Planning My Days

My advice is in the form of a few questions:

Why do you and your husband "have to be involved in anything they do"?

What would happen if you weren't?

Would that be so terrible?

It seems to me that kids need to be left alone (with appropriate supervision at a distance) to learn more about themselves and the world around them.

It may be tough going at first making them play by themselves, but in time it will be worth it.

Maybe all the structuring is part of the problem rather than the solution. Kids need time to just be kids. I'm an elementary school counselor and raised foster kids along with mine. I've become an advocate of cutting out the after school and extra-curricular activities, at least until kids are in the intermediate grades. In their play area, limit the number of toys to choose from at any given time, then back off and let them play. Simple toys with lots of room for imagination seem to keep them occupied a lot longer. That said, it's also important to remember that kids that age are going to need and want a lot of your time and interaction. Luckily they're at the age where they still like to be helpful, so try to find meaningful "chores" that help them build skills and feel like they're contributing, which will occupy them and MAYBE actually help you! lol!

Great idea Kara!

We had a boredom problem with our kiddos. It seemed that the tv would come an awful lot on the weekends. So my husband and I made the decision that we would do small "day trips" every Saturday and then let Sundays be a wind down. We go hiking and take a picnic, or just to a local park and play for a couple of hours, eat lunch and then go from there. We have been scouring newspapers for local activities like little fetivals, or farmers markets. THere is a lot to do that is free (except for gas sometimes). So far it has worked out great. We feel like the kids are getting lots of exercise and we are not just lazy on the weekends. We all feel better. Hop this helps a little.

Hey, Laura ~

I absolutely agree with the "down time" advice. Kids need it as much as we do. And we NEED IT!

I know you're frustrated, sweetie, and I am in the same boat. I have three young, very active kiddos and I like the quiet. None of them do. So I will sometimes retreat to my "happy place" and when I can't I just have to deal with it. Repeatedly whispering to myself, "he's only four" or "she's only two" will occasionally help. Five and three aren't peaceful ages, doll. Good news, though: I have it on good authority that they get calmer! :)

~ R.

get play dates... they are getting old enough that they can start playing at others homes. or have them come over to your home.

We have had days like that and that is when I bring in the marble jar! you can use anything similiar and change it up during the holidays: remind them that if they play well together during the next 20 minutes, they can each put marbles in the jar (you decide how many). Also, anytime they do somthing nice for the other or say something nice, they get to put marbles in the jar. (set the timer so you don't forget). For Christmas time, we make a paper chain instead: I cut a bunch of red and green strips and when they do the above, we add another chain. When they fill up the jar or span the length of the familyroom with the chain, for example, they get to choose together what activity they want to do. they have to agree and it can be anything from going to a special park for a picnic or getting icecream, or seeing a movie. You can make a list of things they like to do in advance and they can help you brainstorm. It is also very important to continue to play with them and teach them how to solve problems. I noticed when i play with my daughter, she is controlling and wants everything her way. I will tell her, "I don't feel like playing with you because you are not letting me play my way too and it makes me feel sad and frustrated. They begin to see how others feel and how to play more successfully with eachother. Try to spend 20-30 minutes per day playing with both or separately. Also, have lots of activities to do like playdough, bubble kits, art kits, coloring. The three year old will take awhile to become more mature in playing, that is just the age. Before my kids were both in school, I always had "quiet time", where they play in their rooms separately for 30-60 minutes (you decide). Everyone needs down time and I explain that they are not punished, but that everyone needs alone time. I hope this helps!
K.

We also do what Kara calls quiet time. At first it was hard and nobody wanted to do it, but now everyone looks forward to picking out a few toys and playing alone with them. It is a great time for parents, too. If you are able you could get a few toys or puzzles especially for the occasion to help it go smoother.

I would suggest you make a list of all the things your kids like to do and/or you want them to do (i.e. play dough, drawing, legos, games or puzzles, paper dolls, reading, tv, etc.) then divide the day into 30 min. segments, including "family time" and alone time. If you are dealing with sibling rivalry, a good way to deal with that is having the child/ren causing problems sit out until that activity time set is over.

Good luck working to have a smoother holiday season and maybe making some ongoing scheduling for weekends. Kids really do thrive on some sort of routine or planned out days.

Hello Laura.
I must agree with the 4 ladies before me...all very good & sound advice.

I have even gone the distance with my children to implement a schedule for them that we post on the wall. I have 6 children with the eldest that has autism, ages: 15, 8, 5, 3, 2 years & a 6 month old.

Having a visual aid to let them know what to expect in their daily routine helps to keep peace in our home.
Children also need warnings to when things are going to change (transition). Transitioning can be difficult & possibly even stressful for the spirited child.

If you'd like, I can send over our routine (pic) via email. Just send me your email addy if interested.

The best to you & your family.
Enjoy them while they are little!
~D.

Most kids need to be taught to be independent and creative. If they learn that you will provide relief from their boredom, then they will always come to you to entertain them the whole day. Or worse, they will go to the television. Do your kids go to daycare or a school that is highly structured? You might want to find a place that encourages independent playing and learning. Does your weekend also have to be structured? Do you want a structured weekend after your work week?

Your younger one will need more direction during the down time. But the older one should start being encouraged to create and explore. For a while, you can make suggestions about creating something, reading (always have books from the library available that they love) or give them other ideas. You can ask them what kind of craft supplies they would like to have at home. Eventually you want to get to the point where you can just shrug your shoulders when they say they are bored. Or you can let them know that you are going to go read and you'd like to know what they are going to do.