Overwhelmmed

The book that really helped me when my sons were going through this was Making The Terrible Twos Terrific, by John Rosemond. Some of his ideas about toys and TV are pretty hard core, but his behavioral strategies are just fantastic. They work. You should be able to find this book at most bookstores. Good luck!

hello,
im pretty much in the same boat i have a 8 year old daughter who has a major attitude for no reason and a 4month old son that has been giving me problems since birth with not sleeping and crying for no reason. my boyfriend is really no help either, what brings into this area? What part do you leave in?

I feel your pain! I definitely know what it's like to be overwhelmed with my 8 month and 3 year old boys. What I learned from my husband is that most men are clueless to the amount of work that truly goes into caring for children on a full-time basis. It's not that they love the kids any less than the moms, but many of them are so used to the woman handling everything all the time, so the men don't really get the true experience of parenting. Having said that, make sure that you ask for help. Tell your boyfriend exactly what you need from him, don't assume he already knows. Make sure that your son has a good bedtime routine where he goes to bed at the same time each night. Then, at least you can look forward to having some time to yourself after he's asleep.

As for discipline, consistancy is key! Set reasonable limits. Give him an area, if possible, where he can play openly and freely, so he isn't getting into things that he shouldn't be and you're not telling him no all the time. I learned that we as mothers sometimes talk too much (i.e. give too many warnings or explanations) and our kids then begin to tune us out. So say what you mean and mean what you say. You're son will catch on. Right now he's testing his limits, which is totally normal. Remember that you're the boss and you're in control. Model the behavior you want to see from him! Good luck and give yourself some credit for being a good mom!

First of all ~ let me tell you how much I empathize with your situation. I have been overwhelmed since my son was born, and he will be 7 yrs old next month. Kids, especially boys, will listen to their mothers the LEAST! We are the push overs and the ones that are usually with them the most, so they push the limits with us. Pretty much on a daily basis, I will tell my son to do something 10 times and he won't listen, then his Dad tells him to do it and he says "sure Dad". Meanwhile, I am the one who had him and did all the doctors visits myself, all the diapers, potty training, teaching and nurturing for the past 7 years, not to mention the hell of a pregnancy I went through throwing up and bleeding and cramping every day. So, you are not alone!! Raising a child is an overwhelming job. And YES ~ it is a full time job! I am currently looking for work, but am having a very hard time fitting it into my busy schedule ~ LOL!! My son is a very sickly child and has to miss a lot of school. He just had his 7th surgery last month and still has a couple more to go. Just think, it could be worse!! GOOD LUCK!! And even if it is just 15 minutes a day ~ you CAN find ME time!! It is necessary for your sanity!!

I know how you feel I am always overwhelmed with my six year old son, my three year old autistic daughter, and soon to be five month old daughter. and a husband who is always working so he doesn't get a chance to really help out. What works for me is I live by a scedule and keep all the rules the same and everything for the most part runs smoothly and i have a teenager that i pay once a week for a couple of hours so i have time to myself even if i just go to the store. Make appt. and what not on a given day like i always make drs and what not appt. only on monday so every monday i do errands around appt and what not so i don't have to worry about any thing like that, every night we have dinner at the same time homework is done at the same time so my children know what is next so they really don't have to listen then just go with the flow but if they get of track and get out of line they are put in time out give it a try....

sorry to hear you're stressed out. actually kids enter terrible twos before they actually turn 2.
try to come up with a discipline routine and stick to it. whether it is counting to 3 and then time out, or one warning before timeout etc.
someone said it perfectly, guys have no clue. i could buy myself if i had asked for a dollar every time my husband said
well you just took acre of kids all day. big deal.
instead, tell him you need his help. take a few hrs a week for yourself, go get a coffee and relax. you need it for your and your sons well being
good luck
vlora

J.,

The best advice I can give is to be consistent in dealing with behavior issues. Let your son know what the consequences will be and follow through immediately with them if he doesn't comply (time out, removal of a toy, etc). Also be immediate with rewards when he does comply (stickers, hugs, etc). I have also found the when my husband and I use the same approach I mention above and also verbally back each other up ("Mommy told you to give the doll back to your sister") we get better results. Redirecting to preferred activities seems to eventually get results.

When I feel stressed and need to deal with it on the spot, I make sure the kids are safe then I leave the room for a few minutes and take care of me - have a snack, read a couple pages of a book, yell into a pillow, log onto Mamasource. :)

Does your boyfriend know you feel overwhelmed? Sometimes guys aren't in tune to what we are feeling and what we need so we need to spell it out for them.

Hope this helps.

I know u keep hearing I feel ur pain!! and if u are anything like anormal woman that saying soesn't make anything better...lolol...but I am a 26 year old woman with a great boyfriend who lacks knowing when to step in and take over for me....I found out I needed to speak up and say hey he's ur son too...now deal with him:)I'm taking a bath or goin to get my nails done. and my son didnt listen to me either...he's 19 months old too, i started to just tell him no and walk away...i think its the fact that i dont stand there anymore and try to calm him down or force him to listen that made him stop and realize mommy means business....it was hard at first to listen to him scream and not try to "rationalize" why i said no...but within a few days my son got the hint and now when I speak he listens...well kinda :) but u GOT TO take time for yourself...my bf used to make me feel like he couldnt do it without me but the truth is he is great with his son it just took me leaving for an hour for him to see it:) Take care and good luck

Hi J.
I have a 17 month old son that is the love of my life but can test me to my limits some days. Take comfort in knowing that there are so many other moms that have felt overwhelmed at some point in those first 5 years or so. Trust your instincts and stay consistent in your both your loving and your discipline. Remember - you're the mom and know best! I definitely suggest getting your son around other toddlers his age w/ a playgroup or other activity like Makin' Music or your local YMCA. This will give you an opportunity to meet other moms and get out too. Where do you live?

Hello my name is H. I am 24 we moved to Hellam a year ago next month.I seen that you where looking for younger moms with kids to play.I have two boys Tyler is 5 and Dylan will be 3 in April.
I am having the same problem that your having Dylan is starting to get his terrible 2's now. He doesn't listen to a thing I say and when we are going out he runs from me.
So i don't have an advise for you but if you get any good advise let me know.I will do the same for you.
Welcome to the area and good luck

H.

I think that it is hard to deal with aa child if you have very little help. My advice to you is to get someone to watch him for a day and go do what you want to do. it is reallt important for you to have time to your self. You need to explain this to your boyfriend. if he loves and cares about you he will understand. I have a five year old and a one year old and another on the way and my husband always makes sure that I have time to myself without the kids. it might not be very often because he works a lot but when he is home he helps me out a lot with the kids.

Also the only thing I can tell you about making your son behave is that you have to put your foot down and when he misbehaves put him in time out or take toys away. i know that it might seem like this don't work but it really does it just might take awile. I hope this helps.

P.S. Where do you live at?

Hi there J.! My son hit the two's around 13 months. It happens. I'm right there with you feeling overwhelmed. I having been having difficulty with my 23 month old and a really hard time at work. I wake up feeling nauseaus just about every day. But we will all get through it. I try to tell myself that "this too shall pass."

Good luck! Take comfort in that we're getting through the tough times now, when their teenagers, all your girlfriends will be stressed out about their 16 year old daughters and bringing home boys, and we'll be sleeping at night! :)

Hi J.,
It sounds like you need a break! Try planning an evening out. Get a babysitter, go to dinner, go to a movie or something. I have a baby a few months older than yours and I can remember saying those same words! You need a break:)
Hope this helps,
Jen H

Where do you live? The terrible two's do start around 18-months. It sounds like you need a break, find an activity that your son and boyfriend can do together while you get alone time. Even a little bit of alone time makes it alot easier to deal with things.

It seems like you have two issues here, with your son and with your boyfriend. What's up with the boyfriend? Does he work a lot? Or is he just slacking? Does he know that this is unacceptable for you? Maybe you need to sit down for a long talk with him.

With your son, this is definately a hard age. They're really too small to be expected to obey rules and understand consequences and so forth. The best you can do is keep their world as toddlerproof as possible. Just don't let them into situations where they can get into things you don't want them to have. Don't expect to teach them not to unroll the toilet paper or climb onto the kitchen counters. And when they do inevitably get into something forbidden, just remove them from it and redirect them to some other activity.

And try not to think of it as the "terrible twos." I know that's the popular phrase, but if you think of it negatively like that, it colors your perception of everything he does.

http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/thomas_gordon2.html is a good read. :)

J.

My son hit the terrible two early also. And he did the same thing with me in reguards to the behavior. I think because I am also the main care giver he was testing me. I just stay firm. No is still no and I didn't let him get away it. It only took a couple weeks before he saw I really wasn't going to give in. ( My son is very stuborn) The only chance I get for a break is at naptime and after he goes to bed. I just make sure I give myself that time as much as possible and count to ten (or one hundred) when the situation gets stressful!

Good luck:) S. R

J.,
Where do you live? My daughter started her terrible twos around a year or so. They should change the name to the "Terrrible Whenevers". Anyways, I would suggest trying to find a plagroup and getting together with some other moms who have children around the same age. Maybe your son just needs to get out some frustration and play with someone other than you. I have been where you are and actually still am. Ashley is now 19 months old and she just started having time outs on the step, which I was impressed actually worked, but we are in Catonsville, you are welcome to come join us if you are in the area, if not good luck and keep posting.

The only advice I have for you is to get your "incredible" boyfriend to step up to the plate and help you out a little. Everyone needs a breather. I know how you feel my husband does not help out either. That is most of the reason why I left him. I am a 2007 mom and feel that the man should be just as involved as the mother.

The next thing I could advise is to write into the "super nanny" show they have a website where you can sign up.

My son is going to turn three in May, and I found that there are times when he needs to scream. He feels that if he says 'Sorry, Daddy' everything is better. Sometimes, he does need to be punished and stand in the corner. He makes a fuss, but after a while, he comes out and does what he is told.

I understand how you feel but I learned one very important thing. That when I talk to my son NOT to stand up when I talk. I now get at eye level so I don't seem like Im overpowering him in size. I've seen that but me getting at his level and talking to him it worked better. This way he can give me a hug with out having to be picked up. He listen alot better since Ive been doing this. I guess by my standing up over him it either scaried him or just made him afraid of me. I hope that helps some.

J. W

I think the first thing that you should do is communicate your issues with your boyfriend. Be honest but not accusitory. Let him know that your son is having these disiplinary issues with you and only you. Make sure you are both on the same page. Find out what is working for him and not working for him and for you and not for you and change accordingly. Also make sure that your son sees you as a disiplinarian. Don't ever say wait until your dad gets home because then he will see his dad as the only one that can give punishment which is bad for both of you. Tell your son once and only once and then make him follow through even if you are doing the task with him hand over hand, he will learn that you say what you mean within a few weeks. It will be more work for you the first few weeks but after that it will be easier for everyone. Also make sure that your boyfriend does not undermind you authority. If either of you says No to something then both of you agree to follow through.

Hi J.,

I agree w/ the suggestions that you have already received. Consistency is the key and being firm. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Give one warning not multiple ones. I always give a warning first and say this is your warning. I also get down to their level and make eye contact. I also repeat everything they say at the same intensity so that they know I understand what they want. But then repeat my answer w/ the same intensity. Exampe child wants to go outside. I say "you want to go outside, outside, outside"! I then say "No, outside - No, no. I may repeat both lines a couple of times. Most of the frustration at this age comes because they can't communicate as well at they want to. By repeating their requests you're acknowledging that you understand him. This stage is very tiring and draining. If they have a full out tantrum just walk away. Distracting the child to a new activity is also very helpful. My oldest son is now 3. I recently discovered that he responds very well to the threat of putting a toy in the trash. You do need some "easy" time. Try going to a park/playground. Lower Providence park is near you (Egypt road). I believe they have equipment for chilren to play on towards the back. Manderach park is also a great great playground in Limerick. If you need directions let me know. You'll both get some fresh air and you can meet some other moms. It sounds like you need adult support or someone to just share with. Check out momsclub.org, I think they charge $20 for membership. As already mentioned YMCA's are also great if financially feasible. I currently live in Boyertown but went to Methacton High School so I'm familiar with Norristown/Audubon.

Good Luck - S.

Hey J. i feel your pain. I have 4 kids. You are going to have to start asking for help from your boyfriend and friends. You have to make sometime for yourself. even an hour or two can make a world of difference every week. My life revolved around my kids my husband and babysitting, and i started feeling really run down so now when my kids go to bed i take an hour for myself to read soak in the tub etc, I have learned that if dishes need to go in the dishwasher or something needs to be done it can wait until i am done with my hour. as for your son it may be that he senses your stressed out and hes using it to his advantage. you cant let him see you get upset just tell him what you need to and if he doesnt listen give him a timeout for a minute. be consistent and youll see his behavior change good luck

I'm in the exact same situation, boyfriend doesn't help and son won't listen to me. I am 26 and also have a daughter who is so much easier (except for her attitude...LOL). I have not been able to come up with any solutions either, he has good days and bad ones. My son is going to be 5 on the 30th of this month and has always been this way. It wasn't just a "phase" for him. I, recently signed him up for t-ball and he's VERY excited about it. So I have been using that to my advantage. Thats the only thing I have come up with, that and reverse phycology. I take him away from things he REALLY likes. Standing him the corner or sending him to his room won't help. I make him sit on the couch with the t.v. off, therefore he has nothing to do, but nothing sticks to him, eventually he reverts back.

I'm sorry I can't offer any "good" advice or ideas, but I just wanted to share my experience with you. That your not alone and I can relate to your situation 100%...lol. Good luck and if you get any good feedback you can pass them along, I'd really appreciate it.

Hi J., It sounds like you need a whole day to yourself. I don't know how to make that happen aside from babysitting for you(which I would do),but I can recommend something. I have joined my neighborhood YMCA and it's great. They have a babysitting service, and you can leave your child there for an hour and a half, and go swim, or work out, or just play on the computer or in the gameroom. An hour and a half may not seem like much, but it breaks up the day nicely, and sometimes I just go there to shower and make myself look pretty in peace. Maybe sometimes you could ask your boyfriend to put your son in the stroller and take him for a walk now that it's warming up.I also wanted to tell you that my son did the same thing; screaming alot when he was told no. He's three now and doesn't do that anymore because I was very consistent with him. When your child screams like that, you have to choose a punishment, and stick with it, everytime. If you choose not to punish him just one time, it will undo everything you have done. Consistency is key. I hope you get some time to yourself soon. Just try to enjoy your little guy's baby time, because before you know it, it's over and he's asking you for your car keys(I have a nineteen year old too).