POOR ROLE MODELING - How to Deal with It?

Updated on August 04, 2008
N.S. asks from Chicago, IL
4 answers

I am curious as to whether any of you have had to deal with this. My husband has a foul mouth and he grew up swearing a lot. When we met he totally did not swear and now that we have been married a handful of years and stress is building up with finances and other stuff he is reverting back to his old ways apparently. I am quite disappointed in him and I tell him that his behavior and language is role modeling for our kids, but when he gets stressed he doesn't listen. He just has his episode. We are supposed to start counseling very soon (if they ever call me back!) and I am hoping he can work through some of this but in the mean time I am very concerned as to how to get my 3 year old not to mimick his behavior and language. Any suggestions helpful and useful?

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much for your feedback mamas. Unfortunately I think the issue may be quite complicated since he seems to just be angry in general. It is directed towards me and the kids since we are "in his way" when he comes home and he just wants to chill out. He doesn't want to deal with me or them. I am hoping to hear from this counseling place soon.

More Answers

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C.B.

answers from Chicago on

I wouldn't call any attention to the words if used around your children, but be sure to mention to your husband that he's used them. As far as if your three year old repeats what he says, explain that adults can use adult words, but children cannot & correct the behavior immediately. Let her know those words are not acceptable. If this happens around your husband, you can calmly explain to him that your daughter is in trouble because of the example he provided. While his actions may be in the heat of the moment, I'm sure he doesn't want her to be in trouble, which is ultimately what is going to happen. Really, though, I would ignore the words when used around your kids, because if you call attention to them, it is going to make them more appealing to say!

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E.P.

answers from Chicago on

If you are going to counseling soon, I'm sure you are going to address these deficiencies. You, both need to be role models so I would probably make sure that when I address this issue with him, it would not be in the heat of the moment, or he'll think you are just nagging. Maybe give him suggestions for what he can do if he is angry. It also looks like from your profile that he isn't around a lot- I know my husband and I argue more when he is away more. Are you getting any alone time with your husband, date night, walk in a park, dinner alone (nothing expensive!) just to reconnect. I just notice that you talk about your daughters and your life with them and not a lot of mention of your husband. I understand that it's hard to live with an angry person. Just WHAT do you think the root of that anger is or are finances and working a lot, and not seeing his family - the basis for the anger? I'm just hoping that, if he reverted once - for the good - he can do it again. Good luck with counseling. Best of luck with you.

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A.K.

answers from Chicago on

Put things in his own language. Have the kids get in on it. Everytime he uses swear words put a quarter in a jar marked for "Swear Jar". If he curses that much, the money will add up quite readily. The kids can say, daddy, you swore, put in 25 cents please. This is what my kids did with their dad. Now we are a swear free family with A LOT of quarters and very happy kids!

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S.C.

answers from Chicago on

Although swearing isn't great, there are far worse things he could be doing. But I understand where you're coming from. Counseling will give you a lot of helpful tips but I think something that could get everyone involved is making a swear jar. Everytime he curses, he has to drop in 5 cents, 10 cents, a quarter for every word. The kids will eventually be "dad, you did it again, go get your money!" If he's that bad at swearing, he will not be thrilled with having to add several dollars a day in money so he should cut back quick. Just a few days and I bet you'll see a difference.

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