Husband and Daughter Leave NO Free Time!

What has worked for me (I have 3 kids under 6 and husband) is to try to cook on the days that you don't work and prepare things that you can easily reheat for supper when you need. I try to plan out meals for a week and buy groceries only once. Then I cook what I can, so that the nights that are hectic I can heat and serve in short time. As far as cleaning and laundry, I give each room a number and then assign them a day. This way each room gets attention regularly, without feeling overwhelmed by doing all at once. Hope this helps you out!

A. and anyone else who has time issues. The answer is
www.flylady.net. Please go in and join and believe what she says. To begin with don't get the digest - read everything and start slow. HER 15 MINUTES WORKS.

Please let us know in a couple of months if it helped.

M. B.
____@____.com

I have a question? Is your husbands arms and legs broken. Why can't he help out with the laundry or dinner? If he wants clean underware he better washem.

Hi A....
I'm a mom of five and I have worked both outside the home and inside the home as a daycare provider. Anytime I was working, things were not up to my standard I had when not working. First thing I had to do was accept it. If your husband will help, let go of some of the duties and share them with him. That has never been an option for me, no matter if I was working 60 hours, it's always been 'my job'. Anyhow... The crockpot is your friend! lol Google crockpot recipes on the internet and start using that, throwing together ingredients in the morning before everyone is up, and when you get home, it can be ready. Or another thing is to take a few hours on the weekends and prep for the week. What kind of foods do you guys like to eat? Say you use hamburger in a lot of meals, fry a few pounds up on the weekend, then through the week, add sauce for spaghetti, canned beans and v8 and shredded cheese for chili (if you want it, I have an awesome recipe for no fuss chili that all five of my kids will eat, lol), add manwich and chicken gumbo for sloppy joes (I can elaborate here, too, if you want). If your husband and you are not adverse to it, hamburger helper boxed meals work for quick meals. My favorite, though, is the crockpot, drop stuff in and you're good to go. For my little ones, I would microwave the fruits or veggies with just a little water and throw it in my Magic Bullet (along with the water it was steamed with) and add water till it was a consistency they would not gag on. If it got too thin, I added rice or oatmeal cereal to thicken it back up.

A site I frequent for cooking: http://www.allrecipes.com I can share recipes that worked for my family through the years. Also, a site that helped me tons is http://www.flylady.net It helps you set routines and routines are life savers when you are short on time. It can be overwhelming, A., I started my family at 18 and I don't think I 'got it' till I was 30!! And there are still things I am not getting...

Hey A. --
My son is 16 mos. and my husband and I both work 40 hrs. a week -- we trade days, so he has the kid wed-fri, I have the kid sat-mon, and my mom takes him on tues. It is TOTALLY stressful having a small child and trying to make a home.
Just a few tips that have worked for us:
- I wanted to make all my sons baby food, because I thought it would be easy and important. I gave up though -- for me, it took too long and I worried about it. I never felt I had enough time to make a big batch up, and at night after work I just wanted to sit and eat and not worry about making food for him. For me, it was less stressful to buy baby food until he was ready to eat "real" finger food.
- We clean one room a week. We have a small house, only 5 rooms, so that's pretty easy. Together it takes us only about half an hour to REALLY clean a room. Of course we pick up, do dishes, etc etc all the time. But every room gets a real once-over every four weeks (the bathroom and kitchen share a night, lol) I never feel like I'm embarrassed to have someone come over.
- Don't stress over the mess! Easier said than done, but if you have an infant everyone who matters will understand. And if the don't understand, well... they'll get over it someday.
- I don't know what your husband does, or why he goes to bed early, BUT you need him to help more. If he's only off one day a week, make it "family" day and make a couple meals together for the week. He can help you do laundry, or help you clean, or SOMEthing. He needs to pitch in.
- Get a couple easy recipes and always have them ready. I make chicken a LOT. I do the breasts in a cast iron pan on top of the stove. It's really easy, it's quick, and it barely requires thought -- good after a long day! I have a couple ways I make it, and then I always add easy sides like a boxed rice pilaf, or maybe noodles or a salad. I cook at LEAST an extra breast that we can take for lunches or use in some way the next night (someone suggested tacos, we do that a lot!) Crock pots are great. I also have a fantastic lasagna recipe, and I make an "extra" that I freeze and can pull out when I want to make it.
Feel free to email me if you want a couple recipes or some other easy food suggestions!
Good luck! It'll get easier when the baby is a bit bigger, I promise!
A.

What are your three schedules like?

Hi A.,

I am 33, work full time and have 3 kids. I struggle with this as well. I think we all do. I do a lot with the crock pot as well. My favorite recipe is throwing in 4 chicken breasts, sprinkle with seasoning of your choice and then topping with 2 cans of cream of chicken soup. Cook all day. 30 minutes before serving throw in a block of room temp cream cheese. Mix it all together after the cream cheese has had time to soften and serve over egg noodles or rice. It is easy and everyone loves it.

We also have places around here where you can go in and they have all of the ingredients chopped,etc. You order what you want, go in and create all the recipes so you can leave out or add whatever you want. Then you bag them up, take them home and freeze them. I used to do that because I got some quiet time and came home with something for the family. I have used frozen meals before but didn't like all the sodium. I could feel like I made my family a home cooked meal. The problem with that is that it is somewhat expensive $12-13 a meal.

My husband does a lot of laundry and helps with dishes everyday. We both work so it takes both of us to keep up with the house and we still only dust once a month it seems. I keep the main areas clean and bathrooms and do the rest when I can.

Don't sweat the small stuff. I was always embarrassed when people came over and my house wasn't the way I wanted it. My mom said, "It's not dirty. It's "lived in." I kept that mantra. :)

Also....Do not feel guilty taking time for you. I had my first child at 26 and felt that I needed to do EVERYTHING. I didn't accept help, I never left. She became dependent on me for everything and when I was ready to go out, it was VERY difficult. I became a cranky, sick and tired mom. Not the mom I wanted to be. Girl's night out is a Godsend.

Thats a hard one and really thier is no one answer that will work, I have been married 17 years and have 7 kids, and still haven't mastered it, I can say that I have four who are older (14-16) and then a younger set (6-1) and have the help of the older ones, but I can remember trying to do it all with the older 4 I too worked w/ them but don't now. Is it possible to leave your daughter at her grandparents house for an extra hour everyday so that you can go home get dinner started, and maybe throw in a load or two of laundry? If that isn't possible, trying prepping for the nexts days meals once everyone has gone to bed, there are plenty of nights in my house were I am the only one awake trying to get things ready for the next day, I don't get a lot of help from the husband but that is more by choice, he works 6 days a week 8-10 hours a day and when he is home he does try to help but sometimes he just gets in the way, setting up a routine is the only way i make it to the next day, and I stick w/ the routine even on the weekends, but give them a little bit more leway. I try to put my husband and kids first, but that just isn't always possible, but it is usually my husband who is pushed to the side, he is pretty understanding, knowing the kids won't always demand all of attention, I can remeber as a young girl my mom did meals for the week on sunday she was a single mom and worked during the week, I tried that but just don't have enough fridge and freezer space for it, w/ the amount of food thid family eats, one other tip I have is to make one meal that can last an extra day, buy a pork roast, throw it in a crock pot before you go to work with a few potatoes and carrots, and there is one meal, then the next day use the same meat and make tacos, prep the tomatoes and lettuce the night before, if you buy a big enough one the next day you could get some get some egg noddles(cooked) and can or two of cream of mushroom soup w/ a little sour cream throw it all togather and thier is another, if you plan your meals right you can make it very easy, shop w/ a list and look at something and say how can I stretch this one extra day, I always pureed waht ever we were eating I didn't cook anything special for them, I just bought one of those little chopper things and it alwasy sat on my counter, I did buy the veggies and fuit from the store and just kept them on hand for those nights where nothing seems to go right and it does happen.

I know I am rambling but I tought I would give you a few ideas from a mom who has some expierience in the juggling act of parenthood, my house doesn't always run smoothly, but a few simple things can make it be slightly easier. Good luck hope I helped a little.

As you can tell, your problem is one all mothers face. I work 40+ hours a week as well as my husband working. We have an old fashioned arrangement. I do the cooking, cleaning, and most of the child rearing. It is a life choice we made a long time ago. I admit it is not easy, but my husband is self-employed and tends to work 60+ hours a week so he focuses on our son when he isn't working.
When my son started solids, I would do most of the baking and pureeing on the weekends. I recycled any kind of plastic container to freeze the foods in but my favorite was Gerber food containers. For easy recipes I love the Wholesome foods website: http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/ As for grown-up meals I cooked on weekends or I would cook a meal in the evening (9p.m.) for the next day. I will admit that it gets easier as your child grows and can start eating finger foods. Then as they feed themselves you can cook your meal.
I also clean a room a day and do a load of laundry each night. Then do any catch-up on the weekend.
If your child is like mine at that age she wants to be held. A sling or carrier is wonderful. You can get things done while nurturing them.
One big thing I had to accept when I went back to work is that my house wasn't going to be spotless. I do stay up later at night than my husband, but I feel like I am getting things accomplished. Find your own balance. It will take sometime, but don't stress about the small things. Most of all remember that we all go through this repeatedly. Once you have mastered the balancing act, your child will start a new phase throwing a kink in the plan.
Remember to laugh and just enjoy motherhood. When we get older we don't remember how messy our house was or how many meals we made, we just remember the times with our children.
Good luck.

A.,
I have a 4 yr old and a 1 yr old, work 30 hrs a week, and go to college part time...My husband works full time. We have worked out a plan that seems to work pretty well, mostly by splitting up the domestic work. We work offset schedules (which I understand only works with some employers). He goes in early and I have the kids in the morning. I drop the kids off at preschool/daycare mid-morning and he picks them up mid-afternoon. That way they only spend about 6 hours away from us on weekdays. My husband does all of the shopping and cooking dinner. I do all of the laundry and clean up. We both watch and play with the kids while the other is taking care of household stuff. It is truly a 50/50 split to manage the household. Another major help is that we have a housekeeper come once a week. We justify this since we both work and want to spend quality time with the kids. Our arrangement even allows for a few hours that each of us get to exercise or whatever. I believe it truly takes a village. You should draw on whatever resources you have so you don't get overwrought and overwhelmed.
I hope this helps and good luck.

Hi A.!

I am a 27 year old SAHM with a 7 month old. My house still isn't perfect and I still struggle with the laundry and making baby food. I love the compromise suggestion about pureeing on the weekends and I also agree that the ice cube tray thing really helps! Right now, your baby needs a lot of holding, so that will get better. Try a snuggly pack if you don't have one. It REALLY changed my reality about that time and my son actually started to take better naps. I also had to learn to start putting himr down to play on his own for little bits at a time. His ability to play on his own has gradually increased. Exersaucers are great when you have to cook supper. In addition to the www.flylady.com suggession for housecleaning ( I also do one load of laundry per day if needed to stay caught up), plan your meals out and you'll save yourself money, time and effort!! My favorite website I use is a new one called www.e-mealz.com You can pick the grocery store or type of menu you want. Then you can print out your 5 meal a week menu (sides included) and they automatically have your shopping list ready to print out and instructions on how to prepare each meal. It's easy for your husband to do and follow too! And you save a TON of money!! I think it's only five dollars a month to sign up. The menus change and coincide with store sales, which is really helpful and time-saving. The point is that you have just begun and we've all been there. No one can be perfect and we all take time to become even half of what we want to be. You are a great mom and wife, regardless of how much housework is left to be done! Good luck!

Hi A.

Do laundry everyday not matter what, put the baby in the high chair with some toys, and where you can see her and put a load in. If you dont laundry your going to be overwhelmed. I know moms who buy or go somewhere to prepare there dinners for the whole week. I have two kids and day care you just fine the time and some late nights.

T. :0)

First, split up the house duties. Second, laundry you can through in and walk away. Doesn't take much time to start the wash. The hard part is folding and getting it put away. If you do some everyday then you don't have a HUGE amount to do. Third, clean one room of the house a day and just pick up toys before bed time. Fourth, dinner can be made in advance, on the weekends or some recipes don't take much time at all. Some people fry all their meat at once and season it when they do so they only have to take it out of the freezer and warm it. (Cook it with pepper, salt and onions and that fits into most any recipe.) With only working 30 hours a week...it should be much easier than when I did it at 40 hours a week and had two boys. Now as a stay at home mom, I haven't a CLUE how I did it while working!

Hi A., I haven't read what other people have said yet, but something that helps me is to prepare large batches of prepared & pureed baby food on the weekend and freeze them in icecube containers! You can also do this for you and your husband's meals, too. You save money, time and are giving your dauther healthy food! Makes it easy to zap in the microwave when you're short on time... or better yet, makes it easy for your husband to help with that, too.

Also, now that you're working full time, it might make sense to use some of your earnings to hire a housecleaner at least every other week! It may seem extravagant, but I guarantee you will feel like you have loads more time to spend with your family and the stress of having to clean house when you don't have time will melt away making you a happier mommy.

Lastly, ask your husband to chip in more around the house - you can't do everything alone and technically, you've added 30 hours more of work...in addition to your regular duties at home? Doesn't make sense to think you have to tackle that responsibility all by yourself.

Hey A.,
I have a somewhat different oppinion on the laundry. Me and my husband both work 40 hours a week (sometimes even overtime). He is going to school. We do not put our baby in daycare, because we looked around and all the day cares are really bad around here. So we just have to switch the baby between the two of us. This is really hard. Because he is going to school, I do all the house work. I am always 100% exahusted. So instead of doing the laundry every day, I usually do laundray once every 3 weeks on a Saturday when my husband is around, so I can devote all my time to folding and doing it. Because we are so busy, the house does not get very dirty, except for our main room. Every night I do clean that room, just in case someone comes over to visit. I have learned though it does not have to be spotless. I just don't have the time anymore to make it spotless. As far as meals go, I cook a lot of a couple of items. THis will feed as for the week. By the end of the week we are sick of that item, So we will sometimes eat quick already made meals that you just throw in the microwave. Also, I got into a dinner group at one time, were each person took one night of the week to cook, this worked really well

Try planning on one day for the entire week. That planning would include making a menu, possibly even making some of the meals ahead and freezing them, and planning your time at home to include time for your daughter, husband, and yourself. Set aside one day or afternoon each week to do laundry, another day to clean a room, etc. And don't forget to ask your husband to help. My husband does a lot of the cooking and that helps so much. Plus, he really enjoys it.
Another way to think or it...if your husband and daughter are your main priorities, then the other things will naturally fall to the side. You and your husband should discuss what your family priorities truly are and then make decisions based on those priorities. Some things you will not be able to do because they do not equal your priorities. They are difficult choices but so worth it in the long run. And you can always come back and re-evaluate your prior decisions.

crock pot is a great idea that was mentioned,, and i also do the cooking of 2-5 lbs of hamburger or ground turkey and separating it into containers and freezing it. then just popping it into the microwave on thaw(not normal high) for different meals thru out the week. i also do the meals that can work for a few nights. like tacos, chili, lasagna, pasta, and especially a full chicken for one night, then de-boning it for the next nights meal of chicken casadia(sp) or just chicken again. but can put different sides to it. frozen corn or brocili, carrots.
i don't work outside the home and things still get half done. lol i've had to accept what was realistic for me. some moms can have a spotless house every night before they hit the bed. some moms can vaccume every other day. dust once a week..my house is never gonna be like that. i've accepted. and i know from talking to other moms, that when i look at their houses i THINK it looks awesome and they have cleaned night and day. in reality they haven't and i just don't see the dust or what ever because it may be the first time i'm visiting their home.
i do a lot of stuff after the kids go to bed. or i should say my husband does. our agreement is that i'm with the kids all day that he can help and do the dishes at night and pick up the toys that got left so no one steps on them in the morning. but in no way is it spotless.
you said you want to puree food for your daughter, i don't have one but i like that magic bullet idea. it would pay for itself in a short time.
good luck..i worked till my first was 6 months then came home to be with him and my daughter after him. i've always said, knowing what it takes for me to keep things up being home and keeping them entertained and still trying to get things done, i HAVE NO IDEA how working moms do it..
just keep talking to other moms,, you are not alone..:-)

I don't know your schedules, but if you both work full time, then the chores need to be split up 50/50--that's only fair! I have always been a SAHM, but when I worked before we had kids the one who was home first fixed dinner, and the other cleaned the kitchen after. Sit down and talk about what chores you both like to do and split them up that way!

Good luck:)

My husband and I both work 40 hours a week. THere are weeks that I have to work overtime. We have a 2 year old daughter and an 8 month old son.

Both of our children are in daycare. We have been very fortunate that our daycare provider has become "Grandma Shel." Infact, she spends Christmas Eve with us. If I need to run an errand before I pick up the kids, she is willing to keep them later than usual. We pay a flat dayrate for our daycare.

I understand how hectic things can be. My husband has to be in bed by 9-9:30 everynight to get up at 4 or 5 to get to work. However, he helps me around the house. You need your husbands help. My family is my first priority, but I am not the caretaker of my husband. I will seperate the laundry and he will start it. He does the dishes and I cook. I fold the laundry in our bedroom. Both kids site on the bed and play while I do it. Our daugher often "helps." It may take a bit longer, but I get time with them.

Also, as everyone else has said, crock-pots! I also plan my meals for the week on Saturday or Sunday night. This can make all the difference in the world. My husband get home before me. So, I will have something in the fridge and he pops it in the oven. I leave instructions on the item.

I often stay up later getting things ready for the next day.
I set out my clothes and the kids clothes the night before, prepare the things for meal, etc. Also, when my husband is bathing our son, our daughter helps me in the kitchen. My hubby also gets our son down for the night as I tackle the task of bathing and settling our daughter down for the night. Remember, you are both in this together and you need his help.

A.-
Possibly you could ask your husband to share the load by helping to take care of your daughters needs and helping with the laundry. It seems to me that if you work to help with the family income that hubby should be willing to work to keep the house together in your absence.
As far as feeding your child one thing I have tried that works is to take table food and puree it in whatever combination you want you child to have, then freeze it into cubes, remove from tray, store in ziplock bags and label them until use. This simplifies the feeding for anyone who helps.
You have probably heard of "piggybacking." To me this means starting one project and moving to another and another so at the end of the process lots of things have been accomplished. I know it's tough. I have 8 kids and never seem to have free time. Good luck P.

I work 30 hours a week as well. In my fantasy world, my husband has dinner ready when I get home from work on those 3 days a week. Once in a while that is true, if I buy those meal kits and have the meat in the fridge. A lot of times, I put stuff in the crock pot. We also have a pizza/take out night about once a week.

And for the house-cleaning: I use to spend my days off, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. But, then I feel cheated because I don't really spend time with my son.
Now...I wake up about 1/2 hour earlier than I use to.
Laundry: I usually put a load in the wash at night, then when I wake up in the morning. I turn it on first thing. Then, throw it in the dryer. Sometimes I don't have time to fold it until I get home. If I have time, I also load or unload the dishwasher.

Your husband is a grown man, he can help out too. If he doesn't know how to do laundry or cook then teach him. If you don't have him help a little bit now, you will probably end up resenting him further down the line.

Maybe if you buy ingredients for supper, you daughter's grandparents can put it in a crockpot for you so when you get home you will have a home cooked meal (maybe even 2 meals if you make enough for leftovers for the next night). You might need to compromise on the puree idea and use prepackaged food during the week and puree on the weekends. I got a great hand puree at Walmart, it might work for you too.

Hi A.,
When both parents are working, it's only fair that the house duties be split up between them. Your husband needs to take care of some things, like he does the laundry and you do the cooking or vice versa. Or take turns cooking and doing the laundry. Or each of you do your own laundry and take turns doing the children's. And both of you can clean the house together on a Saturday or whenever it would work out best for you. Work out a nice compromise for the two of you, so that you aren't being overwhelmed any more. If you both take the attitude that you want to help each other and that working together can bring you more time to be together as a family, it should work out. (And when the children get old enough--5th grade perhaps--can't recall when I started our boys out--they can do their own laundry. Other chores can be started from about three on,from simple chores like setting the table or picking up their toys, to harder ones like taking out the garbage, vacuuming, etc.)

Hope this helps.
V. Garrett - mother of three grown and married boys and nine grandchildren. All three of our sons help around the house and with the children.

Any time you do make dinner, double the recipe and freeze the remainder. Choose simple recipes, use a crock pot...now is not the time to try to be gourmet! :) And don't feel guilty if you give your daughter store bought baby food.

As far a laundry goes, get in the habit of doing a load a day. If I get overwhelmed by laundry, I just ignore it which makes the problem so much worse!

Hi A.,

I is so hard sometimes isn't it? Do you have a crock pot? It is a great way to make nutirious meals without havening to spend a lot of time on them. You could even put everything in the pot at night after your husband and daughter go to bed and then stick the pot in the warmer in the morning. That would save time in the morning when it is hectic trying to get out the door. There are many good recipes online.

Good luck, you will find the right balance, it jsut takes time. Another idea is make things like spaghetti sauce and freeze them. you can heat them up from frozen while the noodles cook, casseroles work great also. Freeze them and stick them in the oven frozen. Cook them longer a a little lower temp.