Pre Term Pregnancy

I am very sorry for your loss.
Please see your OB or a midwife about this! Your health care provider can refer you to a pregnancy loss support group in your area and to mental health providers who can help you deal with depression.
It will get better. Hang in there.

I am so sorry for your loss. Get some professional help. If your doctor recommends anti-depressants, that is okay, but do the talk therapy too. Don't just take a pill and think that the pain is gone.

Talk therapy is the best thing that you can do. When you loose someone you love, it is like a big box in front of you and you can't see anything else. No matter where you turn the box is there. Your baby's box is so big now it is all you can see. Taller than you, wider than you.

Eventually it will get smaller and you will be able to put it into a corner of your mind. It will never really go away, but it will get smaller. But now your baby's box is in front of you. It is part of your stages of grief. Don't be in a hurry to put it away. It will go away when you are ready to put it away.

Cry your tears when you need to. Eventually you will be able to stop crying, or only cry at home, or only cry for ten minutes, or only cry for five minutes, or only feel sad, or only feel sad sometimes.

But all this will be easier if you get professional help. I know because when my dad died when I was 17 I didn't get help and never cried. When I was in my thirties I finally got help and understood my aching hole in my heart and finally cried my tears.

I'm really sorry that happened to you! How long ago did it happen? Please understand that it's perfectly normal to feel sad and depressed over a death like this for a long time! Are you taking any anti-depressants? You should call your OB immediately and go in so you can get some. Just because you delivered at 23 weeks doesn't mean you can't have post partum depression. In addition to the awful reality of your baby dying, your hormones are going crazy! Please don't hesitate to see the doctor about this! They can usually refer you to some therapists/psychologists too. You should probably talk this out with a professional. You have a lot of hurt and grief to deal with, but you WILL be okay! We all hate to hear "Time heals all wounds" when we've lost a loved one, but it's actually true. You will always feel sadness about this loss, but as time goes by, the intensity of your sadness and the frequency will diminish. Unless something happened that your doctor told you about, there is no reason you shouldn't be able to conceive again and have a baby, but don't even think of going down that road until you truly feel ready! Have you gone through some rituals for your baby? Did you have a funeral or a burial or anything? It can be VERY helpful to go through those motions. I'm sure you've heard the saying that funerals are not for the dead person, they're for the ones who are still living -and that's true too. Whatever happened immediately after the situation, you can memorialize your baby in a number of ways -from planting a tree to donating in his/her name to a charity, etc.

Talk to a professional and ask them about their thoughts on the baby stuff you had purchased. I think this could really depend on the individual. I know that I would have to get rid of it and wait until I was going to have another baby at some point in the future to buy anything else. I don't even think I could sell it -I would ask your boyfriend to load it all up and take it to the Salvation Army, Goodwill or a women and children's shelter. However, you may want to keep it and put it in the attic. Do what makes you feel best. And remember -you don't have to deal with it right this second! You'll get through this and you'll be fine someday, but give yourself time and seek professional help -it's what they're there for! I wish you luck!

5 months ago, I gave birth to stillborn twin boys. It was the most devastating experience of my life, so I understand exactly what you're going through. The best thing you can do is get some counseling to help you walk through this. It never goes away, but you can learn coping skills that will help you to move forward. I'm so sorry for your loss....it will get easier.

I am so so sorry for you and I hope that you have some support. I cannot imagine how you feel but I wish you the best in coping with this terrible loss. I would suggest finding some sort of couseling and/or support group. You need to talk it out and release some of your emotions. Being with people who may have been in a similar situation can be comforting for you because those people really understand how you feel where as most people in your life probably don't. I would also suggest taking your boyfriend with you or at least encouraging him to find a group of his own. I don't think you will always be like this or have these feelings to the extreme you are probably having them now. At some point you will have more peace than you do now, but unti then find the best road to take you there. Hugs.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too have lost a baby too early, and it's not something that's easy to get over. Take time to grieve-- if you didn't name your baby, then pick a name and save mementos from your baby and/or pregnancy. If you can avoid seeing your boyfriend's sister for a while, do it, even if it hurts her feelings. Go to gonetoosoon.org and post a memorial for your baby, and read others so you will know you are not alone!

M.,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my son in February at 22 weeks, so I know just how you are feeling. I don't know how recent your loss was, but I can tell you that it will get better with time. When I lost my son it suddenly seemed like everyone around me was pregnant. I gave myself permission to tell people that I wasn't in a place to hear about their pregnancies, and I hoped then could understand. I think you should do the same. It will definitely take time before you want to be around anyone who is pregnant or has a newborn. I continue to tell people that I'm not interested in holding their baby, because it's still too raw. I promise that it will get better though. There are support groups online and possibly through your areas hospitals. It might help to talk to others who have lost a baby in the 2nd trimester.
Hang in there. It will get better, I promise.
K.

check out faith's lodge in MN. www.faithslodge.org - a place where hope lives. Get away and try to work thru it...it takes a LONG time. I lost a baby (a few weeks later than you) and it takes a good 18 months before it is not a daily event - I still think of her almost daily, but I have a bit more perspective! ;-) Many hugs.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I agree, you need to talk to your OB about this. He can recommend counseling and/or antidepressants. I think there are some yahoo groups for infant loss, and Faiths Lodge is a very good website. Your local hospital may have support groups as well. Know that everything you're feeling is ok, and that you'll have to go at your own pace. I'll be thinking of you!

I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost one at 19 wks back in Feb. I was grieving and had post partam depression. I ended up going to couseling and taking anti-depressants because I was so bad. It helped me work through everything which took around six months to really start feeling better. You will never totally get passed it but you will start feeling better over time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Go talk to your OB they can direct you the right way.

I am so sorry for your loss! What you are feeling is very normal. We lost a baby girl in 08 at 19 weeks and a baby boy in Sept at 15 weeks. Its very hard. If you can find ways to work through your greif like having a service for your baby or making a book for him or her. Also counseling is very helpful. Support groups too, you areant alone. I wish there was more I could say to help you. I pray that God will heal your heart as you greive. Please DM me if you need anything. (((Hug))) I am so sorry for your loss. It gets better over time but you will always remember your baby- and that is ok.
Love M.