Every once in awhile I get a daycare parent with very little common sense. I try not to be a PITA with the parents by making too many rules. In fact, with most people rules or policies never come up.
I have a daddy that is a grown up version of his special needs son. He's a little silly, backward, and otherwise, he's fairly normal as a grown up. But He thinks that teasing is just a normal thing to do apparently and I don't know how to bring up the subject. I can tell that he teases his son constantly and thinks it's funny to bring him near to tears. But he does it the whole time with a goofy smile on his face.
So he's been out of the country and the first 9 months or so I've had this child I never had any issues with this boy and his behavior. Now that dad has been back for a few months the boy is teasing the younger children like his dad does him. He will hold toys out of their reach and since he's tall and big, they just cry and cry until I intervene.
Should I just put my foot down in my house and enforce my rules and keep dad out of it? Or do I NEED to find a polite way to correct this father?
I forgot to say, he's 3 with sensory processing disorder of some sort. He seems super smart to me but has zero communication skills. He follows commands and seems to find alternate ways to communicate.
Dawn,
This boy is involved with all kinds of early intervention. He has a play therapist and a speech therapist and in a few weeks starts the public special school. He won't be here quite as much then. It'll be my job on the days I have him to take him to and from school which just happens to be very close to me.
I know I need to say something. This man is just a little hard to talk to and I know he loves his son just silly. I am a bit afraid of talking to him because in the best of circumstances men can be really dumb about this sort of thing. But this man really doesn't think the way the rest of us do.
Oh my goodness, I've never understood parents like that. I would talk with him and his wife. Also, put it in writing.
hugs going out to you!
Of course you need to put your foot down!! If I were the parent of the child being teased, I woudl be all over YOU for not protectign my child.
Wehn we had a daycare situation, the provider would document discipline and give the parents a report. They also had written rules about what would happen if the issue did not resolve itselve,
You can't really discipline dad. You can only say what the issue is, and perhaps ask politely if he is being teased by anyone else because he seems to be acting out only since such and such a date (=when dad returned).
Yes, you need to pull him aside and have a quiet talk about your observation.. He needs someon to tell him what is going on and why..
If this child were in school, I guarantee you the teacher would mention it to this dad.
My husband used to tease our daughter.. He just did not know any better.. One of the Day care workers mentioned she noticed that our daughter did not seem to like it.. It made her angry and frustrated.. Of course I had been telling him this all along, but because a
"professional" had mentioned it, he cut back a whole lot..
Our daughter is 21 now and he still teases her sometimes and she HATES it.. He says he knows it drives her crazy, but at lease he knows she is listening! Ugh!!!! Men!!!
I would ask both parents to come in for a conference. Tell them you have some concerns about their son. Be perfectly serious about it.
Tell them both exactly what is going on. Tell the father that you understand that he is "having fun" with his son by teasing him, but the child is bringing it to daycare, making other kids cry, and this just isn't allowed.
Tell them that they need to get early intervention involved and get him evaluated. You know hoe to talk about this, SLM. You have this child's best interest at heart. Tell them this.
Good luck,
Dawn
Your house, your rules!
Do not allow teasing or making fun of any sort!
You might pull the father aside and tell him that you have rules for the safety and well being of the whole group. Tell him that you understand that teasing is part of the way he relates to his son, but you can't have him copying the behavior. Ask him to stop teasing and find another way to relate.
LBC
I didn't know my ex was one of your clients! :p
Honestly if he is like my ex he won't change. He doesn't see it as wrong and nothing you tell him will change his mind. See Andy has autism spectrum dad probably has Aspergers. The difference between the two is Andy knows he is the one not understanding communication, his father thinks the problem lies with everyone else. After all he is just joking around with Andy. It isn't his fault no one, including Andy, finds it funny.
Just an FYI my ex got the kids kicked out of latchkey because of his behavior. Yeah it wasn't fair that the kids and I got punished for his lack of control but I did understand that rules are rules and he just couldn't keep breaking them. He would do a lot of what you describe, they warned him a million times, he just wouldn't stop because they were the ones not understanding him.
Yes, you need to put your foot down...you might risk losing this client - but really? this man needs parenting lessons and an eye opener...his behavior is TOTALLY wrong...you do NOT tease a child near tears and think it's funny....
it's psychotic...especially if he gets perverse pleasure out of it (the smile on his face)...the man needs help....
I wouldn't be polite...i would come right out and say to him "You are a bully and what you are doing is wrong...you do NOT parent a child by making fun of them...and bringing them to tears...this is your wake up call...your son is now mimicking your UNACCEPTABLE behavior in MY home and that IS NOT acceptable...YOU MUST stop your actions or you are not welcome here anymore."
Sorry - probably not what you are looking for but that is NO way to treat a child - ANYONE for that matter...
You answered your question yourself. You need have your own rules. And stick to them. When the child starts complaining which he will you need to then bring the dad into it. Children (my son was diagnosed with this at age 5) with this disability do much better with structure that does not change. So rules like no running indoors. No hitting. etc will be better for him than you trying to work with a middle man.
I would point out to the parents that the kid has begun to tease the other kids a lot....let them know that you correct him when he does it. Leave the parents out of it. It's not your job to "fix" the parents. It's your job to care for the child. Maybe if you tell them about the child's behavior, they'll connect the dots?
