Divorced and Getting Remarried

My son calls my 2nd husband dad, because well he has been there since my son was 2 yrs old. His dad, my ex-husband has never been there for him, lives across the country. So when my son went to see his "real-Dad" he had a hard time calling him dad, and when we went to pick him up, my son went running to my 2nd husband calling him dad, look at what I got, my ex-husband got a little upset.

Thing is a child wants that connection, if the child is the one asking. Go for it. Even if he wants to call his best friends mom, mom. She is not his MOM. Would that bother you? He is just making a connection with someone. I call my mother and father in law mom and dad, I would feel weird calling them by their names.
Blessings to ya.

This is one of those things that is a tough desicion. Yes I would be crushed if my children started calling someone else mom, but lets look at it another way, How wonderful that he has found someone else in his life that he feels loves him as much as his father and he love that much as well. How lucky is he to have that.

I think if he wants to call him Dad, it is his choise. he is old enough to understand what he wants.

Awwww...he must love your fiancé--and that's a good thing! :)
But I understand.
My stepfather & I used to call each other "Step" in a loving way...lol
I'd say whatever works for your family is OK.
What about Daddy "Bill" or something like that?

Lee P. posted a similar question recently- check out some of the responses she got!

PS- I'm of the belief that "dad" is a title for someone who loves you and cares for you- not a "name". If he has two "dads"... lucky him!

If your son's relationship with his bio-dad is fine, he needs to keep the Dad title; but I like the idea of calling stepdad "Daddy _ (first initial). Love should be recognized and you all just need to find a way to make it work for everyone. If bio and SD can be polite/respectful of each other, they will give your son a great gift - believe me, as a child of multiple divorces, having adult/parent figures be mature about it is a FANTASTIC thing and helps with keeping stable.

If your son has a wonderful relationship with his father, I would certainly avoid "Dad" for your fiance. His dad has earned this title. One of my friend's children calls her step father "Daddy John" and that seems to work. I too would be crushed if another woman tried to be called mommy.

If you are going to ask your ex about this, I would probably tell him that '...was asking what he should call finance once were married, and if he should call him call him Dad too?'

Maybe a nickname like Pop or something would have the same meaning to them but not make things sticky.

Ex. I have two nephews.
Nephew 1's Dad passed away. He refers to his stepdad as Dad. Everytime he says 'yeah my dad...' it kind of catches Grandpa and us off guard.
Nephew 2's parents are both remarried. He calls both Dads 'Dad'. So when he is talking about something that happend we have to stop and say your Dad S or your Dad?

M.

My best friend grew up with her step dad (it was her half sister's father) calling him dad, and still does to this day. she also calls her biological father dad, but does say that her stepdad that she grew up with she is closer to.

I guess what I'm getting at, is that each family has a dynamic that is different and what makes everyone comfortable is what is best! It doesn't hurt having two Dad's that love him! In fact that ideal :) If you all are comfortable with that, then do it! if not maybe come up with a more fitting nickname.

Congrats to you!

If you're on good terms with your ex I would talk to him first. Just ask him, as a friend, if it would offend him if your son called your fiance dad as well. Let him know that your son mentioned it and you didn't know what to say because you didn't want to hurt your ex's feelings (just what you said here.)

If he's offended by it, then tell your son he can call the fiance "Pops" or Papa, or something similar that shows that same respect, but still reserves the name for his father.

When my mom and stepdad were getting married I was told "you can call him Kenny or dad, it is up to you"...I chose Kenny (at five), my dad is my dad. I am now in my thirties and still call him Kenny and it does not bother him one bit. But I often refer to him as my dad and this does not bother my "real" dad. People get quite confused at this. This may sound bad but I firmly believe it's the childs decision. My stepbrother was forced to call his stepdad "dad" and he never like it.

Matter of fact when I walked down the isle to get married, many people were SHOCKED that both my dads walked me down. But I LOVED it. Having two men who loved me no matter blood relation is/was awesome. If your son wants to call him dad and is worried about what his bio dad will think then maybe with you, he should ask. I think if you talk to your ex for him it may come across as if this is what you want. But if your son tells him it may be different.

I have not read any other post so if I am repeating then I'm sorry.

If your ex agrees, it will be fine. He should be glad someone loves his son so much. I don't know what else he would call him since he is his stepdad.
I have never heard a child say "Hi Stepdad!"

I would say that what your son calls his stepdad should be decided between your son and his stepdad.

"Daddy firstname" can be a good solution. As your son gets older, it will likely change to just "Dad". But for now, I would respect his father's feelings and come up with a compromise name.

My husband was "crushed" when his kids started calling their stepdad "Dad", so usually it was "Daddy E" and "Daddy Bill". The adults are usually the ones putting more importance on names than the kids do.

As I was raising my stepkids, I was always "S." to them, but eventually I was referred to as "my Mom" in conversation, and now sometimes even "Mom" (they are both in their 20s now).

All I can tell you is that the way you handle this obstacle can set the standard for all future obstacles of which under the best of these circumstances will be many. Remarriage with children, blending families is frought with complications that unblended families don't have to face. That said, these complications can be overcome positively in the best interest of your son. I am hoping you and your intended have had some serious pre-marital counseling that can alert you to the obstacles in the road ahead and that you have plans in place on how to handle them when they come. It would be so great for your son to see you marry a worthy man and have that marriage last. It would be greater still for your son to feel loved by your husband as if he were his blood son. If what he calls your husband is handled well and unemotionally by all parties, it bodes well for the future. All the best to you1

How about
Daddy 'Steve' for example?

I had to reply to this message because it really struck a chord with me! Even though I am now 33, I wish to share my experience as a child of divorce because this happened to me when I was around 11. My parents divorced when I was 7, and Mom remarried when I was 11. Had a great relationship with my real Dad, and then Stepdad, with whom we did not have a stellar relationship asked us to call him Dad. He did this mainly for "show" reasons as he did not think it looked right when we called him by his first name.

First mistake was by my mother throwing this upon us. It was very clear that we were NOT comfortable with calling him Dad, because we already had one! She said, "oh can you please just try?" Funny, because in the end we called him....nothing! We just avoided using his name or Dad. Never addressed him directly. Yes, very sad.

I'd be very curious as to what your son thinks, but it needs to be a private conversation between you two. You should be able to gauge how he really feels (hopefully?). And then it will be up to you to talk with your husband about the decision. Please do not put it upon your 7 year old to explain himself.

I do have one friend who has "Dad", and "Daddy" but that was because her real Dad was not nearly as close to her as her stepfather.

I think you are on the right track because you are seeking advice before just agreeing to what your fiance wants. This is a very tough situation and I only wish you luck!

my two year old often tries to call my fiance daddy. her dad isn't very comfortable with that (well i think he thinks i'm putting it in her head, but i'm not). so when she does it i ask her, which daddy, daddy with opa or daddy tim? so i think what she will end up calling my fiance is daddy tim. and still call her father daddy. she is blessed to have three families taht absolutely love her, and are involved in her life. :)

i would suggest having your son, your fiance, yourself, and your ex sit down and have this conversation. it might go a lot easier than you think.

I think it should be your son's choice.

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I agree that Daddy FirstName is a good compromise! My Stepdaughter wanted to call me Mom but we all know it will crush her mom so I'm Mommy FirstName between us, but she calls me by my first name in other situations.

It's really not the name, but the love behind it. :) You can make "Dad" sound like an insult if you wanted!

I agree with you, if one of my kids called someone else Mom, I too would be crushed. But this is about your son (not you, your hubby, or your son's father). In my opinion, the best answer to that question is "If you want to, you can but you don't have to". Of course, that is provided your finance is ok with being called dad. If he really isn't ok with it or if your son doesn't want to he could always come up with a special name for him (example, if your fiance's name is Jason he could call him DJ (short for Daddy Jason) or Pop or any number of things that works for them).

I am assuming that your son lives with you and visits dad and therefore your fiance will be the everyday Dad in your son's life. That was the case for my son who asked if he could call my new hubby Dad after the wedding. I said "Do you want to?" He said "yes" but then never did...although he will refer to him as his dad to some people because for all purposes other than biology he is.

If he still has a relationship with his dad and it's a good one, I would recommend that he comes up with another name that could mean the same thing for him. Example: not a good example but to help understand--dad2. That way it's not too confusing and he can still give him the same respect that he feels he deserves in being a part of his life.