Explaining Death to a 2 Year Old

Ok, we took my dd to a funeral at age 2-most people think that was crazy, but she was not very close to her daddy's grandma and it helped her somehow understand things, that we were there to say goodbye and she wouldn't be with us anymore. She did have some fears about going to heaven after that-but thankfully that passed pretty quickly. Also making sure he understands that O'Papa is very old and when you get very old sometimes it harder to get well, when you are young and get sick you can get better, but when you get old its harder-I think that helps so that they don't get afraid of you dying the next time you get sick. What a blessing that he was able to become close to your grandpa, many people don't have that opportunity. God bless you.

First, my condolences--it isn't easy to watch someone we love suffer and fade.
While death is a sad part of life, it provides an opportunity to talk to your child about love, faith, and family. I don't know your religious background, but draw from that. The bible is a reliable source for info about dealing with death. In my religion, we believe that families can be together forever. In essence, our body stays here, but our spirits, whole and vital, go to a place to wait for those they love. They can become guardian angels that can be with us wherever we are. It can become a goal to live good, virtuous lives so that we can be worthy to meet those we love in heaven. If religion is not a part of your life, I can only suggest that you draw on your own brand of faith to encourage your child to understand that love never dies and we carry memories forever. Maybe have your child record-written, video, audio--a message of love for his grandpa that he can listen to whenever he needs it. Best wishes during this tough time.
Just suggestions.

That is something I have thought of a lot lately myself. My MIL and FIL are over 70. My father in law has been having some serious issues with keeping food down, depression, and diabetes. He has lost about 80 lbs in the last 8 months. He was overweight to start with, but thats not the point. My MIL is older than my FIL and is almost as old as my grandparents were when they died. My MIL refuses to see a doctor for checkups or anything until it become absolutely necessary. For instance, her uterus actually fell out and was hanging between her legs and she let it go for 2 days before we could talk her into going to the doctor. She later admitted that he had been in pain for years. I frequently see her stop and grab her chest. I ask her what is wrong and she just brushes me off. I wonder just how much longer they have. I have often wondered how to explain it to my children when the time comes. My children are also very close to Mamaw and PaPaw.

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

We just went through this last month with my 2 1/2 year old. Her grandmother passed away very suddenly. She went into a coma and 4 days later she passed away. The last day we took my daughter to the hopsice and she went in and saw her. She looked like she was sleeping. That is how she remembers her. When she sees her pictures she tells me "Mimi is sleeping" and I respond yes. We have told her that Mimi is in heaven but she can only comprehend that Mimi is sleeping because that is what she understands. As she gets older we will explain more to her. She also walks around the house on her play phone is always talking to Mimi. I just go along with it, it is really hard to know that she will never be able to talk with her again, but I am really glad that she at least was able to spend time with her and know who she is.

They really are too young at this age to understand death. Again I am sorry for what you are going through right now and I wish you all the best.

Kids are pretty good at this. You just have to explain it for what it is and let it sink in. He will ask all the questions he needs. It is likely your son does not understand when Tuesday comes around, so chances are, he will not say, "Hey we missed lunch with O'papa".

My FIL lived here for a short time and I used to take her to see him every once in a while. She loved those visits. Once day he just left and did not say goodbye to her and never called. He and I don't get along and I guess he didn't think it was necessary or something. (?) Anyway, my daughter never really noticed he was gone and once in a while would ask to stop by, but I would just tell her he went back to Arizona and she was fine.

I am so sorry for what you and your family are currently going through. It is not easy to lose someone that we love.

My daughter's first experience with death was actually with our cat and I explained to her that he went to live in heaven and that even though we couldn't see him anymore that we could talk to him all that we wanted and that even thought we couldn't hear or see him he could always see us and hear us.

She was about 6 when the first grandparent passed away so old enough to understand it. She drew a picture and had her dad place it in her grandfather's pocket to take to heaven with him.

I always just let her know that even though we are sad that they are leaving us, they are always still with us and watching over us.

Good luck and once again I am sorry that you and your family are having to deal with this.

I'm very sorry for you and your family during this time. I can't really relate, but I think if I was in your shoes, I would at least let your son see Grandpa one last time. You can explain to him that Grandpa is sick, so he can't stay long. Just tell Grandpa he loves him. This way, your father at least gets to say goodbye one last time.

Once the day finally comes, you can tell your son that Grandpa is now with Grandma, and he won't be able to see him for a long time, but someday he will be able to see him again. Keep photos of him around, and talk about him often and with love. Continue to collect drawing and gifts from your son and occasionaly leave them at the burial site or somewhere special.

One day he will understand death better and you can discuss this further with him then.

I am so sorry for your family's situation.

I don't know about how to explain per se. however, I might take the opportunity to make some special memories of your son with his great-grandfather. Take some picture and some video and have your son make him a special gift or art project (their handprints together maybe). It might halp your son to have something tangible to see or touch that he may remember being part of after your grandfather is no longer there every Tuesday. Maybe even a projec the can continue to work on.

I agree, be honest. Don't tell him he is sleeping and be clear tha tnot everyone dies from booboos. Focus on this is just what happens to people but it doesn't happen for a very very long time. And we live on with the love and memories we gave our families. But because he is two, I think something tangible tha tis his and his grandfather would be helpful.

Alos, Christian bookstores aften have books about heavan and death. Maybe you could find one that lines up with your beliefs.

My second child had to deal with the death of Granddad at that same age. I was torn about the same things as you are. Ultimately, I decided to let her see him and say good-bye, because she needed to understand how sick he was. We tried to explain it, but she wasn't able to understand until she saw him.

When my son had a cold, she started thinking that he was going to die, until we reminded her that he is not as sick as Granddad was. She doesn't remember the event now, but it sure did help for a year or two after he passed.

We didn't "sugar coat" the death by just saying he was sleeping for a long time or anything. We simply explained to her that his heart was beating, just like ours (and helped her hear our heart beat) and that when you die, your heart stops beating on Earth and begins beating in a new body (not sick) in Heaven with God.

No matter how you handle it, there will be questions, concerns and worries. You can't take the pain/confusion away completely (even if you use the sleeping forever explanation), but remember........children are very resilient. They are going to probably heal fast and more completely than an adult, with just your hugs, kisses, love and understanding.

Hi S.,
I went through this with my daughter. Our Uncle had a stroke with she was 2 and I wondered how to tell her that he wasn't going to make it. I told my Uncles doctor that they had a close relationship and I didn't know how to tell her. He told me right now to tell her that he is very sick and in the hospital but he may not get better. Thats what I did. After he died I told her that he went to Heaven to be with God and that he loves her and will see us one day. She is almost 4 now. Her memory of him has started fading but every once in a while she will mention him. She will tell me that he is in Heaven and that he loves us. Kids deal with death differently than we do because they don't understand the loss. If you have a picture of the 2 of them together frame it so that he can she his O'Papa. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this terrible time.

My uncle was on his motorcycle, hit by a car, & killed when my older daughter was 2 & 1/2 (she adored him). My MIL (who was older) died from complications from surgery when my youngest was 20 months old. With my uncle, I told our daughter "Uncle Jack is in heaven, but he can still see us, even though we can't see him." I have pictures of them in frames around the house & she still talks about him (she's nearly 10).

It was harder with my MIL b/c she was in the hospital for nearly 6 months before she passed. I had a hard time telling the girls she was sick b/c I didn't want them to think that when they got sick they'd die. I also didn't want to explain the medical neglect during surgery was what ultimatly killed her (if they ever needed surgery, I don't want that stress on them). We did take the girls to see their Grandma & they saw how sick she was. We did the same as we did with my uncle, explained that Grandma was in heaven watching over us.

When my daughter was 4 we had a son pass away at 2 month of SIDS.It was a little different circumstances, we spent a week in the icu before his passing. I suggest that you try to explain that its more than just a boo boo. For the longest time my daughter associated any stays in a hospital to never seeing that person again.I'm not sure what type of religious back ground your family is from but as my daughter grows and begins to understand life a little more, she does take comfort in knowing that her brother is in heaven with Jeasus and isn't sick anymore and knowing she will get to she him one day.I hope this helps. I understand your little one is only 2, best advice is to make it as positive as possible so he will always continue to have happy thoughts of his grandfather.

First, I am very sorry to hear that O'Papa is sick. It sounds like you have very healthy feelings & expectations though.

I will not even pretend to compare someone's father to a cat. However, it does apply. We only had one pet. A cat. We had her when my daughter was born & kept her until her final days. We, like you, knew the cat was dying & started telling my daughter (2.5 yrs at the time) that Lacy (cat) was really sick. When the day came that we had to put her down, we knew we had to come up with something because she cared very much for this poor sick cat. After it was done, we told our daughter this:

Emily, you know how Lacy was really really sick?
Well, Lacy needs her Mommy to help her feel better. So Lacy won't be staying with us anymore. Her Mommy is going to fix all her owies.

We never lied... I assume her Mommy is in fact, gone too. It was words & an explaination our 2 year old could handle & understand, that wasn't too sad for her. She asked about the cat only a couple times after that & we just reminded her that she was really sick & with her Mommy, remember? And she accepted that. So maybe do something similar.

O'Papa was really sick. He's with his Mommy now so he can feel better. She lives far away though so we can't visit him anymore. We want him to feel better, right?

...Play with it but it worked WONDERFUL and my 2 year old is in no way afraid of sickness or death the way we did it. Good luck & again, I'm sorry for his health.

When saying that O'Papa 'went to heaven' please make sure to NOT say that 'God took O'Papa' or anything like that as your son may get upset that God 'took away' someone he loved. I say that he was very sick and hurting and now he isn't hurting anymore and (this is how I would phrase it) he went to heaven.

I lost my grandfather last year and tried to explain it to my 3 year old at the time. My son did not have the bond that you spoke of in your post, but we always wanted our child to understand. We told him that grandpa was super old and when you get super old your body just stops working the way it should be and you die. We explained to him that we would go to the funeral and everyone would say good bye and we would bury grandpa in the ground and then we wouldn't get to see him anymore. We tried to me very matter of fact and keep it simple.

We took our son to the viewing, but not to the actual funeral. He was great at the viewing. My grandmother is still living and my son was a great distraction for all of us during the extremely sad time. We did not take him to the actual burial because I also needed time to grieve and not have to worry about a 3 year. I also did not want him feeling all of that negative energy. I believe kids are fully aware of the energy around them and he didn't need to see mommy crying.

Just this past weekend, we went to visit my grandmother and my son asked where grandpa was. I reminded him about going to the funeral service last year and that he died so we don't get to see him anymore. My son still makes pictures for him because we believe the deceased watch over us. My grandmother isn't going to be around us much longer either and my son asked her if she was going to see grandpa. It made my grandma tear up, but it was happy tears. She was going to see my grandpa soon and she enjoys telling my son stories about their younger years.

It's going to be hard for everyone, but since your son has special days with his great grandfather, he's going to ask questions if you try to beat around the bush.

Since your grandfather isn't doing so great and may not wake up, taking your son to see him should come with a little warning. While your son knows that he is sick, he doesn't know that he isn't going to get any better and that there aren't going to be anymore Tuesday outings. Not looking like he usually does may frighten your son, but it might get him to understand how grave his condition is as well.

It's horrible to think about, but your son will understand better than you may think. Just explain that he is very sick and the only way he can be better is to go on to someplace else. (Insert religion or philosophy here.) Yes, there are going to be questions about it, but you know what answers you have for yourself, so tell those to your son.

Personally, I remember asking about death when I was only a few years old. It scared me. I remember walking around after thinking about it for a few days and randomly bursting into tears and explaining to my grandmother that I didn't want to die. (My great uncle had recently passed and caused all of these things to come up.) She simply explained to me that it was okay and she didn't want to die either. She assured me that I wasn't going to die anytime soon and that she would go long before me. (She passed away almost two years ago now.)

That experience has stayed with me. My grandmother was honest and told me what she thought and treated me not like a child but like an equal, so I did understand that I would never be able to see those loved ones that had passed away anymore. Yes, it's hard, but at that same time, it almost makes it easier to take when you're told ahead of time. It is much harder to take a death when it just happens and isn't something that is just a matter of time.

If you trust that your son will understand, tell him whatever you believe he will be able to comprehend at this point. As time goes on, he will remember and ask more questions. Do not push him however, as my mother has issues because she had to go to a funeral as a child and didn't really understand death at that point. To this day, it seems to frighten and bother her because of that. It's really dependent upon the individual, so I think you should ask your son if he really wants to say goodbye or not.