Pacifier Gone-tantrums Begun

Stay strong. I went through a similar experience with my older daughter when she was 3 1/2. It was terrible. for the first 3 nights it was crying and screaming at the top of her lungs for her pacifier. She was awake until midnight the first night. this from a child that would go to sleep without any fuss at 7:30 every night. we would read her stories, kiss her, and walk out of her room shutting the door behind us. it was that easy!
it took a good 6 weeks for us to get back on track with the normal bedtime routine. we ended up laying down with her for awhile to ease the transition. then we had to break her of that habit. it was well worth it. she is now pacifier free and bedtime is back to a reasonable routine.
also, if you give in now, think of how much harder it will be for her down the road when you attempt this again. she needs you to be strong for her. she can do this!

good luck. it is not easy (but honestly, what has been easy since you have become a mother?)

You probably have tried this...but could you get her a new stuffed animal that she picks out that is just for when she sleeps that she could hug when she falls asleep?

it seems like your daughter might not be ready after all; why not have her pick out a new binky at the store (so she still realizes that the old one is gone) and try again next month? weaning from a pacifier is kind of like weaning from the breast, and it's something that you can do slowly instead of cold-turkey. i know you're worried that if you give in it will send her the message that she can fuss to get what she wants, but i think it will send her the message that mom and dad and willing to change their minds for her sake- a positive message. also, she won't still be using a binky when she's 15, so another month or two won't hurt. just my two cents!

S.

Hi A.,

I know exactly where you're coming from, only my son is 7. I've tried everything suggested to me by the many child experts (including the binky fairy). I now know that the problem isn't with my son it's with me being a softee by not wanting to take away his security. I was a thumbsucker as a child and I remember how hard it was for me to give up. I do agree that in the ideal world children s/b weined from security blankets, thumbsucking, binkies etc. But, I also feel that people spend way too much time trying to fit children into perfect little boxes, when the truth is they're not all the same and never will be. We've been successful w/ limiting the binky use to just night time and he's slowly but surely coming around. Don;t beat yourself up like I did. My mother said once, "When he's 25 no one is going to ask him when he stopped using a binky". That sort of helped me to put the issue into perspective. You're little girls are going to be just fine. Take care,
L. C.

Hi A., my daughter is 2 1/2 and still loves her "chupone" however you spell it, its spanish for pacifer or something in spanish, if we are out doing something interesting for her, or even when she is in daycare she is pretty good about understanding she doesnt need to use it, but around the house and especially at bedtime she still wants it. I figure as long as her teeth are all straight and shes talking fine, I really don't see to much of an issue with it as some of the older fashioned women seem to do with all their commets etc. (even my grandmother and other older women act like its so wrong for her to still use it). I see it as a security thing for her like some kids have blankets they carry around etc. So if shes doing good during the day without it, I don't think using it at night is such a big deal. I tried to see what my daughter would do without one, and I didn't get much sleep and neither did she.

You're already 4 days into it so just keep going. She'll eventually get used to falling asleep without it. Do yourself a favor and throw away any binky you have left in the house just so you aren't tempted.

Hi A.,
As much as you or your husband will want to give her binky back, I think you are right in staying firm. She will eventually figure out that her night behavior is not getting her what she wants. It will take some time but you are doing the right thing! Have you tried getting a her a special "snuggly" for nighttime when she's missing her binky? We have a three year old that was getting out of her bed several times a night and the advice I received was to just keep bringing her back to bed, but to not interact with her... no negative or positive attention... just quietly walk her back to her room with little eye contact, conversation, etc. Even that attention is enough for the child to see she is getting some sort of response! We talk to her about it during the day. Obviously our reaction is different if it seems she had a nightmare or something scared her. We still want her to know she is loved and protected! It worked for us but it did take some time. Once in while she'll still get up once during the night and we just put her back in bed and she falls back to sleep,usually with no crying, etc. I don't know if this is the answer for "binky withdrawal" and every child is different, but I do know that consistency is important and that even at three, children figure out how far they can push to get parents to give in. She'll be fine and so will you!Hang in there!

B.

sorry to disagree but...
I think life is hard enough, and as far as I'm concerned, I generally see things this way: there are too many things in life that will be painful, difficult, and things I have no control over- that my child will have to deal with and get through. When they are still so young, I am not a fan of 'tough love'. So, for me, I would let the child 'sleep' with the binky if that is what she gets comfort from. It would be only a nighttime thing, and never during the day. She obviously wasn't ready to give it up, so what's the big deal? Seems like a whole lot of unecessary trauma to me. She will get tired of it eventually- why fight it? Life is too short to stress out over binkys :).

I think that you are doing what needs to be done. Stay firm, stand strong. This, too, shall pass.

Your doing wonderful. Raising children is hard. Ihave helped friends with this probelm. they used Relaxtion tapes like the ocean waves and even soft lights that relfect pictures on the celings work great. It will help them focus on something else while getting sleepy. They sell the lights a toys rus and babiesrus. The tapes I have seen there also at target. Sometimes the quite night can be why a child needs a binky to sooth themselves. With no back round nose or something to take away from the night time quite a child needs something to help them and the sucking sound and motion is what helps take that quite away. The best of luck to you ...keep up the good work.*SPELLING STINKS SORRY*

A., you seem to be doing the best thing possible. Don't let your husband ruin all you've dealt with so far to just start over. If he gives in now, your child will learn that if she tantrums long and hard enough, she'll get what she wants. Please don't take this the wrong way, but unfortunately, the pacifier should have been discarded a couple years ago - but you are moving in the right direction to hopefully prevent any structural changes and speech problems (open bite, a high-arched palate, tongue thrust, frontal lisp, etc.), not to mention dependency on it. You did such a good job finding a "replacement" such as the dolly. If that doesn't work, maybe she can try a stuffed animal or something else special to her. I don't know if she is just escalating to test you and see if you'll give in, but since you know now that she can sleep without it, then it seems as though she IS testing you (I'm sure she still misses it and is maybe sad that it's gone, but you KNOW she can sleep without it). I'd continue doing what you're doing - stick to your guns (in fact, if you haven't actually thrown it out, I would so you or your husband won't be tempted to give in at 11pm when you're all tired of hearing her cry). Good luck!!!

My sister in law did the same thing as you with her 3 year old. She screamed the first full night - no sleep. But each night got better. Keep with it! Your daughter will be OK.
-S.

Hi,
Keep firm. She will eventually get used to not having it. I have a duaghter that was very much into her pacifier but we went to Florida last year and the baby fairy took all the pacifiers and gave them to other babies that didn't have any. She fussed a bit for her pacifier but eventually pretty much forgot all about them. Good Luck
-A.

nddrea. i am laughing at you sory. but let me tell you something my grand daughter that lives with me is 13 years old. and she cant go to sleep with out her pinkie lol my doctor told me to forget about it . she will give it up when she is ready. and now she is just holding her pinkie in her hand and plays with it. no neet to let your daughter to get so upset. if i where you i would give it back to her. there is a reason that she wants her pinkie. it might comfort her. i would never let her suffer like that . that is not good for her either. sory give it back to her . ty
B.

Stay firm...It usually takes about 7 days before a habit can be broken (sometimes longer) Don't let your husband cave. If your daughter sees that all she has to do is throw a fit and she gets what she wants you will be in BIG trouble. Good luck I know from experience that this feels like it will never end..but it will, I promise.

Stay firm like you say ,a trying time for all but it will pass.If you could of taken a picture of binky daughter would still have it but in another sense a rememberance to look atthe picture.
C.

A.:

I am a pediatric dentist and mom of a 6-yo and 3 1/2 yo. My 3 1/2 yo daughter LOVED the pacifier and sucked it vigorously! After she was off the bottle, at 1 yo, I took the pacifier away also. She was and is still in daycare full-time. At first, I did the cry-it-out method. However, unless everyone around her is also letting her cry-it-out, it will not work. So I decided to snip the tip of the pacifier. I kept a snipped one at home and a regular one for "emergencies". I sent 2 to daycare: 1 snipped, 1 regular. She never ended up needing the regular ones at home or daycare. She just lost interest b/c it did not "pacify" her. So, the earlier it is done, the easier it is b/c it is less of a fight with younger kids and it is easier to fool them. So please stick with it. You have gone through 4 tough nights, hopefully the next night will be it... I mention about stopping the habit early vs late b/c you mentioned that you have 2 beautiful binky loving daughter. How old is the other daughter? Would you consider taking her off the habit too? I have lived through it, like you are and on a daily basis I hear about the difficulties parents go through to try to wean. The goal is to wean a child before the permanent teeth come in around 5 1/2 - 6 yo. However, at that age, the child will be starting kindergarten which may be a stressful time or time of change. And the child will be older and would have had this habit for longer. All of these pose greater challenges. Good luck, but please keep with it. Your daughter is upset, b/c you took something away from her. You controlled it. She is not in any pain. Better to go through this at this age than at 6 yo. Good Luck!!!

A., I know you have gotten so much advise on this so far. I just wanted to say the same thing happened with my daughter, she was 2 years old and she decided herself to throw it away, she actually went over to the trash and threw it in herself, I was quite proud of her, but I had a feeling she might not have meant to do it...and I was right. I just continued to remind her that she threw it away cause it was all "yucky now". I did have plenty more in the house at the time so I got the advise of some moms on here and decided to cut a little piece of the tip off of the binky. When she got really upset I gave her one of the "broken ones", when she saw she could no longer "suck" she simply told me she did not want the binky anymore. Sure over the next few days we had a few episodes, but I must say she adjusted really fast and really well. Every child is different and I think that it all comes down to personal preference and what you think is best for your child. I would wait it out a little longer since you are already 4 to 5 days into this, but after a week or so if she is still having issues, then I would give it back to her and just make sure she is using it at bedtime only, then try again in a month or so. Just do what you feel in your heart is right for your little one. Good luck.

I haven't had to go through this yet. My son is 18 months old and we have a new little one on the way in October. I asked his pedi when we should get rid of the binky & he said not now because his life is going to change in a big way soon with a new baby but by 3 or 4 yrs you should try and wean. I do not want to have to go through this either. I want to tell you to not give up yet it has been 4 days and she can sleep without it so give it a few more days. I agree it takes about 7 days or longer I say give it 3-4 more days and if she is still having a hard time go buy her a brand new one at the store and try again in about a month or so. But you don't want to give in too soon and I know your husband wants to mine is the same way (don't want to hear the crying, fit throwing, ect) but don't let him give in. Sounds like he is a push over huh?
But again try for a few more days and if she really cannot sooth herself without it give in and try again later. Good luck! That is what I would do and will do when the time comes.

Hi A.!
No advice...just moral support! You're doing the right thing. It will get better. If you give in now it's just going to teach her that fuss will get her what she wants. She will be a better person for this even though for the time being it seems like the devil has inhabited your child's body!! :)

I went through the same thing except my daugther was almost 4. She ended up with a cross bite from the binky and because we did not take it away at a year old or so she may need braces now.
I will tell you that it was hard for about a week. We just tried to be patient and understanding. We took turns laying with her or beside her bed and just gently rubbed her head to calm her down.
Getting mad will make matters worse and she will eventually forget it. I do have to say though that my daughter now 7 still sometimes has an oral fixation issue. I see her using her tounge to sooth herself.
It will get better and good luck

I agree that you should stand firm. I think you are doing what you should, putting her back to bed. She'll get the point eventually that she is not getting it back. I also would suggest that as you are getting her ready for bed, remind her that the baby replaces the binky so she could sleep with that instead.