Does anyone have a pincher? My 15 mth. old pinches, and I don't know what to do about it. People have told me to pinch her back...that seems wrong to me though. So far we have tried to make the subject of said pinching a "victim", as in, "oh, poor Daddy! you hurt Daddy...Daddy is sad now because Aria hurt him" and then give him or whoever all the attention. She hates it, but still the pinching. We have tried time outs...doesn't seem to be working either. Is she too young for time outs?
Anyway, what to do?! any suggestions?
My 17 mth old does the same thing. He seems to only pinch me & my mom, not my husband or mil. He's also been biting a little. I've done the same things as you, without results. I don't agree with pinching him back, I think it sends a bad message. Good luck, hopefully they grow out of it soon. Maybe when they start talking.
She is WAY too young for time outs....
Re-direct at this age. Remove the hand. Say ouch. Look sad. Give her something to hold so she can't pinch works the best for me.
Mine does the same thing. They grow out of it. The older one did.
Pinching back makes no sense. We don't teach someone NOT to do something by doing it to them.
My son went through a pinching phase and we did the "don't pinch, it hurts mommy" talk, I'd tell him no and then leave the room, etc. Nothing seemed to work.
One day at the dinner table, he pinched me and I told him "we don't pinch, that hurts mommy", and said, "do that to yourself." I pulled up his sleeve and was shocked when he did it to himself, and did so equally as hard as he was doing it to me.
He looked at me, grabbed my arm and petted it (we call it making nice.) He hasn't pinched since.
I agree with the others about not pinching back, it doesn't make sense and will confuse her.
I know you said that pinching her back seems wrong, but the thing is, how else will she learn "why" she can't pinch? I pulled both of my kids hair and pinched them both when they did it to me, and neither of them did it again. You don't have to really hurt them in order for them to realize that it's uncomfortable.
This is a normal developmental sequence,some kids go through this others don't. I would advise against pinching her back at all and deal with it like if she was biting. I would consider why she is pinching (most likely exploring her environment, also if she is out of your care is she seeing someone else do it or having it done to her) and the reaction she first got when she started doing it (a big reaction, attention, etc). I would think she is too young for a time out, and I would very calmly tell her without making a big deal, "pinching hurts, do not pinch," and then move away from the subject so she gets no attention for it. It will and does go away. Good luck!
T.
Please, please, please do not pinch her back. If you do, you're sending her a mixed message. It's not ok for you to pinch mommy, but it's ok for mommy to pinch you. Plus, what happens when someone on the playground or at daycare pinches her? She'll pinch them back because that's what she's been taught. Not to mention that it's so easy to pinch too hard on a little one. They don't have a high threshold for pain. I'll get off my soapbox now...sorry. It's just one of my pet peeves. That said, try to redirect her behavior. When she pinches, grab her hand, say "NO" very firmly and then turn her attention to something else. Giver her little rewards for not pinching. You could do some kind of sticker chart. If she doesn't pinch in the am, she gets a sticker. If she does pinch, she loses a sticker. Once she gets so many stickers she gets a small prize. She may be young for that...I'm not sure.
way too young for time outs. She has zero impulse control at this age, I also don't think she is able to have much empathy yet either, so while its a good idea to show her that Daddy was hurt, I don't think she'll really "get it" at this age. Best thing to do is to redirect. Figure out "why" she is pinching, is it for attention? "Ouch! Pinching hurts, if you want my attention why don't you pat my arm?" Show her how to pat your arm then start playing with her. Is it a need to practice her fine motor skills? "Ouch! Pinching hurts. Lets go play with some playdough."
Oh, and please IGNORE anyone who tells you to pinch her back, that just shows her that you are bigger and can do things to hurt her, but she can't do it to anyone else. Then what happens when she is bigger than someone?? Like a sibling or friend?
My son likes to hit, if its for attention we start playing "high five!". I also give him lots of opportunities to hit things, we have a drum, we hit pillows while listening to music, etc.
Take her hands gently and say, "No pinching." I like how you pay more attention to the victim - that's good. She's 15 months old, the only way she'll get the message of "No pinching" is to repeat it over and over and over again.
