Pre-teen Turmoil

I would strongly recommend looking into some kind of family counseling, as well as possibly individual counseling for him alone. A lot of it sounds pretty normal for the age he is and the situation he is in, but that does not make it acceptable. Counseling may help with any communication issues there may be between all of you. Taking some time to just to some fun things with him one-on-one might help since he seems to need more attention. My stepson could be much the same way and it's amazing to me to see how on his own he's a great kid to be around but when his older brother is there too, he turns into a jerk and has a horrible attitude about everything. There is a book called "How To Talk So Your Kid Will Listen and How To Listen So Your Kid Will Talk" which you may find helpful when you need to have a discussion with your son about his behavior, and how he can't be the center of attention all the time. But if you can get his dad on board with the counseling, maybe he will start to see how trying to "buy" his son's love and trying to be his friend instead of his parent is only making things worse. Dad needs to realize he is only rewarding his son for acting out and needs a serious wake-up call. Maybe he will take it better from a 3rd party "expert" than he will from you.

Counseling is a good idea especially if you are feeling extra frustrated with his behavior. Also are there other men in your life (uncle, cousin, family friend) that you trust and could take him out the do "guy stuff" occasionally? My husband is a very involved dad but my BIL is much more into sports and will do more athletic stuff with my son--play catch, go to a sporting event, that kind of thing. You can also give him some one on one time but he may be getting to an age he doesn't want to talk to mom about everything. Young teens will take the same advice offered by an adult friend that they would ignore from a parent (it is just the age).

My kids are young but I worked with teens and preteens doing counseling. Getting a 12 year old boy to talk about feelings is practically impossible at times and often your best shot is talking while doing something else like going for a walk, a car ride or shooting hoops, etc.

One thing to help the moods is give that child some Midol when he is obviously have hormonal stuff. When he's cranky and irritable it is just the changes his body is starting. I can attest that you will see your little boy back to some degree.

My FIL takes it for Migraines and my friend that is a professor of Nursing gave it to her kids every day if they needed it, especially when they came in from school acting off the wall. Within about 30 minutes they were their normal kid like selves.

I would recommend the Kazdin method. It is research based out of yale. All about ignoring the bad behavior and rewarding the good behavior. HE can earn points toward the reward items. I believe his book is called Parenting the Defiant Child. They do work shops at Yale from time to time and also have some 1:1 counseling though it expensive it is worth it.http://www.yale.edu/yaleparentingcenter/contactus.html
You can go to amazon and get the book even if you can't get to Yale.