Pot

Most likely she will definately say it's not hers. Fact is, most likely it is. I have a 13 year old, and he has told me that many kids at school smoke pot and that they think it's cool. I've started very young with all my kids about how the dangers of drugs and alcohol and how unacceptable it is, and I talk about it all the time, and show them many examples.
You should get the book "Beautiful Boy", it's a best seller out now, it's a memoir about this dad writing about his sons' addiction. His started with pot. Pot smoking ALWAYS leads to heavy drugs! Nip this in the bud now, it is very dangerous for her to start. Have her watch a couple of "Intervention" shows with you, those may scare her too, they are on the A&E channel.
Trust me, don't ignore this, it will get out of hand, and as much as you'd like to believe her, don't! Remember being a teen, it's a tough world out there!
Good luck!

P.-
Don't be too hard on her, you don't want her to close off and move farther away from you. When you do talk to her- just calmly let her know that you have found pot in her room, and whether or not she's tried it, it is a more dangerous drug than she thinks it is. Granted it doesn't affect you or your mind as much as most other narcotics, it influences your decisions and your friendships. Soon she will be doing it more than once in awhile, the more than once a week, then every night, then during school, then before school, and it inhibits your decision-making and could ultimately ruin her life. ie- drop out of school, not go to college, ect. Anyways, just remember to be calm and try not to preach to her all the time. Let her know that you know what's going on, ask her why she had it, and leave it alone. Don't bug her about it again unless you suspect it is still going on. You can easily spot someone that is stoned- red, squinty eyes, very nervous or very jittery or just oddly tired, hungry alot more, eats alot more junk food than normal. And it really affects your skin, you will notice that her skin is not as vibrant as before. Anyways, I hope this helps, I'm no professional, but I had a good time in high school too.

It's so hard raising children on your own, but you can do it. Talking with her is so important. Give her the facts. Most importantly, tell her how much you love her and why you care about her happiness and how this will ruin that. Also, make sure to set a good example for her, including alcohol, smoking, and any other addictive substances.

Believe me if your daughter has pot in her room it's hers and she's tried it. Your ex can point the finger at you all he wants but his daughter still has a problem that needs to be addressed. All parties involved have to work as a unit and she needs to know that everyone is on the same page. Drug use is not tolerated! If your ex refuses to grow up and you can't work together then work without him. With summer coming you need to work quickly. I would start with the school counselors and see if they have any resources. It is my feeling that some kids do try drugs just to see what it's like but others use them to escape. Chances are your daughter is trying to escape an 'issue' and you need to find out what that is. TALK to her, let her know you love and support her. I feel that if you 'attack' her she will just get worse. Do not wait, get her some help now.

best of luck

You're the parent. You're the mom. Get the drug tests. Talk to her openly. This is her life, and if you can "save" it, it's your job to. You're not a bad mother! Good for you for finding it! Don't ignore this...it won't go away.

pray for help. Besides that, i would confront her. I'm sad that you're husband sounds like a jerk. It doesn't help when your companion isn't supportive or helpful. Make sure you have a good relationship with your daughter. I wouldn't lecture her as much as just spending time with her, being her friend, and letting her know that you love her. Good Luck!

A side comment; her father isn't there so how dare he say your a bad mother. You stuck around to raise your daughters what is his excuse. How dare he! (You don't have to answer)

Anyway, I would find out where the pot came from and what an illegal substance is doing in your home! I would find out who her friends are and what is going on! She is only 12 and find out what the problem is now before it get out of hand.
C. B

hello P., this is one thing I worry about ALOT!! I have a 1 year daughter and all though I have many years to be your situation, I have been there my self with more than just pot, and well I have to say me and my parents did not get along well until I decided to clean my life up. but now I look back and they were the best parents out of the whole group of us. other parents acted as though if they did'nt pay attention it would go away, but that is not the case. you must watch your daughter, her personallity, they way her school is going, the kind of friends she is hanging out with. Don't jump all over her with acusations and yelling you'll get now where! and pot is a concern (myself not knowing or thinking this at the time) because it is considered a gate way drug. the more patients you have and the love you show for your daughter the better! if this is hers and you find out that she is smoking pot, keep your cool and show her ALOT of love! have drug testings for her periodically, if they come up dirty then take something very valuable away for as long as u deem nessasary.(be firm), but if it comes up clean then reward her in a casual way but with something that makes her so very happy. her dad is not helping so don't fight with him or not in front of the girls that is extremly hard for her to deal with, and become the 'adult' between you and your ex-husband (assuming that is it an ugly situation). remember always keep your cool and let her know she is loved as much as she is! having two 13 year olds in the picture is a bad combo and only results in extreme drama. I know you can deal with this and no matter what happens just know when you get through these teenage years she is going to find one of her best friends and you will too!=)

The one thing that made an impact on me as a young teenager was my parents stressing that it is illegal in America. When I challenged them about it being legal in other countries (and therefore must not be bad for you) they simply said maybe, but it is still illegal. After a long drawn out conversation about what would happen if the authorities would catch me with it, it started to sink in. This also worked with alcohol. I think the important thing is to stress that it is not tolerated in your home or in her country.
Many prayers during this rough time.

I've been wavering on what I would do if that happened to me. A part of me says to turn her in. I know that can limit her choices in school later on and in some career choices, too. I would at least talk to her about it and see why she thinks she needs pot to have a good time. Is she getting peer presure from school? Have her flush it down the toilet and tell you absolutely will not allow it in your house. As for being a bad mom, you're not. Make sure she knows you will go in her room often to check for drugs and that you will turn her in. I hope this helps!!!!

First of all --- do not tell her lies about drugs. I use to teach jr. high science and saw so many kids realize how the DARE program wasn't completely honest with them and so maybe non of it is true. I hate the weed ALWAYS leads to other stuff -- that is NOT ALWAYS true! Educate yourself about drugs before you start your talk. The biggest reason to NOT do it I believe is that it is illegal in this country. She could argue that it should be legal, etc but even if it were it wouldn't be legal for a 12 year old, just like alcohol isn't legal for a 12 year old. Her body is growing and developing and it is unhealthy for her, nor is she mentally prepared for it. Talk about how she can lose control over her body when doing drugs (alcohol included) and that there are pleanty of people who would take advantage of that. When she is older and realizes that weed is actually safer than alcohol consumption then go back to the it is ILLEGAL here. There are many jobs that once you have a drug record you are not able to get a job in that field - EVER
Good Luck and hopefully you can keep an open door policy with her - Tam

Can you call boys and girls town of America or it's something like that? I see it advertised on TV. I would be devestated to find pot in my son's room but I don't think getting mad will solve anything. Counseling and accurate information might.

It may not be hers?
It is IN YOUR house...she is a minor SO you are responsible.
Sounds like the two of you will be having a flushing party for the dried and a "burial" for the plants. A real bonding experience.
You MUST be NO nonsense. End it now and be open with her but firm.
Forget her useless dad as you are NOT a bad Mom! He is bad for his lack of involvement.
She needs to be punished . Be fair but firm. She may need to loose her bedroom door as she doesn't rate ANY privacy. Reality is it is the end of the school year. SO, you can control her summer.
Constant supervision is a great tool. Good luck.

Now you know that her dad will not be much help and you have to deal with it.

It is never their dope when you find it.

That is what you'll hear everytime. It may not be but even if it isn't they know where it came from. They need to understand ALL, and there are a lot of them, of the repercussions that are possible. Even if they argue about the ethics and other countries they need to understand that you live where you do and that you will be held responsible, and could lose custody of your children, your job, your future and theirs. If that doesn't convince anyone that it isn't worth doing it should. I would let them be the one to flush it, and it needs to be done everytime you find any. I would also tell your child that you will be checking, not just in their room but anywhere you feel needs to be checked.

You do need to know their friends and their families and they all need to know that there can be a problem, even in 'good' neighborhoods and families. You can't fight it alone.

If you can trust your child while still keeping your eyes open it would be a good thing. Good luck (and get a good support system if you don't already have it)