Potty Training for the Defiant 2 1/2 Year Old!

My daughter is the SAME way. A behavioral doctor says that she just wants to control that part of her life. That time will help. He suggested that pretend I don't care for a while. Then one day she had taken all her clothes off and was running around naked in the afternoon. I was downstairs and I hear her upstairs and she yelled, "There's poopy in the potty!" She went all by herself. I think that since she was naked there was no where she could go to the bathroom. She is three now and we STILL aren't all the way trained.

Before I even read the part about your new baby coming I knew that something must be causing a need for special attention! Kids will do anything for attention of anykind (negative or positive). All I can say is try to find some way to give your daughter personal attention that may be something special between you and her alone. It may even help for Dad to be involved. Sometimes a new face (or style) to an old thing can be pleasantly refreshing to all who are involved. Maybe evan get the older siblings involved somehow. The biggest thing is letting her know that she is not being replaced (especially as the baby of the house). Sometimes encouragement and praise for being a "big kid" can help, and sometimes it can completely hinder it, depending on the individual child. Sometimes it just takes a little time to solve the mystery and put the clues together as to what works best for your daughter. As they say, each child is different! I can definitely attest to that with my twins!:)

Good Luck!

Hi, T.,

Potty Training can be such a struggle for some. I am a Nurse who works with Children at a community health center and Have counciled many moms on just this issue. It is True that all children are different and develope both physically and developmentally at quite different rates. Some children just do not have the capability to be potty trained until they are between 3 and 4 years of age due to the growth of the bladder. A good rule of thumb is that when you notice that your child wakes up from a good nights sleep with a dry diaper 2-3 times a week she is probably ready to start the training process. Before this it is just really a struggle and frustraiting and can even prolong the process. At this time all the things you are trying should work well and will go much more smoothly. Also a note that boys develope much slower than girls and may take even til 5 years before they are physically ready. Potty training the bowels can be done before the bladder in many cases. Hope this helps. and good luck.

With my first son I started potty training around 2 1/2 and really pushed it on him. With my second I just kind of let him do it when he asked me and was ready. I think with my first I was more of the one being potty trained not him. My second son was still potty trained by 3. I learned they will do it when they are ready!

This is an age where kids need to have control over some things in their little lives. She may have realized that that is something she has control over that no one else can 'make' her do. Leave the potty training alone for a while and start giving her choices in other aspects of her life--Do you want the red dish or the orange dish? Do you want white socks or yellow socks? then you can incorporate that method into her potty training. When she realizes you aren't trying to control her she will do it naturally.

I had a daughter that regressed right before her third birthday. Just do not push her, it is a power struggle right now. Keep her in pullups and tell her when she is a big girl then she can have underwear and let it go. She will come around as girls especially don't like pullups much and she will want to be a big girl. Just explain big girls go on the potty not in their pants and be very matter of fact. I know my daughter had her tonsils out then her little brother came along and it was a power struggle so I let it go, (I hated changing her and her brothers diapers) but I just let it go.
Then a few months after her third bday I had a friend call and pretend to be Santa and say that he would be so proud if she would be potty trained by Christmas and he was bringing her some pretty big girl underwear. She hung up the phone, got her underwear out and that was it, I swear!!! Not even one problem with anything potty related after that. Just has to be on their timeline and terms. Just do not put her in underwear until she is truly ready to be a big girl.

Sounds like your child is displaying her strong will. Somehow using the toilet needs to be her idea instead of yours. The more you are for it, the more she'll be against it. I suggest taking a break and just tell her that if she's going to wear diapers and not be a big girl, then she just can't have "big girl" privileges until she's ready. Now you just have to figure out what the privileges will be, but let her make the decision to do it.

Hi T.. I was going through the same thing with my daughter. I made her a little sticker book and told her that every time she uses the potty she gets a sticker and when we fill up the book with stickers we'll go to see "Horton Hears a Who." It's worked like a charm! Every time we see the preview for the movie, her eyes light up and she asks to go potty so she can get another sticker for her book.

Good luck! I know it's stressful. Hang in there!

R.

Give it up for a month or so. Don't even bring it up and let her wear diapers. Then try again. She's not going to potty train until SHE is ready to do it and it sounds like she's not willing at this moment in time. It's completely a power struggle and you're only frustrating her and yourself.