Help with Son Biting

My son had a really bad biting problem around the same age. I noticed that he was getting frustrated with the other kids because he couldnt communicate with them. I started watching him, and he would get angry and start to throw a tantrum first, then if he didnt get his way, out came the chompers! I had to catch him before he did it and ask him what was wrong, tell him he had to share, or whatever the prob. was. Anyway, he did grow out of it and for him, it was just frustration that he couldnt say what he was feeling.

S. everything I've read says NOT to bite him back, because that will reinforce the idea that that behaviour is acceptable beacause mommy did it, like hitting your kid because he hit someone else. There's a great book out there called, HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN & LISTEN SO KIDS WILL TALK. try using time-outs (see supernanny book for best results), and negative consequences such as "if you bite we'll go home. Also remind your child what constitutes good behavior before entering high-temptation situations. Keep a biting diary, by noting what happened before and afterwards, who was involved and so on, you may be able to prempt or sidestep future episodes.good luck! ps try NO BITING: Policy and Practice for Toddler Programs by Gretchen Kinnell Redleaf press

Biting him back does not teach him that biting is bad. It does just the opposite. It is hard to 'reason' with a 2 year old, but you need to get him away from the situation that caused him anger right away. Then, you sit him down and try to talk to him. Ask him why he is angry, or if you know why he is angry, watch out for what will trigger that in the future. Talking to him is not for the purpose of reasoning with him, but to let him know that you care. Sometimes they just want control of their situation and they don't know how to get it. By calming him down, you have helped him to redirect his thoughts. That's all.

This is not an easy answer, but biting him back is not teaching him what you really want him to learn. He needs to learn how to communicate better, not just the fact that biting is bad.

Good luck!
Merry Christmas!

I've always heard that there is a "normal" biting phase. When my daughter was about 2.5 she bit her best friend who was under 2 in the normal course of play. I was really freaked out about it but the mom of her best play buddy was super supportive and talked with me about not making a big deal out of it. I also wanted to bite her back to show her how it felt, but the mom said that they don't have the ability to translate pain received from pain given. She said it was okay to say things like "be gentle", and things like that, but not to be violent or forceful, but to basically redirect the kid--like direct her to a new toy or activity and give her some attention. On older kids, you have to be tougher, and set different consequences, but on little ones, if they are biting, it could be lots of things and if you don't make it into a huge deal, they will probably quit doing it pretty fast. I did have a conversation with my daughter and told her how biting was bad and how she couldn't play with her friend if she bit him and she never did it again. I don't know what the current thoughts are, that was 20 years ago, but that is my experience. good luck!

when my son was that age I barely touched my finger to a little bit of soap. then explained to him that our skin is dirty and when we bite it we have to wash all the dirt out. His biting faze lasted a whole week.
Also, give him something else to bite. like a teething ring and tell him firmly NO! when he does it. Make sure you give the victim more attention than him as it may be he likes the reaction he gets. Also, since he is doing this when he is upset. Try and watch him see if you can stop him before he bites. write down what his emotions are like. Did his sister try and take a toy away from him when he bit her? or did he want a toy that she had? see if you can find the triggers and prevent him from the biting. Hope that helps. all the best.

Hello S.,
I am frustrated with the same situation. My 14 month old bites and I can't get her to quit. She thinks she is being cute by doing so. Most often she does it while I am pushing the shopping cart, so time out doesn't always work like some else mentioned. She bites I sternly tell her no, and she smiles as big and cute as she can. It seems she only bites me too. I will have to watch your other posts to see if there is anything else mentioned that I can use. Good luck to you.

Wow! You actually already did what I would have suggested but don't give up. Maybe try putting him in time out after he does it (2 1/2 minutes of course)and biting him back of course does work it just takes time. Other than that I just don't know. Maybe try talking to your doctor about it or maybe try giving him something to carry around to crew on. Keep praising him when he goes a full day with no biting.

S.
My two and a half your old twin has biten her twin sister since she got ehr first tooth. my otehr daughter has a bad scar close to belly button a courtesy of her sister. she still does it. but she only bites her sister. no one else. i have tried everything, from time out, to being much nicer to her sister.i did not bite back. i think that's inappropriate as a two year old will not understand why isn't ok for him to bite but ok for mami to bite.
our ped. says they'll grow out of this phase. i sure do hope so.
basically, what i am saying is continue with punish time, or take away favorite toy or put in his room alone for a few minutes. but be consistent. maybe it will work for you

developmentally children at this age are in a stage which they cannot understand other's pain. which is why it is so hard for them to share.

So biting him back wouldn't work because he only wonders why you hurt him, he cannot process that he is hurting others.

My son is about to turn 2 and has also started this.. he is biting very hard... it is scarey.
He knows he isn't supposed to do it because after he does it he covers his eyes and seems to show remorse.

I tell him "NO BITE" "that hurts! I cannot let you bite other children" If it is during our childcare hours we set him on the couch and talk to him about it. with very simple words like I wrote up abvoe.

However when he is upstairs with my husband and I. My husband pops his mouth and tells him NO BITE! that hurts.

He cannot really process that he is hurting other children but he knows he isn't supposed to do it. However, controlling thos impulses is very difficult at this age. Which is why you will probably have to tell him over and over again. Or be there to stop him if you notice it about to happen.

Guidance is a long process but it is far more rewarding for both parent and child when it has a breakthrough...

I have a great example of guidance that worked so wonderfully..
for a botu the last six months whenever we were in the car my daughter would scream when her Dora CD was over. Each time we would put it back on but would also Say" McKenzee you cannot scream for Dora, when you want it back on you must say, "Mommy please put dora back on".
Well, after several times of this over the past six months we had a break through.. She polietly asked!!! I was so excited!!

You see instead of yelling..Don't scream and turning it off. she learned how to act. that is the wonderful part of guidance.. we are teaching them what TO do.. instead of always yelling about what NOT to do...
they weren't born all knowing.. :)

Good luck!

In my personal experience, rather than biting my daughter, I put her own hand in her mouth and pushed her mouth closed...not hard enough to cause damage, just enough that she saw that her teeth hurt. I then explained that if she didn't like the way it felt to bite herself that her sister probably didn't either and that it isn't nice to hurt people. She seemed to grasp that idea and I haven't had any problems with it since.

BITE HIM BACK!!! One time of you biting him hard enough to shock him he should stop. My three and 1/2 year old bit me once like a year ago and I bit her right back and she hasn't done it since. Give it a shot. Good Luck.

Hey Stacy,

I have a son who is 2 now and boy did he ever have an anger problem that would consist of him biting, hitting, pinching and kicking if he could. I did everything from putting him in time out, pinching, or biting him, spanking him, all that kinda stuff. Nothing worked matter of fact I bit him back one time really hard.. felt so bad because he cried so loudly. Almost made me cry. Right after he got done crying which was like 30 seconds. He put his hand up to my mouth to bite him again. Which is funny now that I think about it but it wasnt then. I didnt know what to do so I grabbed a bar of soap. The next time he bit me I warned him, the second time I dragged his butt into the bathroom and put the edge of the soap into his mouth and shoved his lower jaw into it. He hated it!!! We then came into the kitchen for a cup of water and I cleaned out his mouth and made him drink some water. Sounds kinda cruel but after all the other things I had no other options really and this one actually worked. I started this during the middle of November and since then I have only had to do it one other time since then. We now have no problems with biting or pinching or anything else. If he starts all I have to do is ask him if he wants soap in his mouth. He automatically says no and stops what he's doing. You can try it if you want or toss my suggestion out the window, either way.. good luck.
A.