Looking for the P.C. Thing to Do........

I say accept the gifts, maybe use them once and then either sell them on ebay to buy things you want or give them to charity.

I was the Aunt that bought too much stuff for my sister's kids. I got the message when she would have the kids choose which of the items they had just received were going to charity and which 2 things they were keeping. She would litterally take just opened presents and put them into a charity box at Christmas.

Hi G., I am the MIL. If you ever have a son, then someday you may be one too. I have an 8 year old granddaughter whos mother is in complete control of everything she wears, except at my house. My granddaughter loves to play dress-up. I encourage imagination. I have an assortment of dresses (which she loves to wear) that she plays in when she is here, everything from princess to prarie dresses, costumes, etc. I buy them on ebay (which is not acceptable to my DIL) to be worn and played in. Once we wore old fashioned prarie dresses and went wading in the creek. We had to hold up our hems and jump stones while we played Laura and Sarah. We were wet and dirty at the end of our play. Our faces and imaginations soared with laughter, our dresses were very dirty. My granddaughter tells me, "Grandma, my mom says you dress me like a rag doll." I say to my granddaughter, "You are a very lucky girl. You get to dress and learn about current fashion, and you get to play dress-up with grandma." My opinion is that not a lot of kids get to do both because of the issue of CONTROL of power.
Do you really want to play that game?

No offense but I think your mother-in-law is just looking out for her grandaughter. While you may be thinking very sensibly are you really considering the consequences of denying your daughter a childhood? Why not allow your daughter to wear a pretty dress? Maybe you have a lot of money and don't like wasting it... but that doesn't mean you have to be so ungreatful of what others do for you. Why not allow your child to wear the dress for the Holiday? I'm sure she will look adorable. Any clothing or items she outgrows could be donated, what a wonderful thing to give another family an opportunity to have gently used items they couldn't otherwise afford.
You're too hung up on being Politically Correct. Consider the fact that if you deny your child so many things because you think you're "caving" to the world of advertisement. That's just a fact of life... you don't have to go overboard but at the same time be realistic. When your daughter is old enough to want Barbies and dress-up toys will you tell her that's too cliche for your family? And when she becomes old enough to rebel from all the things she was denied will you accuse her of being selfish because you were selfish when she was so small?
All I'm saying is you should consider a balance. Here are some ideas:
See if your mother-in-law is willing to keep so many of these toys or items at her place for your child since you are low on space.
Instead of worrying about your "tastes" be thankful for the people in your life who are generous - use and donate the items.
Sit down with your mother-in-law and have a conversation about what's happening; I think you'll be surprised at what she has to say.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

I'm going to share my experience with something similar. I have a particular person who purchases poorly made, ill-fitting clothes in a style that I would more than likely not put my kids in. Most Christmas's, birthdays and other random holidays we can count on the kids receiving these items. I don't ever say anything though. I understand the importance of this person's role in my kids lives and how it makes her feel to give them these gifts. I try to pick a time when we'll see her and get the kids dressed in the clothes (if it makes sense). That doesn't always work out, so sometimes a picture. Other times I just let her know that the kids wore it to such-n-such and thank you. After that, we may never wear it again, but she doesn't need to know that.

It sounds like you have stronger feelings about this than I do, though. So, you may not agree with my advice, but my 2 cents is that you go with the flow. Just because she gives you gifts doesn't mean you have to keep them for eternity and you certainly don't have to dress your daughter in clothes you don't want to... especially for special events like Christmas. You do what you want. I'd do my best to recognize that this is how the MIL is connecting and being a part of your daughter's life. They are gifts and I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable telling people what they can and can't gift to my children... well, I wouldn't have a problem telling them if the gift was not appropriate or dangerous or something...but I wouldn't tell somebody not to buy things based on my own personal taste.

Hang in there... it sounds like her intentions are good.

I totally understand your position, but in this case I think you should graciously accept the gift and let your daughter wear it. It would make your mil very happy and really wouldn't put you out too much. You can donate it to someone else afterwards so you don't have to store it, and someone else will get to enjoy it that wouldn't be able to otherwise.

Hi G.
Perhaps the lesson here isn't so much for your mother-in-law as it is for you and your husband. Try and simply learn to say thanks to your mother-in-law and let her know that you appreciate her showing affection towards your child. Additionally, when you say the clothing doesn't match YOURs and YOUR husband's taste, if you can remove the ego from this dilema it will no longer be a dilema. Really, if you think about it, it's a cool thing that grandma wants to give, look at how many don't. The more important lesson here you can teach your child (besides sensible clothing) is gratitude. you don't need to worry about donating the dress or giving it away, your child will grow out of it before you know it. What's important here is that you help foster the relationship between grandma and your child. I can't tell you how many times we received an outfit for our child that I wasn't necessarily fond of, but because a family member or friend gave it to us, I went ahead and put it on my son. Thing is, at such a young age, a child doesn't care what they wear, which leads me back to this being more about ego than clothing. Again, the real lesson is gratitude .. grandma just wants to be a part of her grandchild's life. Maybe giving her things is the only way (in part) that she knows how to show affection. Give her a chance her. it will all work out. it always does.... :)

I think that we older moms tend to over think things. My mother-in-law sends us many "fancy dresses" and most of them have never been worn. Sometimes my daughters want to wear them but I do not insist that they wear them. Sometimes we do put them on and take a picture to send to Grandma. Grandparents want to give gifts to their grandchildren not money to charities. It's never going to happen. When you get stuff that you don't approve of (say, Bratz dolls), clothing you don't need or like, or too many toys give them away. Think of that as the charity and how happy some disadvantged family will feel getting a gorgeous dress or brand-new toy.

I must agree. My daughter is now almost 9 and my mother sounds very similar to your MIL. It really bugged me when she was a baby/toddler but slowly that fades. Focus on their relationship, not the things. I know my mom has been trying to buy a relationship with my kids the same way she tried to buy one with me. Sadly it is what she learned and grew up with. As your daughter gets older use it to teach her. Show her that material items don't necessarily make a relationship. I have done that a bunch with my dughter and my mom is, finally, backing down. (Except for Christmas of course) And if she doesn't, there will be a time you and daughter will laugh about "crazy Grandma". My Grandma bought me stuff too because we lived cross the country and I only saw her once a year. That was the basis of our relationship. She is gone now and I miss our shopping trips, and not for the purchases. If your MIL insists on buying things, tell her to take your daughter with her, make it time spent together as well as the purchase. Things fade, but her relationship won't. Patience........

I had to respond. Personally, I think you're being ungrateful and petty. You brought a new member in to the family and it doesn't just take one or two people to raise a child, but the whole village. She is enjoying giving and sharing with your child and you want to take that away from her? Maybe your daughter will enjoy dressing in that beautiful dress. So you keep the dress and put your daughter in it as often as possible. That way you won't feel like it was a "waste".

I have been lucky and not had to buy most of my son's clothes. His granny buys most of them and I'm grateful for whatever she picks out. It's all cute and can all be used at some point.

Hi- It seems that this is not about a dress but about control. The thoughtful, charitable and wise thing to do is have your daughter wear the dress this Christmas for your MIL and then donate to charity if you know she'll never wear it again. I am not big on giving kids a bunch of stuff either but really, a dress? Is there a mother out there who hasn't received (and put on their child) an outfit they never would have purchased that was given with love by a Grandma? Sometimes you just put your opinions aside to make someone else feel good. If you accept the stuff that doesn't really matter and show your family you're willing to compromise then you will have some support when you have to put your foot down about MIL issues in the future. I'm sure the day will come when she buys something that really does go against your values, just be sure the principal is worth the battle. Good luck!

Let me start by saying I am a total tom-boy, and very granola. I am not stuff-oriented at all, in fact my big weakness is for power tools and gadgets to help me build furniture. That said, on occasion I really enjoy dressing up nicely and feeling feminine. So I don't see anything wrong with raising your daughter to be less ornamented in general, but you may find that later on you might actually enjoy seeing a picture of her in this little velvet dress, and that bringing your daughter to the Xmas celebration with your mom-in-law might help her feel more festive too. And your daughter is too young to express a preference so it won't hurt her. I would suggest relaxing and seeing if just this once it might be fun to indulge her in this way.

Just put her in the dress for the Grandma's sake. She is trying to be nice, and if she is anything like my mom she would have gotten her 10 little dresses if it was up to her, but is trying to understand how you feel and so only got the one. She wont be around for ever, let her have her happy Christmas with her Granddaughter in the ugly dress if it makes her happy. Then go home and throw it on the floor so that you are happy also. :) Remember that Christmas is about family and being together. I would remind her that your family doesn't spoil, so she doesn't think she can keep getting away with this. But she can't help herself, Grandma's are like that. My two kids are the only kids on both sides of the family. We have 2 Grandma's, 2 step Grandma's, and a Great Grandma - count yourself lucky!

Let your daughter be a girlie girl atleast sometimes... isnt that alot of the fun? I would say relax and dont sweat the small stuff. I would be so grateful if I had a mother in law that wanted to contribute to my child that much! You should realize how lucky you are, and it sounds like you are taking your personal problems with her and taking them out on issues that involve who you have control of, your daughter. Im not meaning to offend you, but sometimes we all dont see ourselves. Good Luck :)

G.,
You have waited a long time to be a mom and your mother-in-law has waited even longer to be a grandmom. Humor her! As a grandmom in wait, it is her choice to spoil and your choice to humor her.
Let your daughter wear the red dress for this grandmom and when you go home time to donate. Take a breathe, life is short and grandmom's wait for a very long time to spend money they could not spend when their children were little.

A.

G.,

I think most of the mamas that responded in favor of Grandma, misunderstood you asking for advice on: “LOOKING FOR THE PC THING TO DO”?

In your “so what happened” statement, you close with: (acknowledge, apologize and be gracious)…. I think you meant that you want your mother-in-law to, acknowledge your wishes, apologize to you, and be gracious to you. That my dear is NOT the politically correct thing for you to desire, it is the politically correct thing for you to do.

If you are immovable at 41 over a few cloths (small things) from a doting Grandma, I would not expect too much family harmony in future when larger issues may arise. The difficulty will be that your husband will be placed in the middle.

Blessings......

Dear G.,

First time mother at 41, that would put your mother-in-law in her sixties or older unless she was a teenage bride…. BOTH of you have waited a long time for this little girl!

Almost every little girl I know has a Christmas or other celebratory photo in a frilly dress and as the years go by, those photo’s will become more and more cherished…maybe even by you.

The “Velvety Dress”…Dress your little girl up, have a picture taken with Santa, put in a nice frame (not the cardboard one you get with the picture) and present it to Grandma for a Christmas present.

Let your little girl wear the dress on Christmas day for the family visit; you can put her back in jeans or sweats when you get home or even there when she spills on her new dress…(trust me, she will spill).

Let Grandma see her wear the cloths she gives your little girl, once or twice. After that, you can do what want to dispose of them. There are many needy families out there that would welcome your donation. Babies grow so fast; your daughter will outgrow anything that your mother-in-law gives her in three or four months.

Indulge Grandma a little bit while your daughter is small; let her know it will have to taper off when the child is older, so you don’t have a spoiled child on your hands. This can be done in a non-confrontational, but matter-of fact way.

If this is the only difference of opinion you have with your mother-in-law, I would count my blessings…..

SO I WAS THINKING...After reading what so many people have advised about just putting your daughter in the dress to make your mother in law happy, (and I know it isn't really even about "the" dress) I couldn't help but wonder what I would appreciate more: someone being honest with me or "making me happy" and putting on a show. I think I would be so hurt to find out that someone what just pretending to like a gift I gave in order to appease me. Sure it might make me sad that they didn't like my gesture, but the idea of someone masquerading (lying) just to make me happy, well that would just hurt! Just a thought to all the moms out in internet land!

I am in a similar situation! It is so kind that your mother in law loves your daughter and wants to purchase her things that she "thinks" she needs, but at some point, I think you need to be honest with her. My husband always says to just let his mom do what she wants...it is her money, she can waste it if she wants to, but I disagree. If we continue to act like we need/love what we don't then we are reinforcing the idea that they are making us happy...which is hopefully what they are intending! Instead, I have been telling her, from a place of love, what I do/do not want or need. I have tried to make her understand that I am picky about clothes, so I have invited her shopping a few times and pointed out what I like and more importantly don't like! This helped because she was able to purchase things I liked and she felt like she was contributing. I have also let her know that since we have a very small house, we really don't need toys, but books are great. Or if there is a toy I want for her, I let her know so she could purchase it if she wants. I guess at some point, you need to do what is best for your daughter and family. This isn't about just being a gracious gift receiver. I do believe that I need to teach my daughter to say thank you and be gracious for gifts received, but her grandmother isn't some random person who is going to buy her one gift a year. In that case, say thank you and go on your way. When it comes to my mother in law, I have felt that I should just be honest with her so that she doesn't get her feelings hurt when I do not use what she constantly gives me. I really feel that if I continued to just say thank you, despite my not wanting the items, I am being deceptive and two faced. Do I really think my mother in law is too fragile for me to be honest to her? Of course not, she is a grown up and just wants to be a part of my child's life! Lying to people isn't a good trait to teach your daughter, so I say as difficult as it is, be honest with your mother in law.

If space is an issue at your house, ask your MIL if you can leave some of the toys she bought at her house. This way, your daughter has something to play with at grandma's and your MIL can watch her play with the items she bought.

HI! So, our family too is very stuff-oriented and was horrified that our son's clothes are hand-me-downs (until they saw how cute he looked!) I think the politically thing to do is dress your daughter in the velvet dress for Christmas and then donate it afterwards! After all, a dress with some tights or leggings underneath is very comfortable. Target has very reasonable shoes to match, and then you get to donate a whole outfit. Also, I think if you ask for specific things that are more to your taste, or go shopping with her at the stores or websites you like, that will help your MIL. Good Luck!

I am not sure about the "P.C." thing to do, but the NICE thing to do is let the grandmother buy some stuff every once in awhile and let her see her granddaughter in a pretty red dress. Then perhaps someday when you are a grandparent your daughter in law will let you have some joy too. Schedule an appointment for a picture with grandma and baby in the dress.
I live in a small condo too, so I understand-- and my daughter goes to day care, so I also have to dress her sensibly- BUT you will need lots of stuff to keep your baby entertained and safe and why not let grandma help pick it out/buy it. Also, I paid for pictures to be taken at JCPenny of my mom and my daughter (with my daughter in my mom's baby dress) and they turned out the cutest!~ and my mom loves it so much and it means so much to her. I think it would be nice to do the same for your MIL. Good luck.
Also, maybe your daughter will resent you if you push your "style" and "tastes" on her- she may someday later be sad that she didn't have any pictures of herself in a pretty baby dress. She may someday later decide she LIKES girly dresses-- will you push your opinion on her then? Just consider that you will then be as annoying to her as your MIL is to you. . . . ;)

The PC thing to do is accept the dress and put her in it once for xmas at Grandmas - unless SHE does not like it. to turn it away would be interfering in your daughter's relationship with her grandma. Don't stress so much about this - In a year or so your daughter will start expressing her own opinions and it won't matter what you or your MIL think!

If she won't stop, then if you can return the stuff and get cash back and put it into a college fund for your child - this would be a great way to show her the stuff is going to and toward her grandaughter's future.

Also you could donate anything to charity. I spend my off hours donating my time and energy to a charity (Leukemia and Lymphoma Society LLS). A lot of children and adults are affected by LLS and there are some VERY sad stories out there. Participants use donations, gift cards, raffles, etc. to sell for fundraising or to host social events for their mentees, etc. There are many great organizations that would appreciate your donations.

I do think that everybody experiences something like this when their baby i born. I rmember some of the things that well meaning people gave my daughter. Gah. But please do remember that anyone who gives you or your daughter gifts just wants to be a part of the experience, wants to feel involved and show their love.

THat said, If you never have your daughter in the dress, maybe your mother in law will stop those sorts of gifts.

I ahd a freind who did the same thing. In my case, i liked my daughter in quirky clothes, and my friend kept giving her very conservative stuff. Once she realized that i wouldn't put my daughter in the velvet and reffles even if it was sitting in my closet she stopped buying them. I'm not sure that it is the pc thing to do, but i think it will help stop the inappropriate gifts.

You may also want to drop some ideas about what WOULD be a good gift. My mom was thrilled to be able to buy my baby lots of notebooks. My daughter goes through notebooks like nobadys business, and it's nice that my mom likes to get her special little ones.

Good luck. YOur post made me smile remembering all the stuff my family tried to foist on me and mine. This only really happens once, so do it how YOU want to.

ACK!! i just read everyone elses responses. wow. I don't agree with all of them. Tha whole thing about your daughter belonging to the whole family seems very distasteful. If it's selfish, who cares, she's YOURS. Do it your way.

I also just remembered that one year that i got a lot of gift atire that i wouldn't have picked. I took Ella(my baby) to a bunch of my husbands work christmas parties in them. Then i didn't feel that i couldn't dress her MY way for the "important" stuff.

My mother sent us a package almost every other day filled with clothing, toys, food and other random items she enjoyed buying for our daughter. We were also filling up with stuff and when we gently explained our lack of space and our overflow of stuff it was still hard for her to stop as this is a very wanted and loved little girl. (The first grandbaby on both sides of the family so she ended up getting a LOT of stuff.)

Gift giving is just as much for the giver as for the receiver. It makes my mother extremely happy to buy these things and send them. Shopping for the baby is like a special kind of high for grandmas. When the packages arrive we all open it together. They are always addressed to my two year old.

We play with the items, look and play dressup with the clothing and it's a good distraction for the day. When the day is over my little girl either still cares about the toy or hasn't touched it in hours.

We regularly go through our toybox and give the unused to good will and the same goes for the clothing. We hang it up for a while but if we find we never reach for it when it's time to go out, we'll pack it up and pass it along to someone who can make better use of it.

Once a gift is given to you it's yours to do with as you see fit. There are times I receive clothing that I would never dress my daughter in because the material is stiff and scratchy as all heck. I would never want to wear something like! I'll dress my girl up in it, snap a picture of her looking halfway not uncomfortable, email it along with a big <3 and thank you and then donate the outfit.

I've never had anyone ask me "where's that outfit I bought you!" because they have already sent something new and forgotten about the old one. And if they ever did ask where the outfit went I had a standby excuse that it really didn’t fit properly so we gave it to a good friend who could use it. Still haven’t needed to use that backup excuse.

There are bigger problems here than your MIL wanting to get gifts for your daughter. You seem to me to be really over reacting. Presumably, when she bought a velvety seasonal dress she knew it would be specific to *this* Christmas. And while you would not have chosen to buy an fancy dress for your child, your MIL did want to do so. Does it seriously impinge on your values to let her see the kid in it maybe on Christmas day, once, this year. Then feel free to take it by one of the many excellent re-sale places and turn it into a credit for something that does suit your life style and tastes. That's for this year.
As an on-going thing, though, how do you see this working? Your kid is very young, and you will have a lot of time to work through what kind of relationship you and your daughter and her grandmother will all have. For now, try taking things a little easy - she's your daughter, and your decisions will finally control what her home is like, but she's also your MIL's granddaughter. Do you think it will be a good dynamic for your child to have that "grandma likes to get me stuff, but my parents won't let her"?
Besides, as your kid gets older, and developes her own tastes and needs, your MIL's gifts may start being things that will better suit everyone.

I agree w/some of the other comments....let it go. There's bigger mountains to climb. It's just a dress & I think you're reading too much into it. Have your daughter wear it for X-Mas & then donate it cuz, after all, it's meant for the holiday & I'm sure your MIL bought it for that reason & doesn't expect you to keep it forever. I can understand your need/want to limit stuff especially due to your lack of space cuz as we all know, babies come w/a lot of stuff. So, when it comes to something you guys are so against (like a gaming system when she gets older) explain your reasoning for not purchasing it but for now let her indulge her grandaughter a bit....it's what g-parents do & it makes her happy.

Hi G.,

I agree to all the moms that respond to you. Let her enjoy her your baby. Say Thank you... Do not be selfish and controlling. Life is too precious.

M.

Hi G. -

I can relate to your situation -- my mom is pretty much the same way, although has gotten better over the years. I used to really get uptight when my mom would spend a small fortune on clothes for my son (now 16) at Baby Gap, and then get upset when he came home from preschool with stains from paint, food, etc. Arg!

Here's what I do now with my daughter's clothes (now 6):

- Accept the clothes, wear the clothes for the given holiday - take the pictures, and live happily ever after, lol!
- If she wants, let my daughter wear the clothes to school, playdates, whatever (you will quickly realize that lots of little girls get the urge to dress up for no reason -- so let her)
- I have a few neighbors/friends with daughters who are younger/smaller than mine -- I hand down the dresses (and I also get hand-me-downs from other friends)
- If my mom gives me any grief about what became of that lovely dress, I simply tell her that it's silly to leave it in the closet, and so we are going to get as much wear out of it as possible -- which means wearing it to school or handing it down. She has learned to be a bit more thrifty as a consequence!

In short, I stopped fighting because my daughter likes to dress up on occasion, so I accept the gifts, let her dress up and then use the clothes....

Good luck!

J.

I'm only responding because I absolutely see myself in you. I too, was just sickened when toys filled our very small home and clothes that were bought were what I felt ridiculous. "Are you kidding, grandma, can there be any more sparkles and is this really how you dress a 2yo???" But I have since learned to let go--a little bit at first, but it has gotten better. I started giving some of the boxed toys to charity. At first I felt bad that she was spending the money and it was going to waste... but in essence, it wasn't. It would have gone more to waste if it was opened, played with only a bit, and shoved into another toybox. As far as the clothes, perhaps my daughters age has helped me become a little more lax. She wants to dress herself and pick out her own clothes. I figured that was a battle that didn't need to be fought. The clothes from grandma have taken the same route, as long as she's dressed weather appropriate, I don't care. And of course she loves those velvety, sparkly all the more (what I think) hideous dresses. I tell her she looks beautiful nonetheless. Especially with that big smile on her face.

So what am I trying to get to. Well, I know we could see that grandma's generosity could be better spent on things that WE would think more appropriate. But not at the cost of a fabulous relationship that a granddaughter will have with her grandma. Don't let your opinion get in the way of that.

I didn't read all of the responses, but my advice would be to change how you see the activity. Don't make this into a control issue. Let Grandma indulge her grandchild. I'm 43 with my first child (he's 3). The grandparents haven't seen a small child in nearly 20 years (we're late to start). We are also minimalists. However, we don't have to buy anything and our child has plenty of things to play with--people give us hand-me-downs and the grandparents indulge with new toys and clothes. We don't mind giving the old things away when something new comes along or having a yard sale when he has too much stuff for our small house.

Put your daughter in the dress at Christmas dinner or church whatever you folks do, then when she starts playing change her and give the dress away or sell it. It's just one day and it's just a dress.

Well, having been married for almost 15 years, I have learned that sometimes it's better to just let things go to keep the peace. Kind of like with kids: choose your battles. It doesn't sound like your mother in law's habits hurt anyone, and if it makes her feel good, then let it be. Let her gift these gifts, and thank her graciously, and then if you don't think you will use it, donate it. She never has to know. I don't think it is worth hurting her feelings. Remember, this grandchild is a big deal to her, too. As for the dress, I would for sure at least take pictures of her in it, and if it were me, I would probably put her in the dress for at least a few hours at your Christmas celebration so that your mother in law will appreciate it, then change her into something more "comfortable". What will it hurt? There are other matters, like discipline, etc... that I would take a stand on if need be, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of the gifts. Just my opinion!!! (and believe me, I am usually not one to just let things go---I speak my mind!!)

Sounds like your mil is really enjoying being a grandmother to your daughter and some of us of a certain age do love to see the little girls in our lives looking like little princesses. Not sure how old your daughter is and you obviously have your standards as far as what your family values and tastes are. It seems to me that unless your daughter hates the dress and is uncomfortable in it that no harm will be done by letting her wear it for the family get together and you don't have to worry that she will spill on it or otherwise ruin it since you don't plan to have her wear it again. Save it for "dress up" or pass it on to another relative if it survives the day and maybe even offer to return it to grandma so she can preserve it or pass it on to someone else the same size. It won't fit her next year.Peace love and patience...

My Grandma & a few other great-auntiez made me outfitz. My Grandma even crocheted a jumper for me and a matching one for my be$t friend. Our momz made uz wear them to church and $chool - it waz pretty bad and my friend waz mad at me. Our momz admitted they thought the jumper waz ugly - there waz a daizy over the tummy area and pom-pomz on the $houlderz. It made Granny happy to zee uz in the outfitz - then my mom told her zhe accidentally $hrank it in the wa$h.
Put the velvet lamp-$hade dre$$ on for Chriztmaz - get her picture w/ $anta in it to make grandma happy - hopefully baby will puke on it in front of grandma & $he'll con$ider a more practical fabric next year. Once your daughter develop$ her own fa$hion ta$te - it will be $ooner than you think - you won't be able to get her to wear anything $he doezn't like.
;)
My kid broke a key off my lap-top - gue$$ which one!

Dear G.,
I truly think that sometimes Grandmas just can't help themselves. You say you're a first time mom at 41, she may have been fearing that you and your husband would never have a baby.
I know it seems like she is not respecting your wishes, but from the outside looking in....at least in this case, it's just a frilly red velvet dress. It must be a grandma thing because that's the first thing my mom bought for my daughter. I would say, put the dress on your daughter for Christmas and take some pictures of baby, and Grandma and baby together. Then get a nice frame that has a place for multiple photos and give it to Grandma as a gift. She will love you for it! Little kids grow so fast anyway. If you want to give it away or donate it later along with other things she outgrows, then go for it.

Best wishes!

Hi G.,

The PC thing to do is graciously accept the gift. You are a first time mom and I am guessing that your mother-in-law is totally ecstatic about having a new little granddaughter. Let her spoil her.

My husband and I also live in a condo and do not have a lot of room for stuff, but that does not stop my mother-in-law from spoiling her grandchildren. As you daughter is so very young, the things she gives you won't be around for that long and what does it hurt to make your mother-in-law feel good and part of her life. (Remember, children grow out of things very quickly and that includes toys.)

Now that my children are getting a little older, grandma is getting more selective with what she gets for the girls and often it is gift cards to a clothing store of their choice so they get to pick the things that are their tastes.

I would just take a deep breath, say thank you and let your daughter go through it.

D.

I'd take a photo in it and then return it or donate it. You have no idea how fun it is for her to be a grandmother, she needs to be able to enjoy the baby time as well as you. Just start telling her you don't have room for all these things in your small space, but how fun it would be to have a play room at Grandma's house for when we visit! Take care, C.

G.,

I know that you have had tons of advice on this issue, but I thought that I would through my two cents worth in. I have a similar problem with my own mother. She flatly refuses to listen to our wishes for my two boys. I do agree that you should find a way to compromise, but you should not do that to the exclusion of your wishes for YOUR child. Personally I would let your daughter wear the dress. This is a small issue and it would make your MIL feel good. The best part is that kids grow so quickly that she will not be able to wear it for long. As for the toys...that is a touchier subject. In out society today children feel like they deserve everything and an over abundance of giving just seems to enforce that feeling. In our house we do a few different things to deal with grandma's gifts. Some of them we leave at her house for the children to play with there. We also put many of them in the treasure chest so that the boys can earn them for good behavior. We also limit the number of toys and have the boys select ones (new or used) that they would like to give to charity when we reach the limit. This gives them a sense of charity and giving to other in need.
Dealing with grandparents can be difficult, but I think it can be done in a way that protects everyone’s feelings. Be honest with her and let her know why you feel the way you do, and if all else fails find a way to compromise that you can both live with.
seems to enforce that feeling. In our house we do a few different things to deal with grandma's gifts. SOme of them we leace at her house for the children to play with there. We also put many of them in teh treasure chest so that the boys can earn them for good behavior. We also limit the number of toys and have the boys select ones (new or used) that they would like to give to charity when we reach the limit. This gives them a sence of charity and giving to other in need.
Dealing with grandparents can be difficult, but I think it can be done in a way that protects everyones feelings. Be honest with her and let her know why you feel the way you do, nad if all else fails find a way to compromise that you can both live with.

Hi G.,

Just wanted to let you know that I agree with you. I think it's difficult for people who don't feel passionately about eliminating unneeded waste and materialism to understand how upsetting it is when people keep thrusting it upon you against your wishes. We have the same problem with my husband's family and are still in the process of working it out. My father-in-law definitely "buys love" and is upset that we won't let him "spoil" his grandson. My son is at an age now where he doesn't realize when we give all of the gifts to the homeless shelter that I work for, but I want this to end now before he is older. We try and redirect it by suggesting that they spend time with our son instead of the gifts. Or do what my mother does- buy him a lot of stuff at thrift stores. I don't feel bad about the money/waste and she still gets to shop for him. As for what do to with the dress, I opt for the photo. Then your daughter can be comfortable on Christmas.

Hi G.,
I know it is hard to have different values than our important family members, and it can cause tension.
My MIL is very, very similar (I almost thought we shared her...but I don't have a G. SIL, hee hee). I know that when she buys clothes that she thinks is cute and it sits in my niece's closets she is very hurt. It truely gives her joy to buy things and see the kids in it or play with the toys she gives.
Try not to dictate the relationship she has with your child. She is Grandma, not parent. She gets to indulge them a little more. I do think it is important to set boundaries for the future, for example if you guys don't want your 8y.o. to have a cell phone and she goes out and buys one - that is over the line. But if your child wants a big toy like a play station or a robot let her get it for a special occasion. Your child will not be ruined because Grandma buys them toys. Don't deny Grandma the joy of giving, just give her parameters of when to give.
As for the clothes: just dress up the kiddo for her, and don't take pics so no one ever remembers them in the hidieous (sp?) clothes...hee hee.
Honestly, I am sure she means well and she just wants to be apart of the baby. I am sure if you relax about it she will calm down and stop buying so much.
You can always ask her to help with things like diapers and organic foods. That is a great way for her to stay involved, and help you out financially.
(oh...and when she sees how quickly they stop playing with the toy...she may get more choosey about what she buys.)

Go ahead and let your mother in law splurge. What is the harm in letting her wear a pretty dress for Christmas? It will make your mother-in-law happy and isn't that what Christmas should be about? Perhaps when your little darling is older, she will like pretty dresses and Grandma can help her pick them out. If your daughter is healthy, why stress over a dress?

I vote for sending a thank you, taking a photo in the outfit to send to her, then returning it or passing it on to someone else quietly, since it's really only good for a photo op. Then you could email your m.i.l. (along with other people so she's not singled out) a link to the "story of stuff" in case she happens to watch it and perhaps better understand your point of view. (I no longer have the website, but I'm sure it's out there somewhere.)
Saying anything negative about it will only turn out badly which you probably already know.

I understand your feelings and frustration. But try to look at it from your MIL's point of view. She's a grandmother! She get's to be the "fun" one now instead of all the responsibilities that come with motherhood. She's probably just really excited about being a grandmother. (and she's probably earned it) She's playing a very traditional role, while you and your husband have chosen a less traditional way of raising a child. Her exuberance will probably fade. Meanwhile try not to rain on her parade too much. It will all come back around in the end.

Hi G.,

I know it's hard to accept gifts from a MIL who doesn't really listen to what you have to say, but I've learned from my own experience that it's best to just say thank you! When it comes to clothing, I've accepted things that I personally would never buy my boys and they've worn them to my MIL's house so she could see them wear it and before you know it, they've outgrown them. Once they've outgrown the clothes I just donate them to a local charity along with our clothes, because there is someone out there who will fall in love with that outfit! When it comes to toys, I would just tell my MIL that would be a great gift to keep at her house since we didn't have the room for it in our apt and they could enjoy it when they came over to visit. After a few years of this, she now asks if I think it's okay to buy certain toys, because she would rather they take the gifts home with us.

Good luck and keep the patience! Grandkids are very special and grandparents just want enjoy being grandparents. It also helps to remember what your parents probably went through when you were growing up!!

Blessings to you and yours,
N.

Wow. You got a lot of responses. I didn't read them all, but it seems most people think you should indulge your mother-in-law. Well, I have the exact same problem with my mother-in-law, only my children are 6 and 2. I followed my mother's advice to "Let her be" and tried to accept that I was "lucky" to have a mother-in-law who wanted to do so much for my kids. Well, now my kids are bombarded with 15 to 20 gifts on their birthdays, to the embarrassment of everyone else, who only bought one or two. Also, every time she visits she brings them candies (which we limit in our house) and buys them "small gifts" whenever they go out together (ie. grocery store, wherever). We also live in a small house that is cluttered and we don't need all these little gifts around.

I don't know what the answer is, since I obviously haven't found it, but I would suggest nipping it in the bud now. I let it go, and now I have a monster on my hands. It may be a control issue, as someone mentioned, but my mother-in-law is definitely out of control and WILL NOT listen to my "suggestions." Whenever I try to talk to her about it the only response I get is "I can't help it."

So I would let your daughter wear the dress but then sit down and have a serious talk with your mother-in-law and explain to her how you feel and that you appreciate her generosity but would like her to respect your decision on how you want to raise your daughter. I like the idea of one mom that you can provide her with a list of what you need. That way she can still shop but it will be things you want/need, not stuff that clutters your home. I wish I had done that from the start and not listened to advice to "let it go".

I would give the dress to your daughter and let her decide if she likes it and wants to wear it. If so, great. If not, then take it back and get her something she does want to wear. It's not like the dress is going to take a lot of storage room. You didn't say how old your daughter is but if she's five or more, she should have some input as to the type of clothing she likes and wants to wear. If it coincides with what you and your husband like, great. But, if not, you have to understand that your daughter is her own person with her own tastes and preferences and you'll have to learn to tolerate them!

Hi G.,

Being a grandmother is the next best thing to heaven. I'm sure she is so excited about your little daughter' life. I would suggest giving her a list of things your little girl can use. I know my daughter-in-law is the one I ask what my grandsons need. Good books, pajamas, what toys, a day out with grandma. Go ahead and let your little girl wear the dress this time, but in the future let her grammy know a list of things that will last longer so her granddaughter can enjoy it longer.

D.

I think that you should let her enjoying being a Grandma. It is the Grandma's job to spoil them a little, one dress and a few items is not that obsessive. Your daughter will still learn your values and she will know that it is something special between Grandma and her. I think that it is fine to put the dress on her for a picture and for that one day it does not undermind your beliefs it allows her Grandma to enjoy something special. I have three kids and we do not buy them a lot of things but Grandma will take them to the craft store a couple times a month to pick special stuff to do with them, they know that we do not have the money for that but is a special Grandma thing, we also don't do sweets but they make cakes and brownies occasionally at Grandma's they only eat a small piece because she knows we don't like alot of sugar and then the cake stays at her house and they don't eat anymore. I just had my first girl in Oct. and yes Grandma has bought a "Christmas" dress too with tights and shoes. It is totally a Grandma thing. One day when your daughter has kids you will do special Grandma things with them. I know my kids love Grandma days.
C.

I agree with Rachael 100%. I have a very similar mother-in-law. I have learned to let go. I have even learned to appreciate the clothing. Toys I believe is another issue, but clothing can save money and be used. Just put it in her drwaers and let her choose (assuming your daughter is old enough). As long as the clothing is modest and unrevealing. Eventually your daughter will have her own style and taste. Clothing is a safe area of expression (most of the time) and it's one thing that doesn't need as much control as other areas. It is also important to teach your child gratitude and graciousness like was mentioned below.
This may not be what you want to hear, but trust me, knowing from experience ( and getting similar advice once...) It is useful information.
I wish you all the best.

Hi G.,

I just wanted to tell you how much I feel you on this one. My mother in law is a very nice person, but really is a shopaholic. She has given our now six year old so much stuff over her brief life, and I feel so annoyed at times, not only at the fact that this is all just landfill but also at the fact that it clutters up my house. But, with that said, I just grumble to myself and say "thank you," and teach my daughter to say "thank you." After all, that seems like the appropriate role for the recipient of a gift: you say "thank you" but you do not get to weigh in on how good of a gift it is or is not. So I bite my tongue. And let me tell you, that is hard at times, but again I want to teach my daughter to be gracious, polite, and to appreciate her grandmother for someone who is kind, even if her taste and values are different from our own.

I do have a friend who has this issue with his own mother, and he actually tells her to take the stuff back, saying that he thinks it is landfill and he doesn't want to participate in junking up the world or his house. I take delight in the fact that he does that, but it seems a lot more possible with one's mother than mother-in-law (and, I should add, this friend and his mother have a terrible relationship).

Just think of the years and years of junk you have to look forward to! Try to remember her intentions are good, and use humor (when she isn't around) to help get over it.

Hi!
The MIL pickle! I have this problem as well... my hubby's parents divorced when he was little and 30 yrs later it's still a competition between them. So his mom is forever trying to buy her way into our kids' hearts (a thing our 5 yr old girl is quickly seeing through!!!). The thorn right now is the spring bouncing horse that is where the christmas tree needs to go... she'll totally notice it's not there, but I don't have anywhere else to put the tree!!! The kids still play on it occasionally, but are getting to the point where they need more room for the train set and other things... so out to the garage it will go. We've learned that the clothes she buys turn into somewhat of a godsend because she buys them better stuff than we could afford. Yes, it's HER taste and not ours, but our daughter tends to love it because it came from Grandma and it tends to be fancier than anything else she has. Same with my son. It's different, too... there have been a few things I've returned but mostly for size reasons, but as long as our kids wear it, I let them keep the clothes... it's one less outfit I have to spend money on! If she's really picky, go to Target and have a picture taken in her outfits for her to put on her desk. The toys... the same thing... we also try to steer her in directions we like by emailing Santa letters every year and then trying to coordinate who is getting what between the g-parents. Eventually, toys get banished or put on rotation and honestly, they don't even notice they're missing. So just put a grin on your face and be thankful for the love in your family and grandparents who can afford to spoil! :)

I think and feel the same as you - plain sensible stuff, no gifts just for the sake of gifts, space is a priority, resist the "must have" mentality, etc.

That said, I think it is not worth creating a rift over a Christmas dress. I dont think grandma really expects her to wear it often, but she would love to see her dressed up for a day (do let your daughter know how to wear fancy clothes on special occasions, it is a skill rapidly being lost in today's society). Put her in it, let her be pretty and get lots of pictures and ooh's and ahh's (even if only by grandma) then when it's messed up, change into something else more comfy (but still pretty enough that grandma wont cringe). Then donate it!

In my own retrospect, I wish I had gotten my son some cute dress up shoes when he was a baby. I never saw the point in them, and only had him wear socks or soft baby "shoes" until he started walking but now looking at pictures of special occasions, I look at his socks/fabric "shoes" and think, why didnt I get "real" shoes! I also didnt see the point in a fancy outfit for his baby blessing day, I wanted something more practical that could be worn again. So my MIL obliged (she too is a sensible woman and a GREAT MIL) and got him a nice everday/church type outfit, but looking back, I do wish he had something more "special" cuz it was a special occasion, and really, what is wrong with dressing up for special days? Christmas is a special day. Any day you get to celebrate with grandma is a special day (if you dont see them often.) No, I would not send my son to play or school in fancy clothes but .. clothes is clothes.

Also, from what you said here, it does sound like grandma is trying to scale back with just one pretty dress for Christmas - it probably could much be worse! Go ahead and appreciate it, appreciate her, appreciate the memories of your special little girl on this special day in a special dress. Then go back to comfy practical sensible easily washable clothes the rest of the time.

If & when asked what to give your child - instead of saying donations to charity, which is good but doesnt satisfy the urge to give something TO/FOR your child, suggest a savings bond or something like that. That savings bond will be very nice in 30 years.

I would have your daughter wear it and when she outgrows it donate it. If your mother-in-law will be around for the holidays I would take a picture of your daughter in her dress with her mother-in-law.

The P.C. thing to do....I don't know. I like honesty the best. You can soften it, which I am not good at. But it seems to me that P.C. often is white lies. My feeling is take the photo of your daughter in the dress and frame it as Grandma's Christmas gift. But dress her as you see her for the Christmas gathering. If you bend over now, this may be only the begining of her expecting you to do as she wishes in the future and it will only get harder and harder to put your foot down later. I think the best way to know how you feel about the dress, is to put your daughter in it and then deside for sure. Maybe you and your husband can send Grandma a wish list of things she can buy for your daughter. Maybe gym tots class, or a photo session, or something that does not feel like stuff to you. She is your daughter, not Grandmas. Only bend where you will not be mad later. Stick to what feels right to you and your husband. Hang in there.

I dito the over all sentiment of everyone. In my early years of motherhood I had strong convictions of what I accepted or allowed for my first born and truely all that dose is cause hurt feelings and strife. You are going to encounter this over and over as your child grows up so do yourself a favor and start letting go of the little things now. Be glad you have a mother in law, no matter how different she is she shares a love for your daughter. It's a good feeling to have people who love and care for your child. Believe me I would love to still have my m.i.l. in spite of our differences.

My eldest daughter, now almost 18 (makes me feel ancient at 42!!!) was the first grandchild on my side. I knew my mom would get out of control with buying things very quickly. So I asked her to give something much more important than toys and clothes that would be outgrown.

Instead of buying stuff, I asked her to put money into a college fund for every birthday, Christmas, etc. She reluctantly agreed, but then decided it really was worthwhile. My parents have been dead for a few years now, but those small gifts added up with the magic of compounding interest. My daughter inherited an account worth almost $2000 dollars. Considering college tuition, it isn't much, but it sure is better than those clothes.

I asked my MIL to do the same. Grandma just couldn't resist buying stuff. Most of the time I just took it back to the store. I was very frugal with my daughters' clothing, and bought a LOT of re-sale and Target items. Those "special" outfits were worn for her sake and donated. But she also put aside money for college, as she did for all of her grandchildren.

Good luck.

Hi G.,

Wow! Looks like only a couple responses eh? :)

I didn't read them all but I would keep the dress and have her wear it when Grandma is around or for the picture and then either donate it or save it for her dolls or whatever (big fan of reusing myself).

Regarding gifts, we had the same problem! What finally worked was telling my MIL (over and over again) that he didn't really need anyTHING but we'd love to take him to tumbling classes, swimming classes, dance classes etc. She loved the idea!

Good luck!

HI G.,

I didn't read all of your posts, but the PC thing to do may not match with what feels good for you. It sounds as though your MIL is happy to have a grandchild to buy lavish gifts for. I would imagine that this is very frustrating.

If you have a good relationship with her I would talk to her. If you don't I would ask your husband to talk to you. Let her know that you really don't have the space for all the gifts she buys, and while you appreciate and understand that she wants to buy things for your daughter you would rather that she ask what is needed.

You probably will not be able to change her impulse to want to do this and might have to just understand the reasons why she feels the need to and do with the things what you feel is best... whether it means donating them etc...

I hate the frilly dresses... my daughter hated wearing them and I didn't dress her in them regardless of who gave them to her or what the expectation was. If they asked I would just say that the clothes were not comfortable to her and I wanted to have a happy baby rather than a fancy baby.

In laws are a tough one... and I think almost everyone have one issue or another with them. You sound like you don't want to hurt her feelings, but you want to get your point across. You may not be able to get your point across and stop her behavior. But you can explain your position and then do what you feel is right for you family.

Good luck!!

I know you've received a lot of responses, and I also didn't read them all, but if you're looking for suggestions on HOW to "nip it in the bud" so that you don't indulge MIL and create a monster, why not try telling her that if she buys more than x number of presents for an occasion, or gifts you & your daugher with something frivolous, that you will donate the excess to foster children (or some other charity of your choice)? That way, your expectations are clear, and MIL is put on notice. If she simply cannot control herself, other children will reap the benefits of her impulsivity (or generosity), and you don't have a houseful of stuff you don't want. And by letting her know ahead of time what the consequences will be, if she gets upset, that's on her. The key, though, is following through! :)

Good luck. My mom gets carried away, despite how many times I tell her to stop. Fortunately, my daughter's only 5 months old, so it hasn't yet been a problem, but this is the plan I will use if it does!

In a word "yes". Yes, do take a picture of her in the dress. Yes, do let her wear the dress when grandma is with you for Christmas. And Yes, after a reasonable amount of time, donate the dress to a favorite charity. As soon as your daughter has outgrown the dress seems an appropriate time because the grandma won't have any reason to be offended then. Meantime, simply let it hang in the closet.

I speak as a mom who has gone through some of what you are going through, also as a grandma who has learned to listen to my children's wishes for gifts for their children, and yet to enjoy the season of giving. It isn't easy when you have a little grandchild you'd love to spoil, yet you know the parents are right about not giving them too much. (We do tend to forget that when we are grandparents!) You might also try making a suggestion prior to the holiday/birthday in the future of something you know your child is going to be needing soon, and allow the grandma to purchase one or two items rather than you having to go get them when they are needed. If you do this, make sure you say something like "I saw this wonderfully cute dress in (name of store) that I was considering buying for (child). Would you like to get that for her Birthday gift?" That way, you come off as being helpful and considerate rather than grandma feeling you are trying to keep her from enjoying giving things to your child.

I might just add that you could tell your mother-in-law that you don't have enough room in your home for everything she seems to want to buy your daughter and that what may be better is if she kept things at her place for your daughter to play with or wear there. This may mean that you have to arrange for your daughter to go over there a little more often but it allows your MIL to have the joy of trying to spoil her grandchild (it's what most grandparents consider as their job) but it will mean that she deals with all the excess that she is currently inflicting upon you. My mother and MIL both buy things for my son that they kep for their places so that they don't overwhelm me and my household (my son has PLENTY of toys) but so they can feel like they are able to spoil their grandchildren.

As for the dress itself, I think many grandmas have this want to see their grandchildren in what they consider their best for the holidays. I would put it on her, get a few pictures right after arriving, and then after a diaper change make an excuse as to why she can't wear it (something that isn't going to make the grandma feel bad). Then after that donate it. For any clothes remaining just suggest that she take the clothes home because on such and such a day your daughter is going to be there and after all wouldn't she like to be able to see her grandbaby in the clothes. (I usually try to put my son in some of the clothes that his grandparents buy him when he's going to their places. There's just something about getting to see the baby in the clothes they bought.)

Hi G.,

I can relate. We also like to try to keep things simple in our home and with our daughter. We also asked our wedding guests to donate to a variety of charities instead of registering for gifts (we already had way too much stuff!), and we're trying our best not to have our daughter marketed to with lots of commercial toys.

But there is no way you are going to be able avoid people giving you gifts for your daughter that you might not like. We have received toys and clothes that we NEVER would have chosen for her. Some we graciously thank the giver and then get rid of as soon as possible :). But in other cases we figure we're being too controlling and it's okay if she has a few toys that aren't what we'd choose for her and a few outfits we wouldn't pick (save those outfits for messy art projects or something :).

As for the grandmother, I think you really have to let her share in the joy of spoiling her granddaughter, even if it isn't the way you'd choose. Just put her in the horrible dress for Christmas and make her happy. If your daughter is uncomfortable then you can bring a change of clothes, but let the grandma see her little girl in a frilly dress. I think this is a battle you should not fight.

I'm realizing that even though she's my daughter, I can't be too controlling about what she's exposed to in the world. There are so many people who love her and I want to let her interact with them without me being in the middle controlling things, and that means controlling the gifts they give her, too. If your mother-in-law really pushes with things you feel very strongly about, then you have to have a talk with her. But she is your daughter's grandmother and should have some say in at least how to spoil her granddaughter. :)

(Oh no, now I'll have to follow my own advice when my father-in-law chooses horrible gifts for my daughter!)

Hang in there! And happy holidays!

H.

I like the idea that another poster suggested of letting your MIL know that, while you appreciate her generosity, she needs to limit her gift giving (maybe to one main gift and one smaller one per occasion?) However, your husband needs to be the one to lay down the law with her. It's his responsibility to have tough discussions with his mom. My mom is the compulsive shopper grandma. I know she means well, but I had to lay down the law with her, again letting her know that we appreciate her generosity but that we don't want our son to have so much stuff. I gave her concrete guidelines (in as kind a way as I could), such as no gifts between occasions without checking with us first. She still overdoes it a bit sometimes, but she is much better than she was. She also doesn't take offense when I remind her not to overbuy for him.

What if you dressed your daughter up in the velvet dress and took her over to your inlaws for Christmas just so your MIL could see her in it and take pictures, etc. But you brought another outfit for her to change into so she could be comfortable and play etc. You can always use the excuse that you don't want her to get anything on her dress at lunch, dinner or whatever. This way you take the high road, your MIL is pleased and your daughter will be comfortable. After that you can donate it to Goodwill or whatever. It's a small gesture that will go a long way with your MIL, who I'm sure saw this dress and was just having fun getting her grandaughter a girly dress. Think of it as your gift to her for the holiday season. Good luck!

I'd say put your daughter in the dress on Christmas. Have her wear it only an hour or two, and then change her into something "more comfortable that she can play in and get dirty." You'll give your mother in law the thrill of seeing her in it. Then, you can donate it or sell it and donate the money . . . in fact if you start doing that, you may end up with a pile of money at the end of the year that you could either donate or use to buy your daughter more useful things. Good luck whatever you decide to do!

I understand that it must be hard to deal with this, but it is also a privilege to have a healthy, enthusiastic grandma on the scene. I am a 41 year old mother of a 2.5 year old. My mother is 77 and is quickly losing her brain due to Alzheimers. In six months she may not even be able to recognize my daughter anymore, let alone buy her gifts.My father just died a month ago of cancer. My daughter will spend almost all of her conscious life without grandparents and the presents that come from them. Most of the time I'm reconciled to this, but sometimes, like now, it makes me incredibly sad. It's interesting how much response your post engendered. It seems to have really touched a collective nerve.

Put the dress on for one day to please the MIL and give it away after that. She is an excited grandma who just wants to be a part of her grandchild's life. Or you can be honest with her and say this dress is plain ugly or tell her you've already bought a dress for her. Christmas dresses usually are for Christmas only, they aren't practical. Even adult dresses can only be worn during the season. If you see her before Christmas, have your daughter wear the dress then. Then put on her what you want for Christmas day. For your baby shower you had donations to charity made? Why even have a shower? You should have told the organizer no thank you to a party. What fun is a baby shower if you can't watch the expectant mother open the cute little packages and tiny clothing and baby things. That's what people come for. That and the cake.

I too have a mother that likes to buy MANY MANY things for my 6 and 3 year old children. We have a decent sized house, but have to regularly donate and hand down toys and clothes to various places so as not to be overrun with either.
I know my mom finds GREAT joy in buying things for my children (her other grandchildren are too big for the kind of clothes she will buy). My husband is far less tolerant of my mother's buying. I try to explain to my mother my husband's feelings, and I try to explain to my husband how happy it makes my mom to clothe my kids.
I try to mediate between the two. Now- because it is MY mother- we have similar taste and I almost always like the clothes she buys- so I don't have that issue to deal with.
Could you take a picture of your daughter in the Grandma dress; frame it and give it to Grandma for a present? (Costco/Walmart have inexpensive large prints) Are their anyways to compromise? I have had to make a concerted effort to look at what that special dress means versus is it my taste...will anyone die if my child wears something that is not my taste versus how pleased the grandma will be? Good luck!

Wihtout having read all of your responses, my two cents is this: I think it's rude to tell people what to give and what NOT to give. It assumes that they're giving something in the first place. Just say "thank you" and be grateful that your daughter has people who love her and want to spoil her. I too live in a VERY small home with my husband and daughter, but we do a lot of weeding out to make room for new things. I think it's best not to worry too much about the gifts your MIL is giving your daughter. The gifts will most likely get less and less the older she gets (the more expensive clothing/toys becomes).
As for the dress: I would suggest dressing her up for the beginning of the celebration with your family, then have an outfit of your choosing, for playing in after family photo time.