Only Children

If you're not sure you want to go through the whole baby thing again, then don't do it! However, I will tell you that I had my second daughter in May of this year (her older sister is now 2-1/2) and they are both the loves of my life.

I was put on bedrest at 33 weeks with my first pregnancy because of high blood pressure, but I didn't have any complications at all with my second. If potential health problems are scaring you, I would strongly suggest talking with your doctor to get his/her opinion. I was told there was only about a 30% chance that I would have the same complications the second time, which meant there was a 70% chance everything would go smoothly ... and it did. :)

Good luck making the right decision.

Dear N., I would say no you are not ready to make a decision. You DON'T know if you want to do the baby thing again. You have a lot soul searching to do. The positives are you have a nice little girl and a great man already. You said nothing positive about your pregnancy, labor or having a baby. I know this sounds harsh but I see to many women board and have another child just to be doing it and then regret it. Love what you have right now until you are sure, until your heart aches for another baby to love and all your responses are positive. Sounds like hubby is iffy, and you didn't even talk to your daughter. It will effect all of you.
Think it through, good luck B.

N., I AGREE WITH KIM T. IF YOU THINK THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH IT AGAIN, THEN WAIT UNTIL YOUR HEART TELLS YOU TO. HAVING A BABY SHOULD NOT BE A BURDEN, IT SHOULD BE A JOY AND A TRUE BLESSING THAT YOU ARE THANKFULL FOR. TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR FOR HEALTH ADVICE, EVERY PREGNANCY IS DIFFERENT.
I AM 50 YEARS OLD, I HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL SONS 24 YEARS AND 23 YEARS AND THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE A 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. SHE WAS A SPECIAL GIFT FROM GOD, NOT SOMETHING WE PLANNED FOR SURE. BUT I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING, AND IF I COULD HAVE ANOTHER BABY NOW - I WOULD. (TOTAL HYSTERECTOMY) BUT I DID NOT HAVE MY TUBES TIED AFTER MY DAUGHTERS' BIRTH (C-SECTION) I LEFT IT UP TO GOD. I LOVE MY CHILDREN SO MUCH, IT HAS NEVER BEEN A BURDEN TO HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH THEM. FOLLOW YOUR HEART.
p.s. I HAVE BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED TO SAME WONDERFUL MAN FOR 31 YEARS. AND I KNOW HE FEELS THE SAME.

Hello,
I'm going to respond from two directions. My brother and sister are 18 and 20 years older than me so I was raised as an only child. My sister and I have a relationship now but it is nothing like what siblings who grew up together have.

My children are 15 years apart - not by our choice but because I didn't have the health to get pregnant. I regret that both of my children didn't have someone to grow up with.

If I had known when my daughter was young what I know now, I would have made sure I and my husband were as healthy as possible. I expect I would have been able to get pregnant much sooner. I have also heard many testimonials of challenges during pregnancy being managed by proper nutrition. Your doctor will likely not be very helpful with this. Very few have looked beyond prescriptions and bed rest, but better answers are available.

Your decisions should be your own. I would never offer this if you hadn't asked and it doesn't mean you will feel the same way. If you have a personal relationship with God, He can give you the best guidance.

Hi N.,

I am going through the exact same thing! My daughter is two and a half and though she is thriving as an only child, my husband and I have always dreamed about having two children. I too had a very difficult first pregnancy -- I had Gestational Diabetes and had to eat a ridiculously strict diet, test my blood sugar with finger pricks six times a day and give myself two insulin injections in the stomach every day. I also developed Fibromyalgia during my pregnancy. The Fibromyalgia remains to this day and I'm told I have an 80% chance of developing Diabetes in the future. We are afraid of what another pregnancy will do to my health but we want our daughter to have a sibling. For now, we're leaving it to fate. I have stopped taking birth control but we are not actively trying to get pregnant. I know I'm not giving you any useful advice but I can tell you that whatever you decide is the right decision and you're not alone in this dilemma.

N.,

When I had my daughter, Adrienne, 4 yrs. old, her father was insistent that she should not be an only child - only children are spoiled, lonely, and generally it's just "not normal". Well, we've been divorced for over a year now, and I've got my own ideas on only children. How great! How lucky! I have two older sisters and we aren't close, in fact, they've caused me more hurt than happiness, as awful as that is to say. The same for my ex-husband, though. It isn't as though he and his brother got along or are really close...

I think the world looks at only children as being spoiled and lonely. I look at my child and say, "go for it honey!" She's got confidence, self-esteem, but she's very giving, very generous.

In other words, don't have another child because you feel you SHOULD for any reason, and don't let anyone make you feel one child is a bad thing. Just try for another if YOU really want another child...

God bless!

This isn't a decision any can make for you.
There are plenty of arguments for both sides that can be made-but I'd like to point out that your children would be far enough in age that they would all have "only child syndrome". That's a set of behaviour patterns that are present in only children (and I'm not talking spoiled or selfish behaviour. I honestly don't see that in too many only children.) The behaviour patterns I'm talking about are a massive sense of independence and self, a tendency for self-reliance, and a certain isolationism that is normally balanced by a highly social or equally unsocial child.

My kids were all far enough apart that they all ended up with only child syndrome. They love each other and play together, but they all act as if they are the only child in the household and the others are merely visiting.

Just something to keep in mind. Mainly, though, you should just follow your heart.

Hi, I work for MVH and use to work in the medical imaging area. One day a daughter of patient was registering her dad for ct scan, and said have at least two kids. She was just so worn out from worrying and be the only child and taking care of her parents. Another view is I have a good friend whom is the only child and she married a only child and now with her she has a hard time getting to do anything without her daughter or help. I have only one brother but my husband has two sisters. I do not know what I would do without them. There are always there for each other. Also remeber every pregnancy is different. If there certain things would like to be different let me know and I can give info or ideas to help you make it better this time. But at the same time if you really just do not want another child the don't. It is your body and your life. Just thought you might want some different views. Take Care jo

As an only child myself, I must say that I did enjoy being an only child. I don't believe the stereotype of only children being spoiled or self-indulgent. In fact, my friends were always surprised to find out I was an only child because I was neither of those things as a child or now as an adult. So you needn't worry about how your daughter will behave because it has more to do with how you raise her rather than a lack of siblings.

That being said, if you do decide to have another child, I feel that your daughter is the perfect age for another sibling. I just had my first child and my husband and I agreed to wait until I have my degree before we have another child-about four or five years. I think this is the perfect age because my daughter will have just enough alone time with us to benefit from being the only child and she will be independant enough not to be threatened by a new baby.

About your concern for your health, my ob/gyn always expressed to me that each pregnancy is different. I've also read that having a rough labor the first time doesn't mean that it will be rough the second time. In fact, I hear it is usually a lot easier.

Whatever your decision, it will be the right one for you. Good luck!

Hi N.

My husband and I had a hard time getting pregnant the first time and were so happy when it finally happened. I had horrible morning sickness and after my son was born the first 6 months of his life were rough. He screamed all the time. We weren't sure we wanted another child but are now glad we did. My sons are about 3 1/2 years apart and my second pregnancy was much easier than my first. It is so fun to see my sons interact and when friends can't be around they have each other to play with. Having a 2nd child is a big decision but it is also a worthwhile one

Good luck

Hello N.
I have a two year old soon to be 3 in november and I've been through some things like urself! Nevaeh(my daughter) was supposed to be a twin but for some reason her twin miscarried at 6 weeks Nevaeh is my first child and the docters say I cant have anymore because Nevaehs Brother/sister tore up my insides and caused Nevaeh to be born on November the 13th and she wasnt due until Feb. the 9th! thats 27 week early! so The only advice I can give u is Charish what u got and what u can still do because some people cant do those things!

N.,

I am a single mother of an 8-year old boy and he is an only child and will remain that way! I have thought about adoption, but that may be a couple years away. I have five very close girlfriends and 4 of the 5 have one child and are very content w/one child! I realize if something happened to me, he has no siblings, but I come from a decent sized family and know that he will not be left alone! I could not see going through the baby stage ever again!

As your daughter, my son is not spoiled and knows that the world does not revolve around him. I think if the children are raised with morals and values, it will all work out fine! That is just my opinion, I hope others have helpful advice for you as well!!!

Take care,
S.

My name is D.. I have a 7 year old boy and a 18 month old girl. They are wonderful together, when she is not scratching, biting and hitting my boy, hehehe.He is so wonderful with her. I had a hard pregnancy with my first, I went into preterm labor at 6 mos. and was on bedrest my entire 3rd trimester. Hard delivery too. I didn't ever think I would do it again. But,I am an only child and I always wanted siblings, I still do. I wanted another child for my son, but also for me. That is the important part. Don't do it simply because you don't want an only child. Do it for all of you. In my experience, I can't imagine life without my 2nd child. We are so thankful we took a chance. I don't know where I would be without my children. Good luck figuring this out. Just remember, if it is meant to be....she/he will come to you. When it is time, you will know the answer to your question.
D.

N.,
I too have 1 child. She is the light of our lives. Our miracle child. I often dream of having more children, but in reality my health isn't the best because of arthritis. Our daughter doesn't seem to mind that she has no siblings at this point. Both my husband and I both spend quality time with her everyday and never think about having more after much consideration and the chances that would be if something were to happen with trying. I too had a rough pregnancy losing 14 lbs and only gaining a total of 3 lbs for my pregnancy. We've been married for 10 years and people ask us if we are going to have more but I always explain why we aren't and usually those whom we tell are considerate of our decision. We are fortunate to have 1 beautiful girl.
Our daughter also knows the value of money and isn't spoiled and she is only 4 1/2 yrs old. I'm certainly not worried about her wanting a brother or sister because as she gets older, I will explain why as time passes. Good luck in your decision.
T. G.

My husband and I had our little Elaina when Merrie was 5 1/2. She has been amazing! She's such a good big sister and helps out so much. It's nice having them far apart. Elaina will be a year old in one month. I'm also pregnant again and due December 24th. I say, now then 5 more years from now! :) Seriously, Merrie was so grown up about the whole thing, and is so protective of her little sister. :)

N.,
I can understand where you are coming from.
Although I have a sibling and my husband has a sibling, we live far away and have no help with our daughter so now that she is getting a little older (2 and a half) I feel a little freedom. It is nice to be able to take her out without worrying about feeding, etc. If I had more help I may be ready for another baby, but I don't.
Also, I run 5k races as a hobby and I really love being in tip top shape so I also think about how hard it was to lose the extra weight. That may sound vain, but I have struggled with body image most of my life so it is a real issue for me.
Overall, I am so deliriously happy with the family I have: a bright, brilliant little girl and the most loving devoted husband. Should I be blessed with another child I know it will be icing on the cake, but for now I am content and if you are content then no need to make any choices at this time, unless your age is a factor for you. I am 32 so I have a few years to work with and decide.
Good luck with whatever you decide, these are the hard decisions!
J.

Hi N.,

I can relate to your feelings. When my husband and I decided to have another child and our first daughter was 5, at first we were more worried about the age gap, butas of today our second little girl turned one year old and my first is now 6 1/2 and they are just wonderful together. I am glad we did wait the extra couple years. My oldest is a terrific big sister and my little one just adores her. Getting back into diapers and all really wasn't so bad. If you are having doubts about having a second then you should just make sure you are 100% on which ever way you decide. But the 2 of them really get along well and my "big girl" just loves to help and that really does make the mommy job that much easier. Good luck in your decision!