food in a certain time period, and that he had to take a bottle. I felt like different babies have different needs and it was expecting a lot to be able to hold down a lot of milk when he had been gavage fed so much. But I did understand that if you rely soley on nursing and your milk dries up, and your baby won't take a bottle problems can happen quickly... they have to cover their bases too.

I remember coming to the hospital with the expectation of taking him home one day and the nurses saying that the Dr hadn't written the order for him to go home. He had passed his carseat challenge and the nurses were telling me that he was ready. I asked for the Dr or the paperwork to sign him out. Be realistic about making sure that your baby is healthy and safe enough to go home, but don't be afraid to advocate to take him home if you think he's ready.

If it helps you, I was worried about the bond I might not have with my son. The birth of my daughter was smooth sailing, water birth and nursing within an hour. My son, not the case, He is now two and a half and we are very very close. He's caught up developmentally and physically. Make sure that you have a good pediatrician who gets you hooked up with early intervention serices to monitor him until he's three. They were very helpful to us with things I would not have noticed that would have been problematic later.

Good luck to you. If you need to talk or can help at all, feel free to e-mail.
J.

My grandson was in NICU for the first 4 weeks of his life and he was in San Francisco, he had open heart surgery at 1 week old. My daughter was having the same issues that you are having so I'd have to say "yes this is normal" She was not able to be with him every day since he was so far away. She finially got him transferred back to Santa Rosa and was able to see him daily at that point. I know that it is hard to be away from your infants so hang in there. By the way, my grandson is now 3 and you would never know that he has had surgery. A ball of energy he is. So, hang in there and know that you are not alone in your feelings.
Hope your baby comes home soon.

I really feel for you. It's tough to have a baby in the NICU no matter what the scenario. Please try to keep your spirits up and look ahead. The time in the NICU will help your baby through his issues and soon he will be home in your arms. My youngest spent a few days in the NICU just a day after birth. Luckily I was able to stay at the hospital and nurse him there but with everything going on, it felt like a very sad place to be. One baby lost their life while I was there. And one that got discharged after months of help, was so tiny and had multiple medications and problems, it made me worry even more about my own baby's situation. I too had a little one at home so it was just me at the hospital most of the time. For months after my husband and my father almost seemed scared to hold or help him and it really felt to me like they treated him as if he were different. Strength in knowing all would turn out well got me through, and in hindsight I am so very happy for him. He is a healthy boy now who had a rough start and some bumps along the way but no one can really see that now. One day, you'll be thinking of that of your youngest. Stay strong, know you're not alone. In the end, he and you are going to come out of it, much better! Take care and best of luck!

I am sorry to hear about your baby. My twin girls, who just turned two, were born at 26 weeks. Neither were supposed to live. My oldest was in the NICU for two months and the other one was in the NICU for 6 months. I was at the hospital every day except for two days. I can completely understand how you feel about not having full physical contact all the time with your baby and having to wait for the nurses or doctors to approve things. Also, pumping and bringing in breast milk every day or pumping at the hospital was so stressful. My body only cooperated for two months and then we had to switch to formula. What helped me was know that the nurses and staff at the NICU only had my babies health in mind. Make sure the nurses are having you and the baby's father do as much kangaroo holding (skin-to-skin) as possible. Even though you think your baby will be home soon, wear a washcloth next to your skin for a full day and then leave it in the babies crib so that the baby learns your scent. If you have a small tape recorder, read stories and sing into it to leave with your baby. Your baby will be comforted by your voice. Try to relax and keep telling yourself that your baby is safe and will come home soon. Good luck.

I went through a similar situation last fall with my premature twin boys. They were in the NICU for nearly 3 weeks. It was very frustrating and difficult to get through those weeks because I was so worried and couldn't really hold them or anything. Once we could hold the babies my husband and I would go at feedings and help out. We'd change diapers, take their temperatures and then help feed them. I was an emotional wreck too! I had postpartum depression and ended up on medication. The babies are now 7 months old and are doing great! They are breast fed, happy, healthy and seem fine in every way. I am also much better although it took a few months. Hang in there! I feel for you! It will get better I promise!

-M.
Mom of three boys too

I had twin boys in the nicu for over a month there is nothing worse than not being pregnant and not having your baby...except a baby that is in risk,your feelings are normal and healthy just remember that it is for the best and you can appreciate him that much more when he is home healthy in your arms.congratulations

100% normal.
My now 10.5 month old was at mercy San juan for 26 days.
I would lay in bed bawling looking at her crib..

when they won't eat you get frustrated because, damn it you can do this at home.. in quiet and by yourself!
It's not like he needs help breathing anymore or any other intervention.. Yet you 100% understand why they are there, but it's frustrating none the less

I understand 100%% please PM me if you need support.

My second son was born May 26, 2001 -- he wasn't due until July. He spend 6 weeks in the NICU. It was a very bittersweet time. Our first son slept in his bassinet in our room his first week of life, but our second son slept in a plastic box in a room of strangers. I didn't like to think about different people caring for him (or letting him cry) all day long. It was very sad for me. BUT, I tried not to focus on that and instead thank God for his life, that he was just in the NICU for minor issues that would pass in time, and that we were priveldged to have had such good care for him. You are torn in two, but that he will never remember these days and in time, he will be in your arms to the point that you are deeply relieved when someone asks to hold the baby. You are hormonal but the hormones are only amplifying real emotions of loss and seperation. You can reason with yourself that it is temporary and try to take advantage of this time as best you can. Keep pumping and visiting, but redirect your emotion of loss into determination to prepare for him homecoming and to be there for your other sons as much as humanly possible.

My little one came home and ended up having colic! I had never been around him in NICU during the colic time (evening rush hour), so that came as a shock. Now, though, he is a delightfully loving 6 year old boy who is thriving. As you know from your older two, the days are long but the time is short with these littlest babies! Hang in there!

You ARE a crazy hormonal wreck -- as is EVERY woman who has just given birth, much less one that has to go through such a heartwrenching experience as having their baby in the NICU. And, yes, it's totally normal. My baby girl went from the NICU to having heart surgery at 3 days old and then spending the next 3 months in the hospital recovering. We even stayed an extra week so that she could learn to nipple effectively. I too was determined to keep the possibility of breastfeeding alive and pumped religiously every 3 hours. Set the alarm thoughout the night. And I think it was a rare occassion when I didn't cry during a pump. Sitting alone in her room, without her, wondering when she was going to come home ... what could be more unnatural. It sucks, but you already know that. What I can offer is support to keep up the pumping. Worst case scenario, you will have a lot of precious early days breastmilk stored up for your little boy. Best case ... you will establish a healthy supply for when your little one gets home. Just remember that your baby is in the hospital getting WELL. This is where he needs to be right now to be the healthy happy little baby he is going to be.

The way my husband and I coped with our child in the NICU was to talk together about how we were feeling. Another very helpful way for us to deal was to get some exercise. Even though you cannot do much, a good walk in some fresh air helps immensely (as does swinging at golf balls at a driving range :) ). It is never easy and know that others feel the way you do...it is normal! I hope this helps. Hang in there!!!

Congrats on your new baby boy. Sorry to hear that he has not had a good start. My daughter (first child) too was in NICU right after she was born for 3 weeks, heavily sedated for the first week and a half. We couldn't hold her for almost 2 weeks. I was pumping too, but I think all the stress caused me to have a weak milk supply which caused me to stress even more. I think I cried everyday. I know it is CRAZY!! You have so many emotions on top of hormonal imbalances. As easy as it sounds, and I know it is not, you just have to take it day by day. Look at the progress of each day for him. You are not a crazy hormonal wreck. It is just our nature as mothers to be overwhelmed with emotions when it comes to our children. Good luck and God bless!

My Aunt went through all the same feelings when my cousin was born 8 wks early. She was an emotional wreck. She hated seeing her little girl in the hospital but she hated being at home without her even more. She ended up developing a very good relationship with one of the NICU nurses and of course the rest of the family did all we could to help. In the end it all worked out. My cousin was able to come home earlier than expected and my aunt recovered from the emotional and physical stress that was put on her those weeks. My cousin is going to turn 10 this summer and is a very normal kid.

you will get through this.

All the best,

A.

I haven't been in your exact situation but of course you're normal!!! You must be just aching to hold your little one!! Hang in there.

Hi E., when my twins were born, my daughter was in the NICU for 2 weeks while I was able to take my son home. She too had initial problems breathing & then had to remain in the NICU because she couldn't latch on properly to a nipple (real or bottle) to feed. I was nursing him at home as well as pumping for her & then nursing her when I would go to the hospital. It was hard for me because even though I had one baby at home, I knew my other baby was still in the hospital. I was exhausted & an emotional wreck, but I just kept focusing on the fact that I knew she was going to be coming home & that her overall health was excellent compared to so many other babies in the NICU. There was a baby in the NICU that didn't make it & that humbled me & my husband & made us realize just how lucky we were, to be patient & to realize that when our daughter was ready to come home, she would. The nurses all told me that it may take her a little awhile, but that all of a sudden she'll get it & it won't seem like she ever had issues & wouldn't you know it, that's exactly what happened. We were able to take her home after 2 wks/3days, which happened to be my due date (I had them early). My husband was also a tremendous help during this time, as he would make multiple night time "milk runs" to the hospital & helped out a lot w/our son that we were able to take home. So just hang in there & know that your son is just fine, some babies are just slower at catching on when it comes to feeding, but he will! I wish you & your family the best! God bless!

Dear E.:

I totally know the feeling, but the joy I feel right now as I sit in bed on Mother's Day with my twins. It is one of the hardest things to deal with, and in fact the day the twins were born, I call the "Day my World stood still." My boys were hour and half away from me for six weeks, and then our ped dr, worked to get them transfered to a closer hospital, and then they were 15 minutes away. I too pumped and pumped and tried to feed, and pump and feed. It was a roller coaster, and it will be a roller coaster. Even when we finally brought them home, things were still not 'normal'. Just know that you are not alone. And feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Happy Mother's Day!!!!!!!!!!!

I was in your situation (minus the other 2 little ones). My son was born at 32 weeks w/breathing problems (4lbs). He turned 10 mos. old on Wed. The Sutter Memorial (Sac) NICU staff was great. I know what you are going through. Not coming home with him right away felt terrible, not to mention the pumping, etc. Going back and forth from home to NICU is draining. We were told he would come home for about a month or 2. He ended up coming home after 2 weeks. In retrospect the NICU staff really helped prepare us as first time parents. They had him on such as awesome sleep and feeding schedule that when he came home I felt so greatful. He will be home before you know it! I'm not sure how big your little guy is, but mine went from not being on the chart to the 50th percentile on his visit yesterday. Just remember, that the NICU is probably the best place for him right now so that he can get big and strong.

P.S. I'm an engineer on a hospital project and we are building a NICU. I still get teared up when I walk the job, remembering our experience and seeing the beautiful new NICU that someone will be able to use very soon. The NICU staff are truly angels.

When my 13 month old was born, she had a condition where her esophagus and stomach were not connected. Minutes after being born she turned blue, and was not breathing when born. She was airlifted to a childrens hospital and had surgery to repair the esophagus the next day. She had IV's in her arms, feet and head; was on the ventilator for a few days after her surgery. I couldnt feed her at all for nearly three weeks. Her total stay in the NICU was 23 days. I do understand and I hope that this is a short journey for you. I think that for the most part it is hormonal and a lot is out of your control. When I was finally able to nurse my daughter (a few days before discharge) it was a challenge. But she quicly learnd and still loves doing it. Good luck and go with your instincts. You are the mother, do what you do best.

E.,
I went through this exact same thing! My first daughter was 8 weeks early. I was a wreck too. I found myself getting up in the middle of the night and going to the hospital to be with her. I drove my husband nuts. Your baby will be fine and so will you. Trust that the hospital will take good care of the little guy. It is totally normal for you to feel a little whacked out right now. You are, I'm sure, very busy with the other boys and the running back and forth to the hospital. He, and you, will figure all this stuff out. Just stay calm. If you stress out so will the baby. I miss mine being little babies- enjoy it.

Oh how i know how you feel. My son was in the NICU for 4 weeks and i can completely understand your feelings. Your feeling completely normal. Being in the NICU feels like forever but i promise your little guy will be home soon. it just seems that the time stands still during this difficult time. My advice to you is take one day at a time and concentrate on the positive forward strides your premie takes towards going home. it is certainly difficult to have the nurses and doctors tell you when you can and cannot hold your baby. i prayed a lot. i will keep you in my prayers. My son is now 5 and very healthy but i still remember those NICU days like they were yesterday. Hang in there. May God bless you and your family. A. A

I think you are totally normal. Your desire and emotions want your baby home with you. Praying he'll be in your arms soon.

Hi E.,
First of all congratulations on your new bundle of joy. I know it's very tough right now having him in the NICU. I wanted to let you know all your feelings are so very natural. My twins (boy/girl) were born at 32 weeks - I had the greatest and easiest pregnancy up until I realized I was in pre-term labor and was put on bed rest but that lasted only 2 weeks. Since my babies were small as well they had to be in the NICU for their first 25 days. Let me tell you it was the HARDEST thing I have ever had to deal with but with the support of my wonderful husband we did it. I would wake up and pump and get ready and go to the hospital in the mornings and my husband would get off work around 3ish and he would join me. We lived at the hospital it seemed but I just couldn't go home. Home wasn't the same without my little ones there. We would stay until 8pm or so. Even though we could not hold them it was nice to be near them and just watch them. The nurses would tell me to go home and rest while I can but I just couldn't. The day I was able to bring both home was the 2nd happiest day (since their birth was the happiest day) of my life. So hang in there. Go be with your baby boy as much as you can. Of course you have your other two that might make it tough for you but hopefully you will be able to bring him home soon. Sounds like maybe in a week? That would be great! Anyway my kids are now 28 months old and are so healthy and doing wonderful. I think of those days a lot but I'm grateful they were ok and very grateful that we had the wonderful nurses who took really good care of them for us when we were not there. So know that he is being well taken care of too.
Hugs,
S.

You're not crazy, you are a wonderful Mom (& of course have perfectly normal hormonal stuff going on as well). AND, I can tell you it sounds like your son is just fine and will have a normal, wonderful life ahead of him in what sounds to be a loving, energetic family!
I "lived" in the NBICU (pumping like crazy and emotional everyday) for 6 weeks, 16 yrs. ago, when my baby was born with seizures. Her problems were light years away from your son as she is disabled today, but she grew into the Huge Light in our life who inspires, illuminates & teaches beautiful life lessons to everyone who knows her. She has totally changed me into a heart-centered giver!
Your son will soon be home with you--cherish him always.

Hi E.,

Hang in there honey, this feeling is quite normal. I am the mother of 4 beautiful little boys, 3 of which spent time in the NICU. My first son (now 9) was born with heart disease and stayed in for 2 weeks. My twins (now 4) were born at 35 1/2 weeks, and they stayed for 10 days. I know it's hard not being able to hold him at home right now, and pumping and storing is probably getting old too! Don't let it weigh you down. We're given blessings in disguise through our lives, and a little extra sleep at home just might be yours right now! Take advantage of your down time and rest, enjoy sleeping a little more at night, because you'll be so much more energized and fresh when he does come home, and that wonderful newborn schedule begins! It was hard for me too, but in the end I was so grateful for the extra rest I got, and grateful for the care my son was getting, in the end we were both much more healthy when he came home! So hang in there, this too shall pass, and you'll be doing 2 a.m. feedings in no time! L. M.

A little about me:

I am a happily married stay at home mama to 4 beautiful little boys ages 9,6, and 4 year old twins. I love cooking, singing, hiking, camping, and spending time with family and friends.

Hi E. I totally feel you on this one. My daughter was born on 12/4 and stayed int he NICU for 16 days. She was born with an illial itresia (her bowels were twisted) and needed surgery at just 3 days old. I know what you mean about not being able to hold you baby. When my daughter was born I didn't even get to touch her until later the next day. I never got the chance to immediately bond with her and over the next several weeks by bonding experience was not what i had envisioned.

I can say that things did work out and i was finally able to get back that lost bonding time but i know what you're going through, so hang in there. I hope all is well with your daughter and that she will be able to come home soon.

I'll give you the same response....normal. Our now 7.5 yo son was born 5 weeks early for no apparent reason. I like to say he was 'cooked' & wanted to be a turkey instead of an X-mas present like he was intended! He weighed almost 6 lbs at birth & was a pretty big preemie & stayed in the NICU for 6 days....maintaining weight, & body temp then got jaundiced. It was a very long 6 days & I, too, became very impatient which is not something uncommom for me anyway! He is now a healthy, strapping boy at 66 pounds & 4'2". Keep involved in his stay & anything the docs do. Stay focused on the 'prize,' the day he comes home. Make sure your other kids are prepared & that you & hubby are as well. Most importantly, treat him like any other healthy baby. I know they're small but babies ar pretty strong & resilient. Best of luck!

E.,

My first daughter was in the NICU in Japan for about two months before she came home. In Japan the women stay in the hospital for a week. I had to have an emergency C-section because of severe preeclampsia. While I was in the hospital for a week I was so restless because I wanted to be with my daughter and take her home and be in my own environment with her. I ended up staying in a hotel a couple of blocks away from her and whenever I wanted to see her no matter what time it was at they allowed me to. So I would just walk down the street to see her. The NICU that she stayed in made a book so that I could see how she was doing and how she was growing and progressing. It was great, the midwife took pictures and wrote down what she could in english of how she was and what she was doing. I loved it. That is one thing that helped me cope and family of course and good friends because my husband was deployed on a Naval ship. So I know exactly how you feel and I understand. Your baby will be home with you soon. If they allow you to take pictures so that you can start a scrapbook or keep them near you. It is a crazy time but it soon will be over. Congratulations and cherish every moment.

Hi E.,:)

Having my first baby 6 weeks early I can totally relate to how you are feeling. You know you dream of going into labor in the middle of the night, going to the hospital and then having a healthy beautiful baby and everything just turning out great and then life throws you a curve ball. My water broke I had an epidural then a emergency c-section it all happen so fast. My baby girl had to stay in the NICU also because of her breathing, she was 5 pounds and so tiny. Seeing her with all the little tubes in her just broke my heart. The next day she was driven to Stanford to be on a breathing machine (for one day)and then back to the hospital where I was. Oh the feelings I had watching them take my baby away and not being able to go too was heart wrenching! My husband followed the ambulance... boy was I left feeling empty! I didn't get to hold my baby girl for 5 days, emotional to say the least. We went everyday to be with her but leaving each day was a different story. After we got to bring her home we still had to do a series of test because she was on the Oxygen we had to do an eye test, then a ultra sound of her brain to make sure everything was fine. Because she was born considered a preemie we also had to go get her tested to see if she was at the levels she was supposed to be at certain ages. Needless to say she is a Beautiful, Smart, Wonderful 4 year old with NO problems what so ever and you know what looking back it was all worth it!!!! It still makes me teary eye looking back at the photo's and gets me very emotional but holding her in my arms is the best feeling ever!!!! There is a light at the end of the tunnel and know it will be over soon:) hang in there and cherish every moment! To see my child now.... it is hard to imagine we ever went through what we went through! It will be over in time!!

E.,
I know exactly how you feel! My daughter was born three months early and had to be in NICU for 30 days. I felt the same feelings you are feeling and, it is normal.
Aftr being in the hospital, on bed rest for a month when I was pregnant(my water broke 4mo. early) I felt so empty and sad when I was discharged and had to leave the hospital without Rebecca.
My advice is to let your emotions out, talk to frinds and family who love you. Hang in there. Your little one will be home soon. And you will be able to hold and love all over him.

Blessings,
S.

Your feelings are SO normal. I had my daughter when she was supposed to be born, but she was born with Spina Bifida, so she was in NICU for a while too. We couldn't even hold her, no one could, until she was about 2 1/2 weeks old. And then, because of her surgury, we had to be very careful. It was the hardest thing ever. My very first child, and I couldn't even hold her, not even for a minute. That was such an emotional part of my life. Never mind all the normal hormone changes that made me cry for no reason at all!! ;o) Your baby will be home soon, and you will be living your life normally very soon. No worries!!! ;o)

Oh for modern science and advancement. Take a deep breathe. You are doing just fine. Yes, the hormones are raging but this too will pass. I had my premature baby six weeks early and couldn't hold her for two months. I, like many others do know what your going through and you are not alone. Take it one day at a time and thank God for that day that He has given you with your baby. Can you visit on a daily basis? Different hospitals have different rules. Talk to him, laugh with him, he knows your there and that you are supportive. Your mind knows that others have been through this and worse but know that your heart has not caught up with your mind yet. Give it time. Everything will work out with time. Keep us informed on your progress.

My first boy was in the NICU for 3 days because of low sugar levels. He was big for my first baby (9lbs 2 oz. 21") and I didn't get to go and see him as much as I wanted. I was very emotional for three weeks. I didn't get to breastfeed because the milk never let down and that made me fustrated. It didn't make our lives any easier with me being this way but soon it got better. If I didn't have the support of my husband, I think I would have gone insane. It gets easier and with the second son, I had a better experience. You have three boys and I know it is so much fun. Chin up and it will get better.

Both my boys were 5 weeks early (and 8 yrs apart) and both spent 10 days in the hospital after they were born. I am happy to tell you that they are now very healthy normal kids. Its scary when your baby is hooked up to all the wires and you cant even hold him to feed him or just love him, but believe me, you will get through this and (if you are anything like me) you will hold them more than ever when they come home. :)

Hi E.,

I know the feeling, my 8 year old son who is healthy as a horse now was in the NICU when he was born. he spent the first 3 months of his life there. when I came home without him I felt lost. I felt bad for leaving him there even though I know it was the best for him

just be patient and think about when he does come home. also remember he is in a good place where alot of people are there to take care of him. when I visited my son in the hospital I watched the staff and how wonderful they were with him.

hope everything works out.

Hi E.,

As I read this my eyes tear because I experienced the same thing. Yes it is not normal and your baby will be home soon rest assured. I even missed a day at the hospital because I was so distraught and could not get out of bed because I cried the whole way home, cried all night and make myself sick trrowing up the next day. I blamed myself so much and it was the worse feeling ever. You rock! Remember your child will be in your arms shortly.

I haven't been in your situation but I had a good friend whose first child was in NICU for a couple of weeks. Please don't be hard on yourself. What you're dealing with is very stressful, even if it isn't very uncommon. Your hormones probably are in full swing which can't help, but it's normal for you to be uneasy about the separation. When my friend's little boy was in NICU she spent as much time as she could there with him, although obviously she couldn't hold him all the time. The nurses in NICU are often extremely compassionate and there because they really love babies, so they're on your side. One thing I'd suggest is meditating before you get your day started so you can approach your baby from a grounded and calm place. Excersize will help a lot too. And love him like crazy when you get him home! Good luck.