How Would You Feel About This... - Romeoville,IL

Nope. My hubby has the same rule and I respect that. He goes to work every day so I can stay home with the kids - he's entitled to a relaxing lunch.

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Are you freaking kidding me? He needs his "alone" time? If my husband tried to pull this with me, we would be having words. Listen, when you get married, two become one. All for one, one for all. There isn't a time in this day that I can't call my husband. He might be busy at work but he calls me back just as soon as he can.

Personally, I think it is bs that he pulled that on you. We all need time away, but when a wife can't call her husband, something is going on there. I simply don't buy it.

Well considering he didn't have to tell you, like he could have just ignored your calls and acted like he didn't hear his phone, it shouldn't bother you.

Really whatever my husband does at work doesn't bother me at all. Then again he would answer because I never call during work hours unless the world is coming to an end. I think he would want to know about that.

Please don't take this the wrong way but from when I was a stay at home mom, we really do call for superficial reasons. It would not surprise me if my ex husband filtered his calls from time to time.

I was the working parent for a little while, and I actually felt like your husband does. Of course, my job was teaching infants and toddlers (many of whom were drug babies) so it was a challenging and noisy job, and when I got home I jumped RIGHT into mommy mode for my toddler and preschooler t ogive my hubby a break. SO, I guess I justified my one half hour five days a week as being MINE, since I basically gave my husband every evening and all weekend off.
Don't take it too personally, everyone deserves a break!

That's what I do!

I have a period of time (every day if I can swing it) that I shut out the world and recollect myself. Without it I'm brusque, short tempered, and scattered... and slowly start hating the human race. I'm a MUCH better human being if I take some time every day to just take care of myself.

Most often, I do that alone. Sometimes I'll specifically meet up with another person. Other times it's myself and a book. Other times that's myself and my laptop. It's ME time. And I hold myself SHAMELESSLY accountable to no one during it. I'm accountable the entire rest of the day, to everyone. ME time, I do what I want, when I can, how I NEED to in order to be my lovely self the rest of the day.

If you're finding yourself resentful of HIS 'me time' that's screaming to me that you need some of your own.

TRUST ME : 100% of the time, you will feel better by fulfilling your own needs, rather than stopping someone else from fulfilling theirs. Make it fair so that you BOTH are happy, instead of both miserable.

My husband gets an hour for lunch and won't answer his phone during the last 1/2 hour of it. If it's an emergency, I can call the office land line and he always answers. My kids both nap at the same time, so that is my quiet time during the day. I get it that he needs it too! But, I agree with posters below, that you need an emergency plan.

i think it sounds like you call a lot if he has to enstate this policy...give the guy a break...but enstate the 911 text policy if something is wrong

I would be fine with it. Actually I would maybe be a little jealous. I like to have a daily break as well so I know where your husband is coming from. I personally do not call my husband at work (lunch or otherwise) unless there is an emergency or something that he absolutely must know about prior to arriving home and then I usually send a text. He can call if he feels it is warranted. I guess if I were you and I felt like I NEEDED to reach him and he was unavailable I would be a bit miffed but if I was just calling to chat because I knew he was on his lunch break and he didn't answer I wouldn't care. And if I knew he wanted his "me time" to occur during his lunch break I would respect that as long as I also got me time when I needed/wanted it.

Sorry - I feel this is not the answer you are seeking -- but if my DH had a job that supported the family, I would not disturb him during his down time. You are lucky to be able to stay home (which I did for 10 years) and unless it is a TRUE emergency, I would let him be. I can no longer stay at home (economically) , which is a huge issue for me. So, maybe count your blessings, and if you need to talk to him during the work day - wait until you know he is free, and I would never bug my DH if he was taking some down time. As a mom - you never get a break -- but that is the same for a SAHM or a working mom -- sorry!! That is the job description! Hire help if you really need a break.

It wouldn't bother me. Imagine if, as a SAHM, you actually get 5 minutes to eat a bite of lunch and check your email or read the paper/magazine for a minute. Do you want your phone ringing during that time? It might not seem the same to you but apparently that's how he feels too. I wouldn't take it personally.

I would have to respect it...Why "HAVE" to? because I get my time - as a SAHM - he respects me and I get EVERY FRIDAY off...whether I go out with my GFs or stay at home and read or watch a movie- it's MY time...he deserves his time too..

If it's important - text him that it's important - but it had better be. My friends wife did this to him all the time - she'd tell him it was important and it wasn't..she just wanted to talk...he was the sole bread winner of the family (as is my husband) but if he needs some time to talk with a co-worker or to wind and not hear about the drama from home - then so be it.

You need your time too. You need to make sure your hubby gives it to you. It's give and take and a SAHM MUST have a break...period.

I think he's a man & when men try to communicate about things that are normally acceptable, they do so in the worst & most insensitive way, so that it comes across as insulting & hurtful, even though that wasn't their intent. Basically, a lot of men suck at communicating & don't know how to express themselves effectively.

On another note, I love my DH, but I guess I'm one of the rare ones who doesn't need to talk to him multiple times a day while he's working. Same when I go out with a friend, he doesn't bug me, and I appreciate it. There's not much that I need to say to him that can't wait until he gets home. I don't really get the phenomenon of spouses texting & talking multiple times a day about, well, nothing.

I think it would bother me. If my husband or I can't answer our phone for any reason we let each other know before hand. We know each other's daily schedules too just incase we would either one need something.

Let him have his "break" and you make certain there is some block of time during the work week where he gets the kids and you get your hour free of kids, work and him. ;-)

You may just need more adult contact and any husband can't fill the bill. We all need our girlfriends too. Helps restore balance to our crazy hectic lives.

Annoyed, but at least he's telling you that he needs that down time and that you aren't picking up on his not-so-subtle hints. Honestly, I would probably say something snarky b/c I would "have to", but in the end, I would just ask that he call me when he has a minute before he goes to lunch.

They are going out to grab a bite to eat and he doesn't want to spend that quiet hour on the phone with you. If you need down time, ask for it. Let him know that you respect his need to shut-out the world and that you need it to- say a half hour every night after he gets home?

That seems normal to me. You're married, but you're also separate people, so if your husband would like an hour where he can focus on just himself (or chatting with a friend), I don't know why that would bother you.

Aren't there any times when you put yourself first and not your husband?

I dont see an issue with this, I mean, if there were an emergency, you could send a text.

I think he should at least take texts, what if it was an emergency? But on the other hand, I also do not take calls or try to talk to anyone on my lunch break, that's my time for me and my book. The only calls I take are from the daycare, and if my husband texts, I'll look at it, but I wont respond unless it's urgent. He knows and doesnt call during that time unless he really needs something.

There are all different kinds of people, and we all bring our varied needs and expectations into our intimate relationships. That said, people get into all kinds of misery running on expectations that they never recognize as such.

My husband and I have had a close marriage for nearly 30 years, and both of us appreciate, and even need, "alone" time. We are very connected, an in fact work together from home. But I can tell when he's wrapped up in his own thoughts and projects, and I respect his need to be focused elsewhere, or nowhere at all. He (mostly) does the same for me, though he's more likely to butt in with random requests. We also have 2-4 weeks apart each year when he's traveling and backpacking, and we don't expect to necessarily be in touch during those times, because he's only recently even had a cell phone. That works just fine for us, though I have wished a couple of times that I had an emergency number to get a message to him.

If you assume you should have 24-hour access to your husband, you would do well to make that something to discuss between you. Would it upset you to learn he does not have the same expectation? There are usually lots of unspoken assumptions when we marry, and under the best of circumstances, we'll realize that these are areas where we need to continue to get to know our partners, and they us.

My husband does the same thing. No biggie. If it's super important I call back right away and he knows to answer the "911" call. I get a little time out while my babies nap; he can get a little time off during lunch if he needs it. I turn off the home phone ringer if I lay down when my kids do- he calls my cell if it's important. So it's fair.

i would ask him, in all seriousnes, "when is 'my' time then?" a time when you can shut out the world, including him and the kids, and not answer the phone or anything. seriously. fair is fair. i hope you get this time. otherwise, yes, i'd be PO'ed!!

I don't answer calls from my husband at lunch or lots of other times either!i
I only take calls from my children's schools during "me time" and when I'm reading at lunch -it's me time. Same goes for if I'm lunching with friends.

I might not like it, but it wouldn't mean that I'm right. He has a right to make his break a full break, especially if that means that he acn get back to focus on work. Give him this space; he'll be a better husband and employee for it. Maybe you can ask him to call you just before his break to check in and make sure that you're good, and then you can make it a point to leave him alone for an hour.

I would be a little upset because I don't get 30 minutes! LOL

I think it's pretty unacceptable and would work on some sort of compromise. For instance, "I promise not to call you unless it is an extreme emergency, but I would like 10 minutes of your lunch break to catch up/ask you to pick up something from the store on your way home, etc."

Compromise! It's not a dirty word.

I have never liked calling my husband at work. He had no problem calling me at work, but I have a different work ethic than he does. No slam, just different. So, tell him you want to respect his work environment and not infringe on that, but you need some time from him. Not his whole lunch, but ask him what he would feel comfortable with and whether he would prefer to do it at the beginning or end of his lunch break... give him some power in the negotiations. But approach the conversation rationally. This is a way to prevent further hurt feelings, not hash out all the hurt feelings you may be carrying around about a dozen other issues.

Good luck.

It annoys me when my husband calls me at work to "chat".....I teach and I CANNOT answer my cell phone while I am conducting class. He knows this and sometimes calls around my lunch break time. It's usually something that doesn't need to be discussed right at the moment and honestly I need my few minutes of peace to get refreshed for the rest of the day. I think this may just be what your husband is doing. He just wants that time to refocus his energy for the rest of the day. We all need that time. I suggest you tell him that you will respect his time as long as he respects yours and take some time to refocus and refresh yourself while he takes the children. That's only fair! :)

***I'm editing to add that my husband will call the work line if it is an emergency and then I know he needs me to answer. I agree with the answers that say about setting up some sort of emergency code so that he knows that he MUST answer. ****

I'm a SAHM. Granted, I don't have babies - my daughter is almost 12. My husband and I have NEVER spoken during the day when he is at work - ever. He honestly has a little ADD and when he's at work, he can only think about work. When he's home, he focuses on home. If it's an emergency (very rare) or I really need to get an answer on something right away, I'll call him. It's usually no more than a 30 second conversation if that. Now, when he gets home, we have dinner as a family and we spend at least 15-30 minutes talking - just the two of us. That's when we get each other's full attention. In answer to your question - in your situation - yes, I would be annoyed, but I would find another time during the day to have "MY" break (say I'm going to take a shower/bath for an hour ALONE and he can keep the kids busy). I'd just gently point out that I'd like some time to myself too and then I'd make sure I took it - even if it's a short walk by myself.

Seems like there are two separate conversations happening.

1. He has made a time and it is possible for him to have an hour to himself per day. You are not getting that time yourself, and want it.

2. He wants to be unavailable for an hour a day. You want him to be available for that hour.

How would *I* feel about this?
Probably jealous. Which is a feeling that lets me know I'm not getting what I want and I think someone else is. I'd also be very grateful that my husband was making time to have positive connection with a friend, and was taking care of himself and articulating his wants and needs.

What would *I* do?
I'd probably suggest the following solution.
"You should *absolutely* have time to yourself. I will not call you during your lunch break unless it is an emergency. I would like you to keep your phone on and answer if you see it's me, because from now on I will only be calling if it's very important.

I ALSO need time to myself. On the days you work, when you get home, I will take an hour break. During that time, I will be unavailable. You can reach me if it is an emergency. You will call me only if it's very important.

Weekends and later evenings can be family time. Let's also have a date night X times a month."

It wouldn't really bother me...Now if it was an emergency and something bad happened (god forbid!) then I would be upset...But he does need to realize that when you do call that it may be something ergent and he needs to answer his phone. I haven't gone through this only because my husband is self-employed, he normally call's me to check up on us and see how the kids are doing. Just let him know that he should answer his phone especially since you call him around his lunch break.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend as well!

Sometimes he answers his phone sometimes he doesn't. When he is working I have no expactations for him to be available. If it were an emergency I would send a text, letting him to pick up the dang phone. Of course he thinks I should be available. I hate this techno age, were people think you must be available at all times. We survived just fine without sell phones in the past, I think they are great but greatly abused.

I would be pissed. If you have a cell phone and it is with you Answer the damn thing, especially if its your spouse. What if something happened and it was an emergency? Obviously you are calling for a reason and not just to 'take his precious lunch hour away' from him
Total BS in my opinion

Our understanding is that we will check in but it's no big deal if one or the other can't. If we need to talk, we call (as in, it might be me calling but frequently he calls first) but the other just texts back if it's not going to work. My DH gets that I need to speak with an adult from time to time so if I've had an all-baby day and need a break I just jet out for a few minutes (or an hour...) after we lay the kids down. If they're still awake, he keeps at it until they're asleep, but once the light goes out, Mom's off the clock if she needs it.

I will admit, though, this is not the situation most of my mom-friends seem to have. I feel like I got pretty lucky that my hubby actually LIKES being "night mommy". Good luck!

If my husband did this I wouldn't care, the only time would be if I was in labor.

As for lunch with a co-worker, it wouldn't bother me that he ignored my calls. He was having lunch and talking to his co-worker. I wouldn't want to bother their conversation. But I also hate when I have lunch with someone and they talk on their cell more then they do me. It makes me wonder why did I come to lunch with you, I could have ate by myself and read a book then have half a conversation.

It would bother me if I really needed to talk to him or was having a crappy/hormonal day. On the other days, it wouldn't bother me at all. Honestly, he sometimes kind of annoys me when he calls me here at home :)

How would I feel about not being able to talk to my husband during his lunch hour? Id feel like its no big deal and I can talk to him later when he gets home. If he has a meeting at lunch, I wouldnt want to call and disrupt it. If he wants to take a nap at his desk, I dont want to wake him. He comes home every night. I went a lot of years with him working out of town, and no cell phones, and we sometimes went for the whole week not hearing from one another due to the distance, or the area he was in. I used to go visit the wife of a guy from the same office and her husband happend to work in the office itself. She would call him 10 to 15 times a day to ask the stupidest things! I would be sitting at her table chatting with her and shed grab the phone to call him to let him know the mailman came by early. Or to ask him if he would be able to put gas in her car later. He couldnt get anything done. If my husband told me he couldnt take my calls at noon, I wouldnt call at noon. If there was an emergency, well, thats a shame, but Im sure youd find a way to get in touch. How many emergencies have you had during his lunch hour? Maybe you felt it was rude or harsh of him and the way he said it hurt your feelings. Maybe he is tired of fielding call after call all day and just wanted to get some peace and quiet for his lunch time.

I would be offended. If you were calling for a long conversation then he can always say he will call you back. Generally if I call my hubby it is for a quick question or Hey I love you....

At first when I read about your dilemma I felt some type of way about your husband's choice. But after giving it some thought, I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as we could compromise. Lunch time generally is the shortest time of the day where you get any time to yourself to eat, chat with co-workers, run errands, unwind if you will amongst other things. That being said, he is entitled to do as he wishes with his lunch time. The compromise would be to only call him if there is an emergency or out of urgency. As a sahm, we too need our "me time" too and let him know that it goes both ways. Good luck.

Hmmmmmmm. Depends totally on why he does it. I can understand completely how short a lunch break is from all of my years working. And, to be honest, I didn't answer my phone at lunch because I really needed my head space to eat, talk to whoever I was with, zone out, whatever. If a call came in from my boyfriend and ate up 20 minutes of my lunch break while my work friends were busy chatting and gossiping without me at lunch, to be honest, it sucked. So I didn't pick up.

Now. That said, I wasn't married yet. I would never block my husband's call with the kids of COURSE, but then again, my husband wouldn't call unless it was important. He rang my phone the other day while I was out and I was shocked. Sure enough, he had just been stung by numerous yellow jackets and needed me to go to the drug store for first aid :-0.

If you feel like chatting during his lunch break, I can understand that he doesn't want to do that very often. But if you just need him to be available in an emergency, I'm sure he'll be willing to agree to that. I would hope.

Its the way he put it that might not be sitting well with you.

If he said "I'm so busy at work honey and lunch is my only time to de-stress. Would you mind if you call me ONLY if you need to during my lunch hour?", then maybe it wouldn't bother you so much. B/c whether you like it or not, he's still not going to answer your calls. But the least he could do...and the RESPECTFUL thing he can do is ease up on the harshness.

I wouldn't like it either and would feel hurt. What if there was an emergency during that time and you needed him...you and his child should be top priority!

My hubby doesn't get a lunch break, and is almost never able to talk to me on the phone during the day, unless it is an emergency. If I have something important enough to communicate that it cannot wait until he gets home, I text him. Based on the urgency he knows whether or not it warrants calling me or just texting me back when he has a moment.

It wouldn't bother me. Sometimes I refuse to answer the phone if I need a breather.

I think it is OK. Sometimes people need a break, Mom or Dad!! I know you don't probably get this luxury, but sometimes things aren't always even either. Just make a deal, that if you really need, him, text him 911 or something like that, and make him promise to call you back ASAP. And don't text 911 unless it is 911!!!

I think it would depend upon how many times a time you call him. My previous manager's wife called him about every 1/2 hour..... even when he was in a meeting, his pager would go off and IF he didn't answer it, he was going to hear about it at home. My husband is in sales and because of that, time is of the essence.. which means, when he does get a free moment for lunch, then, I prefer he have that time to himself... additionally, IF I do call and he doesn't pick up, I don't get upset.. either he has the time/will or he doesn't. However, IF I ever leave an important message (esp regarding our child) then he calls back asap.. otherwise.... most things can wait until he gets home... I have better things to concern myself with..

While it would really bother me at first, I completely understand. It is his time to relax, and yes, that sometimes includes shutting out the wife and kids. Don't you long for time without your kids and husband? A time where you're not a wife or mom? I love my alone time or time with friends, not matter how short it may be. I'd rather my husband take this time during his lunch than in the evenings when he could be spending time with me.

I wouldn't have an issue with it. I don't answer my phone if I am having lunch alone or with a friend.

You need to carve out some time, even a few minutes at a time, fir you to have some "me time". Everyone needs a time to chill out and get away from it all.

Try not to take it so personally and understand where he's coming from as the financial provider for you and your children. You all need down time alone and with friends.

I, myself. like to eat in peace as well. When my husband calls me and it is not emergency, I say, I am sorry, I am eating, I will call you back.

I think he is telling you that he just needs some time. My hubby goes in the bathroom sometimes for an hour. I can go in if needed but my goodness, why would I. He needs some time alone too. I would try and not call him at work no matter what, that is his time at his job. Unless it is an emergency then talk to him at home. If you just want to chat call a girl friend.

Depends on what you are calling him about. If it's just to talk and not really important, it can wait. Does he have text? If it's important (let's say your kid got hurt), can you text him or is he still off limits?

If you don't call him unless you really need to talk, then I would say he's inconsiderate but if you call him alot then it's his way of saying he needs an hour break from you as well.

I actually kind of do this during nap time, so I wouldn't feel too bad if my husband did the same:) I would think a system like someone mentioned set up in case of emergency, like calling back right away or text would be a good thing to do though. I talk to my mom and sister daily, but a lot of times if they call during this downtime, I won't answer it. I just want a few minutes of quiet, relaxation.

Does he have an hour break? Perhaps the last 15 minutes or first 15 could be reserved for calls from you. Or perhaps there could be a set time during the day when he could call you and check in.

I think its fine if he needs time to be quiet and to himself, but the way he worded it was hurtful. What if you had an emergency with the kids??? Wouldn't he like to know what was going on??? What if you couldn't reach him???

As a mama, I am on duty 24 hours a day 7 days a week. If my husband or my children needed me, I would be there for them in a heartbeat. It is pretty darn selfish of him to say he won't answer the phone at all.

I think at the very least he should ask that you do not call UNLESS there is an emergency. Then he knows if you call--it really is a 911 situation. But, he needs to pick up the phone! Its all about communication and he needs to be more honest and gentle about things with you---best wishes

M

I see you have gotten a ton of responses, but I just wanted to say that when my hubby goes to Martial Arts 2 evenings a week, he will usually not even carry a phone. He likes a little time where he is not even reachable, by anyone. At first I was a little weirded out by it bc we are all so used to being connected all the time. But then I was like you know, not so many years ago being reachable by phone every single solitary minute was not a reality and somehow we all made it through! The only times I have asked him to carry a phone to train is when I was about to give birth with our last son and in a few weeks he will start again bc I am about to go into my third trimester, but I won't call him unless I am in labor. I think we all need time sometimes and space, I wouldn't worry about it. He just wants a little breathing room, no biggie, in my opinion. I go out every Wednesday for some me time and I don't call my hubby and if he does call, I might just text back to make sure the kids are fine or listen if he leaves a message. Hope that helps!

I would be ok with this. Although, I would ask him to come up with a system in case of emergency. Like if you texted him 911, then he would know its an emergency and you really need to talk to him. But outside of needing to get in touch with him because of an emergency, I would totally be ok with it.

if he is in a restaurant then I agree he should not take any calls as I feel that is extremely rude. In fact if he is with someone then I also think it's rude to take calls.
HOWEVER taking time for you is also important. And you need a break too. That is why nap time was invented by the way. If you have non nappers you can still insist on an hour of them being in their rooms and leaving you alone not allowed to come out.
And HOWEVER you need to be able to know your husband loves you and will give you attention. Therefore I offer a compromise - set up a time when he will call you - either right before he leaves for lunch or right after he returns from lunch - so that he isn't ignoring you and anything you need.

But honestly talking to your spouse during the work day should not be expected.

My husband and I have an agreement that he is always available to me, anytime. However, if I call him at a time that is not convenient and he feels like he can't answer his phone then I am to call him right back if it is urgent. He will always answer the second call. He has told his secretaries that he is always available for me. But, I don't take advantage of this. I only call him when necessary. If I just want to chat and he doesn't answer, no biggie. He must be in a conversation with someone else. I just leave him a message.
I am also a stay at home mom with 6 children. And I homeschool. So, I totally understand not really having much time off. But, I love my life and I am not looking for an escape. I do have some older ones now (hasn't always been that way, of course), so I can slip away if I need or want to for something.

Well my only issue with this is that if there were an emergency he would not be able to find out. In that case you can do what my husband and I do...because when he is at work he can't always get to the phone but he can hear in ring. Three phone call at one time means it is an emergency and he needs to get his butt to the phone.

I would just kindly mention that maybe you would like an hour of peace and quiet time whether it be to eat or veg on the couch.

I wouldn't feel to great about it. I don't think it should be an all or nothing thing. Why can't he receive texts? I understand he needs time to just himself for a while, but he should still be reachable. On breaks I would answer texts and honestly if I hated answering my guy's texts I would question how I felt about him as my guy. That is my personal opinion but I am an "open book" type of person.
I wouldn't shut out the world... even at college. I tell instructors that if I answer any texts or step out to answer a call it is my babysitter, right now as a single mom that is the only person I answer for b/c my child is with her. I have never run into any professor who cared about it after I explained it, they always thought it was important to be connected to your kids. I don't know why he would want to cut himself off in case of an emergency or something important that you misplaced or whatever that the kids need (like medicine or something).

Honestly, it wouldn't bother me. Sometimes when I am feeding the kids, or giving baths to them or changing britches, I do not answer my husbands call. You are correct that being a mommy is a never ending job and taking a break from the world is unheard of. But I find it really difficult sometimes to give his call my attention so I sometimes don't answer. He and I both know that I will call him back just as soon as I can give the call my attention. I try not to call my husband while he's at work unless its really important and if he doesnt answer, (he never does), I leave a message and he calls me back just as soon as he has a free minute.

It's ok really. Don't push it because you will appear controlling & needy. But you might ask him... If it's an emergency do you mind if I call my boyfriend?, he's always here at the drop of a hat. And you don't answer the phone when he calls sometime. Maybe you are too busy. Men are attracted to self-confidence. Period

did you ask him "what if i had an emergency?"

i would ask him what time is lunch is. then i would say that i would no longer call him during that hour, unless it is VERY important, and then i would expect him to answer. then, i would ask him which hour after he gets home is going to be MY hour off, where i can choose not to be bothered by him or the kids!

in all seriousness though, this would annoy me. but, because i don't know you, i have to ask, do you call him a lot, and do you call just to chat? i rarely call my husband during the day, because i don't know when he's busy or whatever, i let him call me if you has a moment instead.