On the 4th of July, my daughter went poop in her pants. It was the first poop accident she has had in many, many months. About a month ago, she stopped having pee accidents --for the past few months, she has had what I call "explosion" accidents, i.e. how much can I possibly hold before I explode all over the floor in the bathroom as I am getting her pants down. FYI, she is 28 months old.
Then, two days ago, she had a full blown accident. Then yesterday, she had an accident as she was heading to the bathroom. Then today, she wet her undies, not the floor thank god as she was over carpet. After wetting her pants today, she didn't head immediately to the toilet, she continued playing. I then insisted she go to the bathroom and she had a giant pee in her!
When questioned today, she said her brother has accidents. He is 7 months old. She has repeated that he has accidents off and on for about a week now. I have told he that he is a baby, etc.
I am at a loss. HELP. Please. My 7 month old is on a nap strike and I don't need my 2 year old to stop going on the potty!
I want to nip this in the bud before it gets worse. So, strategies?
Also, I am going to start doing some Elimination Communication with my son in the next few weeks. Is this just going to confuse her even more?
It's totally normal for older children to regress when there's a younger sibling involved.
I would go to a reward system. She's a BIG girl! She gets a reward for clean pants! Baby Brother is too young to get the reward. Too bad!
The reward can be some mommy-daughter time. Maybe you play a game with her or read a book together.
I think by showing her the positive side of being a big girl she'll be more likely to play that role. Also, she wants some love and attention. Of course you'll give her love and attention no matter what, but special game time with mommy is a great reward for being a big girl!
Yep my oldest did the same thing around the time baby started moving around and was not just a "blob" in the bouncy seat. Not sure why. It did not last long though. Hang in there.
Welcome to the world of siblings! I stopped with one child myself, but have seen this play out with every one of my friends who went on to have two or more kids. The older child wants desperately to still be babied, be "the" child at the center of the family, is usually fascinated by but also anxious about and angry at the new interloper. Because of her anxiety, she's not noticing the time you spend on her as much as the time you spend on the baby, even if it's still even-steven. And she's probably getting corrected more, rushed more, laughed with less. You are probably not noticing as many positive, cute and funny things that she's doing. In her tiny world view, all this adds up to something close to disaster. And that baby brother looks like he's going to be permanent.
Daughter thinks, "What to do? That baby has crowded me out…. Hmmmm, what if I act like a baby; maybe that will work! Uh, oh, Mommy seems mad at me. Well, at least she's taking some time to be with me!" All behavior is a means to get some perceived need met.
Try empathizing with her, as fully and sincerely as you can. Let her know you understand she feels jealous and displaced. She's afraid baby brother is cuter, needier, and more loved, because Mom and Dad are spending SO much time and effort on him. Offer to write a list of her concerns. Help her find words for the feelings she'll have trouble describing. Read her list back to her, and affirm that yes, these are hard feelings to have.
Then write a list of things all of you, including her, can do to address those concerns. You'll probably be charmed at some of her creative ideas – some of which may be workable. A weekly tea party with just the two of you? Playing quietly while baby naps? Reading beside you while baby eats? Using the potty so Mommy has more time to do fun things with her?
Once she's helped come up with solutions, pick 2 or 3 that she can focus on, and of course, make one of those "her" idea. Because she will be invested in making her solutions work, and can see the possiblity of positive change that she'll like, you'll very likely see an immediate improvement. To keep the change going, be sure to notice, about a thousand times daily – well, okay, maybe only 80 times daily – how helpful, cheerful, cooperative, delightful, and grown-up her behavior is. (It's wise not to label HER, but her behavior – won't risk her feeling like a failure if she doesn't measure up every time.)
Invest in a copy of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. The sensible, kind and mutually respectful tips work. You'll rely on it often.
