Please Help! Single Mom About to Have Two Kids That Are 11 Months Apart!

I'm not a single mom, but I'm going to give you some advice that has served me well in a lot of difficult situations.
"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."
-Arthur Ashe

Honey, I felt like I was cheating my son for some reason when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I bawled like a baby! :) Part of that is irrational pregnancy hormones, so don't worry! Your son will adjust SO fast to having a sibling- you aren't taking the spotlight away from him, I promise!

Get a baby sling. You can wear your baby while doing activities with your son. All of you will benefit! :)
You are giving all you can to the son that you have and you will be giving all you can to this next baby as well. You sound like a mama who wants to give the BEST- and you will.

I hope you have a good support system! Being a mom of two is hard work, but you can do it!

I don't think this poster was asking for advice on what to do with her second child... I also don't think she was insinuating that she didn't want her second child, or her other child. She is asking for advice on how to cope with being a single mom of 2 small children. Sometimes life sucks and doesn't go how you planned and you end up without a partner, and you need help in dealing with it.

Really, some of you remind me of why I am very choosy about my female friends. Women can really be b!tches, that's for sure. Shame on you gals for kicking someone while they're down.

You have gotten some great advice, SF. Good luck. You WILL get through this!!

First of all, know that your love and your devotion to your kids will be the most important thing. If you find a good care situation for them, and work hard, they will not be damaged by you having to work. In fact, they may grow up more resilient, with less separation anxiety and more emotional strength. Don't beat yourself up any more - feel glad that your little ones will grow up with a sibling close to their age. It's not a broadway production, it's a family, so the idea of taking the spotlight away really isn't valid. He won't think of it that way if you don't think of it that way. Just love them both, and teach them to be kind to each other.

I know what you are facing is difficult, but you can get through it. You will need to nap a little with the newborn, but you can set things up so that you get a little extra help from trusted family or friends during the first couple months.

My older two kids are 15 months apart, and I was a single mom with them. Spend as much time as you can during this pregnancy finding out what resources exist in your community to support someone in your situation. Hold your head high, and if you find that someone keeps berating you or making you feel harshly judged, try to minimize your time with that annoying person! Surround yourself with people who understand that you can not only survive, but be victorious in this situation.

One more thing - especially while things remain so uncertain, get some good birth control going after the baby is born, ideally something that you don't have to remember to take every day - for me an IUD was the best thing ever. NuvaRing is also good.

Love and best wishes!

welcome to mamapedia!!

aaahhhh...the joys of "Irish Twins"...my girlfriend has a boy and a girl 11 months apart....my husband and his sister are 362 days apart....

You need a family support system. Plain and simple. If you can't count on your family - go to your church...if you don't go to church, turn to your pediatrician or your OB/GYN. They can point you in the right direction.

If people are judging you? You need to get them out of your life. Yeah, I rib my girlfriend(s) who got pregnant fast...I would tell them - you know what causes condition, right? :)

Go to court and get financial support/child support from the kids' father.

How to spend the most time with your children? Planning. Setting priorities.
1. plan your weekly meals - pre cook as much as you can so that you can play with your kids when you get home from work.
2. hire a cleaning service to come in and clean the house so you won't have to.
3. hire a nanny instead of taking them to day care - and then your kids will be at home. Make sure the nanny is certified (you can find them at Care.com and other sites).
4. Purge your life of things you don't need. I know, it can be complicated, but really? Keeping your life simple is the way to go. Since you are far enough along - doubt you could have a garage sale to get some money in the door or have the time to ebay/craigslist stuff....so if you can't do that? short of taking things of value to a consignment shop? donate it all. I can't tell you how much easier it is when your life isn't consumed with STUFF!! (my husband can be a pack rat and our garage and den are cluttered...he is actually purging things !!! YAHOO!!) but over all? Use the KISS method - Keep It Simple Silly.

GOOD LUCK!!

I love the advice about getting a good baby sling/carrier. Your newborn will need you too-your touch, your attention, your presence. So, if you have a good carrier you can just tote the baby along wherever you are. As the infant gets a little older you can include him/her in what you and your older child are doing. Have the baby laying on the floor next to you while you play, sitting in a bouncy seat next you you while you read books to your older child, etc. Have your older child show the baby his toys, have him "read" to baby, have him "help" change diapers (my daughter loves picking out her sister's new diaper).
You can do this. It is hard to imagine now but when this new baby comes you will love him/her as much as your other child, and you'll find a good balance in caring for both. Good luck!

Yes, it is going to be probably one of the toughest things you've ever done...but it IS going to be OK! I myself am not a single mother, but can certainly empathize with your situation...no judgement here.

Mine are a little farther apart (18 months) and I had the same fears you do. I was afraid at how the new baby would affect my older child. At 11 months, your son probably has no idea what's really going on, and will love his new 'play thing'. And you probably won't be napping much...at least not this time around. You may be able to squeeze in a nap when both are sleeping....but when the newborn is napping, that's quality mommy/son playing time.

Try hard not to focus on what you are losing...but what you are gaining! Your son will have a playmate for life. YOU will have two beautiful babies to love!

Yes, it is going to be tough. And yes, people are going to judge you. But people will ALWAYS judge, no matter what you do. The only thing you CAN do is be the best mom that you know how to be. That's all that anyone can ask of you. If you're doing that...then you just have to drown out all the negative comments and know that you are doing what's best for your children.

Life doens't always deal us the hand we want...but you just have to deal with what it throws at you.

When you are weary, the days pass slowly, but the years will pass quickly. Try hard to really enjoy EACH of your children, every moment you DO have with them...even if it's not as much time as you would like.

Great advice about the sling and remember that your first will not remember how much time his sibling took from him, he will just grow up with a sibling that is as close to a twin, as siblings can be, without being twins. They will have each other, as well as have you, and they will appreciate how hard you worked to take care of them.
Good luck!

Oh and ignore the judgies! There are a few on this site (as there are everywhere else) that feel they have it all figured out and made all the perfect decisions. Someday they will learn. :)

You are in a tough spot but remember that part of being a mom is also making sure that you take care of yourself. You have to make time to sleep. Kind of like put on your own oxygen mask before you help others.

A downside of being a mom is the "mom guilt" that comes with it. You always want to give 110% to your kids. That is not always possible - so you do the very best that you can at the time and then just learn to dismiss the guilt - knowing that you have done the best that you can under the circumstances. Best of luck and make sure that you take care of MOM!

Try and relax as much as you can.
Know that it will be very very tough and do your best to be patient.
Enjoy each one as much as possible.
Love them.
Spend quality time with the time you do have.
Keep a packed diaper bag in the car, so you never have to rush around gathering diapers and wipes and changes of clothes when you need to go out.
Try and organize as much for your week ahead of time.
Accept help where you can get it. Mom's group? Church group? Library?
On the plus side of things, your first will still be very little so no jealousy with the new baby.
As soon as possible, get the two of them on the same schedule so you have some "you" time.
My first 2 are 14 months apart. Then I had a third 4 years later. Each experience was different and awesome.
Breathe deeply. Try and feel happy about this beautiful new life you're bringing into the world, even if you didn't plan to. Be the best mom you can be.
Cut toxic individuals out of your life, you have no time for that.

Yes, someone could "judge" you but it's too late for that so what's the point. You're having a baby and both of your children deserve tons of love. So save the judgement for when there's time, like when they're both in college, lol.

I am a single mom of 2 (who are also 11 months apart). While i was not technically a single mother when my youngest was born my then husband was never around when the kids were awake so i might as well have been. I am not gonna lie to you it is very difficult the first year or so finding time to spend one on one with each child. As they get older it gets easier, my 2 actually prefer we all play together but about once a month or so i will do something with each one individually even if it is just a trip to the grocery store or something else that i need to get done anyways. They are 3 and 4 now and are the best of friends and play wonderfully together since they are still pretty much in to the same toys and games. You will do the best you can and thats all anyone can expect. My only real advice is to get them into a routine that works for you and make sure at least one of the newborns naps times is at the same time as the older ones so that you can rest. Oh and never leave the newborn in the same room with the toddler not even to use the restroom, i actually had a bouncy seat in the bathroom until my youngest was about 10 months for just this reason.

I know you requested no more responses but I couldn't help myself. It amazes me woman who have experienced being pregnant and giving birth can be such b*tches. Knowing how hormonal, exhausted and lonely you can feel. I only have one daughter so I can't offer any advice to your question but I just wanted to add my two cents. From your question you sound like a very loving mommy to your son that will love your second baby just as much. You are already a strong woman for being a single mother and this is going to make you even stronger! Good luck to you and just try and remain stress free and excited for this lucky bundle of joy coming into your life.

Well you couldn't have been to concerned about time, since you found the *time* to get pregnant again.

The first thing to worry about is making sure you don't get pregnant again!!!!!

Then your next concern is finding time with the babies. That will just have to happen over time. They both will be needy. You will need to work on getting them on a schedule first. I hope you have family to help you or some other support system. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

HEATHER E. way to bash pro life moms, there was no need to start judging and bashing a whole group of woman. Perhaps you should jump off your high horse.

I was very nervous when I had my third. I didn't think it was possible that everyone would feel enough love...I didn't think there would be enough room for everyone. But once my third was born, all that negative thinking and worrying just lifted off my shoulders. There was a perfect amount of room in my heart for everyone.
My children are spaced 3 years apart. I have felt guilty for the older siblings since during the first year after baby, it's like I'm not there. I'm so tired...I really don't gain my energy back until the baby turns two.
It's hard to put it into words, but what I'm trying to say is yes it stinks not being there so much. But it turn it makes you a better mom. You value you time with your babies so much more. I always feel like a better mom when I've had to work, I spend so much more time actually enjoying that time with my kids.
I spent my last pregnancy thinking that I was ruining my children's lives. I couldn't see past that and was so upset with myself. When the baby was ready, I cried because I wasn't ready. But when she came and I saw my boys loving her, I felt better. I realized that it's all about family. Us wanting to be together and doing things together. There are times when we need our alone time, but we are one unit that works together. My children love each other. My youngest is 2 and she loves playing with my oldest and his friends. His friends like having her around too. My two boys go to play at the neighbors' houses together. The girls across the street (6 and 7) come over together also.
You are a wonderful mother and you can do this!

You will be just find. It may be hard at first but it will get easy at time. First, before you do anything pray and ask God for guidance. When you get up in the morning put God first. This will help to keep you on point with everything you do. Still there will be times that it may feel like its not working but it working. Just remember to keep focus.

You got to get on a routine for both kids. The oldest child nap times will be different from the baby but there will be times that both child will be sleeping. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. It just seems like a lot but you will see it's not as difficult but some days may be overwhelming but just breathe. No one in life is perfect and you not the only one that have to small kids the same close in age. Just do the best you can and ask for help like your doing. Take the advice you want and leave the rest behind. I will keep you in my pray. I just know you will be find. 7 years ago we had a baby boy and we both work 3rd shift and the help was not there but we made it. We did what the best we could with him. There was many days we did not get any sleep and working 3rd shift was not easy. We took turns sleeping and it always seem like my husband got more sleep because I was breast feeding. When it was my husband turn my son fell out his arm cause he was sleep or whatever.

Just take each day and do the best you can. You will learn that each day will be different. Some planning is required but the plan may change due to the child. They may be sleeping or sick and need more attention. So, nothing will be written in stone. Go with the flow once you make a plan. You will be fine once you keep a positive attitude. Call me or email me anytime. I open a 24/7 home day care. I am up doing something most of the time. I am hear to cry when you feel like it or laugh. Call me e mail me.

The 9 month will sleep sometimes long. You will get it with easy. Just laugh a lot and keep asking for help when you need help.