Postpartum Insecurity and Trust Issues with Husband

I went through this after my first pregnancy. I was then diagnosed with OCD. Talk to a counselor you will feel much better once you can identify what is going on internally.

Postpartum depression can last for years. It can get so bad that you spiral into postpartum psychosis. Nip it in the bud now. Set up an appointment with your primary care physician and get on meds. Your doc can prescribe medication that won't affect your breast milk.

*hugs*

This is meant in a kind way, but I think you need to get counseling to help you deal with your insecurities, control issues, and jealousies. You are not crazy--you just need a professional to give you some tools to help you work through this. Individual counseling, and maybe some couples counseling would help.

Sounds like 1 of 2 options;

1) your husband is having an affair OR

2) You've got some post partum depression going on with paranoia, anxiety, failure to bond (w husband.,, the bonding w your baby may be just fine, or it may be affected as well).

Meds+Therapy = limited time
Nontreatmeb = YEARS of this is your future, not a month

Sure, you don't want meds. Who does? Just like I'm sure you don't want a divorce. Or post partum psychosis. Or it to rain on your wedding day. Lots of things happen that we don't want. Do we choose to deal with them? That's where you do have control. Not over whether they happen, but whether or not you deal with them.

Then you either need to talk to a counselor or go onto meds, talk to your ob about this, it's very common. Many of the meds are safe while breastfeeding, and many women go through postpartum depression, which can really be life altering for quite a while. It doesn't magically get better at 6 months, with many women it can last for years. You don't want to take that chance, do you? No one will think badly of you, it's a real thing and taking care of it sooner rather than later will not only be good for you, but for your marriage and your child.

I broke down when my baby was 8 months and got on meds. I couldnt take it anymore. My anxiety was through the roof!
I didnt have trust issues with my husband, but did have separation anxiety when he was gone for a long time. I was a mess!
I dont think it would hurt to talk to your OB about postpartum depression. A discussion is not going to hurt. Some people do not even realize they have it.
If you were not like this prior to pregnancy, its a good chance your hormones are out of whack and making you crazy!
Good luck!

Hey Mama, it takes courage to recognize what is happening so good for you! I would take steps to get some professional help. Your baby needs her mama on top of her game so whatever it takes to feel better I would do it. Also, you deserve to feel better. Is there a MOPS group in your area? They are awesome supports for moms. Hugs!

(((hugs))) It's hard being a new mom!

Here's what I would do: make an appt with your ob or gp asap. Discuss your options for meds ( I, like you, didn't like to take anything while nursing), if she/he tells you there are meds you can take while nursing do your research before starting them to make sure they don't pass into the breastmilk.

If you can't or don't want to take meds right now look to counseling. That will help you constructively deal with these feelings when they come up. You will learn how to diffuse the feelings and head in a healthier, positive direction.

You aren't part of a moms group, I highly recommend it.When I get in a down state, it's very easy to stay in that loop. But as soon as I break it and get out of the house and get with others, it makes a huge difference. Huge! Even just getting out of the house with baby on your own will help. Go to the park, take walks, go to the zoo, babytime at the library, yoga class, anything that keeps you from sitting and playing the same thoughts over and over.

A lot of other Mamas have already given you good advice. I'd just like to reassure you that a lot of new moms feel the way you do. Just the fact that you know all his passwords should reassure you! Please stop "checking up" on him. Trust is rewarded!

I suggest that (whenever you get insecure) you text him something like "thinking of u" or "miss u" or "love u" rather than getting caught up in the "what if" negative thought scenarios.

My DH & I have been married for 21 years - some of them very difficult ones. We have CHOSEN to speak to each other honestly instead of "bottling up" our issues. We always start with "I feel...." instead of "You always...". We've chosen to send each other silly little messages whenever we think of each other. We also make sure we hug and kiss at least once a day. Sometimes I even ask for a hug if I'm feeling down. He's always happy to give me one and a few minutes snuggled up to him just reassures me ... yes, he is MY husband and nobody will get between us! :)

Enjoy your new baby and just love your husband. God Bless.

Dear M. A,
It is not unusual to be feeling insecure with being a new mother, the changes that have been happening with your body and all of your hormones bouncing around. I'm sure your husband is scared and feeling those changes as well which may be wanting him to escape a little as well. The best gift you can give yourself, your husband and your baby is to get in touch with your inner beauty. Spend your time loving yourself, getting your body back to looking fit and trim and show your husband what a good catch you really are. Being jealous and suspicious is the best way to chase him away. Find some feminine empowerment classes to guide you and a supportive group of female friends to connect with. In so doing, you will again become the woman he first met and fell in love with. There are some classes in the Los Angeles area beginning mid May. If you wish to know about them let me know. My email is ____@____.com.

I personally don't think meds are the wonderful answer to everything that others do. I am not going to bash on anyone, but am stating my own 2 cents here. Don't "medicate" to solve everything. Solve the actual problem.

Your husband is either actually cheating or you are being paranoid. I would try and back off of him, you are going to drive him insane. Take long walks every day. Try and get more sleep. See about getting some vitamins (esp B vitamins) and make sure you're eating well.

It is VERY tough to be a new mom. It is alot of work breastfeeding and baby takes alot of nutrients from you. This leaves you depleted and it can have bad mental effects for sure.

It is good that you are aware of this, start forcing yourself to push these thoughts away, distract yourself when they come up. It is also lonely being home with an infant. The weather is gorgeous now, try getting outside and meeting other moms. Stroller groups, etc, post partum exercise classes.

PM me if you want. I wish you all the best in dealing with this. Stay strong, you have a wonderful new baby to take care of! Don't let this poison your marriage, if baby can have 2 happily married parents, it is so much easier for all!

Oh, I feel for you. Have you discussed it openly with your husband? That usuall helps me when I know that I'm being crazy. I just remove the veil and reveal it. Saying it aloud "sounds" different than saying it in my head. Also, it gives him a heads up so it doesn't come out of left field and push him away. For me...I started having body issues and felt bad for my husband that he was stuck with a fattie. Talking to him kept him abreast of what was going on inside me and gave him an opportunity to ask if there was anything that he could do to help me feel better. I'm sure that it doesn't help that you don't have the freedom to just come and go from your house because you have a baby strapped to you.

I have realized that I was holding on to who and what I was and who and what I thought I was, instead of redefining my life for who I am RIGHT NOW. What works for me is that I recognize this as a choice that I made when I decided to have a baby. It is what it is, so I have to work my life around it and work it into my life. My life IS different in many (most?) ways, and I can't fight it. I roll with the changes and embrace them. It's not as easy as I make it sound. I deal with it day by day and hour by hour (sometimes minute by minute). Isn't it something how crazy your hormones can make you feel? I mean, you recognize that you are not being your usual self, but you still can't stop it. I feel better when I acknowledge it and ride with it. Please don't keep it bottled up inside, though. Talk to your husband, friends...let people know how you're feeling so someone can recognize if it goes too far and you need help. Use your resources. See a therapist. I use my therapist as a girlfriend to share things that I wouldn't share with my girlfriends. As much as my husband and I talk about EVERYTHING, I can't just pour it all on him all the time. I can talk my therapist to death without having it affect my marriage negatively. Also, with friends, you have to be prepared to listen to their stuff, too. When I talk with the the good doc, she just listens and listens...and listens, and we discuss--wait for it--ME and MY STUFF.

I'm still breastfeeding at 15 months, and I don't want to stop. One of the things that that means is that I can't get back on the pill so I can lose weight and have more energy. I guess I have to be fat for a little while longer.

Good luck to you. Congratulations on the baby!

Hey there!
I think what you feel is normal. I get like that too sometimes, with absolutely no reason. I wonder whether my husband still loves me and things like that. For me, this had/has nothing to do with breast feeding, so maybe don't stop for this reason. Could it be that you have lost yourself a little bit in baby world? Is it possible that it would help you gain confidence if you had time for a hobby that makes you feel good and productive, or for some exercise class where you can sweat and balance out your body chemistry? Maybe there is YMCA nearby where you can go a couple of times a week, hang out with nice people, and feel physically strong. These things help so much.
And if that is not possible, remember that everything passes, and this phase will too.