Obligated to Put Pillow Case on My Child Because MIL Calls Itadress?

My cousin was smarter than me. She put the kids in the ugly clothes, took a photo, and then put them in the guest closet to wear when the giver visited.
Her mother never knew how inappropriate it was to give a 13 year old a grandma dress made from antique lace that also happened to be seethru. She was happy in her ignorance and the kids knew never to be anyway but polite. If they were two sizes bigger, I would have worn the holiday sweatshirts with real lights that flashed.

I have a bad relationship with my MIL and I foolishly answered her questions about why they don't wear the clothes. She KNOWS my children have severe skin allergies and can't wear certain fabrics. It is a MEDICAL issue, so I felt it was fine to be honest. I regret not following my cousin's example.
The clothes could have been donated as she outgrew them and some poor child would have been blessed with expensive clothes.

You can do what I do with that kind of thing....take a picture of the kid in it for that relative, and then relegate it to the back of the closet till they grow out of it.

Where is the harm in dressing your daughter in something ugly for a little while in order to make your husband's mother happy? You don't have to take your daughter out shopping in the dress or take Christmas pictures in it, but put it on her and take a photo and send it to your MIL. Put it on your daughter when your MIL comes to visit. Doing something nice in order to make a family member happy isn't hurting anyone.

I will be honest with you--I am a handmade gift maker. I put a lot of thought, time, and especially love into my items. To know that you're just giving the items away would honestly break my heart. After my mom passed, my family had a sale to sell some of her things. I noticed my sister talking to a lady at the sale and overheard her saying, "yes, this is handmade, that's why it's slightly higher than the other sweaters". I glanced over to notice the very last item I made my mom--that she never got to wear, either, I might add-- right before she passed being held up by a total stranger with a price of FOUR DOLLARS on it. I was beyond irate. The materials alone cost me more than quadruple that, not to mention the 90+ hours I spent working on it. I walked over, told the lady I was sorry, but that the item was not for sale. I would have much rathered my sister would have just returned it to me so I could atleast wear it myself than to sell it for a face-slapping $4.

I love Sara B's answer is perfect. Worst case, they can wear the stuff she makes when she visits and it goes in the back of the closet any other time. Sometimes you have to put up with annoying stuff when it comes to family.

You mentione you have a very rough relationship with your MIL; your question is extremely harsh in your attitude towards her - " I dont see why... just to make my MIL happy." What harm is there in this? Unless she's EVIL or HARMFUL, be polite. If you can shift your attitude - even a little - to be more positive toward her, her attitude may shift to be more positive toward you. At the very least, your husband will be more comfortable.

Good luck!

I think you probably shouldn't get rid of them. My MIL makes some pretty awful dresses for my niece and some pretty questionable outfits for my son, but I know she puts a lot of love and work into them. I know she doesn't make ugly stuff out of spite, just really bad taste. Frankly, I'm not sure I would be caught dead in them, but I put my son in them, take some photos and send them to her. And when they visit or we visit them I make he wears them so she can see how it looks. It's not really any work for me to do it and it makes her so happy, so to me it seems like a no brainer. I mean, we all have pictures of ourselves in hideous clothes from childhood so why shouldn't my son have the same :).

My MIL sews for her grandchildren, it gives her great pleasure, and gives her something to do - her items are very well made, but sometimes not what I would pick - but I get my duaghter to wear them at least a few times - it would hurt her feelings if I didn't, I always make a big deal over what she makes.
but once she grows out of them, I give them away - you can't keep everything.
I am sure she does'nt mean to make things you don't like - what would be the point in her investing time in that - maybe you could pick out some patterns for her to make, in styles you like

My MIL taught me to knit when we were first married and it has become a very dear and important part of my life - in fact knitting has gotten me thru some of the hardest parts of my life as a mom. The things she sent the kids weren't always perfect, but they knew she sent them with love. One of the ugliest knit vests she sent my daughter had been worn by her only girl cousin on that side of the family 10 years before. My daughter LOVED it and wore it all the time. I think it made her feel close to her grandma and cousin, both who lived far away. She was so happy and who cares if a 9 year old isn't a fashion plate?

Knitting has become important to my daughter as well and she has used it as an amazing creative outlet - what a gift from her grandma! My dear MIL passed away last week and every time I look at my youngest I think of her - his hands look just like hers and those were the hands that taught me to knit!

Please find a way to be grateful that you have a MIL who wants to give to your kids - what can be bad about someone else on this earth who loves them - no matter how unfashionably?

wow, your attitude toward your MIL is really jumping out! Peace!

Anyway, everybody has their own sense of style. Even if you don't appreciate the effort nor the end result- out of kindness & respect to your husband, MIL, & your child.....you really should not discard gifts, especially those made with love & care. It may not mean anything to you....but may mean the world to them. Again, Peace!

My MIL has bought some so-so clothes too. I don't always like what she sends, but my baby is cute in whatever she wears. Plus I will get use out of the clothes just playing around the house, or going outside. It may not be what I personally think is cute, but they were purchased (in your case hand made) with good intentions.
In our family we also have a policy that if I don't like something, I at least give it back to her, so she can give it away to a friend for their grandkids, or whoever she wants. Or even if she wants to keep it at her house. I like the picture idea the other responses said. Maybe you could pick up some patterns that you like and some material, and give it to her. That way it's a pattern you like, but it also saves her money? Good Luck.

how about to make your husband happy?
it sounds as if it is important to him, at least, that his mom (his mom!!) has spent a lot of time and effort making something personal.
you don't have to put it on her every day, and it won't fix a rough relationship. but just tossing something made by hand, that's had love and effort and attention to your child, is kind of gratuitously mean.
khairete
S.

You should always put your kid in the outfit once and take a picture, send it to Grandma and then do what you wish to do with the outfit afterwards. That would be the nice thing to do for Grammy.
Besides, it gives your MIL an idea of how hideous it looks ;)
ADD ON:
I read some of the other more compassionate posts and it got me to thinking that your daughter may end up with a special and close relationship with her grandmother one day and maybe you should save all of those dresses as your daughter may very well treasure them.

She spent alot of time making the dress. It may be ugly but atleast she cares. I agree with the other posts. Just take a picture in it, then put it in a never wear pile.

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How old is your daughter? Would it really be that terrible to put your MIL dresses on her? I think you should pick your battles, believe me it can get worse and if MIL makes ugly dresses is her problem I bet a lot of woman would be happy to trade with you.

Honestly, your being a bit of a jerk. My mil, whom I dont like, sends stuff to my kids too and you have to think it's the thought that counts. It's a very kind gesture for someone to think of a dress, buy materials and then put it together. Eventually your daughter will tell grandma what she likes and they will bond until then let grandma love her grandbabies.
I know I was harsh in the beginning but I've been a jerk too. My mil made a HUGE dog quilt for our home. I hate quilts and just because I have dogs doesn't mean I want a quilt in tribute to them. But when she visits I put it out and focus on how detailed it is.
Mil's are tough but be thankful for what you have. It could be soooo much worse.

I understand your pain. My inlaws always buys my son clothes. My mil and sil always gets relatively nice things. My sil gets things with skulls on them. I absolutely hate the skulls. I took all the skull items and put them in a bag and pretended I forgot about them. My fil buys the most awful winter coat for my son. I buy him one too. He wears mine to school and whenever we go out. He wears the one my fil buys to play in or whenever we are not going somewhere that I care what he wears. I am appreciative that they buy him things. It saves on the amount if things I have to purchase. Pick your battles. Love life.

My grandmother was a wonderful seamstress, and never made me ugly clothes. However, they were not what I liked, as she tended towards frilly when I preferred button down oxford style, etc. However, I loved her dearly, and she died way too soon. I'd wear a dirty potato sack if I could have had her back for a few more years, especially if she made it for me. So if I had a dress now that she had made for me (they are sadly all given away) I would treasure it no matter how ugly. Point is, your daughter is getting the wrong idea about clothes. The love that goes into something hand made just for her is priceless. If your daughter (not you) doesn't want to wear it, then just thank the MIL and keep it tucked away as a "keepsake" (ie. "keep" it for the "sake" of the family).
ADD TO MY ANSWER; After reading your "so what happened", there are clearly other issues besides the dress. Try to look at this strictly from your daughter's perspective. You don't say how old she is so I assume she is little and makes no decisions about how she dresses, wears her hair, etc. Does she have a relationship with the MIL? Is it positive? Do they behave as if they love one another? If not, then I wouldn't worry about the dress, just rise above it all, say thank you, and do with it what you will. However, if your daugher may one day want to have something made especially for her, then keep it long enough for her to decide. But you can never go wrong if you do the right thing, no matter the past, or how painful it can be for you. Be the better person even if the MIL is not. Best wishes to you!!

put it on her take a picture then get rid of it.

I am a proponent of well groomed, well dressed and well educated children. In the olden times, our mothers would staunch ou bleeding injuries, put us in a pant suit, and then take us to the ER. If MIL insists on making items out of pillow cases-perhaps a pillow person doll would be more suitable? My daughter, who will be 27 soon-still has her pillow person dolly! Sending your well dressed child an outfit made out of a pillow case was a passive form of aggression and shouldn't be interpreted any other way. A seemingly nice gesture that began and ended as an insult.

you know, it's interesting, your initial post asks people a simple question: do you need to put a handmade dress that you hate on your daughter just to make your mother-in-law happy. and most people agree that the common decency answer is yes. and in fact from the way you worded your initial post, you do sound pretty petulant.

then, instead of taking the advice that you asked for, and applying it to your situation, and trying to find a solution (after all, you asked; it's not like these folks were stopping you on the street to offer random criticisms), you decide that you're being attacked and you unleash on these people, adding details that are certainly relevant and no one else could have known, and blaming folks for using the info you provided to offer advice, and blaming them for not using info that you didn't actually provide.

it sounds like you already had your answer inside and you weren't really looking for advice, you were looking for validation. what you asked for was advice, and then you were angry because that's what you got when what you wanted was validation. ask for what you want, or don't get mad when you get what you asked for.

sooooooo..... we get back to what I think is a much more fundamental issue. you see the world through your lens, and you certainly do not seem very willing to give others the benefit of the doubt. I have this idea that, despite the fact that, on paper, your MIL does sound at the very least complicated, maybe we're still not getting the whole story. maybe you're contributing to the vitriol that exists between the two of you. maybe you're forgetting that it's possible for a woman to feel shut out from her son's life once he marries (you know the old saying, "a daughter's a daughter for the rest of your life, but a son's only a son 'til he takes a wife."), maybe you're not having much empathy for her, and she's not having much for you, and someone has to drop her dukes and actually try and communicate. maybe she doesn't ~want~ to be controlled by her DIL and she thinks that as an adult and a mother and your senior, she doesn't have to subject herself to your dictates. just because you have ideas about how your children dress and behave doesn't mean they're the only valid ideas out there; maybe dropping your defenses a little and letting her in will open you to a whole world of ideas that you never considered. after all, she raised the man you loved and respected enough to marry and have children with; isn't that good for something? doesn't that at least gain her entry into some kind of inner circle with you?

maybe not. I'm actually not defending her, though I think you will have to drop your defenses against me, which I am quite certain are up, and actually read what I am saying with an open mind and an open heart in order to see that. and I'm not sure you're there yet.

but consider if you can: in all these difficult, complicated, inflamed relationships (with advice-givers, MIL, husband....) there is only one common denominator, and that's you. so maybe you need to look in the mirror for some of your answers.

good luck. I hope you find the strength of heart to open up to the many possibilities around you, and try choosing to give others the benefit of the doubt some times. most folks are not actually trying to hurt you, but are just getting by in their own ways. just like you.

R.,
My MIL once bought a dress when I was pregnant with SON#2. Yeah, we all knew he was a boy. She just wanted a granddaughter and went for one. I have 3 boys and she has no granddaughters. I'm not sure what she thought I was going to do with the dress. I kept it until I gave birth to my son. And then into the donation pile, it went.

I humored her to a point. Don't let the little things get to you. Anyway, I think the pillowcase dresses are cute. Of course, I wouldn't put them on my boys.

Good luck.
~K.

I happen to be a fan of the pillow case dresses and think they're adorable on little girls, however I am not a fan of my MIL so I see both sides. I do think your husband flipping out is a little extreme. My husband wouldn't notice or care if I dressed my child in something his mom bought/made. It sounds to me like maybe your husband is the bigger problem in this case and the problems between you and your MIL. Ugh, best of luck!

Hello!
Sometimes it pays to take one for the team. It can be easily solved by putting your child in the item, taking a photo, then, put it in a box stashed out of site. Eventually, when no one is around, take your donations away.
But, if the child likes it, even though Mommy may not, there is no harm in allowing her to wear it around to play in or what have you. Sometimes, even though YOU hate it, your kid is going to LOVE it. Hubby will forget it soon enough. But sometimes, doing something this simple, yes, to make HER happy, is a good thing. She will mellow with time. (hopefuly!) Best of luck!
I just read the what happened post..Ouch! I see that you have taken one already! BUT..she is YOUR child, so, ultimately, you have the final say. Your husband is no dif than any other, I assume he can not walk on water?! My MIL is a good one thankfully for me. But you are not a jerk for deciding what is best for your child. I donate stuff..=0) all the time!!
Well, I truly hope that you can get your husband to see the light of the relation ships that are not existent and that things get better for all involved. Best to you!

When I was little my grandma loved to sew and make things, and my sister and I (but mostly me because I was the youngest) always got the 'experiments' of whatever she was trying to come up with. My mom usually just thanked her and got rid of the clothes. She never even really noticed we never wore these creations again. Try to let your husband know that you're not trying to insult his mother by getting rid of the clothes. If your own mother loves to shop and get your kids new clothes that fit, I don't see why you have to be subjected to letting your kids wear 'pillow case dresses' lol