Son Is Getting Married!!

if you can find a dress that you are comfortable in it would be the best option....weddings are kinda weird like that...it's a sorta formal occasion. But if you can't find anything that you are comfortable in then a nice pantsuit would make a good option? they have some very flattering flowy, dressy type pantsuits out there.
you don't have to get all super glitzy and blingy, but dressed up for the ceremony is probably the right thing to do

so long as it's not outrageously expensive or tacky, and fits well... why not? You can always change after the important first dances. I'm not a dress wearer either and I got out of my wedding dress as soon as I could and was comfortable the rest of the reception. But I looked nice for the wedding pics :)

I let my daughter choose what I wore to her wedding, even though I didn't like it. She kept saying, "Isn't it great? Don't you love it?" about the dress, hoping that I'd be excited. I was not excited. It wasn't comfortable, and it cost me more than my own wedding dress. But, I smiled and said, "I'm glad that you like it" over and over and over, because it was her day, and I wanted her to be happy.

You might pack an extra outfit, though. One reason I didn't like this dress is that it had no stretch to the fabric, and I split open the back seam by bending over, so I had to change and wear a different outfit through the reception. ;)

Well, if your question is "Do I really need to wear a dress?" I'd advise, yes, you really do need to wear a dress. If DIL would like you to be a member of the wedding party, yeah, you do it her way. Or you decline to be a member of the bridal party.

I guess I don't understand. I don't like dresses either, but when my kids get married (OMG, happy wonderful stuff), it will certainly not be about my own comfort, it will be about me doing whatever they would like me to do to make their day as perfect and as stress free as possible.

:)

Yes, darling, you'll dress up and look lovely in all of the photos. And if you don't want to do a dress, perhaps you could request to wear a lovely pantsuit. Truly, it doesn't matter what you're "into," it's not your wedding day. But you'll find something lovely and go along with it all because you're a good mom.

This is your son's wedding. It's not a casual BBQ or dinner at a friends house. I don't wear dresses anymore either - but I do wear them to weddings - and funerals of really close people (like my mom's last year).

Plum is not a bad color - it's not powder blue or bright pink. It's a dark color and has a "thinning" look to it like black or gray. You will be able to find a dress in plum that will fit "the girls". Go online and look for dresses in larger sizes. You may have to get some alterations done - it's not the end of the world. Ask your future DIL if you could wear some flowy pants (they look like skirts and can be very dressy) google: plus size evening wear. Even if just your girls are plus size you can get the rest of the dress adjusted.

The question is - do you love your son? do you want his marriage to begin on a happy note with family harmony? The answer is yes. yes you do love your son and yes you do want the beginning of his marraige to have a good start. You don't have control over a lot of things since it IS the bride's day. but the thing you have control over is you. You can and should control yourself and agree to what really is not a big deal. Find a plum colored dress. Spend some money. Don't be the mom of the groom that people are talking about in a negative way. Be the mom of the groom that people say nice things about.

Finally - my mom never thought my brother's wives were perfect. Ceretainly one of my SIL's was much better than the other - but the bottom line is - you want to stay in your son's life. Being difficult won't make that easy. be the MIL that your DIL can say nice things about. Think about your own MIL and decide what things about her were good and waht were negative and use that as an example for yourself. My MIL was not a great mother. But she never intended to be neglectful - she was sick , her husband worked 2 jobs, she had very active sons who were tough for her to deal with, etc. But I look at her as someone who did the best she could. And she always loved my kids and stayed out of our business.

Find a dress, be gracious and show your son and his new wife's family how classy you can be. and then enjoy yourself. Life is too short to not enjoy your child's wedding.

I'm not sure what your question is, but...
my question to you: is your SON happy?
Isn't that all that matters?
And re what you wear in the wedding...
really, your son asked you to walk him down the aisle. I would think you could put aside your own likes/dislikes for ONE DAY and just dress up.
Don't you ever do things you'd rather not do to make others happy, especially your kids?
My goodness, this should be a wonderful, happy occasion for your family, not a time to be complaining about how inconvenient it is for you to wear a stupid outfit. Just buy something big and get it altered down.

If you are walking your son down the aisle (that's different), I would think that you wouldn't wear the same as the bridal attendants but rather a mother of the groom dress or pant suit. You will need to dress up and you should match or coordinate with the bridal party...plum or a lighter shade there of would be reasonable (same would be true if you were not walking your son but just attending). The wedding is not about you but the couple...you can get through one day of being dressed up (dress or not).

If you weren't walking your son down the aisle, you would STILL need to wear a dress. That's what mothers of the groom and mothers of the bride do.

Your daughter-in-law doesn't make sense in her idea of you wearing what everyone else is wearing. You aren't a bridesmaid.

If you can find a dress that fits you, and OTHER PEOPLE who are honest tell you that you look good in it, then that's the dress you should wear. If you can get it in plum, then great. There are dress shops that have different colors and they can make the dress in the color she wants. So try hard.

This ONE DAY is NOT WORTH your daughter-in-law feeling badly towards you. It's her wedding and you should stay in the background as far as plans go, smile a lot, and not worry about anything.

I STILL remember that my MIL wouldn't wear the corsage I bought because she didn't like the flowers. I got married almost 32 years ago. I love her dearly, but I STILL remember this. I also remember what she said about my choice of flowers. She should never have said it. And my young hubby-to-be should never have told me.

ETA - I just saw your SWH - If you don't want to hear what people say, don't ask the question. It is NOT apparent that you would wear a dress. "Do I really need to wear a dress?" sounds like you are considering NOT wearing a dress. For crying out loud. If you act like your SWH to your DIL, you're never going to see your son. Keep your cool and don't EVER treat your daughter-in-law this way.

ADD: You may not have intended to give negative impressions of the in-laws to be, or that you don't want to wear a dress, etc., but if you step back and read your post, it REALLY comes off that way. That's what people are responding to. The post sounds REALLY "put out" about the whole thing. And to top it off, you're grouching at people who responded, so there's a lot of negative floating around this. Don't know if it's intended, but that's why people are reacting the way they are.

ORIGINAL: Heck, I hardly wear dresses and I'm 46. My wedding was casual - I wore the gown for about 1 hour (got it on sale - YAY), then changed into shorts and a "bridal t-shirt" my MIL bought for me, kept my veil on, blinged up some sneakers and had fun. But I dressed up for ONE day, even though I don't normally dress up ever.

Do you get to pick the dress? If yes, find one that flatters and feels good in the color she chose. It doesn't have to be glam and glitter. Ask for a swatch of material to use to find the "right" color. Ask if you can wear a fashionable pant suit.

And it's not "kissing @$$", it's celebrating.

Is your son happy? If yes, then you need to try to put the "to a point" to rest.

Your question is seething with dislike, possibly even hatred. I see this attitude all the time with parents, especially mothers of sons. In your opinion no one will ever be good enough for your son. Right? To be honest, this sounds like one of things you'll just have to do. Sacrifice your own desires for just one day. It won't hurt you to wear a dress or even just dress up. But refusing to budge on the matter could cause distress between you and your son. I'm sure that's not something you want. The fact is - how you feel about his future wife and family are completely irrelevant here. You made a point of stating it all, but it truly has nothing to do with your actual question. It's not even worthy background information. Just let it go. It's his life now. Dress up, smile, and be happy he is including you on this important day.

Do it for your, Son.
He asked YOU... to walk him down the aisle. That is very special.
Just wear the plum dress.
It is his wedding, and his day, and the memories of that will last for YEARS. Whether it is bad memories or good pleasant memories.
It does not have to be a "glam and bling/glittery" dress. But a plum color.
Go to a department store, and get the Personal Shopper to help you.
Macy's has Personal Shoppers that are free.
Let your son have good pleasant memories of his Mom, at his wedding.
It is not a competition with his Fiance.

When I got married, my Dad was very ill. He had a shunt tube in his neck and everything and was very frail. But, he DRESSED up for my wedding in a SUIT, and was proud, and even wore a tie & dress shirt with his neck tube sticking out of it. He made it. He felt special. Walking his daughter down the aisle. FOR me. He never... at any time, made it a bad or irritating situation, for me or my Husband. He never made my wedding about, him. He was GRACIOUS. He was loving. He did it. We even had to get clearance from his Doctor, that he could be there and walk. Down that aisle. He did it. He never in a million years, would have made my wedding, a bad time.
He is now deceased. And I still have... those GOOD memories, of my wedding. With him in it. Wearing what the others in my wedding were wearing. Too.
AND I have GREAT wedding photos, of him with me, at my wedding... with him SMILING and happy, regardless of what he is wearing or that he had a tube shunt sticking out of his neck.

Just be glad, you can walk your son down that aisle. Make it happy. Even if that is in a plum dress. Walking your son down that aisle is an honor. And if the color scheme is plum, so be it. I wouldn't get picky about who wears what. It is not about the dress or color, it is about the heart.
If one day my son got married and his Fiance chose a polka dot pattern/color with ruffles and glitter, so be it. I would wear that, proudly.

People in my neck of the woods, even have scuba themed weddings. Underwater. And everyone is asked to dress in theme. And they do. Even the In-Laws. And it is FUN. For all. With good memories.

Hmmm I wonder why your sons didn't call you on your birthday.

Change the attitude, go shopping w future DIL, put on a smile, enjoy the day.

Don't be "one of those" mother in laws.

usually the mother of the groom selects something nice and to their own style that she wants to wear. I don't often see the parents matching the wedding party... that's kind of cheesy in my opinion.

But if she wants everyone in plum, I am sure you can find a nice plum pantsuit that is fancy but more your style. Hopefully she wouldn't be a stickler about the dress part, I mean you are not a bridesmaid you know?

BTW, it totally sounds like you don't like her or her family in your post!!! I know you are saying "I never said I didn't like them" in your SWH, and I believe you, but the way you worded it totally makes it sound like you are not crazy about them, or at best sort of neutral. If you like someone "to a point"... that means there is a point where it turns from "like" to "not like", Plus what does all that have to do with the question about the plum dresses?

My brother is getting married for the third time in two weeks. My sister never wear dresses, so it will be interesting to see what she chooses. However, this is the bride's second marriage. I'm thinking the wedding will be less formal than your son's will be. I would personally, out of respect for my son and his bride, do my best to find a dress and accommodate. It's only a couple of hours - surely you can take one for the team out of respect for their wishes. They're not asking you to shave your head or get a tattoo - it's a dress. That being said, I would hope she's not a bridezilla who can't be a little flexible. Just realize, if you make that request of her, you're kind of making an already stressful day a little more stressful and setting your future relationship up for more problems. Just saying'. Seems like a small thing to do to say welcome to the family.

ETA: Wow, pity the girl who marries into your family! Yeah, I'm less worried about her being a bridezilla now and more thinking you're the MILzilla! Talk about inflexible!

Get over yourself and wear the dress. Thank you for making me appreciate my MIL.

I think you're not seeing the forest for the trees - or rather, you're ignoring the real problem and instead focusing on a dress. You feel obliged to say repeatedly in your post "to a point." You only like her "to a point." You only like her family "to a point." You're happy for your son -- but only "to a point." Lots of limits on your likes here.

Can't you be frank with yourself and just say you don't particularly like her or her family and don't particularly feel happy for your son? Your likes and happiness here are all so....grudging, and limited. At least that's how your post comes across. Can you see that others would read it that way?

Is it possible that you are focusing on resisting her idea about what to wear, when really you wish you could resist the marriage?

It's beautiful and thoughtful that your son wants you escort him down the aisle. Why risk that by creating an issue over what you wear? Just talk to her and say with a smile, "I really am uncomfortable in dresses. I'd like to find a plum pantsuit that's in the same color family so we're coordinated." And is she really saying you must dress exactly like her bridesmaids or is that just something you're assuming here? I've never once seen or heard of a mother of the groom (or bride) being asked to dress in the same outfit as the bridesmaids. She may have just said "dress" when she doesn't really care that much. Talk to her.

I think dressing up once every 26 years isn't too much to ask. Even though you don't like glam and glitter, just this once maybe you could consider it. It would make your son and his bride happy. It might take a bit of extra effort to find something that'll fit "the girls", but don't you think putting in that bit of extra effort will be worth it? It's your son's wedding - it's about as special an occasion as it could get.

Perhaps future grandchildren will look at their parents' wedding album and say "Grandma, you look so beautiful in this picture!"

TOTALLY what Mamazita said! Suck it up mama!
Congrats!

wow!
i feel for the future DIL here.......
khairete
S.

I agree with most with Theresa :)s answer.
It really is only one day.
I would check with JCP or Macys, they have nice inexpensive dresses.
Good luck to you and many blessings

I would try to find a nice matching pant suit.... But if it is really important to her that you wear a dress (especially since you are a part of the ceremony...) I think you should set aside your personal preference and wear the dress for one night... Even if you feel ridiculous in it. (You should SEE the bridesmaid dress I was conned into wearing for a close friend's wedding.... Yeesh!) I'm the same as you, in that I hate wearing dresses... But this is her special day, and I would do everything I can to make it perfect for her. (After all... You don't want to start off the MIL relationship as being the only own who wouldn't wear a dress in her wedding.) there are plenty of very nice dresses that are not at all glamorous, and a good seamstress will help your "girls" fit into whatever you need.

Congratulations!
Google 'Mother of the groom pants suits'.
You'll find lot's of classy options.

Additional:
No mention was ever made as to what your future daughter in law wanted as far as how you dress for the wedding.
I'm assuming she'll be fine with what ever you pick out.
I told my Mom to wear what ever she wanted with a little blue in it.
She picked out a pants suit that was beautiful!
Then again, it might save everyone a whole lot of money if they just decide to elope and then a reception can be had later on.
I'm not at all into starting out a new life together while wracking up a whole lot of debt.

I'd do my best to make their day as calm and fun as I could. If that meant I had to go nude because they wanted their wedding on a nude beach I'd have to say there are limits to what I'd do...lol.

I wouldn't demand pants but I would say "That's a lovely dress you've selected for me but I really hate dresses and would never wear it again. I'd really like to do something fun, what do you think about me wearing a tux like the groomsmen"? Or something similar. Getting son on your side would help too. He could tell her "Hey, I was thinking about what I'd like my mom to wear, what about xxxxxxx or SSSSSSS or VVVvvvv?". It becomes "his" idea and she's more likely to go along with it.

I think you should be able to be comfortable. I admire that you will go with what they decide and I'd have to be assertive to a point.

I also think this. If the wedding is an expensive affair with everyone in the whole building being in dresses and suits/tuxedo's I'd feel like I was out of place if I had on slacks and a nice top. I'd want to fit in so I didn't stand out. I would want to make this a special day for them and would accommodate to a point. It's a super special occasion, take a breath and see what she comes up with. She might decide you'd be happier in different clothes than everyone else and let you pick out your clothes yourself too.

Yes, you need to wear a plum dress. Find one that's not bling and glittery. I'm sure there's one out there.

I guess you could ask if it could be a plum suit. But if she says no, accept it graciously.

If you don't like dresses, find a nice pants suit. Or wear slacks and a blazer.

Yes you really need to wear a dress. Apparently a plum colored one. You could likely wear a plum colored suit (dress/skirt - not pants unless the bride and groom are good with this) as there are plenty of dressy suits marketed to mothers of the bride/groom. Check with your son on this.
Congratulations :)

Congrats to you and your son.

My son had plum (purple/white/black) for colors. The day of the wedding I went to Target for something and found a nice knit dress and did not wear the dress I brought. All the men had the same tie whether they were in the wedding or a family member.

Just find something that would look nice and be comfortable in it. You will only have to wear it for about five hours. Make sure your shoes are comfortable. I wish I had had a different pair than I did but I made the best of it for my son.

Go have a good time enjoy your in-laws. Remember you don't have to be joined at the hip for all to go well. My in laws live out of state and I enjoy them when I see them.

the other S.

PS My DIL is not the type I had envisioned to buddy around but she is a good match for him and keeps him in line. We all have our issues.

I would say you need to deal with it, it is not an unreasonable request of the bride. I asked my MIL and mom to wear a color that matched the bridesmaid dresses and sent them a swatch of the fabric. They picked out the dresses they wanted, it was really not a huge deal. A bride may have these sorts of requests for many reasons, an example is my mother in law wore a white dress to my Brother In Laws and Sister In Laws wedding by her choice and the photos look ridiculous. You cannot tell who the bride is in our family photos. It even had a slight train that the bridemaids had to bussell up. I am sure you would be able to find a nice dress or pant suit in the color the bride is requesting at a reasonable price.

I'm not a dress person either but I did wear a dress for my oldest daughter's wedding. It wasn't glam or glitz but more simple and plain. I felt comfortable in it for the wedding and donated it soon after. If you don't feel comfortable in a dress then let your son know up front what you will be wearing and try to work plum into the outfit so that both you and your future dil will be happy. There's so many things that come up with bringing people into your family that I don't think this is the hill to die on.

You do not need to wear a dress. A pretty blouse and some nice slacks would be more then appropriate. Maybe you can find a blouse in the shade of plum she is looking for and pair it with some black slacks and a nice pair of dressy flats?

At my wedding I requested that the bridesmaids where a specific color (wine), I bought the flower girls dresses (but they were super cheap) and said noting to my mom or my future MIL. I mean, they knew my colors, but we never discussed what they would wear.

Personally, I wouldn't be bothered by a nice pants outfit. I would like it to be dressy, but that's my opinion. Some brides would have very strong opinions.

I would talk to your son and see what he thinks and go from there.

Congrats to your son!
I think how you handle this depends on your relationship with your son and DIL. If you have a great relationship, you could ask: could you wear very dressy black pants with a plum top with heels and the whole bit? But you must be prepared to take "no, please wear a dress" very gracefully with no added pressure once you have an answer. Future DIL could even help you choose it if that helps. But, if your relationship with her is not great or if she is already really stressed about this wedding, I would not pick this as one of the battles to fight.

Surely if you go to a wedding boutique with a good dress fitter, they can do the proper alterations to make 'the girls' fit beautifully. Or, the dress shop might be able to get you a 2-piece dress, so the top is separate and you can order a top and bottom in different sizes if necessary.

I think you have many good options.

I have never heard of the groom being escorted down the aisle. But if that's how they want to do it, fine.

I'm like you....I hate dresses. I didn't wear a dress to my 3 daughters or 1 of my sons weddings. But I did for 1 of my sons. It was not a request or anything like that. I just remembered something he said to me when he was little that convinced me to wear a dress.

That being said, it's really your choice if you wear a dress or pants suit. And the mother and MIL don't have to wear the colors of the wedding. But I suggest if you choose a different color you at least choose something that doesn't clash with the wedding colors. Remember you will be in many pictures and don't want to stand out like a sore thumb. (My daughters MIL wore a brightly colored, floral moo moo and flip flops to her wedding and looked ridiculous! And after 15 years everyone that was at the wedding remembers it!)

Just wear some flowy Black pants. No jeans or Jean styled pants pants and a Beautiful Plum top. Even if it has a bit of lace or a ruffle.

I am an events planner and Moms wear all sorts of different things.

As long as you look nice and neat. You will look great.

I was shocked my own MIL wore a dress to our wedding. I don't think she has worn one sense and might not ever again. I think my sweet SIL really pushed her to go outside her comfort zone. Had she shown up in a pant suit it wouldn't have killed me, I would have been glad she came.

My family (mom and aunts) planned my wedding and it was over the top country club, wow!! And my MIL is a no nonsense jeans and t-shirt that reads "Life's a ____@____.com, and then you Die, type lady.

Try and get a read on your daughter on law...will it crush her life long dreams of "her" wedding...or will she be understanding.

There are places on line that do make custom dresses you design it by color and body type and style (to help fit the "girls") for about $200.00. You could do that or do your own thing...but doesn't it feel good to vent about it!!

:-)

I wonder, is your DIL's mother going to be wearing "plum"? Usually, the color scheme applies only to the bridal party, not to the parents of the bride & groom.

However, if you would be the odd-man-out by not doing so, then you might want to consider coordinating the color with everyone. But, a compromise can probably be made for you to wear something "not a dress".

Perhaps something in a flowing material that looks like a dress through movement, but are really pants? Or a top/skirt combination.

If all the items are coming from a shop (like David's bridal) then usually the colors available come in a variety of styles, & you might be able to find just a fitted jacket or a blouse top, & coordinate it with pants/skirt of your own (probably in a black or deep navy or grey)

I hope they have a lovely ceremony, & you are made to feel comfortable being a part of it. T. =-)

I understand you and your point.

I think she should accept you in a plum colored blouse under a tan pantsuit. Do not cow to her and put on a dress. You will be uncomfortable all evening.

I think you should wear a dress, but you are not part of the wedding party, IMHO. You are the mother of the groom. I think you should be able to wear whatever color you want, but I do think it should be a dress. It doesn't have to be "bling/glittery" just nice. I think you should wear a different color so there is separation between you and the bridal party.

I'm not one to wear dresses, but I like the length of them. Just a thought - why not wear address over pants - that way you'll be comfortable, and your DIL's request will be honoured. I would have the outfit made by a dressmaker so that the colour and fit is right for you.

I wear a lot of dresses over pants, and the result is very stylish yet modest.

I'm not into glam or fashion at all, but I do wear dresses to weddings.

If it was me, I'd ask if I could wear a simple black dress or a dress pants suit. Since you are the mother of the groom, and will be walking him down the aisle, this sounds appropriate and reasonable.

Maybe she means that she would like everyone to wear something in a plum color. I would just tell her that you feel more comfortable in something other then a dress. I am sure you can find something that you feel good in and will look nice. Either way just go have fun. :-)

My SS (23) will be getting married soon and they want a themed wedding or for everyone to dress as their favorite character (they like to go to conventions where they all wear furry animal costumes, I guess it may be a gaming thing). My husband and I laughed and said we will come as who we are.

I haven't read your answers yet but my 2 cents is that the bride is confusing you with her bridesmaids. Bridesmaids wear the same dress or coordinating dresses. YOU are the mother of the groom. As a courtesy to the bride, you might let her know what color you plan to wear, but that's it. I'm not a dress person either, however, I'd make sure the outfit I wore was appropriate to the tone/dressiness of the event (is the wedding during the day or in the evening - formal/casual, etc.).

My MIL bought a $30 WHITE dress off a sale rack and wore it to our wedding. She looked silly wearing white and it was a reflection on her, not me. My mother wore a dress she chose in a color that complimented my bridesmaids' dresses.

Nicely tell your DIL to be that as mother of the groom, you've decided to wear X in X color and leave it at that. BTW, since when is the groom walked down the isle? Shouldn't he be waiting for the bride at the top of the isle? Just wondering.

Can you find plum pants with a lavender blouse? That would be a good compromise. It's only one day though - would it really be that big of a deal? I hope everything works out.