Please Tell Me the Truth... :)

I had help and it made all the difference!!! If you can afford it, it's the best of both worlds because you get to keep the older one who is still so very little at home with you but not ignored because there is someone to watch and play with them when you are tending to the needs of the newborn. Mine are 22 months apart and this worked beautifully.

It's a beautiful challenge to have plenty of family time altogether. I adore having lots of time for two preschoolers, similar age gap, to do things together. Also, with help from a great husband, it's nice to alternate occasionally so that each child gets individual time. I remember early on, when the baby took two or three naps, letting one of those nap times be for the older child, too. Then, the other nap time was a special time for me to do a workbook page or puzzle with the older child. It's crazy at times, but I would suggest spending all of the time you can together, because it goes so fast. At the same time, everybody needs a break. If you decide to use some child care or other help, more power to you!

Well my kids were just barely out of the age group you asked (they were 25 months apart) but I still wanted to answer :). For me it was a lot easier than I had expected. And when my second was 1 month old my hubby had to leave for 6 weeks doing army training so I did it completely ALONE for those 6 weeks and it still wasn't too bad. What I did was first try to get my newborn on the same nap schedule as my 2 year old. So I woke my newborn up around 8. She would take a short morning nap around 9:30 then she was up from about 10:30 until both their nap time at 1:00. So I would nurse her and put her in the swing (which she loved to sleep in) then once she was a sleep I would put my 2 year old down for her nap. Then I got a nice 2 to 3 hour break from both of them. With meals I just timed it pretty good. Like nurse my baby around 11:00 so my hands were free to make lunch for my 2 year old by 12. For bedtime it was similar to nap time. I would bathe my newborn around 6:30 or 7, nurse her and then have her back sleeping in the swing by 7:30. Then bathe my 2 year old and have her in bed by 8. I also wore my baby a lot that helped keep her happy when she was awake and I needed to have my hands free. I also tried to have some things that I only let my 2 year old do while I was busy nursing the baby. Like she could watch her favorite movie or color, play with a certain toy etc. Really most days ran very smoothly and I'm glad I kept my little one home. So go by how you feel or at least give it a try and if it's too much to handle then you could put her in a part time daycare of hire some help.

I have two boys that are 19 months apart. I do it all on my own with help from my husband when he is home. The only time it would have been nice to have help would have been the first two months the baby was home. That is the hardest because the baby doesn't sleep well during the night.

For naps when they were little I let them pick their nap times and would work around that. One nap a day they would take together. When they got older they would take their two naps together.

For meals they both would eat together. I would let the oldest feed himself and I would feed the baby. When I nursed the baby I would put on a movie/ show that the oldest enjoyed watching and would watch with him and talk to him about what was going on. My oldest and I also loved to read books together when I nursed the baby. Or he would play on the floor and we would talk about what he was doing. As for cooking the meal I planned easy meals and would make extra and freeze it or just have the same meal two nights in a row.

For activities since they are both so close in age I just do the same thing with them. They are 2 and 3 now. I have to explain more or simplify it for my 2 year old and sometimes the 3 year old will help his baby brother. When they were younger I would have the baby playing on the floor by me when I was doing activities with my older one. Then I could keep an eye on the baby but he was getting stomach time, learning to roll, crawl, and all the milestone they have.

I love having both at home because they get to grow together. They get so excited for each other when one of them does something new. They have a friend to play with all day long.

Some challenges are it is really hard to keep the house clean. They are both constantly needing time with mommy or needing something. I don't get much time to myself, which I will in about 17 years when the youngest leaves for college.

What has surpised me is how much I love spending time with both of them at the same time. It is fun to have both of them helping me cook or bake. It is great to see them play together and then be able to play by themself and let the other one have time alone with mommy.

If it was me instead of using the money on a nursey school , I would have a maid come in one or twice a week.

My boys are 20 months and 1 week apart. I stayed home for 6 weeks before going back to work with each, but my husband is home days and works evenings. We have never sent our children away just to have alone time with the other, unless it is a "date" with mommy or daddy. (We do have someone who comes to our home when our schedules overlap, but that is hardly a preschool program).

So no, we do not have any help. We separately share the child-rearing responsibilities except for Saturdays, which are our "everyone's home" day.

At first I was able to get my kids on close to the same napping, meaning that when my toddler napped I could usually get the baby to sleep, too. Babies nap a lot, so for me just nursing in bed while my toddler napped and then napping for a bit with the baby was a lifesaver. Meals were easy--baby latched on, toddler at the table. Or, baby napping, toddler at the table. Or, baby in bouncer, on floor, etc. with toddler at the table.

The pack-n-play was my friend. It gave my infant a safe place to rest or just "hang out" so my toddler could still roam free.

Now that my boys are 2 and almost 4 years old, they adore each other, play together, pummel each other, torment each other, push each other, sing to each other, sing with each other, read to each other, and talk about their baby brother (not due until March).

Challenges were for us when they stopped consistently napping on the same schedule. That was really only hard for me because I often need a nap myself. I average about 5 hours of sleep most nights, so by the end of the day I am desperate for a short nap before my other day (when my husband is working) begins.

Toddlers do not understand safety, so you cannot ever leave your infant alone with an awake toddler (even when the toddler appears to be playing contentedly with his cars on the couch and the baby is happy in the exersaucer and you can see NOTHING that could pose a danger to either child and you know you will only be out of sight for a matter of minutes...).

I guess we would never have thought of NOT having both of our kids at home. I would probably have wondered where else they would be. Now that they share a room and are able to play and talk well I can't imagine them farther apart in age or how sad they would be without each other.

Good luck--there will be bumpy, crazy, weepy moments, but in the long run it can be so wonderful have them close in age. Try for the one-on-one mommy/daddy dates with each, though. Our boys love it!

I haven't read your other responses, but when I was in grad school I babysat regularly for a family. When she had her second kid, I would come over a few days out of the week, mostly in the morning, and help with one of the kids while she spent time with the other one. It worked out well because the older one was so used to having mom all to herself, that she was able to adjust well knowing that she got alone time with mom still. She would schedule seperate activites for the kids during these times too and take the one kid while I stayed with the other, but she also would sometimes be there and take care of one while I took care of the other. It was really helpful for her in the beginning with having the older one adjust to a new baby in the house and she was still able to do everything that she needed to with them and spend as much time teaching and caring for them as possible before they get older.

It's really not that difficult. It takes time and trial and error to find routines that work well for you.

My first daughter was 19 months or so when I became pregnant and obviously, over 2 when her sister was born. It was at that time, while I was still pregnant that I started my daycare in my home. I had another infant only a few weeks older than my 2nd daughter. I also had a 9 month old and a two year old plus my own 2 year old. It was crazy at first. But I enjoyed all the kids and my 2nd daughter and I got a long fabulously. I never felt that I didn't get to spend enough time with her. In fact, I was so pleased that I had found a new job that would allow me to stay home with her.

The next 2 times I gave birth I had infants with those babies too and still things went well. Last year my grandson was born and we started a couple more babies then too, one on days and one on nights.

Don't worry about it. Multiple children come naturally. Woman have been doing it for thousands of years :)

I had a husband who helped me, and there were times, here and there, when I would get a sitter. It was not that big a deal. I signed on to be a mom, I stayed home, and that is what I did.

Naps happen, is it always perfect, no. Was that OK, yes. You do what you have to do, and kids don't always get exactly what they want, exactly when they want it, but they get what they need and they learn to live with that. It is good for kids to know that there are other people in the world, and a sibling is the perfect learning opportunity. Meals are the same. They eat when it is time, and cleaning up after two is not that much different than cleaning up after one. Don't be surprised if they like totally differnet things, but that is OK too, it is OK that they don't like everything.

Kids do the things you decide they are going to do. If you can't handle activities, playing in the back yard and having a sand box and story time with Mom is just about everything they will ever need. Want and need are two completly different things. No child will be stunted without activities (I am guessing you mean soccer, ballet, karate, etc) Both your kids will do well going to story time at the library. If they don't, you go home, Again, NBD.

Having both kids at home is cheap. Kids like to be at home with Mom. They will be just as well rounded and ready for school as any other kid. You don't have to go anywhere if you don't want to.

Sometimes you will get bored. Join a play group, make Mom friends. This will help with number 1, you will have people to leave your kids with, and vice verca, and number 3, as this is an acitivity that you can do with both kids in tow.

I was home with my Mom and brother, so I did not find any surprises, but it was more work than I ever thought it was. Frankly, it never dawned on me to do anything else!

You should do what works for you. If you did fine with one child, you will most likely do fine with two. It just becomes part of your life, and you need not worry about how much time you spend with one verses the other. You will find time for both.

The same with number three....if you go there.

M.

We have the same situation as you will. Older girl and younger boy 20 months apart. Our son, however, was born 6 1/2 weeks premature and the Drs didn't recommend putting him in daycare for the first year and warned us about exposure to viruses for the first 6 months at least. So we took our daughter out of daycare and figured out how to make it work with our work schedules. I was home for several months and then worked part-time later.

Having 2 kids is exponentially harder than 1. It isn't just double the work. I think it's really important to consider how much you can handle and how much help your husband/partner will be. Also, whether you have family help makes a difference. (We didn't have any family close to us.) But I have a very supportive and involved husband and could not have done it without him.

I loved being home with my kids and now am happy to work at home and have time with them still, even though both are in school.

I remember the hardest thing was to deal with the sleep deprivation and also be present for a toddler! Sometimes you just get so worn out that a nap on the couch sounds way better than going to the park. One important thing was to get them on the same nap routine. It gives you the break you need which becomes a real lifesaver. Other than that, I just involved my oldest in whatever I could with the baby. In the beginning they sleep so much that it gives you and the older child time to adjust (relatively) slowly to the change of having a new little person around. I used the time that the baby slept to spend quality time with my daughter. I didn't worry about the house cleaning or the laundry unless she could engaged for a period of time in an activity, like coloring etc... then I could take a few minutes and get short chores done... or I involved her.

I had a Maya Wrap for my son and toted him around in there a lot of the time. I was lucky that he really liked it and would sleep in it and allow me to do other things like cook, while wearing him. It was also great to be able to to things with my daughter AND hold him at the same time.

One challenge I remember was feeling a little isolated. It's tough to join play groups and toddler classes when you have a newborn because of the baby's nap schedule and most of the classes require you to participate. It would be nice for you if you had a couple of close friends who had children that you could spend time with occasionally.

The really nice thing about having them close together is that they will be able to play in the same activities or a modified version of one for a long time. And then they will begin to play with each other. My kids are such great buddies I don't know what they'd do without each other!

Best of luck to you! I won't lie, it's a ton of work, but so worth it. I am really glad we had out kids so close together :)

Also in terms of your daughter and preschool... I would wait until she's 2 1/2- 3 1/2 to put her in, depending on her personality. If she's very extroverted and really loved the socialization with other kids early, I'd put her in younger. Preschool is about social skills with same aged peers and she really will get much better attention and experience by being with you until then. It isn't a bad idea to look early depending on how impacted your schools are because you want to leave all of your options open. For example if she's ready for preschool developmentally, but still needs a nap, you don't want to get stuck at the end of a long list and have the only option to be an afternoon program. You'll know when she's ready for preschool.

I have three kids -- 6y, 3.5y, 20m and a new baby due any day now.

I've kept all kids home with me until it was time for them to start school. I don't have a nanny or help during the day per se. My Parents recently retired and one day a week my Dad comes by around 9am.. he takes the two that are still home with me and they go to the park, play at McDonalds, get lunch, etc. He usually brings them back around noon.

I always have had the kids nap overlap as much as possible. Babies sleep a LOT so that was pretty easy. When the baby would go down near enough to a reasonable naptime for my daughter, I would have her take her nap then. I choose to breastfeed so usually I would go take a nap at that time as well - to catch up on lost sleep from late nights.

I really enjoy having both kids together. They entertain each other. They run each other out, play, imagine games, talk... the relationship between siblings is very special. As to activities? I do crafts with the kids, read stories, we go to the park.. but I also let them just play and entertain themselves and each other. I don't feel like every day I have to do something ... beyond obvious care. Something I *do* like to do is stuff alone with my kids on the weekends or evening when my husband is home. Since we're about to have four kids... one on one time is lower. So I take the time when it comes up.. like I might go to the grocery store and take my oldest. We will talk in the car, talk about his day, how school has been, etc. It doesn't have to be a huge, mind blowing event to get quality time one on one. I've found it most effective to work it into the small things. Readings stories at night. Taking turns whose bed we lay down and cuddle in before bed. Etc.

Challenges... there will be some days they will gang up on you. Every parent has a bad day once in a while. Maybe baby will be teething, and older sibling is feeling their 2s'-3s... but it will happen. You'll have crying, tantrum messes on your hands and be ready to call your husband telling them you're running away to Bermuda. ;) It happens.

Keep in mind that kids are adaptable. I remember telling my son that I was nursing and I would get him breakfast as soon as I finished - he understood. I was blown away by how reasonable he seemed to be barely even 2 years old. That has stuck with me. I felt like it was wonderful that they had their siblings -- for entertainment, for built in best friends... and to help build patience, social skills, etc.

Also, keep in mind that babies sleep SO much at first. Newborns by design let you ease into the changes slowly. They are awake just a few short hours a day at first while you adapt and learn the ropes of juggling two kids and get your older child used to sharing you. It will slowly increase. Nature knows what it's doing. It has things set up in a way that you can easily transition your second child into your life without having your first feel dropped like a hot rock.

Good luck!

hi, i have 3 kids, they are all about 2 years apart, my son is 3, daughter 5 and son 7. i kept all 3 home with me. tyler is still home with me all day every day. lilly goes to half day kindergarten. ill tell you that having tyler and lilly home with me is a completely different thing then having michael and lilly was. which makes me say it just depends on their personalities. i will def recommend that you pay extra attention to the toddler when the baby comes, the baby wont know the difference as much. if it sounds a little harsh, its just the beginning. its ok. you will find your groove. dont spoil the older one, if she is spoiled stop while you still can. ok so...
i do not have any regular help, though i have grandmas who will babysit whenever i need, and that is a wonderful wonderful gift.
i never managed naps well at all, it was impossible, i have a small house.
meals are ok, we just eat when we are hungry. i am a lot less strict than i used to be and i use paper if i feel like it.
no shortage of activities, just shortage of time and energy and money to do everything we want to do. but there are lots of resources. joining the local childrens museum has been key, its only 10 min from me and it was my home away from home for quite a while. if you join, you will go for two hours if you have it. i live my life in 2 or 3 hour chunks. you are in ny! too many activities, how do you choose???
i like having them home with me because i am a control freak. haha just kidding, ...sort of..... no, i like having them with me because i am so incredibly close to them, we are attached at the hip, and i feel like i know them in a way that nobody ever will,,, and in a way, they know me like that. . yes they drive me crazy and i am exhausted, but i know that this is such a short window in their lives, its going by in a flash. right now the sun rises and sets with me and i feel like i can really teach them what i want them to know and how i want them to be. and i know that soon enough they will think im an idiot, so im really trying to lay the groundwork while i can.
the biggest challenge right now is the constant fighting and the general volume. but my younger 2 are best buddies, i could cry watching them play together, its beautiful... and i know that they have that because they are together so much. my first 2 are like that too, but in a different way, lots of jealousy and competition mixed in there.
.....although, when my kids were your kids age, the biggest challenge easily was lack of sleep. do what you have to do so that all of you get some sleep. it matters so much, nothing will go well without it. ////oh, and im sorry but dont ever assume that your toddler would never hurt the little one. you just cant leave them alone together for a while, your toddler is really too little to understand how much she can hurt the baby and consequences and stuff, she is still almost completely on impulse, you know.?
and everything surprises me about having them at home. i had no idea it would be so amazing, so exhausting, so precious. i see their little quirks and these little ways they grow everyday, little things they do, that little lightbulb going on over their head all day, i feel like i can see the gears turning .... my house is a mess and i am so tired i dont know what to do with myself, but really, what parent isnt? so if it works for you, i think its great. its not for everyone, and we all have to be the best we can be, but give it a shot and see if its your cup of tea... good luck

If you want a little time with the baby alone try a Mother's Day out program (lots of churches have them). You can drop the oldest child off one or two days a week usually from around 9:00 to 2:00. This way your oldest child gets to play with other kids & Mommy gets a little break too.

My boys are 21 months apart, and my oldest did not start preschool unitl he was almost 4. You will still find one on one time with your toddler, and chances are baby will like to watch. It did not take long to get them on the same nap and sleep schedule, so that works fine. The only problem I had was that my older boy would get very jealous when I would breast feed. He liked it when I used a bottle because than he could help, and it did not make him feel so jealous. When I would breast feed he would try to push the baby off of me. So I just started using bottles and that was solved. I never felt any reason to put my older one in day care, there was no need. I did, however, make sure he had some play dated with a kid or kids his age from around our block.

You might want to consider how many colds and other viruses your oldest would be exposed to and then bring home to you and baby.

Mine are 18 mo apart, and i worked part time until the baby was 2 yrs. My mil watched them at my house for me, for free. my house wasn't the cleanest, and i didn't have lot of me time, but we managed and I savored being there with them in the afternoons.

A few options are hiring a middle schooler from your neighborhood to be a mothers helper and play with your oldest for an hour or so in the afternoon.

Playgroups, mops, meetups.com making friends with other moms to lift you up, give you advice, and get you out of the house. and if you are super lucky maybe trade off child care.

a side benefit was while i potty trained the oldest the youngest watched and caught on super fast.

good luck what ever your choice

I agree that they shouldn't start preschool before 3.
20 months seems kinda young. I would try to have a family member come over and help or grandparents take your daughter for the day.
Sorry i know that wasn't the question, but just my opinion. Good luck and congratulations!

US parents are our childrens first teachers...

I have 3 kids 3 years apart.......1st two are 15 months apart & 2nd & 3rd are 20 months apart. I don't have any family to help & my in-laws are too busy to help. I just 'did it'. Setting up a schedule really didn't work for me, kids change too fast to get into a schedule. As for naps & meals, well they slept when they were tired & they ate when they were hungry. Our activities inlcuded; playgroup once a week, naps, coloring, dancing, walks, reading, etc. The only activity the newborn had was nursing. What did I like about having all my kids at home; I knew they were safe. Challenges are; kids are a LOT of work. Just when you think you have something figured out or everyone is fed & diapers changed something new happens. You just need to take a deep breathe & go with the flow. Surprises, haha everyday I got some kind of surprise but it wasn't a bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates like the before kids type of surprise.

Your mommy senses will kick in & you will be fine & if you need a break get someone to come in to help out. Congrats & best wishes

I have 3 kids, all 2 years apart...I didn't put my kids in preschool until they were 3, and I was sad to see them go! I am not the kind to take easily to other people, especially strangers, watching my kids. I only put them in preschool because my MIL thought it was a great idea, offered to pay, and we have one within walking distance of my house and at 3 they only go twice a week, from 9a-11:30a....at 4 they go 3x a week from 9a-11:30a...that's it!

I have never had any help...believe me, you will manage! It can be hard...but you will be OK!

My kids are 7, 5 and 2 (almost 3)....and it's easier now...it was a little hectic when they 4, 2 and a newborn, but it got easier!

I only have one, and placed mine in a day care at 1 so I could go back to work. My step sister has two and her mother took care of the first baby then when the second baby came they got a nanny to help, so both could have the needed attention and placed the older daughter in part time day care/preschool and they are doing well with it. I think it is a good compromise for those with the funds. In short, place your older in child care part time to give you some solo time with the new baby and see where it takes you as a family.

I have three kids...#1 - my son; #2 another son born 22 months later and #3 a daughter born two years after that. I work four 9-hour days which gives me an additional day off but still full-time status. All three of my kids have gone to daycare two or three days a week since they were 3 months old. I kept that schedule even when I was on maternity leave.

My advice...if you aren't organized - get organized. If you are, keep it up - you'll need to in order to stay on top of everything. Once the babies are old enough to be on a schedule, I try to do meal times all together so we're all in the kitchen at the same time. My oldest is almost 5, but still a napper so my biggest goal when I'm home with them is to get them all to sleep at the same time so I can have at least an hour a day to myself. That's my salvation, my only "me" time with the exception of my drive to and from work.

I do remember one day when reality set in...I had #1 and #2 both home for the first time by myself. As I said, oldest was 22 months, and younger a few days old. The reality is that now you have two little people who NEED you and you must decide who's needs are more important. My husband came home one day and one child was sitting on the floor crying and the other in his pack n play crying and I was sitting on the front porch.

I'm a bit of a control freak so having part time help would be hard for me to deal with, I'd rather do it alone. As far as activities, just remember that all your chores, cleaning, etc really can wait but your children will only be little once so take the time and play with them. When one is napping, spend quality time with the other.

Now that my oldest are almost 5 and 3, they are buddies and they love to play together and my daughter just turned 1 and is right there in the mix with them. Having them close together is fun because everyone can play together when they get a little older.

Congrats to you and good luck with the new addition.

I have 3 kids and they are all 2 1/2 yrs apart , so a little more of a age gap than you will have , I didn't put any of them into daycare/preschool just because I had a newborn , I did not want the child being sent to daycare to feel like they were being pushed out because of the baby. Yes some days will be hard work , but you will get a routine together and you will manage activities/naps etc , the good thing about a baby is that they will sleep pretty much anywhere , so if your little one has somewhere to go then take baby and let them sleep in the car/stroller. Meals I used to make when they were sleeping , now that they are older (2 are at school) youngest is home with me and when she takes a nap I cook , or she will play while I cook , she is almost 2 1/2 now so can happily play with toys or color while I do some stuff.

I have 5. my first "set" is 14,11 and 10 then I have a 2 and 3 yr old.
I have never put any of my kids in day care or sent them anywhere but home with me. I didn't start any of mine in preschool until they were 4 as boys tend to mature later than girls. I loved all of them around me and never had a break until my older kids were all in school and my husband worked out of town and was only home weekend. Now I always have my younger ones with me except for the 2 days a week I work for 6 hrs and my hubby now also works out of town. So I pretty much raise 5 kids on my own other than weekends ( when it all seems to fall apart lol but its just another part of our crazy lives ;) )

Nap times fall in place with both kids if you already have a schedule in place for daughter keep it when the baby comes. Even as a new born lay him down when you lay your daughter down for naps. For dinner times put him in a bouncy chair or swing and put him next to the table when you eat. As for one on one time there is always time for both of them. With your son the one on one time for the next few months will be feeding times and time while your daughter is playing. For her it will be while your son is sleeping. During your son's feedings read a book to your daughter. I always let the older ones pick out a couple of book and I read them so that way they weren't feeling left out by all the feedings when they weren't playing during the feedings. Plus with having both of them home they learn (even at a young age) to share your time, they learn patience, sharing all the important things from you and how you want them raised instead of a daycare doing teaching them their ways. As they get older they learn how to play and share with one another. It rewarding to watch them grow and learn from each other.
Some of the challenges... twice the diapers, longer to get ready to walk out the door, sleep deprived (as any new mother will have) and dealing with a 2yr old having a bad day, twice the crying, sibling rivalry ( part of normal healthy learning), more toys = more mess, more laundry, less time for yourself.

But even with all the challenges look at the reward... twice the love you will be getting from your children. At the end of the day, bad one or not its all worth it :)

Be honest with yourself about the type of person you are and your personality. I started my first at a 2 day a week 1/2 day "moms morning out" type preschool the week after he turned one. It was DELIGHTFUL to have two, four-hour blocks per week to run some errands in peace, catch up on email, just still my brain for a minute, etc.! When his brother was born the oldest was 2.5 years, and he went M,W,F for half a day at the same place. I wouldn't change what I did for anything! In fact, I don't know ONE person in my community, neighborhood, etc. regardless of income who hasn't done this! You get some really precious alone time with your newborn that's just wonderful and your older child gets to socialize, make new friends, experience being away from Mama (which is actually VERY important), and maybe even learns something! There are tons of 1/2 day programs around here because they are in very high demand, and it's really great! I was with both of them all but 8 hours per week, and I really can't tell you how lovely it was to have the time to be with only my newborn. **One note -if you think you may want to do this, you should go ahead and start her now so she doesn't feel pushed out by the new baby. By the time the baby arrives, she'll be used to going. If you want her to stop, you can always do that and the transition will be easier than if you decide 2 weeks or a month after you have the baby that you REALLY need to send her somewhere for a few hours a week.