Have You Regretted Having a 2Nd?

Nope. I am happy with two and would worry a little but when there was a test or ultrasound, but not extreme worry.

It is okay to have one child.

I have also seem perfectly healthy baby get into awful accidents as toddlers. There are no guarantees even with healthy babies.

No. I actually cannot imagine what my child would do without a sibling everday. They play well and learn so much from each other. For me, two is manageable and very fun. Good luck with whatever you decide is the right thing for you.

I had my sons five and a half years apart. I never, ever regret it no matter what has happened and things have been hard that have nothing to do with their ages. I Love, love, love them madly.

I have seven kids. #'s 6 and 7 were preemie twins, one of whom has severe cardiac anomalies, and is globally developmentally delayed.

If anyone had TOLD me beforehand what the challenges would be, I probably would have said 'NO WAY! NO thank you'.

Thank goodness no one TOLD me! I would NOT trade any part of this journey for anything. Honest. The lessons learned, taught and experienced have been wonderful!

Plenty of love...just enough $$...lots of gratefulness.

My daughter did not ruin our family dynamic. She re shaped it and molded it for the better.

Just my experience.

Best!

It's been said you shoudn't try to concieve unless you want a kid so bad your teeth hurt.

Best,
F. B.

I was perfectly happy having just one. My older daughter is, and has always been, mature, motivated, sweet. She's basically the perfect child. No discipline issues, has always done well in school, has tons of friends. Well, my husband was insistent that we have a second child. On and on he went about how selfish I was being to our child in not giving her a sibling. I began doubting myself and in the end, agreed to have a second child.

My second child is a happy, beautiful girl, and she's extremely bright (genius-level IQ). However. She is a handful. She has ADHD-Combined, and because she basically can't function in a normal public school setting, I now homeschool her. Let me tell you, if someone had told me what my life would be like today, before I got pregnant, I'd have stopped with my first child. Don't get me wrong, my younger one has such a hilarious personality, and I love her just as much as my older daughter. But having a special-needs child is a huge drain on your life in almost every area you can think of. It is *exhausting* dealing with her day in and day out.

I only tell you this because I think you might feel like I did - that you are happy with one child and don't see any great need to have another just because people expect you to, or want you to, or whatever. All of those people who want you to have another will be NOWHERE when you need a break from your special-needs child. Even your husband! And all of the people who said, "Oh, but your kids will grow up to be best friends! They'll have each other when you're gone!" Umm, well, I guess things might (drastically) change by then, but pretty much my older child has never loved her sister. We are now at the point (they're 12 and 9) where the older one is occasionally civil to her sister, but that's about the best that it ever gets. Most of the time, they scream at each other, yell things like, "I hate you!" which gets all of their privileges taken away, not that it stops them the next time they're fighting... good times. Yeah. Don't have a second because then your first will have a friend. Siblings are just like anyone else on the planet - they have their own personalities, and if your kids' personalities don't mesh, it's not fun.

Sorry, I wish I had something more cheerful to say about my two, but that's what I've got. Individually they are great kids in their own ways, but together, I realize I should have stopped with one. Not that I'd trade in my younger daughter for anything, but... yeah. That's my honest opinion.

I never knew how easy my life was with just one kid, until I had a second.
I'll leave it at that.

We have an only child, and have asked this question as well. We have decided to remain a one child family for many reasons, including economics, fertility issues, being happy that the high demand "baby days" are behind us, and generally just being very content with having a small family.

Try asking yourself if your first child had been born with any issues, would you have regretted his/her existence? Good luck with this decision, I don't think there can be a wrong choice in this matter :)

I always regretted my Mom's second child.
My sister is 22 months younger than me.
We've never gotten along - not ever - not even to this day - and I just turned 53

My friend from work says if her daughter had been born before her son, there never would have been a second.
Her son was so easy going - while her daughter was very high strung and difficult.

You just never know what you're going to get.

I think its human nature to worry about change and how it will impact our current situation. Adding something or taking something away will change the dynamics of a family. I guess you have to look at your situation and figure out the correct thing to do for your family.

A new baby may have physical or mental issues but your current child could have something happen that could cause medical or mental issues. We don't live in a bubble and bad things happen every single day for no reason.

My advice would be to look at why you want to add more children to your family and what is keeping you for deciding to do it.

I've never known a mother to say she regretted having any of her children while she was raising them, and really, how could she? It would be a horrible thing to say out loud to most other adults. Imagine the shock and judgement, or the "I told you so" feedback they would risk.

But as an older woman, reminiscing with my older friends, there have been a number of women (four come immediately to mind, and probably a couple of others) who will quietly admit to having babies they regretted. It's possible that some of these babies were unplanned because birth control was sketchier then, these are still sad stories about how difficult, or unhappy, or mismatched one or more children seemed to be.

Two of these moms I know lived at the edge of poverty after losing husbands to death or divorce, and poverty tends to make mothers feel guilty about opportunities they can't offer. The other two (including my mom and my sister #3, who has had emotional problems almost from birth), simply did not have the knowledge, experience, or support they needed to raise challenging kids.

So, yes, regret *can* happen with any child. One of the cases I mention was an only child, whose health problems AND personality quirks convinced the mom not to have another, which she also regretted (many years later). But the stresses on time, energy, and finances during her fertile years were just too overwhelming, and she still doesn't see how she would have managed with two.

Different moms have different capacities and personal needs. If anticipating possible regret is really important to you, I'd suggest waiting until you are clear that you'd happily accept the odds and love a child even if difficult. Do you have the income and family/friend support to deal with that risk? It's good to sort this out now, especially if you like your family dynamics.

Whatever you decide, I hope it turns out well for you and your family.

Hmmm. I do fantasize about what life would have been if we didn't have our little PIB. The double income, the easier life... but not for a second do I regret having our 2nd daughter. I honestly know that I would have regretted it if I decided not to have a 2nd child.

I have a very easy auto pilot type of a first born but life was still easier before her too. I always describe having 2 lives, before children and after children. I never regretted either of them. I do not know why kind of a parent would regret the existence of their 2nd child or 3rd or…

ETA: BTW, my 2nd is autistic with ADD. This child has brought as so many Christmas Morning feelings to my family…it's bliss.

As you know, no one can guarantee that your second will be healthy. And in fact it is a given that your second will be completely different from your first in ways you never would imagine.

With that in mind, getting through the 1st 18 months with my second was the hardest thing I've ever done. He had some medical issues that meant that neither my husband or I slept though the night for 18 months. Thank goodness he outgrew the issues but it was so hard.

I adore both my kids and I definitely do not regret having him. He makes me laugh every day. The world is brighter for having him in it. That said, I can truthfully say that if my first had been as difficult as a newborn as my second was, I probably would have stopped at one. I would have been afraid to risk having another 2 years that were that hard.

Our boys are 6.5 years apart, and both have enriched our lives immeasurably. The second wasn't planned; he was a blessing. We have no regrets.

I didn't plan any of my three and I don't regret any of them. My husband and I can't imagine not having any of them in our lives.

I have never regretted my second child, not once. Not when he was in the hospital, or when he was diagnosed with his medical issues. He made our family complete.

Not for a second. Our first child has a variety of brain disorders and even then, we made the leap of faith in having a second. We figured if we had a second child with difficult conditions again, we were more than prepared. Love is love and it doesn't change a bit with each child.

Hmmm you will rarely get someone to tell you they regret their child no matter what so to me this isn't really the question. To me unless you are strongly wanting another don't do it. You'll be starting all over. Life is good now life with one is always amazing. Life with more then one the ratio of stress and work to amazing is inversely related. Of course having a 5 year age gap makes things a lot easier on the parents. Good luck with your decision!.

Often this question is about having a 3rd and I'm in the camp of "replace yourself" and that's enough given world population growth. And with 3, it's 3 against 2 vs man to man. And 2 healthy seems sufficient to me. Finances are a factor too. Not really different going 1 to 2 but somehow to me it is. I think bc I think a sibling is nice. My sister is quite a bit older so it wasn't perfect when we were young but now we're very close and unless there are lots of cousins around, having family is nice. When parents age, it's nice for it to not be all on one child's back. And it's nice to have someone to just vent to about your parents. No guarantees of course but I do come back to a sibling is nice. Our kids are very close in age and we constantly say how glad we are they have each other. If you're older so birth defects etc are a bigger risk, something to consider. But if you're healthy and fairly young, risks aren't high. Also, I fretted about #1 being jealous and how could I love #2 as much but all that was for nothing. It's more than fine.

My second child is our "strong willed" child. I have never regretted having him ever. He completed our family.

I think most go through the "oh can I love them as much as the first one, or will the upset the apple cart".

I will be curious to see what others say. This is a very interesting question and I hope people are honest with their responses.

my husband was gung-ho on kid #2. i wanted lots of kids but was worried about all the usual stuff- could we afford it, could i stand doing the pregnancy thing again, could i ever love another kid as much as i did #1, etc. but he was right- if we were going to do it, that was as much time as we'd want to elapse between kids, and we weren't getting any younger.
my second pregnancy was tougher than my first (though the delivery was easier), but i never really regretted it even then. and when that baby showed up? it was over-the-top love that hasn't abated one tiny iota.
and there were hardships. the whole juggling thing was much more complicated with 2 kids, especially with lots of jobs and money and daycare, and the health issues that #2 had. and i'm not one of the ones who insists that babies are like flowers and we should all have lots and lots of them. some people should never become parents, and some parents are brilliant at parenting their onlies.
but for me that 2nd baby was the best thing to happen to us (other than baby #1, of course.)
:) khairete
S.

This is one of those questions that nobody but you can answer. What I will do is share my experience. It doesn't guarantee that your own experience would be anything like my own.

My second child was unplanned. My eldest was finally old enough to go to the onsite child care at the local community college, and I was readying my resume for a teaching job there that I was confident I would get. I was a confirmed mom of one, and rather cross about being pregnant again. I was an older mom, and I had some medical issues that made the pregnancy "interesting."

Then my baby boy was born, and I instantly fell in love. Ten years later, I am still totally, completely in love with this child. He is an absolute delight, and I'm so glad he is in the world, and in MY world. He is also his big sister's best friend.

I'm not saying it was all easy. In fact, the first year with a toddler and a colicky new born at times resembled hell on earth. But I am saying that for me, it was worth it.

Three kids, no regrets. BUT, with each pregnancy we were both 100 percent wanting that child.
Sure, travelling would have been easier with four versus five, and I sometimes wish they were actually a little further apart in age, but I think those are normal, mild and insignificant regrets.
I would say only do it if you both whole heartedly want it.

my kids are 4 years apart. The 2nd is a blessing! No regrets. I do regret not having a 3rd within 1.5 yrs. Now she's 10 and it's too late.

If you feel any inclination towards another, go for it! Life is too short for regrets. When you are done, you know.

I pondered having a third for two years. Having her is the fourth best decision of my life- one was marring hubby, two and three were kids one and two.

Everyone was worried about how number three would change things, but I had to tell you, she is a blessing to evyrone, including the doubters- my mom was against me having a third. My older kids adore their baby sister and they never get jealous of her needing me. It's been amazing to watch the J. a baby can bring to older children.

Our son and daughter are 8.5 years apart, it has only been 3 months but i am loving every minute of it.

I don't regret our 1,2 , 3rd or the 4th we tried to hold on to but died too soon :(

Being married is a lot of work, having and raising children is ALOT of work. They are my greatest sources of sorrow and my greatest sources of pure J.!

I would never trade the life we have for an easier one.

Another child will always disrupt the maintained chaos one has at the moment. But...that is the adventure of it all!

Are our 3 kids bestest of friends?..um no. But each year they get easier to take care of and become closer to one another. It is a beautiful thing to observe them!

Well, my second has definitely turned out to be more work than the first, but I don't regret having him. If he had been the first I may not have had the time or energy for a second!

Heck no!!!! I love, love, love, having my two kids. :) More than how I feel even, my kids truly love eachother and spend most of their time interacting with eachother. I really feel bad for only children in a way because they don't get that sibling friend for life. I have to say I'm biased though, because I grew up with a sister and I love to spend time with her now even as an adult. Our mom is deceased now and I can image it would be profoundly harder to get over that loss without having my sister to reminisce and confide in. :)
Having another kid is so much easier and more fun in countless ways. Mostly in taking the pressure off of you having to be the entertainer all the time or arranging activities and play dates. Your house will be messier and louder, that's a given. But because there will be more playing, laughing, fighting, and living going on in it. :) If you're a type-A personality that may not be for you. But for us its wonderful.

No, and I have never regretted our 3rd either. I have at times, pined for a 4th especially after I miscarried our 4th pregnancy. It's been two years since it happened and I went back and forth until some health problems started creeping up along with my age. I'll be 40 this August. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes this past summer. I'm actually finally ready to say I'm done. My kids are getting older, we're getting older. I wouldn't want a teenager and a newborn along with everything else in between.

Having any child is a leap of faith. You never know what can happen. If you think you'll regret it, then go for it!

Its normal to worry about the babies health because it is 100% out of your control. I worried with both of my babies, and yes it was one of the biggest concerns when we thought about a 3rd. I don't regret having 2. They play together, fight together and are what siblings should be. They are protective of eachother (although they claim they don't like eachother too much) and ask when the other will be back if they went to a friends house to play. I wouldn't change anything about my sisters either. Im sooo glad I have them. You go from being a playmate to a referee but its an awesome thing to see them play together. Yours will be old enough to be a big help too. I think the only regret I have is waiting too long before getting serious about 3. Now the age gap is too big and I don't feel comfortable with it. I don't have a single regret with baby 2. I wouldn't have my daughter if we didn't and she is amazing. No regrets EVER.

We have 4 kids... the first was a "gift", the second was a request, the third was a "gift", and the 4th was a request.....

I don't regret any of it! I can't imagine what my life would have been like had I stopped at 1 or 2......

Yes, there were crazy times... the first 3 were born within 4 years.. (August '82, April '84, August '86), and then we held off for a bit... but I felt I was too young to do anything permanent..... (I was 29 when #3 was born)...... 4 years later, we felt it was time to have another..... he was born Nov '91... (the day after we learned that hubby and us were being transferred from Iowa to Texas...)

None of our kids had any medical challenges... we were very blessed to have healthy kids. Yes, there have been challenges with the kids in school, and such, but that is part of family life.....

We both came from families with 4 kids.....

And.... I am still married to that guy!

I would never say I regret it - my two kids are both awesome in their own ways, and in fact my second is so easy that it's fun to hang with him, whereas my daughter brings a lot of drama into our house. But when the two are together, they fight constantly! It makes things so difficult! They would both be awesome only children.

We went on to have a third child so I'd have to say no regrets on the second ;)
Sure, I have bad days where I think I was crazy to have had even one. But they are fleeting and in the heat of the moment of the crazy. I never really, truly mean it. I could not imagine my life without my 3 children. I am beyond happy with the 3 of them, even on the days they drive me insane.
Don't worry about the age difference. There's 3 years between my first and second. They were 8 & 5 when my third was born. They all get along just as well as any siblings so. They are fierce defenders of each other when the cards hit the table. They fight but they love each other endlessly.