Our Dilemma Need All the Advice I Can Get

Spend the money that you would use going over there and buy him a computer with a camera built in. Skype each other. That is the safest way to "see" each other.

Wow what a tough decision, but I do not think that your dad would want you to risk your lives to visit him either. I would agree that Skyping or meeting in another location would be your safest option. If those are not possible I would spend as much time on the phone with him as you can.

I am sorry for your dilemma and I wish you the best.

I agree about Skyping, or assist him in getting whatever he needs to visit the US. And not that I want to say "do something illegal" but why can't he come here? Most of the people at my church, and most of my neighbors, definitely are not legal citizens.

Skype or Facetime (from IPOD or IPHONE). Don't go to Juarez (I have been there years ago and remember it as a lovely city) but I guess times have changed. I would never recommend anything illegal, but maybe time to bring Dad here. It is very unsafe for your father to remain there.

There are MANY places *I* will go in the world that I will not take my son (I used to work a lot in warzones and have spent more time than I care to in gangland). As a matter of fact, one of those places I would go, but not allow my son, is right here in the US ... and it's where some of my inlaws live. My husband has wanted to take our son there, and it is *literally* something I will divorce him on the spot for. That is HOW strongly I feel about the subject.

That said, I've been more than willing to meet up with family on neutral ground. The area they live is NOT safe, and they don't rank high enough to rate 'protection'. (Gangland can actually be *very* safe with the right protection, and my in laws don't rate it). If you can't get your dad over the border; legally or not... there are many cities that are MUCH safer than Juarez... if he's allowed to leave? If he's not allowed to leave, I would be even more wary... since you and /OR your son is that much more leverage to hold over him to make him stay (as in, if your dad isn't allowed to leave Juarez, you may not be allowed to leave either even if you go down on your own).

Skype or Neutral Ground.

Would your father be well enough to travel to a safer city in Mexico and you and your family could meet him? I know it gets expensive but maybe a short family vacation all together at a nice location would provide some wonderful memories?

Good luck,
K.

E., let me start off by saying that I know what youre talking about and have a similar situation going on right now. It does not involve a parent, so I can't say I completely understand your feelings, but I can try to come close. My husband spent much of his childhood in Juarez because his grandparents lived there. They lived in a bad part too =) so my husband has never been "afraid" of the place. My husband's grandmother is in a nursing home over there and is dying, literally, we don't know if she'll make it through the next few days. She is a most wonderful woman, kind, good, and sweet. She has never met my daughter, and only briefly met my son. That being said, my husband is an Iraq veteran. He has in theater (in the line of duty, on the groud, in wartime) hand to hand combat experience, and obviously since he is here to tell the tale, he never lost one of those little "fights" if you will. He is a dead shot with any kind of ballistic weapon you can name. I've never seen him scared of anyone or anything. He will not go over there. He says his first responsibility is to his family, me and the kids, and that going over there would be the most irresposible, selfish thing he could do to us. The homicide rate is absolutely staggering, anyone who says Cd. Juarez is not a war zone is either lying or doesnt know what a war zone is. The worst part about the statistics is that most of the people dying are absolutely innocent, they are waiting for the bus, washing their clothes, sitting in line at a stop light, or worse, (a co worker of my husband's witnessed this) waiting in the customs line at the border. We will regrettably not be going to the funeral when our abuelita passes away. I know it's painful, but your husband is right in saying you shouldn't go over there. It's not worth it, I'm sure your dad would agree. Also, you never know how fast your paperwork might come through. Pray for his health, but don't risk your life or that of your sweet baby girl's to go. I know it's painful, yes, you might feel guilty, but imagine how you would feel if something happened to you or your husband or your daughter if you were over there and got caught in the CONSTANT cross-fire. Good luck to you.

Updated

I would like to add: I read your responses and saw a lot of stuff that could be misleading to you. E., as you are in El Paso, you are probably not as sheltered from the epic proportions as some of your responders. The news is not over playing the violence, in fact it is SEVERELY underplayed. Even here, we've heard less and less while more and more in happening. The CONFIRMED death toll from the drug war this year alone is over 3,000 (in one city!). There are 33,000 + abandoned homes where people were either killed or just up and left.

Are YOU afraid? Do you have other family over there that you can talk to that can tell you whats REALLY going on? We hear the stuff on the news that scares us, but our own neighborhoods are probably just as unsafe in all reality. Do some research and if your gut tells you to go, then work on trying to convince hubby.
I know I wouldnt go to Mexico for vacation anymore, but that's the news talking to me... so I can see how he is worried, you really cant blame him.
I hope things will be okay with your dad.

I would be alil torn on this one i would probably leave your Daughter behind if you do consider going. When you say your father doesn't have papers do you mean a passport? If my father were sick but wanted to see me i think i would go but wouldnt chance my child. Is there somewhere else in Mexico he can travel to and meet you outta harms way.

I had a mexican friend who went to mexico where he had been lots of times before for vacation. I said what about the violence and he said he wasnt worried. He came back and said he only stayed 10 hrs in mexico. It was more than he wanted to deal with and he got real nervous. You are in a real pickle so maybe go see dad for a couple of hours but be very very very careful I have a lot of mexicans who have been there lots of times come back from mexico and say they didnt stay long. maybe meet him in one of the surrounding small towns. I had one mexican friend who knew about the violence and met her family in a small town and had no problems. They are more worried about infiltrating the big towns they are leaving the small towns in mexico alone. non vaction towns are safer.

I am so sorry, I can see why this is so important for you, also can understand why your husband worries for you and your kid, I see lots of love and care from all of you.
I am from Mexico, many years when I was still there we already hear many bad things going on in Cd. Juarez, no only for Americans but back on those days the principal victims where women of all ages.
Not sure how things are now, I have see some news sometimes but you know also how the new media do things, however from friends in Mexico that I have, this is not one of the safest place to be.
If I was you, I would meet my dad in another state, my mom lives in Puebla, and is a lot safer in there and there are other states closer to your dad that are more safe, maybe Baja California or Guadalajara? I have friends on both places, haven't hear any scary stories there from them. In the main time I would use sky to see him and will keep working on getting his VISA.

Can your Dad leave Juarez and go to a safer place in Mexico?
Then he would be safer and you and your daughter can visit him and not fear for your lives.

While I can understand your dilemma, it's not worth the risk. My brother in law travels all over the world. Mexico is one of his favorite places and after his last visit, even he says he'll be steering clear for a while. I know it's not the same, but invest in a web cam and computer for your dad and learn to skype until either things calm down or he is healthy enough to travel elsewhere. He'll get to see and meet his granddaughter long distance. No, it's definitely no the same, but it's a safer compromise.

I agree with the responses. Either Skype with him or visit him in a safer place in Mexico.

And pray for him.

Good luck.
S.

I would not risk going there. I have a friend who deals with Border Crimes and such, and she has told me such horror stories. I feel so bad for the innocent people there. It seems that the "bad guys" are running things. It just seems too risky to me. But I know it must be hard to be separated from your dad :(

Last I checked - all you needed was a passport for a simple VISIT to another country. We get tourists all the time!! Why is a Mexican unable to come for a short visit to America?

I know there will be regret if your father never gets to meet your daughter, but I would begin whatever process it takes to get your father to you, perhaps to live out the remainder of his days. I'm certain he would not want you to risk yours and your daughter's safety for a few photo ops. Don't risk your future for the past.

I completely understand your concerns about your father, especially after what happened with your grandfather. But I have to side with your husband. Your safety and your baby's safety are far more important than risking a visit to Juarez for your father.

If you must visit face to face then you set up a visit in a neutral or friendly territory. If your father's health does not permit him to travel, then I'm afraid you shouldn't risk it. Stick to Skype or the Google version (which I think is free).

I'm curious about your husband's wording though... wouldn't he be going with you as your "protector" no matter where you go?

Please do not risk you and your daughter's lives! Your husband has every right to expect you NOT to go. Your husband is right. You and your daughter cannot visit him. I am sorry if your father will never get a chance to meet your daughter, but safety comes first.

Your only option - I like what someone suggested - meet him somewhere else in Mexico that is safe.

your first responsibility is to your husband and daughter------no way do you put them at risk-------so sorry about your dad.......i'm sure he would want you and yours safe-not kidnapped or dead......wish you well

I'm sorry for your situation, but I would NOT go to Juarez! Especially as an American citizen, I think you're putting yourself and anyone with you in danger. I'm not the "scary tourist" type, but it's really dangerous.

Stay where you and your family are safe and pray for your father. By doing so, you are honoring your father's wishes. Thank God for cell phones and Skype.....does your dad have access to these things?

Blessings....