Playing Dumb

My daughter Cheyenne tried this, and because she was acting like another person, I started calling her by a different name. Which she hated. Every time she acted out I used her "other" name. She would yell at me that it wasn't her name. I ignored the yelling, told her that Cheyenne would never behave this way, and continued to use the other name until she stopped the behavior. It took about two or three weeks and the behavior was gone completely. I don't know if that will work for you, but it did for me. Good luck.

do you really care thats she looks stupid, or that it makes you look like you have a stupid kid? It seems like shes J. being silly...I often have to ask myself this...my daughter is really smart but acts like a 1 year old sometimes and i always cringe thinking people think shes slow...and then sometimes i try and get her to stop but in reality I shoulf not care what others think and let her be a kid right? but obviously our vanity comes into play and you want your kid to be ackowledged for the smart kid they are

We have a saying in my family:

Ask a silly question; Get a silly answer.

"It doesn't say spicy"

"I know THAT! It says sardine. ANYONE can see it's talking about fish flavored icecream."

"Mo-ooom!"

"Ask a silly question..."
____

"I don't know how to read."

"Me either. Not a word."

"Yes you do!"

"Pshaw. What makes you think that?"

"You read the menu!"

"Ask a silly question..."

____

Of course, in your daughter's case 1 will get you 20 that she's playing dumb because she's learned to 'play the game'. Socially AND academically. Socially not knowing more than her friends protects her friends feelings AND her social standing with them. Academically it means not challenging an authority figure. Many teachers REALLY hate it when you already know what they're teaching, and react badly. Most though, just pile on MORE work (instead of substituting easy work for harder work). So you not only end up with more to do (dare you; which would you rather; 5 loads of laundry or 15? 5 with a machine, 10 by hand) AND then that also affects your friends' feeling / social standing. At school and with her friends she's protecting herself. With you, she's practicing/ in the habit of protecting herself.

Sounds like she is wanting some extra attention...Make sure there is a balance between her and her sibs if she has any??? Praise her for when she is acting age appropriate and being mature and really you should probably ignore the "silly" behavior. She knows it bothers you so she continues to do it. When she knows it no longer phases you...it will gradually improve.

Passive-aggressive stuff meant to get your goat. Wait for a moment alone and when she is calm. Ask her what she is angry about. Let her talk even if it doesn't seen related to her behavior. The longer you get her to talk the more likely it will come out. Even if you don't get to the bottom of it with the first talk, keep trying everyday it happens. You will succeed in either getting her anger out or annoying her enough that she will stop the behavior. Don't jump when she shows out. Keep your calm and bide your time. You are not her and she is not you. Her behavior/her consequence. Most of the time with passive-aggressive behavior they just don't feel safe being straight forward. Now that is something you can work on.

Maybe she's just trying out a behavior. Maybe she likes the attention and help she gets when she acts as though she doesn't know something. I think your reaction, saying she will seem stupid, is unkind, and maybe damaging to your relationship with her. You could try gently correcting her, but sort of let her save face. Like in that spicy ice cream situation, when she pretended not to know, you could have said, "Remember, on the sign, you just read it to us a minute ago, silly." So, that might encourage her to be truthful about what she knows, but let her save face in the moment.
Also, she's at the age where in school, you start to notice the different kinds of attention people get for their perceived intelligences (maybe, I remember this), and it can be confusing. Maybe she doesn't want to seem like a know-it-all.

Well, there are several things you can do. You can tell the teachers you noticed this and x is what you are doing about it. You can praise her for behaving. When my daughter ignores me, then she just doesn't get a choice. Different age, but if she acts dumb and won't respond I say, "Well, since you are ignoring me, I choose." Sometimes she doesn't like it and I just say, "Remember that next time you choose to ignore me." I don't weedle or cajole. My SD would act dumb to get out of a consequence. It was maddening. DH started saying, "You know the rules and you broke a rule. You can pretend you didn't but the evidence says you did. You are basically lying by omission so you get to go to bed early tonight." That blank look still crops up now and then and it drives me crazy. If it's just a matter of her looking stupid to a friend, that's one thing, but it's often an overall passive-aggressive behavior.

Praise her for the times she doesn't do 'act dumb'. There really isn't enough history in the brief posting to pin point what the reward is for her acting this way, but she believes there is more value in that for some reason, maybe the extra attention, extra conversation, etc.. So that being the case, as best I can see it, give her more attention the times she isn't; tell her, "I like that way you...." or "I'm proud of you when...." you will soon see her self esteem come through when she hears the positive praises. Good luck

Is she so smart that she gets negative attention for it from classmates? It can be hard to be noticeably more intelligent than your friends. I have been known, still to this day, to dumb it down for my friends sometimes. Growing up, I didn't want to be a know it all or be the nerd of the group. I didn't like being "the smart one." It comes with high expectations and a lot of teasing. WHat helped me was being moved to the Honors Classes because everyone in there was super competitive and would tease you if you weren't smart. So, changing my peer group, made me change my expectations of myself.

Im with andra! When my 4 yr old whines I tell her to stop acting like her cousin (if that kids mouth is open its a whining!) And that straightened her up! I do the same thing with my son. She knows better but its attention. My advice, pick something she hates and call her that or try your best to ignore her!

I have two of them. My son isn't as bad, but it's just as frustrating! I explain it to them similarly to you. Unfortunately, I think it's environmental. I spend a bit time at their school and I think they're trying to fit in. UGH!

Not sure calling her stupid is the right thing to do. It sounds like she is trying to get attention and the way she has figured out to get it from you is by acting that way. I have 4 kids and several of them at some point acted that way. it seemed more like a game at the time and we just ignored the behavior. After a while it resolved all by it self. We made sure to spend a little more 1 on 1 time with them at the time. when you have 4 kids it can be be easy to over look the 1 who is the most self sufficient. So we had to make sure we were deliberate in our attention to each 1.

I think it might be somewhat age related. Our daughter sort of does it sometimes (she's 8). She's not very bad, though. But we don't give it any attention at all. We might say "you knew that" or something, but that's about it. I'd be careful of giving it much attention because it might encourage her to do it more.