Parents Anniversary

Seriously?
Just get away as a family.
By TRYING to get along with her, it might do everyone some good.
Mom's expressed wishes trump bad feelings.

We had a party for the in laws. My husband and his brother were the MC's and they located most everyone from the bridal party. It was a lot of fun.

My parents took all of us to the Dominican for their 50th. My Mom had been diagnosed with Frontal Temporal Dementia and knew that her time was limited and wanted something fun for everyone. It was almost too late for Mom but we have some funny stories that we tell. Mom lost her battle in November so I'm so grateful that the whole family was together for that trip. =)

Find out what they want. Don't know how long the girlfriend has been on the scene but my thought is she's not a SIL she is a girlfriend. Not included. Maybe????

If your mom likes getaways, why not send her and your dad away on a long weekend somewhere special -- either special as in "different and interesting" or special as in "significant to their past together," such as the place where they got engaged etc.? If they are in good health, I'd give them a chance for a mini-vacation together paid for by their family but without the family along!

I think you should send your parents away without the rest of the family. Think honeymoon...

Send your parents on a trip, no kids or grandkids or girlfriend drama.

Why not send your parents on a get away? No need to include all the family with their special celebration!

It's their 50th. If they want to spend it with family, that's what I'd do. Suck it up. Really..

My parents celebrated their 50th 2 years ago. My brothers and I were all having a good time planning out a trip to Charleston we wanted to send them on. (they love Charleston) Down to the bed and breakfast, tickets to shows, prepaid restaurants, and carriage rides, etc..
We narrowed down the field, and asked them when they would like to go so we could make final arrangements. They didn't want it.
Just didn't want that for their celebration.

I felt kind of like, this is a GIFT, so you should accept it is what we want to give you and be happy.. But, what they WANTED was for us (the three kids and our families) to spend time with them together. It's been years since we've all been in one house at one time for more than an hour. We don't live close enough for that. The grandkids are almost grown and some are already out of the house and in college.

But, the fact of the matter is that, after 50 years of marriage... they are over 70 years old. And the next time ALL of us are able to get together at one time in one place may very well be for one of their funerals. There are no guarantees. So we dropped the Charleston trip away for them, and planned a mountain cabin we could all stay in. Which is what they wanted.

It wasn't perfect--one sibs missed one of the nights in the cabin completely due to a teen's sporting events, but they did join us for the next afternoon, night. We had a great time during the time we were there. My SIL ordered a nice cake from an bakery in Atlanta and brought that with them (it was a secluded out of the way, mountain place).. and we decorated the place before our parents arrived.

It was just what they wanted. And no matter how begrudgingly we went into it, in the end, I'm glad we were able to give them what they really wanted.

It's in your power to do the same, and I highly recommend it.

Another vote for sending your parents on a lovely trip. Just them.

My ILs are at 60 something and no longer want to get out much. I think that a one-night or one-day event would be sufficient. Is this a situation where the GF cannot be disinvited? Or if you all go somewhere, does it have to be a week and does everyone have to be together? We lasted about 3 days living and visiting with my BIL. DH was looking at how to change our flights because he can't stand his brother, so I sympathize with your dad. What if it was a long weekend and everyone had separate accommodations?

I also really like the idea to send them away together.

My parents aren't big party people, so my sister and I did a private party for their 50th.
While they were at church, we went over to their house. I cooked them a luncheon of rosemary chicken, roasted asparagus, glazed carrots, and smothered potatoes. My sister bought a small wedding cake and champagne and decorated the dining room.
She had taken her kids to the beach the week before and had them draw a big heart in the sand and write my parents' names in it.She took a picture of it and had it framed.
We had it all waiting as a surprise for them when they got home.

I would do a small casual get together with your family (and possibly your parents' closest friends) including the girlfriend - and then send them on a nice little trip/getaway as the gift.

That way, your mom sees the family - has her wish - and they get a lovely anniversary gift to themselves.

Good luck! nice of you to mark their milestone anniversary :)

what about a weekend? is she so awful that even a couple of days with her would suck?
or maybe send just your parents on a mini-break? we did that with my folks- gave 'em a gift certificate to a beautiful inn and restaurant for a weekend.
khairete
S.

My mother would give anything to spend time with family, so we (sis and I) made reservations for them, us and our kids at a historic restaurant in the country. Dinner was wonderful, and we followed it up with a gourmet, custom designed 50th anniversary cake and decorations at our house, with one bottle of good champagne for everyone to share. They loved it. It was intimate, classy, and gave them more to talk about than if they had gone out (or away) alone. =) Happy 50th to your parents and good luck!
*OH - and we also included a 50th anniversary announcement in the Washington Post. Big surprise and they were very touched.

The problem here is that your mother and father don't want the same thing. I'm not sure why there's a comment below that says to buck up and deal with the brother's girlfriend - your father doesn't want to, and it's just as much his anniversary as it is your mother's!

Is there a resort you can go to where everyone has their own cottage or condo? That might limit some of the time your father has to spend with the brother's girlfriend. We've had family vacations where everyone has dinner together but breakfast and lunch are based on who shows up when, and there are activities for various ages and interests (lake, golf, tennis, pool, nature walks, kids' activities). I'm assuming that the girlfriend is too involved in the family that you couldn't very well leave her out of it, right?

Is there are reason you don't want to repeat the big dinner with friends? A big party could be in a restaurant or in a home (have it catered to limit the work for you). You could all create a scrapbook with pages dealing with your relationship with Mom & Dad. We did one for my mother's birthday, and we bought a scrapbook with the plastic sleeves. Everyone did their own double-page spread, and then we got together to insert the pages in the plastic sleeves. We collaborated on the last part, sharing those little embellishments and some photos, typing up captions all in the same font, sharing a mini paper cutter and some adhesive, and so on. It was a group building activity but we also had time to plan on our own and pick up a bunch of supplies to share. We had pictures from the younger years (before kids), and then the growing families. It might be a nice tribute to your parents. You could have some sheets available at the party for those who want to add their own thoughts at the last minute, and just stick them in the back of the book on the later pages.

The parents of one of my friends took the whole family on a cruise. A cruise ship has a variety of activities. I suggest that no one has to spend much time with the girlfriend but yet the whole family would be there. You could do the same at a resort. Individual families have their own room. You could arrange for a cake and small celebration in the dining room. My Dad loved attention and would be pleased with strangers clapping their hands.

I'd go away and spend the time with my parents. After 50 years they don't have that many more, hopeful at least another 20 or 25 but still, they're getting older and to go away and spend a few days with them would be special.

Is it possible for you and your family to go down on say...Sunday then stay until Wednesday or Thursday then go home while brother comes on Wednesday or Thursday?