Overwhelmed and Lost

There was a time in my life when I was dealing with a mother whose dementia was worsening so there were constant issues, a child with a learning disability, a husband who traveled 80% of the week and my own business.

At that time, I became a HUGE fan of productivity books. I like Dave Allen's Getting Things Done and anything by Julie Morgenstern. You can do this. You just have all the pieces of the puzzle scattered all over the table, and you have to fit them together...but you can do this!

Also, on an immediate basis, I find when I'm overwhelmed, repeating this helps: Take one thing at a time. Everything is unfolding as it should.

Take care!

I totally get about the custody battle. We paid over 6 figures for ours and still trying to pay off the remaining 34k. It sucks, plain and simple.

I worked full time when I met my now husband. However, I ended up staying home when we *thought* he would get sole guardianship of his spec needs daughter. Ended up his ex wife got her and then promptly moved her 4 hours away. So I debated about going back to work but really liked staying home (and my kids are school aged). So we decided to TRY it to see if we could manage and we did! I have been home now going on 4 years and my kids are almost 17 and 14.

We made a decision though to REALLY cut back on everything. AND my husband is in sales so he's 100% commission only. So we don't know month to month how much he will make. I don't pay full price for ANYTHING anymore! It has really made a huge difference.

I also have been on a (long) mission to downsize everything! I really hit the house hard last year and when it finally cools off here in AZ, I will be finishing the garage and the rest of the house. I can't tell you how much of a difference it has made in keeping the house more organized and picked up. And give up the idea it has to be spotless, it never will be and it's ok.

Also take some time to find some REALLY easy recipes that the whole family will eat. I don't really like to cook nor am I good at it but I keep trying. I try to keep it simple and things that we will all like. And a crock pot is your friend. And google "one pot recipes" and "dump recipes". You basically dump in stuff and cook it. SUPER EASY.

Your kids are still small so it's a crazy time in your life. It DOES get easier as they get older. And have them start doing chores as soon as you can and make sure they do them. I'm trying to get mine to do them now and it would have been SO much easier if they were already used to doing them at a younger age.

Just take a breath and try to relax and get a game plan. Maybe try the MK and see if you can get some income in from that. Cut back on everything and that will help too. Downsize and have a garage sale, that will get you some cash. If it ends up you can't do it then figure out Plan B. And keep your marriage a priority. Have FUN with your husband to keep the love going. Stay together and you can get through everything. Good luck!

I would see a counselor - just for a few sessions. They can be extremely helpful. Sometimes having someone outside the situation just look at it and make a few key suggestions, can be very enlightening. It also helps to unload it all - and then take a break from it. Baby steps - they can help you figure out what to do first, so it's not overwhelming.

So you don't fit into one category--so what! So your house isn't spotless--so what!! You are you and that is okay. Focus on the positive things in your life. There will always be someone with a better career, cleaner house, nicer clothes, etc. Just be you!

Your husband sounds like a terrific guy. Glad you could share the post with him and that he responded in such a helpful and kind way.

i talked it over with my hubby, and told him thati was feeling burnt out on life and needed a change to get me going again. we then budgeted a 4 day vacation and afterwards i was feeling better, my hubbs then started doing things with the kids after dinner and telling me to go do something i want to do kid free. he also said to not worry about folding laundry, tht it didn't matter if jeans and t-shirts were slightly wrinkly he also told me the important things to clean and let the rest slide.
you could talk to the people you live with. be honest with them and all of you can brainstorm a solution to the issues you face.

ETA: your SWH out a smile on my face when you said your hubby is getting some help for you to take some of the load off your shoulders right now. Sweet!

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I am very confused. You've been in a custody battle with an ex and you are pregnant with #4?
Are you married? How did you get pregnant with #4 if you weren't planning? No birth control? Is ex the father of this unplanned child?

I can see where you are overwhelmed and your hormones probably have a lot to do with that. Pregnancy can be stressful for anyone, most especially someone who is "surprised" pregnant.

You need to get some help with counseling or something to get your head straight so you can be the mom you need to be for your now 4 children.

There are programs in place with churches, community and hospitals to help people who find themselves in situations where they need guidance. Take advantage of those sources so you can get healthy.

M., those stay at home days can be hard. I remember feeling much the same way until I came across an Andy Stanley quote that I now have framed in my home. "Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be something you do but someone you raise". Hope that helps you as much as it did me. Blessings....

I'm sorry you are going through so much. I have and still am there with you as far as not being able to keep up with the house chores, laundry and money problems. I have recently started doing healthier snack choices for my daughter for school. I made several post it notes with different combinations of healthy snacks, and she picks them out for the week. She usually has enough that she has half of her snack at school and the rest when she gets home from school. It has made us eat healthier and save money by packaging our own foods rather than buying "snack packs". This way I spend about $50 a week on food. If you are looking to make some extra side money, I recently got hired by a site called User Testing. If hired, they send you different websites and apps to test out to see if there are any problems and if it is user friendly. I was skeptical at first but there is a small application process, and I have done a few tests and gotten paid easily. They usually pay $10 per test. I don't do it nearly as much as I originally wanted to or should, but I know its there if I am in a pinch. Your husband sounds wonderful for being supportive and offering to get help for you. I believe that once you get things straightened out in your home you will be less stressed as well, a clean and organized house makes me feel more comfortable. Good luck with everything.

I think we all experience certain crossroads in our life's where things seem very scattered and up in the air..

Take one thing at a time. Learn to communicate well with the people in your life. Do not be afraid to ask for help.

You have a lot on your plate. My advice is to communicate this with your husband( I'm assuming your married) . Do you have the finances that can support your family if you take time out of work to focus on yourself and getting you back on track. If you take care of you first, things usually get sorted out more efficiently. You won't have to juggle, and can focus on what YOU want and what your family needs.
It just sounds like you really need some space to recover and just breathe a little deeper..

Please know I'm saying this to be supportive and not mean.

Get a real job. One where you get a schedule and have to go at a certain time of day then get off to come home and go pick up a paycheck.

This is what you need.

IF you go online and check out child care assistance in your state I bet you find that you can get some sort of assistance to pay child care costs.

I had a family in my center where both parents were working full time, both made over $12-$15 per hour. They paid less than $400 per month in child care fees. They had 4 kids in my center.

I had another family where both parents worked and they paid about $20 per month. They had 3 kids.

If your income puts you out of the assistance qualification range for your AREA then you might want to consider budgeting help so you can cut costs in some areas where you might be overspending and then you'd be able to pay for child care out of pocket.

i'm sorry. you do sound overwhelmed and lost, and that happens when you've got so much going on.
i'm clutching my head at the surprise baby. there's little excuse for surprise pregnancies in this day and age, especially when you're already floundering.
i'm glad your husband is coming through for you. i hope with a little time to breathe and regroup you're able to move forward in a more confident and healthy fashion.
all the best.
khairete
S.

Wow! You have a wonderful husband.