Other Names for Stepmom.

Give it time. If the kids choose to call you mom it's okay, if they choose to call you Aunt K. or K. it's also okay. As long as you love them and they love you it's okay.

Have you thought about adoption? Then you are Mom.

I have a friend who had this situation growing up (not twin brothers but siblings). So your son will be cousins and step sibling to his kids.

I personally would keep it at Aunt K. if that's how they know you. Over time, they will likely drop the "Aunt" part as my kids have with their aunts/uncles as they became teens. Everyone was ok with that. I did as I grew up.

How to talk to kids about this ... why not just ask them? They might want you to ask them or you could suggest K. and see how they respond.

*If I were you, I'd be careful about how much info you put on your profile. If this is your real city, then putting your photo, profession, etc on it can be somewhat revealing. Maybe you're ok with that.

how nice for the kids that their stepmother is someone they already know and love and are comfortable with. that puts you head and shoulders above most stepmothers.

i'm a bit bothered by your focus on what they call you. so what if you're not comfortable with 'mom'? these kids have lost their mother. as someone who lost hers at the age of 10, with 3 little brothers including an infant, i envy these kids having someone who feels mom-ish to them.

we called our stepmother by her first name. i never called her anything more close and loving until i was an adult. it made her so happy that i feel like a heel for not doing it sooner.

be glad the kids love and are willing to snuggle, talk and love you.

put them first. let them call you whatever they want to call you, and be grateful it's not something hateful.

khairete
S.

I think this i hard for you to be the authority figure on. The children have been through so much (losing a mother and an uncle who looked just like their dad), and I think you should leave this alone. If anyone should tell his children what to call you, it should be your fiancé. I think what they called you then and what they call you now and what they call you next year might be very different things. I'd let them decide, in consultation with their father. You should honor heir mother and keep photos of her in their rooms, but I think their father should take the lead on observances of her birthday, her death, etc. You can and should be a willing support but not the driving force behind what gets said and what doesn't.

I also think it's vital to get some family counseling around blending families and processing deaths. I'm a stepmother (no deaths involved) and it's so very hard, especially when kids go through different stages in childhood, the tween years, the teens and more. Kids who have lost 2 adults in their lives will worry about the remaining two adults, and you have to be prepared wiith answers and responses that acknowledge it. I wouldn't do this alone.

K.

The kids need stability. If you are entering this relationship with nothing to hide? Why not allow them to call you what they want to call you?

Don't rush the relationship with his daughter - your niece - the situation has to be weird for all of them - I don't know how long ago your husband died, his wife, and when you started your relationship and if that factors into your on-going relationship with the kids.

I would have a family meeting and see what everyone is comfortable with.

I think you should let them call you whatever they want to, even if that's mom. I understand your discomfort but really you are the adult and much more able to manage your feelings than they are.
You could always suggest "mama K." as a compromise.

My best friend's daughter calls me "mom." Even introduces me to her friends as her mom. She was raised by a single dad. Her dad is my best friend, and because we spent so much time together, I became a mother figure. I'm glad that she sees me as someone who loves her that much, and someone that she can come to for anything.

The 8 yr old is at an age where he needs a mom and you will be his mom figure.
You and he both know it's not what it actually is - but try to let it go.
It's not all about your comfort with what he calls you but his comfort as well.

It's not disrespecting or forgetting or replacing - it's just life moving on.
You all need to remember but life won't let you live in the past - I think you are trying a little too hard to do that.
As for the 13 yr old - there's nothing wrong with Aunt K./Aunt Mom either.
That's what she is comfortable with and you will be a major mom figure in her life too.

It's not the kids that are uncomfortable - this is more you and maybe about some unconscious issue about how you feel about marrying your brother in law.
I think you'll adjust just fine given a little time.

What's wrong with calling you Aunt K.? They are *children* and this is probably a *very* stressful time for them. If they call you SnuggleBug or whatever else, if it's said with warmth and love, you as the adult should try to learn to live with it.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say that you talk to your 13-year-old niece about "boys and sex"...make sure that her father / your brother-in-law / your fiancé is okay with the things you are saying.

Since there mom is no longer alive you are not even competing for their affection with another mother. It is wonderful you help them celebrate her birthday. If I where in that position I would let them call you what they are comfortable calling you. If the little one wants to call you mom I don't really know why you would have a problem with it. I have a stepdad but I normally don't call him that. My mom married him almost 4 year ago. So I was married and had teen kids when she got married. I call him by his first name. When I refer to him I usually call him my mom's husband. Just because I did not grow up with him and he's not a father figure to me. It's not meant to be disrespectful. My kids don't even call him grandpa they call him by his first name. I told them they can call him what ever they want as long as it's respectful. They do call my husbands stepdad grandpa but they married when my oldest was not quite 3 and my youngest was not even born yet (or right after he was born).
You did say how long their mom has been gone or how long you have been together.
Now my mom has a brother cousin. I believe that my uncle grew up calling my grandfather dad but I am not positive. I didn't know he was not my mom's full brother for a long time.

What about Kimmy? Sounds like mommy..

I know someone who is a foster mom. Most of the kids that come to her, know matter how briefly, call her mom. She did not ask for that. She is the biological mom of 7. These kids need a “mom” and this gives them comfort.

I would have them come up with their own nick names for you. It could be anything they like - rainbow, sparkles, betty, maybe something momish like momareno or mcmomerson. My sister had a really good friend that called my dad Vern, that's not even close to his real name but somehow it showed up and stuck.