Ok, I think that I have tried everything to get my alomst 3 year old daughter to use the potty. She has her own potty chair, she has a seat that fits on the "big" potty, she has a sticker chart, if she uses the potty she gets a small reward, (like an M&M), we've bought her books about using the potty, DVD's about using the potty, let her come in with us while we potty. I've read book after book, tried the potty training in 1 day, cool alert pull-ups, cotton panties with plastic pants, going naked. It hasn't mattered what happens, she refuses to use the potty. If she needs to poop, she'll go into the bathroom, close the door, and not let anyone in, then come out and tell me she's pooped. She'll then take her diaper off and dump her poop in the toilet and flush it. She'll ask for a treat, and I refuse because she didn't "use" the potty. She then begins to cry. If I ask her if she needs to use the potty after waking up dry, she very sternly says NO! I don't want to force her to do anything that she is not ready for, yet, she needs to be potty trained to start dance class at 3, the preschool that she will start in September preferrs children to be potty trained, and daycare costs are cheaper if she is potty trained. I know that she knows that she needs to go, she just won't go on the potty, and usually if I press to hard she cries and gets all upset. Any ideas/thoughts?
Thanks for everyones support and help for this potty training blues. I didn't realize that I was pushing her, as that was not my intent. So we've just stopped asking her to use the potty. Her potty chair is there if she' like to use it, and she continues to watch her potty DVD's that she has at her request. We'll see what happens. I guess I failed to mention that when I tried the Potty training in a day, she didn't even make it through the day and she was crying that she didn't want to sit on the potty, and telling me NO! So I gave up, and have not tried it again. I'm lucky to able to stay home with her, but if I have to go to work, I don't know what we'll do where she is not potty trained and daycares/preschools will not take her if she is not potty trained. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Thanks again everyone!
Hello,
My little sister did that same thing and it all came down to privacy. So we decided to put her potty chair in her closet. She would close the door and do the job and then call when she needed to be wiped. Once she was confortable using the potty we moved in into the bathroom and allowed her the privacy. After that we tried the toilet.
Sounds funny but it worked.
Hope this helps,
J.
Sounds a lot like my 3 year old son - I think at this age they really need to feel in control. Try just telling her that there will be no more diapers, she's a big girl now, and put her only in underwear every day, all the time. It may take a few accidents, but she'll probably start to use the potty on her own - she clearly knows how and is capable. My son hates to be reminded to use the potty, won't go when I tell him, (says "no" just like your daughter even when I can tell he has to go, badly) etc. but he WILL go into the bathroom completely on his own and go, consistently, and stays dry *almost* all the time, and has had no poop accidents since the very first one on his first day without diapers. I realized early on that he really wants and needs to have control and privacy (he also closes the door when he has a bm) at this age. Try not to see it as forcing her, but just as taking the comfortable safety net of diapers away so that she is free to grow up in this area.
If she wakes up dry (as my son also had been doing for some time before we started) change her immediately out of her pullup into underwear, that way she'll need to choose to use the potty to avoid getting wet. My son has gotten into a habit with this, and wakes up dry and goes immediately to the potty every morning.
Good luck!
Big HUGS to you...I know potty training can be very frustrating. It sounds like you've tried everything I had tried with my 3 kids!
Do you know any other Moms with girls her age? Maybe having them hang out for the afternoon with the focus being "going IN the potty". I know my youngest son learned faster by watching big brother do it. If she hasn't got it by the time she starts pre-school, that might help too...seeing her friends going to the potty might turn the light on for her.
Has she actually gone on the potty yet? It sounds to me like she gets the idea of it but, maybe she is afraid?
hang in there, it sounds like you are doing a great job. I know there are pressures (like starting pre-school, etc) but, she will get it soon. :0)
She'll use it when she is ready. Stop pushing. I realize that's probably not what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth. Hang in there, she'll get it, they all do eventually. :)
Hi T.,
Please don't take this personally!
It seems to me like you are a little too anxious and trying a little too hard.
Relax! She will do this when she's ready.
I suggest dropping the "reward" completely, this is not a good idea and is not working.
Do not let her get into the bathroom by herself! Rig the door so she can't shut it, if you must, do whatever it takes. But also don't run in there when she goes into the bathroom, just verrry casually stroll by, fidget with something like your not spying on her (but you are!) and just be as light hearted and laid back as you can- don't over do the praise either, this is a natural part of being human and should be treated as such. My daughters were both between 2 1/2 and 3 before they were ready.
And that's okay!
~D.
sounds like you are going through the exact same thing as i am with my 2 1/2 yr old. she even tells me very sternly that she is dry when is certainly is not! we dont want to make the potty a negative experience, so we are backing off for now, but let me know if you find anything that works. those cool alert pull ups are worthless huh!
T.,
You could be talking about my 4 1/2 year old son. I too had tried everything, and had finally given up and did my own post (More Potty Training Woes). The advice that has worked for me were:
1) Set up a calendar that he gets a smiley face and sticker for everyday he's clean and dry. At the end of 10 consecutive days he gets to ride on the Edmonds/Kingston ferry to get ice cream.
2) When he has an accident he has to clean it up in the bathtub with the coldest water I can get out of the tap.
3) Because of the monsters in our toilet that try to get him, he gets the choice of either sitting on the toilet, or squatting so he can see below him and make sure the monsters don't get him. ;-) (I only figured that one out after talking with him during dinner)
4) He goes when he wakes up in the morning, before we leave the house, when we get where we're going (long trips usually), before we leave where we're at, after meals (usually about 30 minutes later), and before bed.
So far it's worked well. We still have accidents, usually peeing in his pants. But he has gone 6 1/2 days accident free.
Hope this helps,
Melissa
There is lots of good advice in these messages. I also think that you're trying too hard, which is understandable given society's expectations and your goals. I recommend that you be as casual and uninterested as you can be. I would add that you always be positive about anything to do with the potty. Putting the poop in the toilet is a good thing. It shows that she knows where it goes. Praise her for it.
Have you considered that she may not be physically able to control when she goes. Using the potty is also dependent on her body's maturity. 2 1/2 is still young for potty training. My granddaughter was over 3 yo before she was able to physically control when she went.
A friend's daughter was 3 and my friend couldn't find a day care that would take her if she wasn't potty trained. She hadn't even begun potty training. She put a potty chair in the bathroom, suggested that her daughter could use that and took her into the bathroom with her. Within one week she was trained. She was ready and it happened with very little "training."
Reassure her that you know it's tough to learn to use the toilet but you know she'll eventually get it. Explain that perhaps her body isn't ready to do it yet. Tell her you're leaving it up to her to decide when she's able to use the toilet.
I hear that a part of your anxiety is related to getting her trained by a certain time. Try to let go of that need. Focus on making this a fun experience for your little girl. Talk about how much fun she'll have in preschool without mentioning potty use. Talk about dance class and find out if she even wants to go. She may be afraid of the new responsibilities that go along with using the toilet.
Remember, light and casual. It's no big deal! It really isn't. Even when you're concerned about dance class at 3 and preschool; that's 6 months away. She'll get it by then if her body is mature enough and if you don't push her.
It can be messy, but I took away the diapers for my kids, and then they got to clean up the mess when they went in their underwear. That holds them accountable and puts it on them. This may sound terrible, but cleaning them up with cold water after they mess in their underwear also helped my boys decide it was more fun to use the toilet than have a dip in a cold bath. I found the Toilet Training in Less Than a Day for my second child, and it worked. Did you not follow it exactly?
