Only Children and Just Deciding to Have One Child?

Everybody is different. I have an almost 17 year old son and he is my only child. I knew since I was pregnant with him that I never wanted anymore. I have never regretted that decision. To be honest though...I am not a "kid" person. I love my son more than anything, but that was all I was having....ONE child. I never felt there were any drawbacks, but like I said...everyone is different. Some people strongly believe that a child should have a sibling for many reasons. Benefits for me was I got to give all my love and attention to my son and I didn't have to deal with all that sibling rivalry lol. I know of a few people who only had one child and also never regretted it themselves.

This really is your decision, but I thought I would respond anyway.

Our daughter will be 2 years old in november and we are due again in December. I always knew I didn't want just one child, because I want her to have a sibling growing up, I know they will fight and it will be hard to spend as much time with each but we will do our best.

I also think about when my husband and I are old and maybe sick or need decisions made, I don't want that to be on one child, if we have 2 or more kids they can decide together, lean on each other and financially it won't just be on one child. I have one brother and yes we fought a lot growing up but now we are GREAT friends and I think it would have been nice to have more brothers or sisters (bigger family).

I also have to say (please don't be offended by this to anyone who is an only child yourself or have one child) but you can see an only child a mile away. Not bad or anything, you just know they are used to getting what they want and they have never had anyone around...just them with their family.

Anyway I think having an only child is great if that is what you want...don't do it because you think you can't afford it or life will be too busy. That makes the fun times!!

Good luck with your decision!!
S. :)

It's really a personal decision. I think you have to make the choice you think you can handle the best, and then trust that your child or children will be fine. I'm not technically an only child, but my only sibling is 3 years older than me and is cognitively impaired. She lives in a group home and she's mentally about 7 years old or so. So although I played with my sister as a peer when we were very young, now in a lot of ways I have the same issues as an only child. When my parents die, I'll be the only one responsible for making their arrangements, making decisions, etc. Since my sister is like a child, she's also not a sister that I can turn to like a friend when I have marriage or work issues, etc.

Having said all of that, I've never wished for another sibling (well, except when I was 10 and my friend got a baby sister, which I thought was so cool...I tried to convince my mom to have another baby, but...no dice). If my parents had chosen to have a 3rd child, it would certainly be easier in some ways, but I never knew any different so I really never spent time being upset about it. I have my good friends, I have my husband, etc.

On the other hand, in a matter of a week, my husband and I went from not being sure if we wanted kids at all to deciding we'd have two. Literally, within a week after we started trying for baby #1, we decided that we didn't want to have an only child. One of my good friends is an only child and she also chose to have 2 children so they'd have each other...in both of our cases, our husbands aren't from large families either, so it's not like there's a ton of cousins or anything.

I have 2 kids.. 15 months and almost 3.. they are 18 months apart.

One of the biggest disadvantages of having 2 kids is dividing your time between them. My first got tons of attention. At any time either myself or her father was playing with her. she always had someone doting on her. She was breastfed and if she felll asleep in my arms I sat and watched her sleep.

But then there came the second child.. and the work doubled. If the new baby fell asleep I quickly put him to bed so I coudl do soemthing else.. Teh second child does not get 1/2 the attention that the first child gets.. There just isnt time.

We took our first child out to restaurants and everywhere.. But once we had 2 we stopped going out. It was too hard to manage 2 kids and also enjoy a meal.

However, my kids are young and it is getting easier. They do love each other. I can see the joy of having a sibling. My baby often calls for his sister first thing in the morning.

The only child has many advantages in parental time experiences travel and many other things.

Ther are just things you cannot do with 2 or more kids.. too hard and too expensive.

My best friend is an only child. It was all great when she was a child/teen/young adult but NOW, her children have no cousins, her parents are getting older and unhealthier. She has said a few times that she wishes she had a sibling or two to share this with and that her 2 boys had some cousins.

We have only one child. He is our joy. There is never a division of time. He has Asperger's so the ability to focus on him is so good for him. Of course we have to make sure that he has the benefit of children around him. I love kids too, but our son benefits from us being able to devote time, finances and energy to just him. We have thought about another child, but the reality is that having just him allows us to always be in the moment with him.
He can do lots of things, karate, scouts etc and it doesn't pull us all over the place. I don't have to feel bad becaues I have to chose which event to go to. So in that we win. We love to travel and he's older now. So, I don't want to start over because its fun to take him everywhere!

While I can't argue the other side of this. There are people who have more than one child. It makes sense to keep them close in age (within a few years) which allows them to be playmates. They always have someone else. So, off the top of my head that might be a reason to have more than one.

Just thoughts... its a pretty personal decision. But that's my take on it.

You really need to go with your feelings. There is nothing wrong with having only one child. I was older when we had our "one and only". She is now 23 and is the most fantastic person I've ever known. I do wish she had a sibling...someone else to talk to etc. She and I are extremely close and I hope she marries into a family with other siblings so she can have an extended family. What you don't want to do is have more children and feel overwhelmed. Whatever you do will be the right thing.

We only have one child currently. She is around the same age as your son. I find myself thinking that if another comes along, then we won't get to enjoy every aspect of baby number 2 like we did/do with our daughter, and that our daughter will also have to share our time among other things. But then I think there will also come a time that she won't want us to be right there in her business at every moment, for everything. There will be other times that she'll want to go to her sibling/s and not us. And lastly, when you and your husband pass on there will be no other immediate family members to share and support him. It's a very personal choice. I'm not an only child, perhaps someone who grew up as an only can give you some insight as to how they felt. In my opinion it's good to have at least two, so then they can have each other.

I have to agree with Heather it is a very personal decision. One that is often looked down on by others, even though it really is none of thier business.

My Engineer husband and I have only one child, we originally thought we would have two. However, we came to the conclusion shortly after our amazing daughter was born that one would be right for us. She will even tell you she likes being the only one to snuggle with her parents, but she will also tell you she enjoys the company of other children.

I have always had her around other children, but one huge advantage is that she can play with others or independantly. From my expirenece I can not say that has always been the case when we are around family members that have siblings.

I grew up in a household of 3 biological daughters and 45 foster kids (never more than a couple at a time). However, by the time I was in second grade I was the only one left at home. I turned out fine, basically an only able to solve my own problems, not rely on others but can work in groups and with a team just fine.

So I think as long as you do not hide your child away an only child can be fine.

I have seen some other posts from mom's on this subject in the past, who will tell you your child will be a brat because of it. However, I tend to feel that is all in the parenting and thier are plenty of kids who are brats that have a sibling or two. So do not let that sway you, because it is not a very true statement.

I recently read a book on the subject, something about rasing an only. It did have a chapter about making that decision so it may help you and your spouse out a lot.