Pregnant with Twins, and My Daughter Does NOT like It!

My granddaughter did the same thing. The moment she set eyes on her
baby sister, everything changed. Hope it is the same for you.

She has been your one and only for 13 years
She is 13 and in the prime stages of being a teen with attitude.
OMG how gross.... Mom had sex...
She probably has some fears that you may rely on her too much to help when the babies arrive.

You need a clear wide open line of communication so she can feel comfortable to tell you anything and ask you anything without being judged, getting a staredown, etc. It is critical for her right now because she has been the only for so long and maybe she feels like she is losing a part of you and when she realized it is twins, it doubled her fear.

If you dont have clear lines of communication established, sounds like you don't, ... I would look at some short term counseling so she can get her feelings in order, her opinions on the table, and sort through her emotions. This will also help you both adjust to this new step in her life.

Adjusting to new babies is a huge deal... she is adjusting to 2 in the midst of being a hormonal teen. She needs love and listening.

Congratulations! It must be tough in your house with a hormonal teen and hormonal pregnant mom.. It will pass...

Maybe get some short-term counseling? My SD wasn't like that, but wasn't thrilled to have DD coming along. We tried to include her where we could (nursery items, clothing, baby showers) and I tried to make the transition as easy as possible for her. My being home for maternity leave meant that SD could be picked up from school activities earlier during that time. For example. And when SS had to move downstairs (at 18, he was shortly off to college) to make room, DH told him he needed to man up about it.

Teen girls can be so attitudinal! You can also ask for your fiance's back up. Will she talk to him? Will he say, "Kimora, you need to ask your mother for..." instead of bypassing you when it's not necessary? Has he said, "Look, we all "get" that you're not happy but the babies ARE coming. You an either choose to be miserable about it or you can choose to make the most of it. Your mom is my fiancee and they are my babies. I won't tolerate you treating them poorly because you can't get over yourself."

FWIW, one of SD's concerns was being a de facto babysitter. We said no. We have never forced SD to watch DD, though now that DD is potty trained she will sometimes offer (SD does NOT do diapers unless she has no other choice). I can count on one hand the times SD watched DD. Usually we pay our niece.

I think you need to sit down with DD, either as a family or as a mom to daughter and clear the air. Do not tolerate her disrespect.

One of the hardest things in life to accept is the sexuality of your parents and then your children. I think the biggest thing for her is now she has to accept that Mom has sex and is a sexual being. For some kids the 'proof' is you are now pregnant, and all of her friends know you had sex.

As far as the babies go I think once she sees them she will be fine.

Counseling would probably help her come to term with your relationship.

Wow! Thirteen and an attitude. I don't think she got it overnight it has been there all along but now it rears its ugly head.

She had you all to herself for so long like 13 years. Now she has to grow up and be the big girl and not the little one anymore. She is going into middle school and that has a lot of changes as well.

The world as she knows it has crashed all around her. You got this new guy and now these "things" in your belly and your body is changing -- ew.
You don't have time for me so I will show you is what she is thinking. I won't ask you anything. But the only person she is really hurting is herself.

Take her out for a lunch date and clear the air and put your foot down firmly on her neck if you have to. It is time to shape up and follow orders as she is getting ready to go into the real world of life and no one will put up with her attitude. Treat her more as an adult (teen) than you have and expect more out of her around the house like household chores. Prepare her for caring for herself and growing up productively.

Good luck to you.

The other S.

PS She needs to start asking you for things not your fiance. Get that straightened out as well.

Congratulation on having twins!

I just wanted to add that I think it is a mistake to tell your daughter that you won't expect her to help with the babies. She is a part of the family and the expectation should be that everyone chips in to help when the need arises, including with the babies. Twins are a lot of work esp. the first 4-6 months. You will most likely need her help.

My daughter was 14 when I adopted a baby. She was NOT happy and had nothing to with sex with my husband! It took a while but now she LOVES her little brother. You cant really push it. Try to involve her in things, picking out names, shopping and decorating the nursery.

This is a normal reaction for any sibling-to-be.

It's also normal beyond belief for a 13 year old to be giving her mom a staredown and attitude.

So you have lots of confirmation that she's right on target, developmentally. Nothing to worry about, from what you describe.

One thing you might do is give her a little creative control over, say, decorating the nursery, choosing outfits for the babies, something like that. That should be harmless fun for a 13-year-old girl, and it may help her feel valued and appreciated.

PS. Oops! I just looked down at some of the other responses -- I hadn't thought of the "Eeew, my mom had sex" reaction. Now I feel dumb. I still think appointing her clothier/decorator might be a nice gesture, though.