Oversensitive??

It wouldn't do any good to tell this biggest type A personlity what you know. It doesn't matter to her. It's all about HER. Nothing is about you. You are someone for her to use.

Don't invite her to anything anymore. When she asks for a favor, just tell her you can't, unless there is something in it for YOU to do the favor. Talking about it with her will only cause you problems.

Dawn

I don't think you need to ignore her. that is pretty childish. just dont make any plans with her. lesson learned you can't count on her. whatever.

Doesn't sound like she's a good friend or even pretending to be so I wonder why you're letting this get to you. I suggest that you just stop expecting anything from her but that you continue to be the good person you are and answer her texts and do the sort of favors you'd do for anyone else for her. Now you know that you shouldn't wait for her when it's going to cause a hardship for you. Take care of yourself. Don't expect her to take care of you.

BTW I suggest that time did get away from her when she was talking with the janitor. She didn't lie to you. I wouldn't say she's a flake. I'd say she's not good with time and that the lunch wasn't important to her. I suspect she would've been fine with you not waiting for her. She has different expectations than you do. Different and not bad. When you wait for her even tho it would be reasonable to go along without her you're expecting more from her than is reasonable to expect unless you have an understanding that you'll wait.

I sometimes got my feelings hurt in similar situations until I learned in counseling that it's healthier to not have expectations of others unless you've agreed together that certain things will happen and you've experienced that they do work that way. So, I started clarifying when I arranged a lunch meeting about waiting or not. If the other person didn't ask me to wait then I wouldn't because I had limited lunch time.

I would've expected that her saying what she did about the gift was her way of dealing with her own shame about not having given you a gift and I would not have expected her to follow thru.

i barely exchange gifts with people i love. this is the best reason in the world not to do it with co-workers.
i'd be pretty annoyed at the lunch thing. but no, i wouldn't go sulky and refuse to do favors or answer texts. i'd simply keep a courteous and PROFESSIONAL distance, and not expect social niceties from her.
she's a co-worker, not a friend. don't blur the boundaries.
khairete
S.

I don't think she's a flake. I think she simply doesn't consider you a friend. The gift and the lunch weren't important to her because you're not a friend ... you're "just" a coworker. And work isn't a priority to her until/unless it's her own job on the line.

She comes running to you because she knows you'll help her clean up her messes. Because she knows you value your job and your company and your coworkers.

I wouldn't make any more plans with her. No more exchanges. No more lunches. No requests of her. And stop helping her with her job unless it affects your own bottom line. Let her succeed or fail on her own.

"I'm sorry, Bertha, I have a lot on my plate this week and I have a deadline. I just can't take anything else on."

"But I need some help to get this finished."

"I know. I hope you can figure something out."

"I was hoping you would help me since you..."

"Listen, I really am busy. I have a lot to get done. I'm sure you understand."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Ditto every single thing Wild Woman said.
She's a coworker, not a friend, and it sounds like she's friendly to you only when she needs something.
Continue to be friendly, mature and professional but don't expect anything beyond a working relationship from her.
Focus on building bonds with people who WANT to be around you.

She's NOT a friend. She is a co-worker.

Do NOT count on anything from her...however...do NOT stoop to her level and say "no" when she asks for help with stuff. Be nice. Be cordial.

If she asks about doing lunch or a break - tell her - great - but DO NOT count on her being there or showing up. So when the time is set - great! She shows up? YAHOO! She doesn't - press on. DO NOT live your life around her and her antics. A Type "A" personality would NOT be late. A Type "A" personality would NOT let time get away from her. She's a narcissistic witch (for lack of a better word) and wants your world to revolve around her....don't fall for it. When she is having a problem - you don't need to fix it for her. You can do your job and press on.

DO NOT get involved in company gossip. it will end up biting you in the butt. So just continue being the nice person you are. Don't wait for her. Don't expect her. But DO NOT be her....

What Marda said. All the way.

Your friend hasn't changed. Your expectations should change based on what you know now. You have new info, that makes up a clearer picture of her. Quit being mad, which isn't effecting her, but is making you miserable.
Just go forward treating her more realistically. Dont explode and cut off your nose to spite your face.

This sounds so silly. Ok, she didn't get you a gift. No big deal. It was rude not to notify you she wouldn't make it. You now know how she works. I doubt I would just ignore her. I would be cordial and not count on her. If you can help someone then help but if you can't don't. I don't do the revenge thing. It isn't worth it. Treat her the way you would like to be treated even if she doesn't return the favor.

From what you have described in your post, this person would not be worth my time. She obviously does not respect you.

If I were in a working environment with her, I would be cordial but I would not make lunch dates, help with her mess ups, do her favors, etc. Let her fall on her face all by herself. She sounds like some entitled little twit.

IF you do choose to do anything for her.... first think... "What is in this for me if I do it" because 9 times out of 10... it will be "nothing". She just wants you to save her and make her look good.

Don't mention anything about the past, don't discuss it with anyone else. Just move on and don't waste your time of someone like this.

She's a flake, but she's a co-worker. Polite is all you need to be. Do your job, but don't go the extra mile, and if there is a way to make sure that "politically" you are able to not bail her out, start working on that.

Nope I don't think you are over sensitive at all. Be cordial because you'll be seeing her at work but don't include her in your plans any more.

Oh boy. I hear you with this one and totally agree with your position. Two years ago, I gave a co-worker a cheapish teacher gift--a teacher frame. She gave everyone in her grade level a gift but did not reciprocate to me. I am a Dance Teacher. I felt that was rude--all of the gifts we tend to exchange are less than $10, but its the thought.

She seems to not want to be friends with you unless there is another person in the group. Do you really have that much in common to warrant a friendship?

She's what I call an @$$ talker - meaning she talks out of her @ss a lot, just to talk, saying things she doesn't mean and committing to things she will never follow through on. A transparent sort of person.

This is why I am VERY selective about who I "befriend" at work (and in general) and to whom I give my personal contact info. Out of a building of 300 people, I think I have exchanged phone numbers with under 5 of them, including my immediate department of 14 people. It's just easier this way.

Although I can't imagine anyone I consider a friend or even an acquaintance at work totally ditching me for lunch. I think your coworker may just be a flaky, inconsiderate, self absorbed, self serving, fake person, unfortunately. Definitely not friend material. And, stop feeding into her behavior by helping her.

She's not a friend and I would suggest moving on and don't socialize with this person any more. You might also find a better job that gives you and hour for lunch unless you only work part time.

So I am of the attitude she is a flake and that from this point on I just won't be able to do any favors for her when she asks, won't answer her texts and just remain cordial and that's it! RIGHT???

RIGHT!!!!!

If she should mention anything do I say that I know that she was busy talking???

NO!!!!

Consider yourself wiser now. Moving forward, just don't put yourself in that position again. She sounds immature and unreliable--two qualities we usually don't look for in a friend. So, yes, "cordial" is the right word for your future relationship!