Advice on Having Two Babies Very Close Together

Updated on November 09, 2008
D.M. asks from Round Rock, TX
38 answers

Hi Moms,

I was hoping some of you might share with me your words of wisdom concerning having two babies very close together. I have a 11 1/2 month old baby girl and am about 7 1/2 months pregnant with our second baby girl. It has all been an amazing miracle for my husband and myself. We are older parents - I just turned 40 and he is 48. We didn't think that we could have children but desperately wanted too. With no fertility intervention, I found out I was pregnant with our beautiful Abigail and have never been so blessed. And then when she was about 4 1/2 months old and soley breastfed, I might add, I found out once again we had another miracle on the way. So just a note, breastfeeding is not an effective form of birth control even though I had not had a period during that time. Anyway, my first born will be close to 13 1/2 months old when our little Emma arrives. I am very much looking forward to our new arrival and am not dreading it in any way. But I also know that 11 months in to being a mom, I have learned things that I wish someone had told be before I got started - just little bits of wisdom that have made life easier and made my baby girl happier. And I know there must be some moms out there who have had the blessing of raising two children very close in age and they have also learned little helpful tricks that make life more managable during the early years. If you could share those tips with me, I would be very grateful.

Thanks for your time,
D.

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J.T.

answers from Dallas on

My sister and I are twins, and my brother came along 15 months later- I think the hardest thing for my mom was that, for the first couple of years, she could not do much besides care for babies. If you accept that, and take any help you can get, that might help you get through to when both of the kids are older.
Enjoy- what a precious gift!

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L.G.

answers from Dallas on

Congratulations! I have two kids 13 1/2 months apart and am a stay at home mom. They are now 6 & 7. I remember someone telling me that it was really hard for the first few years, but as they got older, they become great playmates. That has been true! I had a really hard time breast feeding my second child since the first realized that I couldn't chase her around the house while I was feeding my son. It was very frustrating, so I started pumping and suplimenting formula. It was a sanity issue for me. At some point, we got one of those fence-like play area things that you could make into a circle that filled up much of my living room. When I needed to feed my son or do the dishes, I put her in there. She had a place to roam with plenty of toys & she wasn't able to climb the bookcase! They do play very well together since they are so close. As they get older they are beginning to fight more, too. It's a love-hate thing. I'm glad to have had them close together. They look out for eachother and have a great bond. I would recommend creating some time for you to do something you enjoy on a regular basis (without the kids). You're gonna need the break. They are awesome and I wouldn't trade them for the world, but they require A LOT of emotional energy from you. Good luck.

E.C.

answers from Dallas on

My kids are very close together, and I LOVE it! They are the closest brother and sister I have ever seen (without being icky). Really the only thing I did was ask my oldest for help when his sister was born (age appropriate), and I have always talked to them like they are real people.

I don't think it is really about tips on how to deal with two that are so close in age - it is about how you treat them in general. I have always been open and honest with my kids, talked to them like they were real people, and respected who they are and their feelings.

It has worked wonderfully so far, and they are 11 and 12.

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D.

answers from Dallas on

I just had to respond to this request. I have 2 daughters who are just 7.5 months apart. I adopted a baby and a few days after I brought her home I learned I was pregnant. They are both 5 now.

A few things I learned along the way:

Having a one-story house was a true gift during the infant and toddler years. I don't know how I would have done it if I'd had a 2-story. If you have a 2-story house, I'd consider somehow having their nursery's downstairs if at all possible, for the first year. Put them in an office or a formal living/dining room if you have to. And block off the stairs so they can't get to them.

Also, use baby gates to block off an area, like a formal dining room or another room close to the kitchen, that is totally safe for them to crawl and play while you are trying to get things done in the kitchen. You'll still be able to see them, they can see you, but you can cook or whatever.

You might want to invest in more than one type of double stroller. One for going to the mall and grocery store, etc. And another for going to places like the zoo where the kids will want to both be able to see what's going on. Tandem strollers make it hard on the one in the back to see things, but they make it easier to get through doors and tight spaces.
And I don't know if you jog or walk through the neighborhood but keep that in mind too. I only had one stroller with my little ones and it really did keep me from doing things I would have liked to do because the one I had made it harder to do certain types of things.

Having 2 babies at once is wonderful and I wouldn't change it for anything. But it does make regular life hard, especially when they are not twins. Getting on a schedule will help, but frankly both of your children will be at different developmental stages and they won't have the same schedule. So for the first year or two you may find there's a nap or a feeding or a bath or something that needs to be done all the time. I sat down and spent a little while trying to figure out what each of my kids needs were going to be during the course of a day and then combined that list, added some general time frames to each thing and not only did that help me remember what I need to do each day for each child but also it helped me figure out when I had blocks of time to cook, or wash clothes or take a nap. I felt less reactive and stressed out by the whole thing once I could see my day on paper.

There's prpbably more but these things came to my mind right away. Good luck to you.

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M.G.

answers from Dallas on

Hi D.!

Congratulations on your second pregnancy!! I have three boys, and numbers 2 and 3 are 15 months apart. I am sorry to tell you this, but it is extremely difficult for me. It is like having twins. Your only hope is HELP. Unfortunately, I have no help, and I go crazy every day. If you have local family, enlist their help. If you don't have family who can help you, then hire help. Definately get a night nurse if you can afford one (we couldn't). Otherwise, get a nanny or send Abigail to daycare if financially feasable. Having help is essential. I don't have much help and it is overwhelming every single day. I don't mean to discourage you, but it very tough for me. Best of luck! On a positive note (sorry, I didn't mean to be so negative, but you asked for opinions, good or bad), your girls will be the best of friends growing up, being so close in age! michelle

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A.A.

answers from Dallas on

Mine are 17 months apart but I guess it is all the same.
The good part is that they will grow up together. Try to take special time with the older one. When the baby comes it is not uncommon to focus on the baby. This might result in regressing of big sister. Involve her in what little you can being that she is soo young, that is probably not possible now. A good schedule will be the best way to not loose your mind. Children need good time structures and if you do this, then your work will be lighter. Ours worked like clockwork. But that is because we set them up to work that way. It will be like having twins so worry not.

All will be fine.

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C.P.

answers from Dallas on

Congrats on two miracles. Mine are not as close as yours will be, but two is still a big deal. My son will be three in Jan and my daughter is 14 months old, so they are 20 months apart. The best piece of equipment I have with two children is our double stroller. Wouldn't go anywhere without it. My children love to ride in it also. I also think that it is great to have themso close because they almost don't know anything else. I would also have to say to make sure you spend one on one time with the older one. It is so easy to get wrapped up in a newborn that the other one could feel left out. Also as much as possible, have the older child help out with the new baby. Hand you a diaper, or throw the dirty diaper away. Makes the older child feel like they are a part of the new baby too. This has all helped me and they seem to play well with each other now and have to kiss each other goodnight every night.

Good luck and God Bless.

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T.T.

answers from Dallas on

Bless your heart! I too have babies that were close together, but 15 months apart. A girl and boy. I have an older boy who is 15 yrs old! We were told we couldn't have any more children either. Surprise!!
My best advice would be laughter! Do not get stressed about the small things and roll with the punches! Take the help if it is offered!
2 things I found helpful...a sleep schedule especially for the older girl, I tried to make sure that mine was on a regular nap and bedtime schedule before the new baby was born. It was a life saver! 2nd- my kids have separate bedrooms, so I put an osulating fan in the older one's room when she was sleeping...I didn't blow it right on her, but the background noise helped to drowned out any noise that was going on in the house.

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D.G.

answers from Dallas on

Hi! Our little ones are close in age too. When my daughter was 4 weeks old I found out I conceived twins. My daughter was 9 months and 3 weeks old when I delivered my identical boys. People look at my like I'm crazy but I have to tell you, I wouldn't have it any other way. You never really get out of the baby stage at all, you just keep on going, so you pretty much stay in the same routine. Let me know if you have any questions. Your kids will be best friends, and remember only God will give you what you can handle. :)

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R.T.

answers from Dallas on

Hi D.
My name is R. and my son is 13 and 1/2 months older than my daughter. I have often times said it would have been easier to have twins because at least then they would be on the same pace at the same time. You mentioned breast feeding, I also was nursing my son when we found out our daughter was on her way. When she made her arrival I made sure to include him in everything I could. When I nursed my daughter my son got to pick his favorite book and site beside me in my rocking chair and I read to him as she nursed. That was a great way for me to include him and keep him busy long enough for me to feed the baby. When my daughter was 2 months son 15 months he broke his leg on a slide at finch park.... That was awful!!! Once we got him out of the cast (8 wks) things seemed to settle down into a nice routine and now they are 4 and almost 3 the do nothing without each other they are truely best friends. Now I am very thankful they are so close together!!!

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B.W.

answers from Dallas on

Congratulations! I was 42 when I had my first/son and 14 months later I had my daughter.......they are now 15 and 16.....my own brother and I were 14 months apart....you get all the diapers over at once and the kids play with each other. I have been single since the youngest was 2 mo and they have been such a gift........let me know what else you might like to know..........

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K.C.

answers from Abilene on

Hi! Wow your story sounds similar to mine. My daughter was 2 months old when I got pregnant with my son. They are 11 months apart and it is CRAZY! But is a wonderful blessing. My son is 9 months old now, and they play so well together. And Lacy just adores her little brother. Hang in there. It will be tough at first, but you can do it!! I am praying for you and you can do anything through Christ who gives you strength!

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K.M.

answers from Dallas on

Hi D.,

I have 2 boys...oldest just turned 18 months on the 1st, and the youngest will be 7 months on the 20th. I am not going to lie...it has been, and at times still is, rough. But I wouldn't change it for the world. The best advice I can give you is SCHEDULING. It makes all the difference. Keep them on a tight schedule...it will make things much easier on you. Also...get your husband to help when he can. My husband is a Godsend. I couldn't do it without him. And if you can get extra help from other family...even better. I don't have that...which is why I say my husband is a Godsend. I have found that with 2 of them, I am constantly up and moving. There is no time during the day to really call my own. One of them always needs something. Also...at first, I had a REALLY hard time having to let my first born cry or be by himself while I cared for his younger brother. It hurt me that I couldn't spend as much time with my first when my second arrived. I went thru alot of guilt about that. That, and I find myself feeling guilty because I question whether I spend enough time with the younger one while playing with his older brother. I just can't win I tell ya :) The guilt has gotten better though. You just do what you have to do. But yea, there are days when I would give anything to just be able to drop them off at a relative's and take off for a couple of hours. I haven't had a break since the oldest was born...which reminds me...find some time for yourself. I really need to do this but I keep procrastinating it. I dream of running away to a spa for a week these days. LOL. :) Again...I need a break. :) But they are great. I couldn't imagine it any other way. Feel free to message me anytime if you need to. Always happy to offer advice or to just listen. :)

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A.S.

answers from Dallas on

I'm a mom of six...all about one year apart. I'm not going to tell you having two little ones so close together is easy..atleast not early on but later they will be the best of friends!

Its difficult in the beginning because you have two babies BUTthey are at different stages in life which makes it harder than if they were twins! Hopefully you'll be lucky to have the first one walking before your new one comes. That did not happen with me and was difficult to go into walmart while carrying a 25lb one year old and an awkward carseat at the same time just to go grocery shopping. But any other place I went, a double stroller was a must. You just need to know that the side by side double strollers are a pain the in butt to get through doorways, but access to your kids are better with side by side strollers. You'll just have to weigh the pros and cons and decide for yourself.

Best of luck for you and congrats! Its hard to have two that are close but I did it several more times after the first time so it couldn't have been all that terrible! :)

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M.M.

answers from Dallas on

D.,

Good morning! What wonderful blessing! I do not think i have any advice- My girls are 17 months apart and i feel blessed and is just as easy taking care of one as it is two. They are so wonderful together! Now they are in preschool together, take dance lessons, share clothes,toys,etc.. they really take care of each other. I'm just so happy for you!

Congratulations!
Maria

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A.H.

answers from Dallas on

Congrats to you!!!
The 1st year as everyone says is rough, is correct & maybe into the 2nd year...there were days when I thought I would go crazy. My husband worked a lot & I stayed home until they were 4 yrs & 5 yrs old, my daughters are 14 months apart to the day! They do play together & fight together...but just keep telling yourself it's only temporary. SO take a deep breath & enjoy the ride. There will be days they will make you scream & days they will make you laugh but each & every moment will pass all too quickly. My daughters are now 22 & 21 yrs old & I had another daughter after my first two girls who is 16 now. I would not change a thing, I have been VERY BLESSED! Prayer works too!

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G.M.

answers from Dallas on

I have more advice than I have time for, but my kids are 14 mnths apart, and AWESOME!! They are grown up now they are 24, 23, 211/2. It was tough when they were newborn, 1 and 2 and all in diapers. When your feeling stressed just remember it will pass so fast and they will be grown up. I can't beleive mine grew up as fast as they did. Since your having 2 girls they will hopefully enjoy playing together and will be good at sharing. Can use hand-me-downs which will save you a lot of money. I had boy,girl, boy so my daughter got new things but my youngest son seldom did. Just enjoy while they are small, b/c they grow up SO fast.

Happy Baby!

G. M.

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T.O.

answers from Dallas on

My 3 children are all 1 year apart. The girls are just 1 year and 4 days apart.

They made great playmates when they are younger and as teens they have good moments and bad moments together, but they do things together still.

When mine were all small I made a special effort to give each one 15 minutes a night alone. And once a month I took each of them out alone to run errands or go to lunch at McDonalds or whatever, but it was our special time. Respecting the age of the child, though close to the same, you need to do things that the other child cannot do... just so they appreciate the moment of that time.

When they're younger they don't mind sharing things, but as they reach 8 and older, they wanted their space, so watch for that.

Good luck and congratulations!

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R.H.

answers from Dallas on

Congratulations, I don't have any practical baby advice, but I wanted to share my experience because my brother and I are far from close. My brother and I were 15 months apart, he was older. I can't speak on how things were handled when I was a baby and toddler, but I wanted to tell you that parents must make sure the children are good to each other growing up. My brother teased me and beat me up almost everyday. My mother did nothing about it and would get mad if I told her what he was doing. I realize now that it should have been her job to make him treat me with love and respect. I'm sure with two girls it will be easier, my earliest memory is my brother saying he wanted a younger brother and why couldn't they send me back. I'm just trying to say, teach them to love, respect and protect each other. Make them understand that they should be each other's best friend for the rest of their lives.

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K.K.

answers from Dallas on

How exciting....my girls are just shy of 14 months apart. It will be hard and tiring to care for an infant and a toddler, but I am so glad God knew me better than I knew myself because I would not change it at all. The first 9 months were very hard, but just keep things simple. The house will be a wreck for the next two years and that is okay. When they start playing together things will get to where you can get something done every so often. The things that helped me the most were:
My mom---I had two c-sections so I needed someone to help lift my 14 month old for me.
My playroom with gates......it was so relaxing to know that I could nurse the baby and still supervise the toddler in an area she could not escape and that was for the most part totally childproof. It took the stress out of feeding.
Milestones that make life easier:
*when the baby is old enough to have cheerios or something of the sort---this is great to allow you time to make dinner for everyone else---my second was a high need infant with reflux...she is great now, but this milestone was a sweet one for me.
*when the two are on the same nap schedule...you will feel weird with them both asleep at the same time....it is heavenly.

Enjoy each day with the baby and each day with the toddler...this time period is a blur for me sometimes because we were so tired and non-stop. Again, I would not change it now. They are about to turn 4 & 3 (December and February) and they play so well and truly love each other. They each have their own room and they love sleep overs. If there is too much fighting in the day, no sleepovers to allow them space from each other. We also go to preschool and they do great. I truly enjoy being with them and watching them grow up together.....God's wisdom is priceless.

If you have questions or whatever, feel free to make contact.

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R.B.

answers from Dallas on

Hi D.,

Just to start off with... congratulations on your soon to arrive little girl. When our oldest son was almost 4, we had a 20 month old son and a brand new little girl and then 3 years later we added another son to our family. It was quite a busy time in our lives but a very fun one also. I just found myself wanting to be able to sleep soundly at night for even a few hours at a time. But they soon grow and learn to sleep longer... thank goodness. It was completely worth it though. I loved having my children close together in age. The 2nd child is a boy and the 3rd is a girl. Now at age 16 (almost 17) and age 15 they get along so well and are very close! I would not have had it any other way. I am sure it will be great for your family as well. And just think how close these 2 little girls will be for all times. I do have a mommy owned newborn nanny business that myself (a RN) and another RN has. We each have 14+ years newborn nursery experience and offer overnight newborn care in your home if you ever need a "night off" from getting up during the night. We provide complete care so you can get a little break and a full night of sleep. It may be helpful sometime since you will also have your other daughter to tend to the next day along with your newborn. If you would like more information on my service, feel free to email me. My personal email is ____@____.com luck on your delivery and again, congratulations on your growing family.

R.

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K.S.

answers from Dallas on

Hi D.,
Congrats to you and your husband! My two youngest daughters are 15 months apart (ages 3 1/2 & 5 now), and I'm so happy I have two that are close in age. It was tough for me at first (lots of diapers and crying...), but I just wanted to encourage you not to worry about the difficulties of the first year. Because once you get past that and they both get old enough to play together, it is soooooo great! Of course, there is some referee-work involved from time to time (so my tip is buy your toys in doubles when possible!). But the advantage of them each having a playmate and buddy so close in age is priceless. Get the camera ready. :)

Blessings to you!
K.

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J.B.

answers from Dallas on

Funny.......when I read the first advice below, that is exactly what I was going to tell you........put your life on hold for 2 yrs.. I was 41 yrs. old when I had twins. I thought being older I would read books & abide by their suggested schedules....this did NOT work for me. Once I relaxed & just let MY mothering skills kick in, things around here were more relaxed.

Sleep will be null-n-void. Your body just deals w/ it. God provides us as mothers to be able to function on less sleep.

Something NO one said below is being an older mom, your nerves are much less than those of a 20 yr. old (or at least mine were). By the time my kids were 9 mos. old & becoming a bit mobile, I sought help from my pediatrician. I found myself getting upset over things they did that were a natural reaction for any baby (ie: pulling up on the TV).........

Today my twins just turned 3. I've survived VERY well due to the intervention of my gynocologist & modern medicine. I will continue on receiving this help for as long as I need it.

BTW, I am a Christian & came from an outstanding family. I have a loving husband & am financially fine. Receive help whatever it is. You'll be glad you did.

Good luck! J.

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K.L.

answers from Dallas on

PRAISE G-D!!!
It is such a blessing to have your babies close together!! I have two boys who are 16 months apart (now 2yrs and 9 mos!). It was HARD, no joke! in the beginning. But, let me tell you, it was sooooooooo worth it!! We give lots of kisses and hugs in our house. And, from the beginning, I included my oldest son in everything, including nursing. I nursed on the floor while he sat next to me and read or stood over me with his arm around my shoulder. He knows how to pump and change a diaper. LOL If your husband is able to, have him help with as much as he can. We decided from the start that my husband would care for my oldest son while I care for the baby. This is for most everything, getting in and out of the truck, going to church, getting up in the middle of the night, etc. This helped my oldest son from feeling left out too. I also try to have one on one time with both boys. Some days, when they are both on schedule, it's really easy. Others are more of a challenge. No two days are the same. Good thing is, they are all a blessing from G-d!!!
OH... not sure if anyone warned you, but chances are pretty good that there will be times when both of the girls will be crying and need you at the same time. Don't feel guilty about tending to one over the other. It does not make you a bad mother!! 80)
May G-d continue to bless you abundantly!!!

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J.A.

answers from Wichita Falls on

My name is J. and I have been in your shoes before. I have 7 kids, the oldest being 10 and the youngest 5 weeks. The spacing between my kids is 2.5y, 22mos, 14mos, 26mos, 18mos, 18mos. I had my 3rd daughter in July 2002, and when she was 5 months old, I found out I was pregnant with #4. When #4 was born, #3 was almost 14 months old. Everything actually was a lot easier than I thought it would be. My 14 month old just ignored the baby. She did not really care about there being a new baby in the house - which was good. Now they are 6 and 5 and get along better than my two older girls that are 2.5 years apart. I think you just have to take it one day at a time and enjoy the time while your kids are young.

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E.C.

answers from Dallas on

Our children are 18 months apart (4 months and 22 months right now). It has been difficult at times. I can't imagine having them closer. My recommendation would be try to get help to care for the older child. Also, once your youngest gets more on a schedule. Try to feed the babies and change their diapters at the same time. I breast fed while my oldest ate her breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner. That is pretty much how ofen an infant eats (after maybe 6 weeks) during the day. Also, try to get help so that you can at least rest a little during the day.

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K.G.

answers from Dallas on

Daliana,
I don't have any advice b/c I don't have kids that close in age. But, you are definitely blessed and I would say your attitude is perfect for your situation. Your realistic, but excited. Which definitely helps! I know my friends that had kids really close in age have told me a few times that the most difficult time is the first year when your oldest just doesn't understand that you can't just do everything right when they want it. But after that first year it gets a lot easier! And the siblings are extremely close, so it's really nice that way too.

Best of luck, and congrats!

K.

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R.F.

answers from Dallas on

We always wanted kids very close together and with some creativity and planning we were lucky enough to get our wish. We have two daughters just about 15 months apart. My best advice to you is to just focus on surviving the next two years. It's incredibly hard, with challenges you can't imagine now, and for some reason two kids that young is four times the work. So stay focused on the things that must be done, and let go of everything else. After they are about three, things will start to get much easier. Mine are 4 and 5, total opposite personalities, but VERY close. They are best friends and enjoy each other. They are almost the same size, so they love sharing clothes and shoes when they can. Those two horrible years were well worth it. Good luck.

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C.C.

answers from Dallas on

I am sooo happy for you! What a nice surprise!!!

I have read some of the responses and I really only have the same thing to say... My kids are 18 months apart and it was VERY difficult for the first 2.5 years or so, but now it is WONDERFUL!! They play together, they like the same things, are almost the same size and are going through much of the same stages together. I LOVE it! My life is sooo much easier now. Just enjoy everything you can of the first couple years and don't worry about being a supermom or getting everything done. Tend to their needs and it will get easier as they get more self sufficient. My kids fight a lot, but when they are away from each other, they ALWAYS ask for the other one. It is sooooo sweet! And if you find yourself feeling guilty for anything (such as taking time for yourself, etc), feel overwhelmed, or just need a little validation, read a book called "I Was a Really Good Mom Until I Had Kids". It is funny and it will set you straight!

Good luck, and ENJOY!
C.

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N.H.

answers from Dallas on

My girls are close and i love it. They are older now and so close. But when you are given your miracles you have to seize the moment. For me... I didn't know any different so i really didn't know if it would have been easier if they were further apart or not. Close was all i knew. Actually a great benefit was/is when you are finished with the baby stuff you are really finished. You don't ahve to take everythign down and store you just simply pass it along until it is out the door. Also, my sister had her sons far apart and she went from easy come and go with her older son...no carseat, no diaper bag, hardly ever needing a baby sitter just one of his buddies to stay with and all the runnign to soccer games to a huge stop and change in everyones lifestyles. They had to get a new car.... Caould not hold both boys, now one in a bulky careseat, soccer equipment and you could forget a friend and a walmart trip. Now th house needed to be quieter adn things had to be put up for safety. They had to plan functions a little differntly with naps etc... I thought i got the best deal...we were all on the same baby page at a time. Good luck and enjoy enjoy enjoy

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

D.,

Congratulations! I had 3 kids in 3.5 years - my last 2 were 15 months apart. It will be crazy for the first 3 years but it is easier as they get older because they are into the same things. The good news is that all your baby stuff will work and you get through the sleeping through the night, diaper bags, etc around the same time. I think it would be harder to have them more than 4 years apart because just when they are able to do things are their own and be independent - you start all over again. You have a baby and soccer games to go to... But God knows what is best for us and what works for our schedules.

My kids are now 14, 12, & 11. They all got their black belts together and are into similiar activities. I never had to have play dates because my kids played with each other when they were younger. Your oldest will love having the baby and getting to play mommy. Since they are so close together she won't have as much anxiety about not being the sole center of attention. If you are feeling you need some breaks - some great groups that I did were MOPs, Moms groups and bible studies. This helped to give me some mom time and also get great advice for other moms of young kids. You can go to www.mops.org and find a location near you. I went to 2 different groups because one was near my house and the other was near my high school friends. It was a much larger group and I learned so much from the elder. Good luck and God Bless.

Good luck.

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M.P.

answers from Dallas on

Congratulations! You've received lots of wonderful advice. So I'll just say we also have 2 girls born close together. I think we were so nervous about the task that when our second daughter was born.......its wasn't as difficult as we thought it was going to be ;o)My advice is to be sure that your husband is involved as well. My husband was great. When I was busy w/the baby he was spending quality time w/our other daughter. And we'd switch off so that our oldest didn't feel left out. Also, everything is still familiar (feedings, diapers, etc). My greatest advice is to not get so caught up in the tasks that you don't enjoy the once in a lifetime moments. It all passes so quickly. God Bless You!

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A.G.

answers from Dallas on

Dear D.,
What a blessing! Congratulations to you and your family! My husband and I were not able to have children biologically. We went through adoption, and were quite stunned how quickly we were chosen by a second birth mother. We have two little girls that are 17 months a part!

Now, we only had a few weeks to adjust to the idea, so the beginning was a bit overwhelming. I would look at my husband and say, "We have two babies!" Sadly, my dad was diagnosed with cancer when my little one was a month old and passed away 2 months later, so her infancy is kind of one big blur.

With that said, we feel that God has blessed our family so richly! It was not easy in the beginning, but it is so wonderful now that they are 3.5 and 5. They love each other so much and play so well-- I cannot imagine them not having one another!

When Olivia was just a few days old, I was feeding her and my older daugther Mollie wanted to be held. I realized that mommy's lap as well as her heart was big enough for two. I wanted her to realize that she was just as special to us as before, and we did not love her any less. I made a point to at least have her sit beside me if not on my lap and talk with her as much as I could while feeding the baby. WHen she was about 20 months old she fell in love with playdough so I would sit at the kitchen table and feed baby while she played with play dough and we talked together.

Mine were on the same schedule as much as possible, particularly once Olivia was eating table foods. When I realized she was trying to take a long morning nap and then a short afternoon nap, while Mollie was taking one long afternoon nap, I started keeping her awake in the morning so they would nap together. She did not like that at first, but did adjust well and to this day they are pretty much on the same schedule. That has really helped me a lot. You need to also take care of yourself in order for you to have enough energy to care for them and to love your husband. Nap if you need to when they sleep.

The baby proofing suggestions are great! I had my kitchen area and family room gated off from the rest of the house. That way the girls had a safe place to play so that if I was busy changing a diaper or trying to get dinner ready and I always knew they were with me and safe. I think we had every baby proofing item imagineable-- I can tell you more about that if you want to know more.

Try to take pictures and write things down when you can. You think you will remember all of the sweet things but you won't. I need to write letters every so often to our dear birth mothers-- I now write one letter to both families and do it on the computer-- that way my girls also have a "history" of their own to keep, and I email it out to my families. I sort of do it as a journal-- I keep a running document saved and when I have something special I want to remember, I just sit down for a few minutes and type it in with the date.

I am not sure if you are working or at home full time. Find a support system for encouragement and help. I met a neighbor with a baby and that was wonderful to get together weekly for play dates- mostly for the mommies to share and talk! I have also done a mom's group at my church and a local early childhood pta-- both have been wonderful!

If people offer to bring you dinners say YES!! That is hard to do, but such a blessing in the beginning when they are so little. I turned down one group that wanted to coordinate meals because I really thought we were well covered, which truly we were. But I remember when the dinners stopped coming thinking, "Who is going to make dinner now??" :-)

Speaking of dinner-- the 5:00 time period seems to be the hardest of the day on everyone. Do as much prep work as you can in the morning or at nap time for dinner-- use your crock pot, cook two batches of a meal and freeze one for later, wash/cut produce early in the day-- have a plan at least of what you will do even if it is just ham sandwiches so that you can do it!

I saw someone else post about strollers. I bought one stroller new and the rest second hand, and found that as they got older, my style preference changed. I liked the tandem with the baby carrier for the little one when they were tiny. When I no longer needed the carrier, I preferred a smaller and lighter side-by-side stroller. As my older daugther got bigger, I had a sit-and-stand and loved that one. Buying them second hand, and actually not spending too much on the first one, made it more affordable to switch as our needs changed.

When mine were tiny you could still order groceries on-line and have them delivered which was a real treat! If you have to shop with them, I was putting my carrier in the big part of the basket, my toddler in the seat at the top, and then picked up three of those arm held shopping baskets and put them on the "shelf" below the cart for my groceries.

THis is longer than it should be-- sorry! I am so happy for you and hope this is helpful to you!

Warmly,
A.

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A.M.

answers from Wichita Falls on

Congratulations and hold on tight for the ride of a life time!!! My oldest children are 14 1/2 mos apart. I have found that I constantly have to remind myself that they are 2 seperate children. My daughter who is the oldest was very "fast" at doing everything and my son was on the slow side of normal. As they have gotten older (they are 9 & 10 now) I have had to make a concious effort to spend time with each one individually. It is also hard with priveleges. I can't tell you how many times my son protested "But you let Reba _____". I was taking the pill when I was found out I was expecting my son. So I also was really surprised. Also, my mother had 3 children in 2 years and she has survived. Most importantly remember to enjoy the newborn time with Emma while sharing in the toddler wisdom with Abigail. Good luck and God Bless you and your family.

A.

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M.I.

answers from Dallas on

Hello I wanted to tell you that while you have your work cut out for you I would not have done it any diffrently myself.I have 3 kids all close in age.My girls are 13 months apart and my middle and youngets are 2 yrs apart.I will say the grls being so close in age I thought would be much easier in the early years because they were girls bu boy are they diffrent and you really have to understand what may work with one simply may not with the other.I also talked alot to my oldest when pregnant and while she was young I believe that worked wonders.Being that there ws a new baby which was demanding as now the oldest had to share me at such an important time in her little life I made sure to spend alot of one on one time with her and allowed her to feel like a big girl by helping out.the oldest felt so proud and good to be my helper and they formed a very close bond.As they have gotten older there is more competiton between the two but by treating them diffrently yet with the same amount of love and discipline I think now of corse I didnt then that having my children so close was a true blessng

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J.B.

answers from Tyler on

As an older parent, you'll be long on wisdom and short on energy. My first two girls were 91/2 months apart--adopted and had one. The third came 23 months after the second. I was only 23 when the last one was born. My advice? Get help with the housework at least once a week, if you can afford it, but even once every 2 weeks for sure. Don't try to be superwoman. Enjoy the babies while they are babies. It will be gone in a flash. Involve your husband as much as possible. Mine missed out-working and going to college. THEN 20 years later, we got custody of 2 grands-18 mos. apart. I was smarter the second time around. God was my best friend through all of it!

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M.P.

answers from Dallas on

Mine are 15 months apart and then 21 months apart (I have three girls). I'll tell you that the first year is hard. Like, 'cry at night when you're alone' hard! (At least it was for me) BUT, now that they're a bit older it is the BEST. I don't have to deal with sibling rivalry like my friends do. My oldest doesn't remember life without her sister so there's no competition. They share a room (the older two) and sometimes a bed. They are each other's best friend and I attribute that to their close proximity in age! CONGRATULATIONS! Hang in there. :)

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T.W.

answers from Dallas on

The closest my children are in age is 20 months, so not exactly what you are getting ready for, but I love it! My older two boys are great friends already (almost 5 and 6.5). The greatest challenge when the second was born was not comparing every little milestone with his older brother. Remember that each child is different and will not accomplish things in the same exact timeline.
I was fortunate that my first born really enjoyed being a helper, so I really took advantage of that. My advice, though, would be not to force a child into this role if he/she didn't have that as a part of their personality...they may begin to resent the baby if they feel like all they do is run errands for him/her and you!
Really try to rest when they rest and once you are able to schedule the baby, do your best to get the baby and toddler's nap schedule at the same time. That will help your sanity tremendously!
Invest in some kind of sling or "backpack" holder so you have your hands free to help your toddler even when you need to hold your baby. Not only does this help you interact better with your toddler, but also helps you maintain contact with your baby...you'll feel like you're giving each of them their due.
There will be times when you feel overwhelmed, but all-in-all it's a lot of fun and I would encourage any mom to have children (at least 2) close together.
One more thing, find a mom's group to be involved in at church or in your neighborhood. You might have to interact with mom's 10 years younger and that will be a switch, but the benefits of getting together with people going through the same things you are will help soooo much. This is a must!!
Hope that helps! Congratulations and God Bless your family!
(P.S. My older sister and I are 14 months apart...it's great! I have absolutely no negatives to say about our lives together,)

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