Pregnant with #2 and Nervous. How Do YOU Do It?

You can do it!!!!! My boys are 19 months apart, now 2years old and 5 months. I was really scared at first but you just make things work. About going out with both of them that is a different story. We get out but usually with support from friends. My toddler is the one I have to watch he is into everything. As far as breast feeding it is still going strong. My son gets jealous but usually the televison helps. I don't like him to watch much but what can you do. I wish you the best of luck. I can't wait until my boys interact with each other, then I'll be in heaven!!! S.

YES, you can really do it. :) I have two kids who are 14 months apart. One of them turned 3 in June the other turned 2 in August. It will be a juggling act and it will be frustating at times but it will also be rewarding and fun to watch your kids interact with each other.

The hardest things for me were and sometimes still are grocery shopping (if the store doesn't have any "two-seater" carts the kids take up a lot of space in the cart), running quick errands to the dry cleaner, post office, etc (very time consuming getting the kids in and out of the car and hard to keep a watchful eye on them with an armful of clothing, mail, packages), and doctor appts (trying to keep one or both kids entertained and quiet while getting info from the doctor). I sometimes get friends and family to babysit when I need to take care of these tasks. A mom's group was a godsend when I lived away from family. Some things I now do online (order stamps and shop for presents, for example).

I know it seems overwhelming, but you will find what works for you. Be flexible, plan ahead when you can, be creative and be patient. Look for products that will help you accomplish your goals and make life easier (slings, baby monitors, breast pumps, etc). Enlist help from friends and family. Consider joining a mom's club. I met some wonderful moms. We had playdates every week and planned trips to parks and kid-friendly places. They helped me keep an eye on the kids. They understood my needs and were glad to help out. Congratulations and warm wishes to you!

J.,

First off try not to worry about it, things really will work out. I have a 3 1/2 yr old and a 16 month old and I won't say that in the beginning it wasn't tough (and there are still days when it is) but somehow you do it because you have to. I work 3 days a week, 2 of those days I take them to my sister for her to watch them and it's a challenge even when I plan and organize the best I can but I have no choice and the good outweighs the bad any day. Just give yourself a break and take your time getting used to doing it.

Good Luck and keep me posted.

S.

Hi J.,

You can definitely do it!! It will be harder - because when your baby napped with number, so did you - but with this one, when your baby naps, you will be chasing your toddler - but you can do it! For breastfeeding, it might be good to get a sling - that way you can carry you little one with you and nurse on the go. You will get the hang of it. Here are some slings to look at that you can buy locally or on-line: <http://www.mothersboutique.com/slings.html&gt;

Another thing you might consider is putting your toddler in a toddler preschool program 1-2 AMs a week. That will give you a little bit of a break and will be good for your toddler's socialization skills as well. My son is 2 and I take him to the Glen Montessori's toddler program. <http://www.glenmontessori.org/&gt; It is in Emsworth, near Sewickley. I have also heard good things about the Ingomar Child Enrichment Center <http://www.ingomarumc.org/ICEC/Ingomar%20Child%20Enrichme...;

Congrats on your new baby!
J.

Hi J.,

I think you're probably feeling the same anxiety every to be Mom feels when she is going from one to two. I know I was that way. How am I gonna do this? It's amazing though..us Moms we just have the ability to adapt. I think you will find that it's not as difficult once the new baby is here. It will take a little longer to get ready or to do some things. And it will take some time to adjust...for your little girl to adjust to her new sibling. The great thing about breast feeding is you have more freedom to do things while you nurse. Like when I would nurse my newborn...I would read to my toddler or even play with her with her toys. She used to love to snuggle up by us and we would talk about the new baby. I always tried to include her and give her some of my attention while nursing. And even when the baby sleeps...I would always try to have a rest time...down time with my toddler. Either we would play quietly or I would try to have her nap at the same time...so I could rest. You're gonna do great!

Hi J. - YES, you can do it!!!

You sound like me, this time last year! I had number two on December 20th, number one turned 2 on January 7th.

My greatest fear was how was I going to handle going out with two, by myself. And the winter, breastfeeding etc.

It seemed to work itself out. First off, I did stay home more, play indoors more. Instead of meeting the BIG play group from my MOMS CLub, I just had one other Mom and her child/children over for play dates.

As far as venturing out. It does take some planning. I would get the baby ready and in his infant carrier/car seat. Then I would leave him in the kitchen, while I loaded up the older boy, diaper bag etc in the car. Then come back and load the baby in the car. At the grocery store, as much as I think those shopping carts with the cars built in are germy, I let my older son ride in it and he thought it was so special, kept the baby in the carrier and quickly got what I needed and left. I also recommend parking near the cart corrals whenever possible.

For breastfeeding, when in public, I either returned to my car and gave my older child a snack strapped into his seat. Or put the older child in the stroller with a snack while I fed the baby. That way, I knew he wouldn't be running off while I was exposed and I wouldn't need to chase after him.

As far as being outdoors in the cold, I am from S. California and have only been back here for a few years. I get a little freaked out in the really cold weather. So I had the snuggly that goes around the infant carrier to keep the cold wind off my baby. And my older child just stayed indoors for most of the winter to play instead of playing outside. But if we did have a nice day, I would bundle us up for a short 20 minutes outside. Just keep hats & blankets on the baby, cover those ears!

I did buy a double stroller and used it a lot last winter. By this summer, I was back to using my single stroller and my 2 year old learned to walk along side. He even walks beside the grocery cart now and doesn't run off. I also had a sling and a back-pack style carrier for hands-free carrying of the baby at times. These worked really well when out in public too.

As far as time alone with each child. The baby is on a regular 2x a day nap schedule now. So, I have alone time with my older son during the baby's morning nap. Then after lunch, I put my older son down for a nap 1st and have some alone time with the baby before he goes down for his nap. That leaves me about 45 minutes a day where both boys are sleeping and I can clean a toilet, start on dinner or do some thing for myself.

Recently, the two of them have started really playing together. It is so sweet to see them chasing each other across the floor, splashing in the bathtub together or just giggling together in the back seat of the car. I am happy to have two boys, close in age, because I think and hope that they will be best friends for life.

Congratulations on your new baby. You have some really special times ahead of you! It will be wonderful! Good luck

I have a girl and a boy 15 months apart and decided to leave my husband and get a divorce when my son was only 3 months old. So I had to do all that you are afraid of on my own. Get a support system. I had his mother, my mother, my best friend all helping me by either watching them so I could go do major shopping or come to the store with me so I could actually fit some groceries in the cart. LOL!! You will have to be better at managing your time. I like shopping and stuff at SuperCenters like Walmart. Now my two are 4 and 3 and they are mommies little helpers. I never left them at home all the time, but I choose carefully when and where I was taking them. They are so close and love each other so much though. Hope this gives you some advice and encouragement.

Dear J., I am a Nanny and I worked for a family with 2 children (5 years and 9 months) when I found out I was pregnant. My Family was great and I got to bring my daughter with me. There youngest and my daughter are 17 months apart and I can say: YES you can do it. Include your daughter from the beginning. I let the child watch and help by changing diapers ( he would bring the diapers to me, toys or even the blanket for nursing). When it comes to still going to go out and about as long as you are comfortable with nursing wherever you are no problem if not try to nurse before you leave even if she /he is only topping off it will make her last longer and you get the babies schedule down so you can adjust. My daughter just had to adapt to our schedule and it worked very well. I also heard to give the older one a baby doll as soon as you deliver, that way she can pretent to be mommy whenever you need a minute for her to entertain herself and she feels just like mommy/ just us important. Well sorry it got so long, but hope this helps enjoy and relax everything will fall in place. Oh for those cold days, those snowsuits and car seat covers are great and a little fresh air doesn't hurt anybody.
Good Luck and again RELAX/ENJOY Y. H.

You'll be fine! I have twins, so I was sort of thrown into 'double duty' right from the beginning. I would definitely get a double stroller. Also, one of those baby bjorn type carriers will come in handy with keeping the baby happy while keeping your hands free to deal with the other child. Two is definitely do-able and isn't quite twice the work! Good luck :)

My youngest 2 are only 11 months apart, having 2 babies that can't walk was definitly a challenge (and he didn't start until about 15 months) so those first 4 months or so was HARD! But I got through and you can too. The secret is staying to a schedule and trying to get your children to apapt to it the best you can. Now with babies it's not always that easy but try your best. The more you go out (and have th get the kids ready to go out) the easier it will become. It is however really overwhelming at first. Just be patient and you'll get it down. To me, what used to be craziness (having a bottle, sippy with juice, sippy with milk, 2 different sized diapers, plenty of wipes, clean outfits for each used to be alot) but now I have a checklist in my mind that I run through when I think the bag is packed. Sometimes its all there and sometimes its not. NO ONES PERFECT! God bless and good luck to you! YOU'LL BE FINE. (stressing about it won't help you)

My 2 kids are 26 months apart. I was just as nervous as you are now!
Yep, you can do it. It's exhausting, but you can do it! Freeze a bunch of pre-cooked meals now so you don't have to worry about feeding your toddler junk food to catch a few extra minutes of sleep. It's harder to pack up 2 kids than 1, but not too much harder. It takes about a month for you older child to 'get used to' the new addition. My son would 'dive-bomb' me every time I nursed my daughter, and my husband had to run interference for the first few weeks so I could feed our daughter. My son would also wake with night terrors, and was inconsolable by his dad - he wanted only mom, since he felt "competition" from his new baby sister.
As for getting out in the wintertime, no worries. I gave birth to my second in January, and she was outside going to the mall with me within a week. You'll be going from the heated house to the heated car to a heated mall or other heated building.
Techniques I found useful:
* Keep a bag of diapers/wipes for both kids in your car. This way you won't have to stress about remembering diapers & wipes.
* Keep some non-perishable snacks in your car too. My son loves pretzels, so I have some snack-sized bags of pretzels, crackers, raisins, etc. so I don't have to worry about forgetting snacks. In the wintertime, juice boxes work well too. Helps to keep your stress level lower.
* Toss an infant blanket in your car too. Who cares if it gets a little dirty in the car - it's there to keep the baby warm, not spotless. The baby will just spit up on it anyway, so don't stress about it. :D
* Have hubby help out with errands AND get you a break by taking your older child to do things like get stamps, fill the car with gas, grocery shop, you name it. Then you can sit and nurse in peace while the errands get done.
* Find places for dad to take your older child for a few hours so you can get what you need to get done (like rest!). Moonbounce places, library reading times, things like that. Put it all down on your calendar.
* Call on grandparents. They did your laundry for the first decades of your life, and can help out with the grandkids laundry too.
* Don't be afraid to ask for some help. Asking a friend to make a casserole for dinner, or maybe take your older child out to a park or playdate for a little bit so you can catch a power nap isn't imposing. You are NOT superwoman. Ask for help.
* Put your favorite delivery places in your speed-dial now. Ordering up Chinese take-out for dinner is NOT a problem. You just gave birth and have 2 kids, 1 of which is waking you every 2 hours to be fed, and the other is begging for your attention thanks to the stress of a new family member. Getting the sweet n sour chicken delivered to your door will NOT be held against you, we all promise! :-)

Don't be nervous....try being pregnant with #4 with a husband out of work and enough morning sickness to go aroung for 30 other pregnant women. Our two older kids are 11 & 15 and we have a a daughter who will turn two in Dec. I am starting to feel over-run by the little people. www.livegreeneasy2.com

The truth is, I struggled. It would take us 5 hours to eat, clean up and get dressed to go out. I was very tired. We hit some rough patches. But we got better as we went along. After two years, we are doing pretty well.

It is not easy. But you will find a way. Give it time. (Make this winter a write-off. Set your sights to spring.) You will get better and better at mothering two. There will be bumps. There will be tears. But your mothering skills will get better. You will get more creative. Eventually, you will be amazed at how well you are making it all work. But give yourself plenty of time. The first three months are on-the-job training. Find another Mom in the same boat to laugh with.

Remember to kiss them and hug them as much as you can.

As with anything, it definitely takes some adjusting for all involved, but it will work out once everyone is adjusted. I have two girls, my oldest was 2 when my youngest daughter was born. Luckily my oldest was potty trained, but I still had to help wipe her...that was hard sometimes when she needed help and I had just sat down to nurse my little one. Sometimes I even had to creatively feed her while helping my oldest. :-) Just remember to pack some patience and it also helps to grow a couple more arms... Good luck!

HI! Mine are 15 months apart... they are 15 and 30 months right now.

anyway, at the beginning, I found that it worked better for me, since the baby sleeps alot, to have her sleep while I played with my 1 year old, then when the 1 year old took a nap, it would be play time for the baby. I worked this out by taking my 1 year old out to play (the park, or an indoor play area for toddlers), and I let the baby sleep in the car seat. then she'd wake up when we got home for the older one's nap. I didn't get to nap this way, but I wasn't working either, so it wasn't a big deal to me.
then as the baby got older, I started putting her in a carrier to keep her up while we were out and about, and then they would both fall asleep on the way home, and we could all nap, or i'd do housework.

i read something before I had my second daughter... and it said something along the lines of "if the baby is crying, and your toddler needs something at the same time, the baby won't remember crying for an extra minute, but the toddler may remember being told to *wait a minute* all the time". i hope that makes sense... anyway, I made sure to pay lots of attention to my older daughter when I was feeding the baby, and I assume it worked, because they just love each other to pieces!

i hope this helps! Good luck!!!!!!

Hi J.,

I just had my #2 in May. My son was 2 1/2 at the time. My theory is that if I can do it, anyone can! LOL! Yes, especially in the beginning it is difficult. You don't have as much ability to nap because they both never seem to sleep at the same time, eventually you will be able to get them to share at least one nap time. Just like with baby #1 eventually a pattern will emerge and you will be able to come up with a rough schedule of feeding, napping, changing...

Like somebody else said, errands are the most difficult thing. It is so well worth the extra charge to order groceries online and have them delivered right to your door. I use ACME.com and have found that I actually save money becasue I don't make impulse purchases because I am not walking past things, and after a few orders they start sending great coupon codes to use online and you save the entire delivery cost and sometimes more.

I had to force myself to go on that first outing all by ourselves which was to Wal-Mart. Park close to the cart corrals so you can safely walk only a few feet from your car while the kids are still in their car seats and then put them right into the cart to avoid struggling with baby, sibling and diaper bag across the parking lot.

Allow for extra time to get ready to go out. I get the baby ready first and then my older one so he isn't set to go standing at the door and then get's back to playing with something because I took too long getting the other one ready. As for packing up 2, I bought a larger diaper bag to accomodate the extra stuff.

Just remember the first few weeks will be disorganized and even seem chaotic. Have pleny of very easy to prepare things that you can give to your oldest so that you aren't killing yourself trying to take care of them both at the same time. Cereal bars and banana's are great for breakfast! My son never had a cereal bar until the baby came along! Housework can take a backseat, although that vacuum cleaner may just help soothe the baby to sleep during a fussy time.

Accept help. When family offers to lend a hand indulge their baby holding and take a nap, or a shower. My mother couldn't get enough of washing the little baby clothes, I let her have at it! I don't know what I would have done without my folks who made a few meals and entertained my son so I could rest.

Don't pressure yourself, you are already the perfect mother in the eyes of your children, nobody else's opinion matters! Best of luck and may your last few weeks of waiting pass by in a flash!

S.

Of course it will be a challenge, but you can do it.

It's get easier after awhile, my housework suffered. But you have to nap when you get them on a schedule because being up all nite and chasing the toddler around wears you out quick. we got in a routine, to get out. I am not gonna lie it is a bigger project but I can now say I am the queen of multitasking.I had to force myself to get packed and get out of the house it's easy to get stuck in the it's just to much work to pack them up. My toddler and her are great friends now. They occupy each other and my son loved all the new indepence and the big boy bed he got at 19 months. In the morning he would even come in my room and watch dora for an hour so I could sleep for an hour the begining, I miss those snuggle times. lol! You'll be fine your a mom you already mastered the hardest thing once by two it's a breeze because hey you've done this before! congrats and good luck and just remember ask for help you are gonna need it and get all the sleep you can now.

You'll have good and bad days - usually coinsiding with your little ones' good and bad days. It's insane and madening and fun. It takes a bit of time to figure out how all of the pieces fit together and how to manage carrying everything and keeping track everybody, but you'll find a system that works for you. Try to see the humor in it on those days you want to pull your hair out and things won't look so bad anymore.

My first 2 are 17 months apart and the third one is another 27 months.