My 5yo dd just came to me with a picture she drew... It featured a person laying on the ground, with something protruding from the body and the letters "ded" over it. When I asked for an explanation of her picture, she told me that it was her Aunt, and that she was dead (points for spelling out the word, even if she got it wrong. Lol.) and that the protrusion from the body was her blood coming out.
I'm not entirely sure how much I should address this... I did tell her she did a good job trying to sound out her word, but that it's not very nice to draw pictures of people being dead. I didn't come down on her or make her feel bad, and she happily went off and came back with another picture of the same aunt alive. (Lol.) I know that some morbidity is normal in young kids, buuut I'm not sure if I should let it play out or discourage this kind of thing. She did just start kindergarten earlier this month, so I'm not sure how much she is bringing home from there... Or taking to the other kids... Lately she has seemed pretty interested in death and the aunt featured in the drawing doesn't have much of a sense about the appropriateness of certain types of jokes/language around young children, and has a bit of a morbid streak herself...she also happens to live with us and regularly watches my dd; so it's entirely possible that my DD is getting this from her. (I have addressed this with the aunt, and she has gotten better.)
We do have a very open relationship- we talk about anything. I always try to remain calm and explain things to her in an age appropriate, non-judgemental way. I don't reprimand her for curiosity.
As far as her experiences with death, she has never lost anyone in her life beyond a cat we started feeding, who disappeared after about a year. We have had an ongoing discussion about death, mostly just answering questions hat have popped up when visiting cemeteries or when she asks about pictures of late relatives... So she knows that being dead means your body can't work any more, and that once someone is dead you can never see or talk to them again... But she has never had to face the reality of it.
Kids that age ponder death. Dead bugs. Dead pets. Dead people. I would just let it ride unless she gets fixated on it.
And you didn't ask her why she chose to depict her aunt as dead? That seems the logic next step when you were talking about her picture. Not drilling her for answers, not demanding she EXPLAIN! Just, "Oh.. that's aunt so & so. She's dead? Well what made you want to draw her that way?"
In the exact same tone you would use if she drew her room with her bed leaning up against the wall vertically instead of flat on the floor. "Oh, that's your bed? What made you decide to draw it upright on the wall?"
i think it's perfectly normal. the modern tendency to demonize kids' processing of the unknown concerns me greatly, and i'm so glad that you aren't making a big deal out of it. i wouldn't even tell her it's 'not nice.' in her mind she knows that people become dead sometimes, and so she drew a picture of it. there's nothing 'not nice' about that. drawing pictures, or telling stories to stuffed animals, or role-playing in let's pretend games, are how kids explore topics like this.
they'd be stupid if they knew there was something as amorphous and puzzling as 'death' out there but never bothered to think about it or work out their feelings toward it. most kids aren't stupid. yours clearly isn't.
in fact, i'd go in the other direction. instead of deeming her not-nice, i'd ask a casual question or two about it. 'how did the aunt die?' or 'how does the aunt's death make you feel?' or 'was the person who killed her angry?' or 'how did the person who killed her feel after she was dead?'
not too probing or avid. just invite her to think a little more deeply and express herself, if she's willing.
i'd also get a library book or three that address the topic. doesn't have to be a book ABOUT death. charlotte's web, the red pony, my friend flicka, the call of the wild, all handle death in a very sensible, matter-of-fact, non-sensational manner.
i certainly think it would be taking the wrong tack to 'discourage' her very natural forays into understanding reality.
khairete
S.
Yikes! While morbid and startling, it's age-appropriate. When my youngest was in Kindergarten, on the 100th day of school they had a celebration and one of the tasks was to draw what they would look like at 100 years old. He drew a horizontal stick figure in front of a grave stone that read "RIP" and then wrote underneath "I would be dead." A tad blunt but he's my old soul realist of a child...
M.,
It's normal! She's using her drawings to accept the balance of life. She's realizing that people do die and while her aunt isn't dead, she's just processing it.
All three of my kids have done it. When my daughter did it - she was almost 6. Our dog had just died a violent death (ran over by a truck) and while she did NOT witness it nor did she see him? She was processing life and death...My boys have done it as well.
If your daughter is curious about death and asking questions? You are right to answer them as best as you can without going into minute detail. Don't avoid the questions but don't make it a focus of a conversation.
Good luck!
Did you ask her why she drew her aunt dead? I'd be curious to know why. I'm sure she's just experimenting with another life experience. I doubt she really gets what it is she's conveying.
I am a big fan of Halloween, horror movies, and horror novels, so my kids have always embraced the creepy side of Halloween. I would suggest channeling this into fun Halloween celebrations! Make a fun graveyard out front with silly/spooky sayings on grave stones, etc. I tell my kids that laughing at scary things takes away their power to scare you (Harry Potter helps with that explanation).
I wouldn't worry!
I have a 5yr old son and so I am thinking of him in this situation. Personally, I would back away from the topic because pushing for an answer causes him to clam up and forget. (Do you have an open relationship with your daughter and talk about everything?).
I would give it a few hrs or the next day and then ask her, with the picture there for reference, if she can tell you about the picture.
If she doesn't say anything then I would just leave it alone and just keep an open eye.
If your daughter has never dealt with death she might not undwestand how permanent it is. (My son has had death in his live.)
If your daughter explains the picture in the same way then you might want to ask her if she understands that death means the person would be gone forever, etc. (when I did that with my son he changed 'his tune.)
I digressed ... Back to your question, I wouldn't be to worried, I would just make a mental note.
