Hello,
My son is 2 1/2 and we are slowly starting the process of potty training. He lately has been wanting to hide while having a BM. He either will "hide" like under a table or behind a chair and wont come to me or fights me when I reach for him. Or he will hold his hands over his face and say he is hiding. Ive tried to get him to go on the potty and be really excited about it and even gone as far as bribing him with candy. Afterwards its a fight usually to clean him. He hates to sit in it or lay down to change him. I dont get mad at him or degrade him when he does poop. Ive even tried telling him thats a really good job that he pooped. I dont want him to be ashamed of it or start holding it in. Ive heard of kids "hiding" while going to the restroom, I just dont know how to transition him to the potty and let him know in a way he understands that its a very good thing and very normal. We dont want to pressure him about the potty trying to go with the flow. Any advice is appreciated!
This is totally normal and I think the first step to potty training. He will eventually be ready to go on the potty. You will notice the signs and know when he is ready. I personally do not push it and just wait for the child to be ready.
I would leave him alone. He's trying to tell you that he wants to be alone. He's also trying to tell you that he's not ready to use the potty. This is all perfectly normal. He really is making progress. He obviously understands that he's pooping. He wants to be alone. He will come to a point when he's ready to try pooping on the potty. Just give it time.
Try some of these suggestions and the links below have more potty training ideas:
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2009/09/22/...
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2009/12/13/...
Training your toddler to use the potty may seem like it goes on forever, and that’s because it is a long process. There will be a stage that your little one does great, followed by a time where he won’t sit on the toilet even with your best bribe. Remember that coercing a toddler to do something they don’t want to do (including potty training) results in a power-struggle, and this is one struggle I do not recommend entering. Research shows that a coercive approach over a laize-fairre approach does not speed up the process of potty training. A child with the most defiant attitude towards toilet training can literally change his mind in a day.
2 1/2 is on the young end of the success spectrum, especially for boys, who often don't fully train until they are 3 or older. You might think that by being really excited you are being supportive, but he's probably hearing that as pressure, and if he's not really ready, both physically and emotionally, to take on that huge new obligation, he will do everything he can to back away from your eagerness.
I have seen pretty consistent, quick success with allowing the child to lead the process when he's ready. Refer to this site for some really helpful readiness checklists, and the science/research on various approaches to potty training: http://www.parentingscience.com/toilet-training-readiness.... All ages offer their special challenges or requirements for success. There are also warnings about what can go wrong to help you avoid common traps and pitfalls. Follow the internal links for a wealth of additional information.
My son is also 2.5 and does the hiding thing. I just leave him alone, but I'm consistent w/sitting him in the potty chair every 1/2 hour to 45 mins. It helps that daycare does the same. Sometimes he goes, sometimes he doesn't. I don't pressure him. We've just made it a routine. He's doing fine so far and I figured that he won't be mentally ready or completely understand it until he's around 3. When my cousin's child turned 3, she said that she got a cheap kitchen timer and set it for every 30 minutes. Put him in character cotton underwear and every time it rang, they would run to the potty make a huge deal about it, almost like it was a party. She said it took her one weekend to potty train him and he never returned to diapers. She didn't use pull ups and rarely had any accidents. If my son doesn't get it by 3, I'm planning on trying out her method.
Sounds absolutely 100% normal to me and just exactly the same as my daughters. Not interested in toilet, hide to poop, avoid diaper changes - check, check and check. And I think you're absolutely right on the no pressure.
I ascribed the hiding to avoidance though, not embarrassment or shame. My girls were happy to poop in the bathtub in front God or anybody - it was always a big laugh to poop in the bathtub. But the potty? Ah, not so much. I think because everyone wanted them to use the potty and wasn't so keen on the bathtub.
I put a couple of quarters in the therapy fund, but we used candy as incentive. Worked.
Everyone needs their privacy. Just talk to him and let him know when you go and it is okay when he goes. He will get past this.
This is totally normal. He's feeling a small bit of shame because he knows this should be done elsewhere. And he wants privacy. All good signs. I'd suggest a small incentive to 'privately leave it in the potty for mommy'. He may be embarrased to do it in front of you, but not alone in the bathroom. And since flushing usually freaks them out, it's likely he'll be happy to leave it there for verification. GL!
My son did that. We ended up leaving the door open as his big brother, father etc. did their business and he started to think of it as "normal". As my dad would say, "this too shall pass"...and it did! Good luck....
Currently going through the exact same thing. My son is exactly 30 months and 13 days old and I decided to change him from regular diapers to pull-ups 2 weeks ago. We use the reward system of stickers when he is successful in using the toilet, he never used the kid potty. What is working is that I put him on the potty after he has eaten, had something to drink and just periodically at all other times. He protests to this and even cries and I just don't feed into it and insist that he sits on the toilet for a minimum of ten minutes to make sure he doesn't have to go, more times than not he goes before the time is up. I have a timer and he enjoys when it sounds because he knows he's done and can get up. I have to say so far so good, he wakes up dry and will use the toilet first thing upon waking up and when I time it correctly I can get him to poop in the toilet as well. He does have accidents though, and I remind him to let someone know he needs to go and I encourage him to keep up the work of becoming a potty trained big boy. Don't give in to the tantrums and fights. Everyone I know has told me boys take longer and I don't agree with that, boys are lazy and if you don't put your foot down you will see the same pattern as he gets older and becomes a man. I see some of the same traits in my husband who claims he wet the bed until he was 8 years old and is lazy too; I refuse to let that (boys take longer to train) phrase stop me from getting him to where he needs to be in a timely manner. If he can talk like he is a big boy he can go to the potty like a big boy no exceptions.
This is completely normal behavior and is a sign that he is getting ready to be fully potty trained. I agree, when he's hiding, leave him alone until he is ready to be changed. Don't fight with him, if he doesn't like having a dirty diaper he will let you change him. Then while you are changing him let him know how great it would be if he did poop in the potty then you wouldn't have to change him at all and he could be a big boy.
Here are some helpful links:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_potty-training-readiness-chec...
http://www.babycenter.com/303_potty-training-details_###-...
