My 3 1/2 Year Old Refuses to Poop on the Potty

I had trouble with my son as well, so I ditched the pull up thing and put him in big boy underware, and then when he pooped in his underwear i took him in the bathroom and took of his undies and then dumped the poop in the potty, and flushed the potty after i told him that if he would sit down and poop in the pottly it would go away like his pee pee did when he used the potty.. Undereare that you could rinse and wash right away was MUCH LESS MESSY than pull ups that you would tear off from being smeared all over the baby, Good Luck

My son did the same thing to me. My mother in-law told me what she did when my husband did that to her and it worked for my son as well. the next time he poops in his pants take him outside and tell him that he is to big to be cleaned up in the house and use a water hose to clean his bottom. he will not like being cleaned that way and he will stop pooping in his pants it took my son 3 times of being cleaned with that water hose. my mother-inlaw told me that it took my housband only once. About 2 weeks after we did that to him i read a great child traing book that sugested the same thing. Hope this helps.

K., try using a sticker chart on the wall. Whenever he goes poop, allow him to choose a sticker to put on the chart. Divide the days in lines, so he knows where to put the stickers, and learns days in the process. I used scratch and sniff stickers and made it fun. Try for one week, not to stress, or yell, and make like you're not upset at him. This whole thing could be a power struggle. He wants to be in control. He might also feel like a part of him is being flushed down the drain. I wish you the best of luck!

The very fact that he will poop in his pullup at night and as you stated " expect you to change him", its a control issue.He knows exactly what he is doing and he knows he is getting your goat. (Sidenote- A quote I heard this week- No one can get your goat if they don't know where it is tied.)
Make him sleep in it. Its not going to be comfortable, its certainly going to be smelly. He wants you to change him immediantly because he knows all those things. Its going to take a few nights for him to understand that you are serious.Its going to probably be messy but be consistant- don't bend. Get his goat!! I know as moms we have a hard time being less than nuturing but sometimes we have to implement tough love. Tough love is as hard on us parents as it is our children.
Another sidenote- From the sound of your email it sounds like he can poop on command?? That's impressive.

I realize everyone has given some good advice, but it seems that everyone wants to make the problem yours. While it is yours, your son also has some idea of what he is doing. He is 3 1/2 and has a very strong idea of what is going on. You need to make this his problem as well.

My daughter did the same thing, and when I put her in regular panties and she decided not to use the potty; the wet panties were uncomfortable. I helped her change herself, and after two times of this, she chose to use the potty. Forcing doesn't work; they tend to rebel, but wouldn't you? What does work is let this become his problem as well, and stop making things so easy. As a parent, especially of young children, we tend to forget these little people are individuals and need to participate in their life. You are doing your part, now let him do his.

My son did the same thing. Don't put the pull up on...get plastic fitted sheet for the bed. Then wrap an old alrge towel around the mid section of the bed...where he might pee. Put him to bed with out bottoms on and wait...if he is like my son he will not poop in his bed...then after he's been down for awhile but not yet asleep take him to the potty, repeat till you have a success. Keep a close eye on him, in case he will poop in his bed you DON"T WANT THAT MESS!! ewww ;-)

Also when he poops in his pants, uses cold wash cloths or wipeys or even put him in a cool shower to get him clean...boys hate this and will avoid the "cold" treatment.

Oh one more thing...if he has an accident...be very cool about, non-chalant..."oh you pooped okay into the bathroom lets get cleaned up"..etc.etc. you don't want him doing it for the reaction...and really play up the successes in the potty... hope something helps

Stop changing him! At his age he should be perfectly capable of changing himself. Explain to him that since he's old enough to do some things for himself....you're just not going to do the changing anymore and if he poops in his pullup, he'll have to clean up by himself. Personally, I'd get rid of the pullups, too. They are an open invitation to accidents.

As adults we are are given incentives, promotions, raises, on the job to achieve. Why not do the same with your son. What would he like (within reason) more than anything.

I used the potty truck for boys, you make a poater with a picture of a truck, sports car, tank. Put it up in the bathroom near his potty. If he pps he gets 1 sticker, poo-poo 2 stickers, end of week a special suprise, end of a month BIG proze, etc.

Hello, my name is K..
I have some advice for you.
First, I would take him to his physician and make sure there isn't anything medically going on.
Second, it takes longer to train boys.
Third, when you go to the bathroom, take him with you. Ask him if he has to use the potty. When he uses it, regardless if it's number 1 or the other reward him.
Also, if he has an accident, do not punish him. That's the worse thing you could do.

Just keep repeating these and eventually it will happen.

Good-Luck,
K.

I have never once known a battle of wills between parent and child related to bathroom issues to turn out well.

Every child has a price. You need to find out what that price is for your child and then tailor a reward around that price.

For our oldest son, it was a Little Tykes tricycle. He wanted it soooooooo badly. So I told him as soon as he pooped in the potty, we'd go get it. We'd go visit it at the store, we'd talk about it...but he never got to ride it until he made a toilet poop. He was toilet trained for pee for 6 months and one day he woke up, said "I am getting my big boy bike TODAY!" went into the bathroom, made a poopy and we were off to get the tricycle that morning.

For about 6-8 months after that he'd go up to complete strangers and say "I am not afraid of pooping in the potty. I got a big boy bike. I ride it!"

I am the eldest of 8 and my mom found a reward for every single one of us that tied to us at that stage and it worked like a charm. My youngest brother LOVED having his picture taken. She left the film out of a 35mm camera and would snap his photos like he was at a fashion shoot when he was on the potty. Took less than a week and he was 100% trained. So it doesn't have to cost anything. It just has to have value to your son.

Good luck!

be careful how hard you push. this is very common and if you make a big deal about it, it can lead to severe constipation. he is only 3 and i am finding as my almost five year old daughter has friends to the house, many of her five year old friends are not completely potty trained at night. just give it time, he will not go to college in a diaper.

my kids just hated it when i had them wear regular underpants....it took my oldest longer to go #2 in the toilet but my daughter didnt like being wet and yuckie...so she started right away....my oldest is a boy and right now i am in the process of potty training my 3 year old boy...i hate the part of trying to get them to go #2 in the potty....man is he giving me such a hard time too...lol...kids...huh...lol

Hello K.,
I raised three sons and my first two had trouble pooping on the potty. When my third son was 18 months old, he had a friend who was three and was potty trained. She encouraged him to use the potty and he complied. If you take the pressure off, he will do it because he really doesn't want to be dirty. Also, he is probably tired, and the potty seems to take more energy than he has to give, in the evening. Perhaps if you read a story to him while he is sitting on the potty, he would be able to give it the time it takes? Or, offer to let him have a special time with you after he uses the potty?
You are on the right track and he will be going in the potty very soon!

The absolute worst thing you could do is force your child to poop. He WILL do it in time. Do not give ANY reaction to his accidents and just clean him up. Keep encouraging him to poop on the potty but do NOT get angry or show emotion when he makes a mistake. Best of luck!

I had the same problem. I learned not to push it so hard. There are some things kids want to do independently and this is one of them. I have three sons which did not potty train on time. They were late and as soon as I stopped pushing the issue, one day it happened. I do not know why. I was just greatful. All the perks given to have my boys finally go in the pot did not work. So, I took a break and all three came to me one day showing me what they did by themselves and I praised them.

Hope this helps.

Buy a small toy( I used a fire truck for my son)that he can hold and play with only while he is on the potty. It worked for me!

Both of my sons did this exact same thing at the same age. My first son actually stayed dry at night and peed in the potty all day long for almost a year before he would poop in the potty. He just pooped in his pants EVERY day.

My advice it so find their currency. With my oldest it was clothes. He hated walking around the house with no pants on. I finally told him one day (after trying EVERYTHING) that he couldn't have pants until he pooped that day. Finally, after lunch he pooped on the potty for the first time every and never looked back.

For my second son, I didn't let it become such an issue. He started down the same road and I had read a lot about "potty pressure" so as soon as I realized that he was potty trained except for the poop, I took off all pressure. I let him choose between diaper or underwear every day, didn't ever ask him if he had to pee or poop, and never said anything about pooping or peeing all day. Within a week he was done withholding. Good luck!

First of all, K., you are not alone. I am a mother of two grown children, a grandmother to three toddlers, and I had my own daycare for years. Here's the deal: most boys train later than girls. Also, this is the last piece of control your tiny boy has over anything. The relationship between children and their bodily functions is fundamental; they are so proud of what they've accomplished, and they did it all by themselves. My grandson - same age as your boy - is going through the same thing. I had the children last week. As a special treat we planned a trip to the donut shop on Saturday morning. On Friday afternoon I pulled my grandson aside and told him, "we're all going to the donut shop tomorrow. If you poop in the potty, you will get whatever kind of donut you want. If you poop in your pants or in your nightime pullup, you will go with us, and you will sit there while sister and Nanny get our donuts; you will watch us eat them, but you won't get any. Now, I will help you any way I can. If you feel the poop coming, call out for me and I'll get you to the potty in time. If you do that, you'll get your donut tomorrow. But it's your choice." Twenty minutes later, I got a holler of "Nanny, the poop's coming!" I went and grabbed him, he did his 'big job', we all cheered, and from then on for the whole week he pooped in the potty.
BTW - he chose a big donut with chocolate icing and sprinkles.
So what I'm saying is that you've got to figure out 1) whether or not he's really 'ready' for this transition, because forcing the issue can be traumatic for him and actually prolong the situation; and 2)if he is ready, what his 'currency' is; it's important to let him know that his choices all have consequences.
And about making him clean himself up: it sounds good in theory, but in practice it's a nightmare; you'll end up with a far bigger mess - spread all over the place - than what's in his diaper. And forcing an attitude of thinking the poop is yucky can be traumatic. It's his creation, if you will, and he's proud of it. Let him have that pride, but admire it in the potty.

And bottom line, when he's ready to 'let go' of it, he will, and probably within the next couple of months. I know of no one in history who crossed the stage for their diploma in a pullup for refusal to use the potty.

Good luck K., and know that you're not alone!
C.

My son was a little over 3 when he got the potty thing down pat especially the pooping. What helped me was he usually pooped every day about the same time and when I started noticing his routine I made sure we were in the bathroom at that time. Even if he didn't do anything then I would keep him close so I could see signs that it was coming or inevitable like him distancing himself from me or going and sitting in corners. I would then say let's go sit on the potty for a while. Another thing I did was I made what he likes to do or eat an incentive. My son loved stickers and loved Reese's peanut butter cups. I told him if he sat on the potty and poop he could get a prize. If he did not I explained that he didn't do anything and he would have to do something in order to get a sticker or candy. Don't give in because he'll know all he has to do is cry or pout to get his way. At the time my son got it, it really surprised me because I was 8 months pregnant while doing this and was also consumed with all the aches, pains and bathroom visits that goes along with the last trimester. He got it so quick I couldn't believe it myself. He'll get it just be patient and before you know it you'll be happy and RELIEVED like me.

Hi K.,
This is a rerun of my nephew. My daughter was potty trained by 16 mo old, and I tried this on her. Then later tried it on my nephew. I think its different for boys than girls when it comes to potty training, or in this family it has been. I got the potty that had the little tray on it. I would sit down in the floor with books and crayons and tell her we were going to color or read till she poo-poohed in the potty. Sometimes it was very time consuming but it would work. She too didn't like it to start with, but then it became a ritual. My nephew was like your little boy, but everybody knew when he was going to, cause he would hide behind a chair or a couch or something and squat. My sister in law would run with him and try to put him on the pot and he would throw a fit. So finally he was here one day and I put him on my daughters pot with the books and so forth, and he pottied and didn't even know he did it. I just kept talking and reading to him, then I praised him and praised him for what he did and gave him a popsickle. I told my sister in law, and she tried it the next day. He was so proud of himself, she had no more trouble with him. He even one day came to her and ask her if he could have icecream instead of a popsickle if he pottied,,LOL LOL So it was a little bribing, but it worked. Give it a try and see, but it can be time consuming, you have to make time for it. Good luck!

Hi K.--
I am a mother of twin daughters and found that they enjoyed sitting on the potty when I made it out to be a game for them. I also rewarded them for using the potty. But the thing I found to be most helpful was sitting the potties in front of the television. I am not sure if you've tried these ideas, but it definitely worked for me.

You can't force him to poop. Sorry. If he's still wetting occassionally at night then he is simply not ready. It is frustrating, yes, but you must be patient. He will eventually come over to the dark side and stop messing at night, but until then, why not put him back in actual diapers. He may be mortified at the thought of wearing baby diapers and do his doings in the pot. :)

I was reading up on potty training a looonngg time ago and I remember reading about little boys and them NOT wanting to poop in the potty. The reason they gave was that some boys think something "else" will fall off too. I thought that sounded a bit far fetched, but after having a boy (now two) I soon realized that I had to deal with this issue. After boy one, I made sure I told the next boy not to worry about that. I had to reassure him several times before he finally had a b.m. in the potty.
Now, what I've always done when potty training our (six) children, is wake them up in the middle of the night if they didn't go potty before they went to bed. It trained them to recognized the urge to go potty while sleeping and to wake themselves up and go to the restroom. Very rarely did we have any accidents. One thing my mom always told me to do when potty training was to get rid of the diapers/pull ups. They need to feel the "ick" next to their bodies and know that it's not a good feeling and then they'd be more eager to tell you when they have to go potty. We use training pants/underware.
Remember, potty training is for the parent too. I always feel like I'm going through potty training all over again...ha! LOL!
By the way, boy #2 is four years old and NEVER has an accident in the bed. I can't even remember when he ever had one.
You will be successful! One thought to remember: they won't be having potty training problems the rest of their life...LOL!
Have fun!

I am not a big "book advise" person but reading PottyWise really gave alot of insight into the whole potty training thing. Dont force him its not good for him. He can actually develop negative feelings about going poop that can/will affect him for the rest of his life (as can constipation etc...). Yeah its gross but he wont be pooping in a pull up forever. Encourage, be patient and he will figure it out. Yeah it stinks (pun intended) but its not forever, just seems like it haha. Best of luck!!! Check out PottyWise, I got in on Amazon, used, cheap.

My own children are not at the age of toilet learning(the new term), but I have been through it with others as a nanny. The key is patience. The more you push, reprimand, etc. the worse it will be. Yes, he might poop in the potty, but if he does it on his own terms you are a lot less likely to have accidents later. What harm is the pull-up at night doing? He will poop when he's ready.

I thought my oldest was going to school in pullups! But he didn't. He wasn't constant at night either but he pooped during the day normally behind a chair if he had underwear on. But we didn't take the underwear off,it was alot of laundry but we made it . He will do it. Have you tried yet with the underwear all day and night? If you don't have to do anything of the morning for about a week maybe try it. Get a plastic mattress pad for the bed but don't let him see it and hopefully he won't notice it. Tell him he's a big boy now and can wear his underwear at night without wetting or dirtying in them. Tell him he just needs to come and let you know he needs to go to the potty.
My youngest was totally the opposite. I decided with him I wasn't pushing the potty issue at all, when he decided it was time then he would do it. My mom had him peeing on the potty at her house but I still never pushed the issue. He was 3 and it only took one week to do everything and by the 3rd day into it he was wearing underwear the whole and it was his decision. That was such a blessing!

Hi K.! I had the same problem with my 3 year old son. I took away his most prized posestion, Vsmile! After not playing a week of that and a pair of spongeboob underwear he went poop and has been going ever since. It's been about 4 days now. I put a pull-up on at night just in case but hes usually dry in the morning. I also let him walk around with a t-shirt and socks on, no pull up no underwear. Today we went out to the mall and he had only his underwear and had not one accident (woo hoo). I hope this helps you if you haven't tried it already. Good luck!

Well I know this lady that when they do use the potty give him a little reward!

Make him clean up the mess. Have him put the poop ion the potty and clean himself (with your supervision). Once he sees how yucky it is he mady decide to use the potty. Does he ever poop during the day? I would use big kid underwear during the day. You can put vinyl training pants over the underwear if you need to. Good luck.

HI! Big challenge, I know. I agree with the others, you can't really push too hard or they'll go the other way. It sounds like an attention seeking thing since he's fine during the day, maybe he enjoys being taken care of by mom/dad that way and can't quite let it go all the way. There's one aspect from the person that recommended that you let them clean it up, that's a thought, but my thought in the same line is to let him mess himself a couple of times in underwear. The diaper is so comfortable to them, and when they mess underwear it's not the same ballgame! I did it with my daughter, and as hard as it is to know that you're going to be cleaning it, it has a big impact on how they view poopoo! Good luck...

The way I did was go in there with them and set on the toilet. If they heard anything that may my children seem to know they wanted to make noices like that to. Then i would say I am a good mommy I went potty. It seem to work for me. Or maybe you can just set on the lid while they set on their potty. It just an idea.

My daughter was the same way. I told her that she had to be responsible for her poop and if she was going to use a diaper/pull up she had to help clean up. She had to get her wipes, a clean diaper and a trash bag and bring them to me. I would remove the diaper and clean her then she was responsible for putting on a clean pull up, taking the dirty diaper(in the trash bag) to the trash can, and washing her hands. I would like to say that it was an immediate cure but it actually took about three weeks. One day she just went in to the bathroom and pooped and didn't even tell me until she was done.

You might also try a pee pad that goes on top of the sheets(I found one at Myers)and send him to bed in his undies. However, I think this will probably lead to lots of emotional turmoil which doesn't facilitate the process at all.

Good luck, I know how frustrating it is. He will get it!

I had the same problem with my daughter from age 3 to 3 1/2. Too bad for us, she was pooping still 2-3 times a day! Agony. I have to say, we tried everything and researched and researched - I wondered about the "afraid of poop" thing but that never really seemed to be it for her. She wasn't afraid, she just didn't want to. Then, we tried making her clean herself (she was usually in panties when she did it, making it truly miserable to clean up) - I would put her in the bathtub and she had to clean herself, which she hated and was upset but that was the idea to get her to stop. That didn't really work, either, to be honest. I tried little prizes on top of the fridge (dollar store stuff) that she could get by doing it, that worked a bit but not really.

FINALLY what worked - I made a special "treasure chest" (really put some work into it to make it special, spray painted gold, gold glitter, etc) and put 4-5 really nice toys in there, like a DVD she would like, a doll, etc - about $10-15 toys, good stuff. We made a sticker chart with three boxes and a picture of the treasure chest at the end of each set of three boxes. Then, I filled a different box with really COOL stickers, her favorite princesses and glitter stickers, etc. She got one sticker each time she went poop o nthe potty and put it on the box (we kept the chart on the fridge). You guessed it - three stickers equaled a trip to the treasure chest. Also, for us, the rule was 3 ina row without accidents (remember, she had 2-3 chances a day to do this!) This is what finally worked for us. We only had to do about 5 prizes total and it was finished.
Good luck - I hope you will find what will work for you. I still to this day (she is 4 1/2 now) breathe a sigh of relief when she runs in to go poop on the potty. :) It was a miserable time!!!

I had a friend who's little girl did the same thing. She said eventually her daughter got sick of pooping and just went one day, and went poop in the potty ever since. I suggest you not force him to go in the potty for now. I know you're tired of cleaning him up, but you don't want to force this on him, it could result in permanent repercussions, including him reverting back to peeing in his pants too. If he will try having him sit on the potty with his pullup on and see if he'll go then. He might be open to this suggestion, and make sure you give him lots of praise when he does go poop, even when it's in his pullup. Tell him how proud you are off him for at least sitting on the potty when he poops even in his pullup, and say "maybe next time we can try it without the pullup on and see if that works". But really don't force the issue, just be patient and really try and work with him; eventually he will get tired of poopin on himself and will relish the opportunity to see his poop go "bye-bye" in the potty! Good luck.

Hi, K.: Maybe there is something about the bathroom or potty area that scares your son at night. Do you go with him when you tell him to use the potty? Maybe that would help. Sincerely, J. M

Honestly, I haven't been through this( I will in a couple years), but my sister has. She tried quite a bit of things-from marshmallows to punishment. Finally...one night her husband got mad and said "No bedtime story if you poop in your pants". That was it. He tried from them on-go figure. I guess you just have to keep trying things until you find their currency(what's really worth it to them). Good luck-I hope you find it soon. :o)

I wouldn't put him in a pull up. Let him wear some underwear and when he does it in the underwear he will feel it and not like it at all.. When he messes the underwear up and comes to you and tell you I messed them up tell him to wash it off and tell him that until he gets the idea that you want help him he will start using the potty for his poop. HOPEFULLY ANYWAY

When we were little, my mom would put us on the potty and we couldnt get up until we pooped. It was a long process sometimes but it worked. I agree with the other moms not to force it too much because it will only make him not want to go more. Does he sit on a small potty or the big one? If he has his own potty, thats great, but the big potty can be a little intimidating. Maybe he thinks he will be flushed down with his poo. Maybe go to a supermarket and get those tops that go over the potty. Let him pick out a design or something so he feels like he is a part of the process. Then he wont fall in or something crazy like that.

He is probably scared of the toliet. He may have been splashed or does not when it is flushed. You really need to use a small potty seat that sits on the floor. Le him choose what toy or book and let him sit on it for awhile. Ask him if he can tell you why he would rather go in his pull up. You have to stay calm and relaxed because you do not want this to be a control issue and have constipation problems. You can also try something like this. Say your child loves ice cream every night after dinner, tell him you can't afford any more ice cream since you are spending all of your money on pull ups. Different things work, I poop trained my son at 12 months and so this was before fears come up!

It's a power struggle...I know...tell you something you DON'T know, right? My oldest refused to use the potty AT ALL until 3 1/2 so I understand completely. His daycare teacher gave me some advise that worked like a charm for him.

Next time he poops in his pull up, take him to the bathroom, making sure there are old newspapers on the floor, and tell him to clean himself up. Don't say it in an angry way, just matter-of-factly let him know that you will no longer be changing his pull ups for him. This worked after 2 times with my son. He cried while he used half a container of wipes to clean himself saying "It's yucky, I don't like to do this"...and he decided that it wasn't worth the power struggle anymore. Try it and let me know if it works!