My daughter is 12 and we have been going through these emotional days when if you even look at her she states that I am mad at her and starts to cry. She is homeschooled and we are together all the time. How am I supposed to teach her school and life lessons if she is always crying if anyone says her name? Any suggestions would really help!!
She might be responding to a little somthing called "theres-somthing-going-on-that happened-and-i-dont-want-to-get-caught"-phobia. i know that didnt make good sense, but it means that somthing happened/going on and she knows its wrong and is scared, or maybe its hormones, it could be that sh's going through a rough patch in life. See if you can talk to her and maybe get her to spill what may be on her mind.
-L. H.
Hi M. -
I have to take a bit of a different approach here. I have a daughter, now 20, and 2 boys, 15 & 14, and they all go through these emotional challanges when they enter their teens. I do not believe in medicating children so the traditional "psychology" route doesn't work for me. This led me to discovering natural methods to help my children. When emotions are out of wack, be it in a teenager or adult, their is usually a balance problem within their body. Returning the body back to balance can and will do wonders. Check into natural means, i.e. herbal formulas, flower essence or aromatherapy. Any and all of these balance the body without adding harmful chemicals and without the danger of side effects. In Ancient Chinese Medicine, anger, strong emotions and especially depression are caused by an imbalance in the liver. This makes since if you know that the liver filters everything in the body. Normally, the liver is able to clear itself unless the persons diet consists of a lot of acidic foods - i.e. soda pop, coffee, red meat, artificial sweeteners and sugar - to name a few. I am in no way suggesting you or your family give up the foods they love, I am simply suggesting they learn to balance any foods that fall into this category with alkaline foods, i.e. fruits & vegs. I have a PDF that I got in class that shows which foods fall into which categories - e-mail me if you would like me to send it to you. As far as cleansing the liver and balancing the hormones, there are commercial brands like HerbPharm that offer generalized tinctures (liquid formulas). These are available at health food stores like Whole Foods. If you are more intested in an individualized formula specifically formulated for you or your daughter, you can contact Desert Sage Herbs or another herb store and make an appointment with one of the herbalists on staff. I hope to expand my business when I finish my schooling and specialize in Pediatric Herbalism. If you have any questions, please feel free to let me know.
M. M. Ernsberger
Certified Herbalist
Mind-Body Therapy
Master Hypnotherapy
Flower Essence/Aromatherapy
Welcome to Pre-teen emotions. I've been there. I have 3 boys, 18, 16 and 14. When I speak up they tell me I'm yelling at them. When I don't say anything they think I'm mad. Sometimes our facial expressions and just the way we say things will make our children think we are mad. I usually talk with my boys and let them know that I am not mad and that the voice they hear is my normal voice. I also found that sometimes I don't slow down and I fail to talk at their level. Just like 2 year olds, you have to talk to them at their level. I find that young ladies at this age are very emotional no matter what you say to them, they may have already been moody, it just takes that one look or word to really upset them. I also have 2 daughters and I can relate to your concern. I have in the past just wrote notes to them, I also hug them and tell them that I'm available to listen when ready. It will of course take some time, if the crying doesn't stop then maybe there is more to it. Don't give up, love her, hug her, and console her.Good Luck!
Yes, it is normal. I was told by our family counselor that hugs and a poker face will allow you to remain a part of her emotional world. She needs a confidante, and that will be either you or someone else. This is when it is most important to her that you listen well. If you overreact (or even just react) to what she says or does, she will think twice about whether or not to confide in you about things. She may even think that she is causing you too much pain Going to other sources is not bad, but the kind of source is very important. It can either encourage growth or stunt it. These are the letting go years, and your last chance to exercise any kind of influence over her. The best way to do that is to buckle up on your own virtues and values. This is your test. Can you maintain your sanity while your daughter watches you like a hawk? She is deciding who she is and who she wants to be. You don't have to be perfect, but she will begin to critique you, whether you can tell or not. Your relationship with her is important, but be careful that you don't give her control over you by conveying that your happiness depends on her. Work on just being the best you can be. Don't expect her to appreciate who you are yet. Being different is ok. She needs an ear, a nod, reassurance, and acceptace. Find the positives, even if they are hard to find. Balance your rules and expectations with genuine praise for the things you love about her. Most of all, don't blame yourself for the way she acts. You are responsible for you, and she must be introduced to becoming responsible for her own choices as grows into adulthood. Perhaps a homeschool assignments can be to study the lives of different people and ask her what she likes and dislikes about these people. Have an open discussion about it, letting her be free to express how she really feels and why. It is a great way for you to learn more about her. Perhaps she choose a personal hero from those people and put up a picture or an inspiring quote on her wall in her room. Hope this helps...
I too am a mother of boys only but I have raised nieces who are now teenagers. I can easily say it'll pass and it does but who cares I know you want help now. Being that your daughter is around you so much that she may need a break. Try taking her to kid events were she can meet other gals her age and develop a realistic friendship. You too are more like best friends than a mom and daughter which is great its just that sometimes we all need breaks from each other. You don't need to allow her total freedom and major friendships, you just need to take her to meet other youth so that you both can have a break and she has a chance to grew as a preteen and see what other preteens are doing since she lacks that with being homeschooled.
Hello M.,
I am a school psychologist and wish to share that you are not alone with this issue. Your daughter is entering adolescence and this is a time known for confusion :-)
Of course, I cannot provide a diagnoses but I can give you a few recommendations, as follows:
1)Your daughter may be bordering on a state of depression that could be related to her identity. I strongly suggest that you set up an appointment with the psychologist connected to her school, ASAP(available if homeschooling is funded through public school).
2) Another option is to have a good cry with her and let her know how you feel. Try to share your feelings when you were her age and encourage her to share what causes her tears. Please be prepared to accept what she shares without judgment or shock.
3) It might be a good idea to arrange a quiet time and place away from home for just the two of you. Peers at school may be bullying her or worst case scenario abusing her.
I wish you and your daughter peace!
D. A., MA, CRC, Doctoral Learner
website: http://www.whiteappleinstitute.org
Hormones, I got my period at 11 and my mom said I was a crybaby. Hormones are a womans biggest nightmare all your life and when you change into a woman your hormone levels change. I had to go on the pill at 11, due to irregularity and emotional outbreaks. Good luck. I have a boy, but have had hormonal imbalance all my life. Maybe shes stressed. Have a talk.
Wow! As a retired RN that worked nights for 17yrs I have alot of respect for you! Working nights is hard enough let alone trying to homeschool too! I have 5 children myself...2 which are girls! Yes...around 12....girls get much more emotional....as you are now learning! What I tell my 14yr old when she starts to get this way (and yes, it does happen almost daily sometimes) is to go take a shower and/or to go wash her face and take a 15min time out in her room to regain her emotions, she is not allowed back out of her room until she can behave without reacting so emotionally (sometimes it takes awhile)...I make a point of telling her not to worry that I understand her hormones are all out of wack and that this is just the beginning and that she is not being punished but being given a chance to regain control...that she is going through a difficult time but that she will learn to control the emotions! Her days fluctuate greatly and little things can set her off....but I think as long as she knows that I understand she is only going through what every woman must go through she appreciates it eventually when she gets the time to go to her room and get herself back under control. The best thing you can do is to try to understand and try as much as possible to roll with the punches....it's not easy, especially when you have more than one going through it at the same time but it is doable! Also...give her a journal and encourage her to write in it about what she is going through ... this will help her ..... getting things out in words on paper has helped my daughter...she knows that I will never invade her privacy and read her journals unless she would want me to, something that is so important to teens...they really need their privacy! I know this is long and kind of jumbled but hope it helps in some way!
Dear M.,
My name is J. and I to have an emotional 12yr old girl.My daughter has more upset with her friends rater than me. She tells me she gets mad at her friends and then wants to cry. Her friends don't have to have done anything in particular to get her upset. She just feels mad and like crying. So maybe talking about her feelings or have her start a journal where she can let her feelings out will help. I started that with my daughter. I told keelin when she feels upset she can write it in her journal or draw or write a poem whatever makes her feel better. I also have a teenage son and stumblng through what to do about my teens.
I really like the advice that Sonya C recommended. Giving your daughter a chance to go and pull herself together is a great idea.
My daughter is on an emotional roller coaster right now too. She is 19yrs old but at the level of a 7 yr old. There are times that I just want to scream, but I don't. The last two nights have been really tough and I just know that her period is going to start soon. One time I even said to her, "I wish your period would start already so you could feel better." She glared at me and said, "That's mean!" LOL She started menstruating at the age of 12 so this is something we have been dealing with for a long time... and yet she doesn't really understand what's going on since she is so delayed.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone and it should get better. If it doesn't... you might want to see if she is suffering from depression. I have it and so do three of my children.
Hang in there!
it is normal, those hormones are going snap, crackle, pop. you may want to talk to her (or at least try, heh, i remember those days) to rule out that she may be having a crush on someone or a friend is bothering her, etc. once you rule out something social i would chalk it up to the raging hormonal inbalance she must be going through right now. instead of giving her energy drinks (not that you don't, but you know what i mean) i would try to get her into enjoying tea that calms her down. no caffeine drinks to help hyper her further! good luck. it's a tough age for a kid...tougher for the mum. hang in there!
