One Sided Conversations with Friends...

Don't bother. Just find other friends.

You have to know people's limitations, and then, accepting those, choose whether or not there is anything about them worth spending time with. If not, then don't do it.

Is there anything fun about this person?

Hi JC 

I'm sorry you're having this trouble with your friend, but I thought I could offer a slightly different perspective. I used to be like your friend, and I think some times I still can be. Let me just say that it's not because I'm self obsessed or not interested in my friends. I love my friends and I am totally interested in what is going on with them.

The problem was/ is with me. There are a few reasons I'm like this. The first is that I am very uncomfortable with silences. I came from a very large loud family so if there was silence something was wrong. If there is even a natural lull in the conversation I immediately feel the need to fill it. I'm aware of this and now try to fill it with a question to whomever I'm with, but I used to just try to fill it with the first thing that came to mind - often something that was going on with me. 

The other reason I talked incessantly about myself was because (ironically) I was afraid of being seen as boring or not contributing to the conversation.

It only came to light that I did this when I had lunch with a good friend and saw a mutual friend later that day. When I mentioned the lunch, the mutual friend started asking questions about how the lunch friend was doing and I realised that I actually knew very little considering we'd just spent a couple of hours in each others company.  I then had a good look at my behaviour and have since tried to be more aware of it. 

I know I still do it sometimes, but do try to catch myself and apologise. I was recently talking to my best friend and realised that we'd been talking for half an hour and we'd only talked about my boys and new house. I hadn't asked about her recent honeymoon or pregnancy. I apologised for being self involved, she laughed and it was all fine, but there was a time I wouldn't have even noticed.

I'm by no means making excuses for your friend. Not asking about your pregnancy nor engaging with your children is wrong. I guess I'm just saying that maybe there are reasons for her behaviour and even a jokey - 'Oh, I'm fine by the way. Thanks for asking.' when she clearly hasn't asked may just be the nudge she needs.

I suppose it depends if you want to keep the friendship or if you're asking us how to end it. Sometimes friendships just come to a natural end. You may be at this point. That's for you to decide.

I wish you all the best. I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly. 

D. x

I've had a friend like this for 20+ years. My solution, cut her off and tell her it's your turn. My friend has NO idea how she rambles on about herself so when I literally tell her "It's my turn" she just apologizes and we have a conversation instead of me listening to her talk. I love spending time with her and she's a great friend who would do anything for me. This is just one of her flaws and I figured out how to handle it. lol :)

My guess for this woman is she's just a little bit socially awkward, lonely and bored and wants to be involved with you and your family but just doesn't know how. Tell her and teach her. As someone who had no idea what to do with a kid before I had my own, I would've welcomed someone gently guiding me in how to approach her children or how to engage them.

If you're not interested in this friend and coming up with a solution then just tell her you feel you're no longer compatible as friends and break up with her, so to speak.

You are exactly describing my sister... It's become a family joke. I hope you get some good suggestions, because I could use some, too. It's become so bad that I talk to her only a few times a year.

Take these kind of friends in small doses! Do your best to be friendly and go with that. I too have a friend..who can't stop talking about herself like she is the expert in everything and her life...Insecurities. I give her grace but also take her in small doses because her energizer bunny...blah blah can drive anyone over the edge....

Simply say - next time she asks for a visit - that you are feeling really tired and run down between the running around with the children and your pregnancy and don't feel like socializing. Maybe then she'll have an "A-ha" moment about how she's not asked about YOUR life and welfare.

Life's too short to waste time. If she is an otherwise good friend and you want to give the friendship a last chance, have an honest talk with her about how you feel that it's become rather one-sided. If you're not really interested in pursuing hte friendship, I would politely decline the next meetup, be vague about when you can meet up and eventually phase her out.

You don't really need to explain how you feel unless and until she asks. Before that point, she'll probably only be offended. But when she calls with her plans, you can gently but persistently say things like, "Next Friday? No, that won't work for me (and my kids.).

If you fall into the habit of making excuses, you'll be inclined to go on using excuses until you run out or begin repeating yourself. But it's really okay to insist that something somebody else wants to do won't work for you. And if you say it in a light, friendly voice, she's not too likely to take offense.

Eventually, she may become curious about why you're never available. At that point, it would be fair to tell her what YOUR feelings are (stressed, strained, confused, bored, annoyed, surprised, disappointed, etc.), and some of the ways that your meetings with her don't meet YOUR needs. But if you want her to consider you a friend, don't tell her things like "Jeannie, YOU expect too much of my children," or "YOU only want to talk about yourself."

There are times in relationships that it IS one-sided....she may need to dump and vent on you...

however, if you feel like you are wasting your time with her - she's not a friend and I would just be upfront with her and say "this isn't working out for me...I've cherished our time together in the past but our lives are going in different directions."

Yes I had a friend just like that except when I did get a few words in edgewise, she would ALWAYS interrupt me by saying "real quick let me tell you this" and continue on with me me me! In addition most of what she had to say was negative, she was very rude to wait staff and she would introduce herself and me to perfect strangers in restaurants. "Hi I'm Brenda this is my friend T., what's your name, blah blah blah? It was embarrassing.

I just finally couldn't take her anymore and dropped the friendship. I feel for the woman but do not miss her.

Blessings....

This is my mother. I try to avoid her and keep space between us. Pretty sad since our family is very small and my sister's have the same issue with her.

.

I think the best way to deal with this situation is to speak honestly with your friend.
I have a friend that recently had a "difficult" discussion with me and even though I did get upset with what she said (only because what she said was true) I'm so glad that she spoke up. She had pointed out to me that she was feeling like she was the only one making the effort to maintain our friendship and that she was ready to just walk away because I didn't seem to care. It really opened my eyes to some bad habits that I had developed.
I'm one of those people that is just about as content to stay home and do my thing as I am being social. I had allowed myself to get into the homebody rut and wasn't reaching out to ANY of my friends for months and months. I was initially defensive (i have three kids still at home, 2 with special needs). Looking back I did make a lot of excuses as to why I didn't call or email or write and though they were legitimate to a degree I realized that I had been using them too much just because I didn't feel like being social.
Since that conversation I have reached out to a couple of my other friends and apologized for my neglect and let them know that I was going to make a concerted effort to keep in touch and meet up with them more but I also let them know that there may times where I would probably go a few weeks without contacting them but that it didn't mean I wasn't thinking about them.
My friend and I now get together once a week to have coffee and catch up (for the record, she is in her mid 30's single w/o children and I'm in my mid 40's). I wouldn't still have this friendship if she had never said anything to me.
So please, go to your friend without your kids and just let her know that you feel like you haven't really been able to let her know about your life the last several times you've met because she has had so much to tell you but that you would really like to talk to her about your life. Go somewhere where a t.v. won't be a distraction. You might be surprised by how it all turns out. A person can't make the effort to improve a relationship if they don't know what is wrong. If after you both make a serious effort to make your friendship stronger it still isn't working then you can "break up" with her as somebody else put it. But I say give her a fair chance to make things right.

Let her know you are busy and don't have time. That is honest. Good luck

N. Marie