Pinching Preschooler!

My Daughter started this at 2. I was so freaked out, she would do it out of no where? This is just like you said a power issue, they think it is pretty col they can create such a response in another human being. I used extreme positive reinforcement. Going over board when she treated kids nicely. "Wow Cass you were gentle and wonderful with so and so I am sooo proud of how nice you were"!! When she pinches try to ignore it, or a simple straight faced that was not nice Cass. and say nothing else. This constant reinforcement only took about a week and it never happened again.

Good Luck!

Teaching her how to let things go may help. Try teaching her how to forgive and what that means. I have one that has harbored for months! She still isn't able to forget completely (she's 10 now) but she knows that she has to forgive and not be mad anymore. We also learned that some kids have been treated mean and don't know how to get it out, so they do it too, and that's when she needs to be extra nice and teach them.
I also found some of the adults in her life teasing her. Not mean but she was so cute and spunky at 3 they just couldn't help getting a reaction out of her. This type of teasing would have had no effect on my older two, they would have just laughed. It had more serious effects than I realised and I had to put a stop to it.

Hey C., this may sound mean, but I strongly reccomend that you give her a small pinch back, and tell her "OUCH! that hurts". When she does that. I'm a strong teacher of the golden rule, I really thing that people should be AWARE of the pain they cause to others. If left undealt with, pinching will soon turn to biting, etc. Mainly, I try use communication as much as possible, but sometimes little ones need a small demonstration. After that I ask them "do you want me to pinch you?" They say "no", I say "then dont pinch." The pinching usually stops there. Kids are smart, the real trick is consistancy. If thats the rule, whatever it is, you have to stand firm. The rules have to be the same EVERYDAY. Otherwise the kids will just walk all over you. Talk to them like people, friends...they will respond well, but number 1, be their parent. Loving & Firm + Consistancy = Respect.

Hi C.,

I am a grandma. My two are grown and now I have 5 grandchildren. I have found if there are some behavior problems, it it could be an anger problem like one of your other responses mentioned. I have also found it is can be a needy problem. If a special time is set aside just for mom and (4 year old, didn't see her name) your girl time. If she knows there is a certain time each day that she has your full attention to do something special together it will help to fill her positive cup. This will help her to feel special. Like one response said, ignore the negative and accent the positive, pretty soon the positive will bring the change you want. Children love to please, and be noticed. They crave knowing they are loved and approved of. Nothing makes them happier than to know they have your love and approval.

R.

Hi C.,

I agree with Jhen N and Shannon C. The best options you have now are:

1: If she piches you, do not hesitate mock cring and pinch her right back, immediately. She will then learn the pain of being pinched. Yes, it is a power thing. Ignoring it doesn't work for everyone - it can either re-enforce that it is okay or she may realize that she won't get any attention from you for doing it.

2: Reaffirm positive gentle behavior.

A short story: when my son (and I won't ever forget this!) decided to bite me on the shoulder (where it REALLY hurt) I was so shocked and fed up with his biting that I instinctually (and after hearing others tell me to do this - I was reluctant)bit him right back. The look on his face was pure disbelief! He could not believe that I bit him as just about as hard as he had bit me. Plus, he saw me crying. I put him down and got out the ice out. He did not ever bite anyone again - especially me! This doesn't work for everyone, sometimes it only re-enforces that it is okay. But it sure worked for us! Each case is different, so I hope at least some of what I said has helped.

It sounds like it's her way of dealing with stress. I think helping her overcome this is two-fold. First if she usually only does it at preschool look to see what stressors there are there. Are the children actively engaged in activities of their choice during free choice time? Do they spend most of their time in teacher directed large group activites or aimlessly playing with a multitude of the same old toys? Is there a child or children that she continually has issues with? Take some time to observe how she is there without her knowing you are there, if possible. Ask the teachers about her interactions with other children to see if there are specific issues that need addressed.
Second, help her learn about her feelings. How to put them into words and how she expresses her frusteration, how her actions make others feel and some more constructive ways to express her feelings and to release her stress. Deep breathing, stomping her foot, pinching playdough, or even hitting a pillow are some ways she can physically de-stress while teaching her that it's OK to be mad and to have the emotions she has, but that it's not OK to hurt others because of those feelings.
These things will help her learn self management of her anger and stress and empathy for others at the same time. Changes won't nessasarily happen overnight, but consistancy will pay off in the long run.
Best wishes to you.

If she keeps this up, she WILL get pinched back. Sometimes that's the only way they will understand what they are doing to others. Try to show her soft touch. Play with soft toys, feathers, having her stroke the under side of your fore arm, to show her how nice that feels. Have her close her eyes and guess what the soft toy is that she is feeling. I saw this on Super Nanny last night for a boy who scratched, hit, and bit.

Hi C.- Sorry to say this but if gentle reminders, time outs and restrictions have not helpsed I would pinch her back when you see her doing it so she knows it hurts. I'm not saying do it so hard it will mark or truly hurt her but let her know it hurts and is not nice. My son was a biter and a child behavorlist told me to start just putting his arm in my mouth, not to bit down but he got the picture just with the act of it and it stoped. Hope you find what you need. Shan