My heart goes out to you. My sister's husband is an alcoholic and her son is now too, my dad was a dry alcoholic and his parents were alcoholics. We found solice in going to AA meetings-all of us. What's sad is that it is a disease, and I believe genetic. That from just one beverage the body does not have a good relationship with the alcohol and it triggers a hunger-alcoholism.
My sister and I have had BIG discussions on the issue, she is still with her husband and I'm glad about that. That worked best for HER. Some of the 'discussions' we debated were; if he had another disease like cancer would you do the same thing? Now that your son has a problem what does that show him? How can you get the support you both need with out loosing your trust (in him) over and over? She placed a bunch of ultimatums on her husband to do this and that, but honestly he wasn't able to do them, the disease would win-no big surprise. She eventually decided that she would do everything with her husband and beat this thing together. She learned that she was an enabler and that the life they were leading could use some improvements. That life with absolutes doesn't work.
My mother and father did not stay together. That was for the best! Looking back, I was 11, it has made me the person I am today-no regrets. Did you do what was best for you at the time? Probably YES! So don't worry about it. Maybe a talk with your kids would remedy that.
I would suggest going to AA meetings-even your grown children! It does affect you and all relationships! Some times the affects are positive and some times they are negative, the bottom line is knowledge is power and one is better equipt to handle situations when you have the knowledge.
In conclusion I always told my mom that it took a strong person to make those big decisions-it's not easy to lose the one you love. Yes, you will make it through, but do figure out what you are feeling,so you can at least heal after all of this.
All the best L..
A.