Overly Emotional

They have a separation anxiety phase around their 4th bdays. I'll always remember my just 4 year old daughter running down the driveway after me as I left this one time. She never cared much before then, but then I couldn't go anywhere!

It doesn't sound like "emotion" it sounds like "anxiety". One of our sons was similar. Has he had any sudden changes in his life? Divorce or death etc?? I would consult, without him at first, a child therapist and try to get to the bottom of it. If nothing else, they will help you know how to parent him better.

He's eager to please you and he wants your approval.
Part of this is still separation anxiety too - it goes on for longer than we think for some kids.
Our son was 7 or 8 before he would stay in one place and continue playing instead of following me around the house - he didn't like feeling like he was alone even though he knew I was there somewhere (upstairs, downstairs, gardening in the back yard, etc).
Have him be your little helper and praise him for being a good helper.
Everyone has emotions - he'll learn how to deal with his as he sees how you deal with yours.
Sometimes I'd tell our son "I'm angry but I'm not angry with you. Something else made me feel angry and I always love you no matter how I'm feeling.".
Also - separate the person from the action.
"I'm not happy about the marker on the wall but I always love you.".
"I always love you but I don't always love some of your choices.".
etc
Kids this age do have some melt downs - you can't reason with them while they are melting down.
Make sure he's well rested and fed before going anywhere will help to head some of it off.
If you can see he's heading for a melt down sometimes you can head it off.
"You need to calm down - you're getting too excited. Take some deep breaths.".
He'll out grow it sooner or later - just be patient with him.

I does sound like he has anxiety and zero coping skills. You aren't helping by making yourself the center of his entire world either. You aren't being cruel by setting limits and guidelines for him to follow. That's what parents do. Sit him on the couch with a book and say 'I'm going to use the bathroom. Stay here and when I come back we'll read the book.' If you hear him outside the door tell him he needs to go back and sit on the couch.

Set a routine for going to bed that ends with you giving him a snuggle and kiss and then leave the room. When he gets up to get you remind him that its bedtime and he needs to stay in bed and go to sleep. Tuck him back in with no snuggles and leave again. Lather, rinse, repeat all night if needed. He won't like it but he'll accept it as the new normal.

Remember you are the mom. You are the adult which means you drive the car in this relationship. Right now you have handed the keys to a 3 yr old and he's controlling everything.

C.,

Welcome to mamapedia!!

Okay - you've allowed this and you've created it. Now you want to change it? It will be a long process as this didn't happen overnight.

Your son sounds like he has anxiety. The part about "being sorry and wanting to be a good boy"?? that bothers me...he's heard somewhere that he's a "bad boy" - HE is NOT bad, his BEHAVIOR is bad. He's trying to please you.

You need parenting classes and you need to learn how to build your son up and given him the tools to control himself as well as know he does NOT need to please everyone.

Where do you start?
You tell him you love him unconditionally!
You tell him that he IS a good boy - but sometimes his actions/behavior are NOT good.

When he has a meltdown. Don't play into it. Talk to him and state - "there is no reason for this. You can express yourself without having a meltdown." Tell him to go to his room until he can come out and talk with you like a big boy. Don't give in.

Sleeping?? This will be a long one to break. You can't just go cold turkey. You could - but I believe it would hurt your son more. Instead of laying with him, tell him you will sit on his bed...then a few nights later? You will SIT in his room...then a few nights later, you will STAND in the door way...by then? He should be okay on his own. Get a routine in place...bath, brush (hair teeth) books, bed. and KEEP TO THE ROUTINE....get your morning routine in place as well. It sounds like your son NEEDS structure and routine - he NEEDS to know what is happening and when. Routines will help him.

Good luck!

Why do you think he feels this way? Where is his daddy?

He's only three. Give him lots of love and attention. When he's in high school, I promise you he won't be waiting outside your bathroom door for you. And you'll miss it.

I don't think this is a problem the you have created. Some children are simply more sensitive and anxious than others, either naturally, or by family circumstances. I have a daughter that displays these same responses and behaviors, and it does require some extra work and patience to tackle them. Punishment is sometimes too harsh when it comes to emotional issues, on top of the child already being sensitive. One thing that I have seen success with is motivating her to change her own behaviors by offering an incentive, either an activity that she enjoys, or a special treat, or small toy if she achieves the behavior I want to see. It may sound like "bribing", but it does work in that the child faces her fears on her own terms, feels a sense of personal achievement, and realizes she actually CAN survive a night in her own bed, or waiting for mommy to return from the bathroom. Work on one behavior at a time. The incentives go away as you notice the behavior changing, and you can move on to the next issue. I wish you the best of luck with your darling son!

Do you work? If not then it's time you do so so he can go to child care and learn to separate from you. He should also go to Pre-K in the fall. He has to go to kindergarten so I'd say the whole year of Pre-K will help train him to be away from you.