Only My Second Question...

LOL Jane!

My husband is always on my Facebook. People are always joke-hacking, and it doesn't seem to be a big deal within a marriage. I would be open with him and ask.

He has some 'splainin to do.

well, if you have a great marriage that you say - you need to tell him the truth...that you were reading through because he left it open and you are concerned.

Ask him what he plans on doing about it.

then go from there. What do you want him to do about it? Unfriend her? If something is going on then he will find another way to communicate with her.

So since you believe you have never had anything to hide from one another...start asking the hard questions...

good luck!

Whenever some one leaves their site open they do not have an expectation for privacy. I suggest that he doesn't care if you read it. I say that your reading it was acceptable even if he does care. It's up to him to arrange for privacy and leaving it open on YOUR computer means it was not private. So not feel guilty.

So, I would tell him what you saw and how you feel about it. Do not accuse him of anything. Just use I statements to deal with your feelings. Give him a chance to explain it or to alleviate your concerns. Be open for a discussion on how to handle the post and your feelings.

Hmmm...first thought that popped into my head was that he must not be feeling guilty or up to anything sinister because a guilty man probably wouldn't leave his account open on his wife's computer, right?

That said, I do think you need to let him know what you saw.
"You left your FB open and I was treated to pictures of Shirley's hoo-hah and boobies. What's up with that?" comes to mind.

Good luck!

First of all, it is NOT wrong to read your husband's FB account. He married you. He is not your father. He is not your boss. He is your husband, and husbands and wives are not supposed to be hiding stuff from each other. He left it open. There is no reason for you to not see it. It is beyond inappropriate for this woman to send him nude pictures of her genitals to him.

You need to discuss this with him. DO NOT apologize for seeing it. He needs to block her from his facebook account. If he is ugly to you and declines to block her, then you know where you stand.

Again, you did NOTHING wrong. Do NOT look at your married life as one in which he is free to hide things from you. Period.

Dawn

I'm with Marda -- it doesn't appear that your husband is trying to hide anything.

He's not responsible for the inappropriate pictures, though I can understand that you would certainly wish he had more strongly discouraged them. Tell him how you feel when you see these pictures. Be careful not to accuse him unless and until it becomes clear that he's complicit in this behavior. An airing now will probably save you lots of emotional stress into the future.

Wishing you a good outcome!

Maybe it's a Portland/Canby thing here (and I am just joking) but I agree with Marda and Peg. Be matter-of-fact, tell him what you saw. Let him know that you were wondering what his reaction was to this.

My guess, and I could be wrong, is that he is embarrassed for this person and is kind of pretending it just didn't happen. Some guys are like that. "If I pretend it never happened, it will save all of us from embarrassment." Let *him* know, too, what you would like him to do. I think it's okay to assert our preference in this situation ("If she's sending you this, I would like you to block her.") He may be mortified and simply not know what to do.

FB is responsible for alot of trouble when it comes to relationships.

Tell him that you saw it (it was open) and she should be BLOCKED starting now.

I must live in a different world. Who would do something so inappropriate?

I am wondering if he was so embarrassed by what she did that he didn't even want to acknowledge that he received them. I know that if you befriend someone it can come back to bite you later, especially in real life if you see that person. And, if he is like me, I can't figure out how to delete anything since fb keeps getting "better and more secure". I really doubt that he wanted to see them and that he was worried that you would find them. But, like Marda and so many others said, talk to him and clear the air. You may just end up shaking your head together going...what was she thinking?

I think you should be nothing but honest with him and tell him exactly what you said here: "You left your FB open, I noticed a message from my uncle so I read it, and then I noticed some other messages. I shouldn't have read them, but I did and this is what I found... I want to know why this person has contacted you, why she has sent you these inappropriate photos. Is there something going on? I want you to IMMEDIATELY end contact with her, defriend her and never allow communication with her again".

If it bothers you that he didn't unfriend her, then fess up. "You left your FB account up and I saw the pictures from x. You didn't seem to discourage her and I would like to know why."

If he responded but didn't tell her it wasn't appropriate, then that's a flag, IMO. If he kept them for a long time, that's a flag, too. Now occasionally I don't see something someone sent me in FB messages but if he responded, he's seen it.

Don't let him turn it around that you were snooping. You deserve to know why he's keeping naked pictures of this woman. His response will tell you a lot.

I'm usually not one to advocate an underhanded approach, but seeing that she has all ready crossed into inappropriate territory and you are only safeguarding your marriage.....

COPY THE IMAGES TO YOUR COMPUTER! Message her that you have the images and that she will unfreind your husband at once and never contact him again if she does not want the images sent to her mother, coworkers, and friends. (you will need to be more coy with the wording so you won't be sued for blackmail, but I think knowing you are in possession of the images will give her a wakeup call). This is assuming of corse that this "x-rated flirtation" is one sided. Who knows, maybe someone hacked her account. Your contacting her may be the best thing you could do for her.

Then confess all to your husband and get to the bottom of it.

What is unclear to me is how someone private messages images to someone on FB. I was not aware of that feature. I always end up having to ask for someone's regular email from FB when I want to send them pictures of my vagina. I was also not aware that you could delete PM on FB the same way you can with email. That may explain why he still has them.

FYI- great question. You'd have 50 responses by now if you'd edit your title and spice it up a bit (80 by morning time). As is, your title is the sort of thing most people pass over.

you should have gone in to his account and blocked her for him.

How long has he had them? My question would be: if there's been no encouragement of such an exchange, why does he still have the pictures in his inbox?

No way. That in addition to the fact that she wasn't defriended or blocked is a huge red flag to me. I'd be furious.

I would absolutely confront him. It was not wrong to read his messages. You're married - there should be nothing to hide.

Respond with honesty, his fb was left open and you ran across these pictures. If he is anything at all like my husband, he doesn't know how to defined someone or block their messages! I have to do anything technical on the computer for my husband, I've tried to teach him but it doesn't click.

Good Luck!

He left his account open on your computer! Simply tell him what you saw and ask him about it.

I'd confront him about it and say, 'you better defreind her'. I go through my husband's facebook all the time, I look over his shoulder and if I find something innapropriate, I tell him so. for instance, on of my husband old friend post innaproprate pixs on FB. I make sure my hubby knows that is innapropriate and that he needs to tell his old friend not to be posting such trash. I'd be open about it and tell him how you feel about it. If your man does not want to defriend this girl, then there could be a problem. He needs to respect you and your feelings.
BTW--you have all rights to go through his things, e-mails, fb--your his wife. He doesnt have that kind of privacy anymore. (well, that's my thinking in it anyways :) )

Hope this helps