Premature Baby

The first thing you could do would be to get married to offer her a much more stable environment. Once that baby is with you, you will care and love her as your own. If you and your boyfriend split up you risk loosing her because you will not have any rights over her well-being. Yes, this is my opinion, but that baby has already started life precariously and she doesn't need to be in an environment that can once again change at the drop of a hat without regards to her. You will be so involved with her and if you are to be the mother figure in her life then you SHOULD be her MOTHER! If you don't, chances are you will end up in a very ugly situation in the end. With you married to her father, the courts will see that that's baby'e best interest is in your and your husband's hearts and minds. If he doesn't want to marry you now, he won't later. Don't set yourself up or an innocent baby up for unnecessary grief and hurt.
Yes, it's my opinion, so don't anyone write me back about how awful I am for saying that. I don't mean it self-rightously, I am not judging and I am not being cruel. But maybe if people took the job of being a parent and a spouse more seriously rather than quick shak-up living together the children in this world would not suffer so much! He already has a child out of wedlock and is with another women BEFORE that child was born! A baby doesn't just happen.

I'm guessing maybe you mistyped how early the baby was? (There's no record of any baby surviving any earlier than 17 weeks early). If she was born in Nov. and is now up to 4lbs and will be starting the bottle in a week, she was perhaps 8 weeks early? Depending on exactly how premature she was, she'll likely face different issues. An excellent resource book is "Preemies: the essential guide for parents of premature babies" by Linden, Paroli, and Doron. The actual issues that your fiance's daughter may face could be numerous or minimal. My son was born just over 10 weeks early and weighed 2lbs. The only issues he had were difficulty gaining weight, reflux (very common with preemies), and some food sensitivities (but those were due to my own health problems allowing food proteins to enter the breastmilk, probably not going to be an issue for her). The online forum that I found to be the most informative and useful was the NICU forum at mothering.com. However I'm also a breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping, natural living mama so it may or may not be as good a fit for you. However, there are some exceptionally self-educated and experience parents there who are eager to help answer questions.

A. D,
This I know something about. I have twin daughters that were born @26 weeks.1 \lb 9 oz, 12 inches long. They went through alot. However, they still go through alot after they come home. First, sterlize everything,everyday! Clorox wipes are the best, no fumes. The NICU would tell you not to let people over, do not take her out unless it is Doc. app. make appointments in the morinig,less people, keep her covered up when you do. forget getting pictures done until about a year. You risk RSV and numerous other infections for the first year. you going to want to want to invite everyoen over to see the new bundle of joy. DONT! ask people to respect her /his health and that evne though noone may be sick, they carry germs and infections on thier clothing and their hair. ROP appointments are the worst. this is an eye examine that they test for detachment of the retina. Sine the eye its self can not be numbed, only the eye lids can be. the baby is held and the pook in the back of the eye to test for nerves detaching,which causes blindness in premmies.very heart wrenching. devlopmental delays are always possiable. Once you get the go ahead from the neonatoligists, they can go through interventions. however, usully best to wait until there one. at 1, he/she will be more like a 4-5 month old. The fact that she is already up to over 4 pds is great. gaining over 2 pounds in a little more then a month is great. My daughters came home after 2/12 and 3 months. one was 3 lb 14 oz, other 4-4 one had several surgeies, other flowed right along. take it as it comes. she is going to need alot of love,patinece and calmness. I say calmness because most premmies can not handle alot of noise or lights when they get home. they have been in incubators for months. the loud t.v or dog barking and loud voices are not going to pleasent to her.do not go shopping with her until aleast a year. my husband and I bounced back in forth who did the grociery shopping and ran errands. if it was something that needed to be done that minute,keep her covered up. It is human nature for people to chekc out the new baby. Say NO! a stroller with a nice cover and use a heavy blanket to drape over the top of the stroller. I put signs on my stroller that said," PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH BABIES" People get offened, oh well. regardless of the situation between your fiance and you and his ex, that has no baring on the care she will need. The person that wrote not to right back about how awful she sounded, well, I am not writting it back to her, I am telling you, love that baby, be patinet, google everything you can to help with understanding it, talk with other MOTHERS THAT UNDERTSTAND not just wanting to give bad opionons and do not worry about the rest. it will come. She is a blessing, she sounds blessed to have you as well. God Bless and good luck.

I just have to ask are you sure you want to marry this guy b/c it either sounds like you all just got together or he cheated on you... it sounds like shes doing well if shes just on a feeding tube and iv bless her tiny little heart! they may not be telling you what to expect just yet b/c they arnt sure. keep in close touch with the doctors ask them what to expect and the answers may change from day to day so dont let that scare you. good luck with this little miracle and your new family!

I have a friend who had twins born very early as well (they call them micro-preemies) and they spent lots of time in the hospital, but are growing and thriving 2-year olds now. Anyway, my friend wrote a book about the experience and what other parents can expect. It's called "The NICU Rollercoaster", and it's really good and very honest. They chronicled the ups and downs of their twins on an online blog, so it's written as they experienced the highs and lows, not written after the fact when memory had dulled some of the experiences. You can find it on Amazon here, or just search for the title:
http://www.amazon.com/Rollercoaster-Nicole-Zimmerman-Edwa...

Best of luck to you and your fiancee and to the little baby!

What you need to do is be at the hospital with the baby at least 12 hours a day, holding baby as much as possible, and feeding baby. They won't send baby home with you if you don't know how to do it, and it can be tricky and take time to learn. Babies do much better when they have lots of contact, and the hospital personnel are not able to hold the babies all day like they need (baby should still be in the womb after all). You will get all the education you need from the professionals working there. I learned all this from personal experience with my premature son.

One day a nurse pointed out to me all the fussy, unsettled babies who weren't doing too well, whose parents didn't often come around to be with them. My son was happy and progressing well because I was there with him all day, every day. Premature babies with problems are more likely than the average kids to be abused, because of how difficult they can be to care for, and how fussy they can be. You need to immerse yourself in caring for this baby, and have all that free education from the nurses, occupational therapists, neonatologists, etc. The baby will still require round the clock care once she comes home, and you might as well get used to that now. Being born that early, she may have loads of other problems as well, and should not be in a daycare where she won't be held enough, and can catch every germ in the book. Best wishes to you all.

A., my prayers and thought with you and your family! I'm afraid I can't offer any books or websites although I highly suggest you speak to the support people at the hospital. I just wanted to share my own experiences when my son was born with a heart defect. He had open heart surgery at 16 hours old and was in the NICU for a short 5 weeks. He had alot of difficulty with feedings due to his pacemaker sitting above his stomach. I will say, watch the nursing staff in the NICU and make sure they are offering the bottle for longer than 2 minutes. I'm sure she is in an amazing unit but ours would not take the time to sit with our son, they simply tried for a few minutes and then put the formula into the NG tube. I was still in college and at home with our two girls who were still in school and my husband, bless his heart, just had no idea what to do. Once the girls were clear, I sent him home and I stayed with our son. The cardiologist wanted to send him home and let me handle things but the pediatrician said no. After harrassing them and feeding him myself every feeding....no sleep....for 2 weeks, they finally said if I could demonstrate inserting the feeding tube, they would let him go home. In case you're wondering, I was in my final semester of RN school. God was listening because immediately after she said that, my son pulled the NG tube out of his nose! I did the demonstration and we went home the next morning. We have been blessed with him not having any other complications such as development issues, other than still having a pacemaker and being under weight. Just follow the pediatric recommendations on development, and immunizations. I was concerned about his growth until I remembered both of my girls were 35 pounds from age 3 to 6, they just grew up! He's slowly doing the same. I hope this sheds some light on things and we will keep y'all in our prayers.

A.,

I am on the committee for NICU family support as well as the board of directors for March of Dimes. I also volunteer in the antipartum unit at Norton's Suburban hospital.

The March of Dimes has a wealth of resources and infomation. They also have a website www.marchofdimes.com

You can also call the local March of Dimes and they can also help you with the adjustment. Their number in Louisville is ###-###-####.

Hope this helps,
N.

You've had some wonderful suggestions for books and websites. I agree that you need to be in the unit holding her, feeding her (even if she isn't going to go home on NG tube feeds), learning about her medicines, and changing her diapers.
Even if you don't yet know if you'll have full custody, it won't hurt for her to be held and for you to start feeling like you're an integral part of her life now.
You can read the recommended books while you're visiting the NICU. Read and ask questions while you work with her in the unit.

NICU will not send her home with you until they feel comfortable with your ability to provide safe, total care. The doctors will probably also order visiting nurses (home health nurses) to check on the baby and weigh her 1-2 times/weekly while you are also taking her to the pediatrician weekly. Therefore, two scales may be monitoring her weight simultaneously to make sure that she is growing. (I have done various forms of home health pediatric nursing over the past 14 years.)

Years ago, I read articles - I don't remember books - on the effects that the special needs child has on his/her siblings. THIS is the MOST IMPORTANT area that you need to be researching, reading, and preparing for. This is an area that is rarely acknowledged - an "elephant in the room"; the other kids.

I noticed from reading your previous posting: This baby has 3 older siblings.
They will ALL feel displaced when this baby comes home, some more than others. And, they will become more responsible for each other's care at very young ages. Your hardest job is to prevent them from feeling displaced, for everyone to feel equal and content, and for everyone to feel appreciated.
ALL siblings experience sibling rivalry at SOME time to some extent, but the older siblings of special needs kids lose more of their parents than siblings of less needy kids.
The children who were the youngest before this baby was born are the kids who are at the greatest risk of feeling threatened by this baby's attention. They are much more likely to try to manipulate the family with negative attention-getting behavior.
I have made home visits where the next oldest child was jumping on Mom's stomach to get Mom's attention. Or, where the next oldest child swallowed poison berries trying to get Mom's attention. Another one pulled out sharp knives to play with. (Mom didn't know he could get to the knives.)

With healthy psychology, warmth, praise, love, sticker and other rewards' charts to the older kids, you're family can do great. But be prepared. Please do everything possible to prevent yourself and your fiance' from being harsh on the older kids.

Good luck and keep us posted.

The best advice to use is ask your doctor to reccommend you some websites.

My twin boys were born early and weighed only 2 and 3 pounds so I know exactly what you're going through. Once the started bottle feeding they had to get to a certain weight and not have any A's or B's for so much time. We were in Okinawa when they were born so the hospital wouldn't release then with a monitor....they had to be off EVERYTHING before coming home. They finally made it home and I just had to make sure they stayed on a good feeding schedule so they would continue to gain weight and I had to keep charts of everything (including diaper changes)! They developed behind typical kids.....they're 5 now and their speech is still delayed....we've went through a few minor surgeries for both but other than that they're very happy healthy little boys! Best of luck to you!

My oldest was also a premmie. You can expext a lot pf doctors appts. to watch her weight. I also had a spreedsheet to keep track of diaper changes, meds, sleeping, etc.

My advise to you is make every appt they tell you to, keep track of what they tell you to and find someone to help so you can take shifts to sleep.

If you need a copy of the spreedsheet that I used, just email me and I'll send you one.

God bless and good luck!

The best information you can get will come from her doctors and nurses because they know exactly which complications she has had so far. You said she was 18wks early? That would mean she was a 22weeker. The list of complications she could have had while in the hospital are endless but give the doctors a good idea at what her prognosis should be. They cant give exacts but can give you possibilities. Such as if she had a head bleed it can cause brain damage or developmental delays depending on how severe the bleed. I am a NICU nurse and have seen many different possibilities. You are welcome to email me with questions. ____@____.com Hope everything goes well.

Try this website.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/prematurebabies.html

Just google or type in premature babies and it will give ya all kinds of web sites to go to.
Good luck. I crochet for preemies in our group. Please come visit our web site. http://project-angel-kisses.150m.com/
Have a great day, take care and God Bless ya.