Dear D.,
What a blessing! Congratulations to you and your family! My husband and I were not able to have children biologically. We went through adoption, and were quite stunned how quickly we were chosen by a second birth mother. We have two little girls that are 17 months a part!
Now, we only had a few weeks to adjust to the idea, so the beginning was a bit overwhelming. I would look at my husband and say, "We have two babies!" Sadly, my dad was diagnosed with cancer when my little one was a month old and passed away 2 months later, so her infancy is kind of one big blur.
With that said, we feel that God has blessed our family so richly! It was not easy in the beginning, but it is so wonderful now that they are 3.5 and 5. They love each other so much and play so well-- I cannot imagine them not having one another!
When Olivia was just a few days old, I was feeding her and my older daugther Mollie wanted to be held. I realized that mommy's lap as well as her heart was big enough for two. I wanted her to realize that she was just as special to us as before, and we did not love her any less. I made a point to at least have her sit beside me if not on my lap and talk with her as much as I could while feeding the baby. WHen she was about 20 months old she fell in love with playdough so I would sit at the kitchen table and feed baby while she played with play dough and we talked together.
Mine were on the same schedule as much as possible, particularly once Olivia was eating table foods. When I realized she was trying to take a long morning nap and then a short afternoon nap, while Mollie was taking one long afternoon nap, I started keeping her awake in the morning so they would nap together. She did not like that at first, but did adjust well and to this day they are pretty much on the same schedule. That has really helped me a lot. You need to also take care of yourself in order for you to have enough energy to care for them and to love your husband. Nap if you need to when they sleep.
The baby proofing suggestions are great! I had my kitchen area and family room gated off from the rest of the house. That way the girls had a safe place to play so that if I was busy changing a diaper or trying to get dinner ready and I always knew they were with me and safe. I think we had every baby proofing item imagineable-- I can tell you more about that if you want to know more.
Try to take pictures and write things down when you can. You think you will remember all of the sweet things but you won't. I need to write letters every so often to our dear birth mothers-- I now write one letter to both families and do it on the computer-- that way my girls also have a "history" of their own to keep, and I email it out to my families. I sort of do it as a journal-- I keep a running document saved and when I have something special I want to remember, I just sit down for a few minutes and type it in with the date.
I am not sure if you are working or at home full time. Find a support system for encouragement and help. I met a neighbor with a baby and that was wonderful to get together weekly for play dates- mostly for the mommies to share and talk! I have also done a mom's group at my church and a local early childhood pta-- both have been wonderful!
If people offer to bring you dinners say YES!! That is hard to do, but such a blessing in the beginning when they are so little. I turned down one group that wanted to coordinate meals because I really thought we were well covered, which truly we were. But I remember when the dinners stopped coming thinking, "Who is going to make dinner now??" :-)
Speaking of dinner-- the 5:00 time period seems to be the hardest of the day on everyone. Do as much prep work as you can in the morning or at nap time for dinner-- use your crock pot, cook two batches of a meal and freeze one for later, wash/cut produce early in the day-- have a plan at least of what you will do even if it is just ham sandwiches so that you can do it!
I saw someone else post about strollers. I bought one stroller new and the rest second hand, and found that as they got older, my style preference changed. I liked the tandem with the baby carrier for the little one when they were tiny. When I no longer needed the carrier, I preferred a smaller and lighter side-by-side stroller. As my older daugther got bigger, I had a sit-and-stand and loved that one. Buying them second hand, and actually not spending too much on the first one, made it more affordable to switch as our needs changed.
When mine were tiny you could still order groceries on-line and have them delivered which was a real treat! If you have to shop with them, I was putting my carrier in the big part of the basket, my toddler in the seat at the top, and then picked up three of those arm held shopping baskets and put them on the "shelf" below the cart for my groceries.
THis is longer than it should be-- sorry! I am so happy for you and hope this is helpful to you!
Warmly,
A.