Not Sure What to Do...2 Year Old Hates Bed Time.

I'm inclined to go with Rachael H. He is testing you. This will go on, off and on, until they're 18 or maybe beyond! A usually wonderful child is suddenly possessed! My mom-in-law, who has her masters in early childhood pyscology, says it's a control issue, so let him pick the book you're going to read, what pajamas he's going to wear, his bedding next time it's time to buy new stuff, the toothbrush next time you need a new one of those, any little thing you can give him a choice about without life becoming a royal pain in the tailbone. Anything but what time he goes to bed and how long he stays there. YOU have to control the quality and quantity of his sleep.

Maybe get a camera set up in his room so if someone accuses you of something you can prove he did it himself?! That's what I would do if it were me, especially if he goes to daycare and especially if you're in the military. They look sharply for that sort of thing (in my experience as a base level AF photographer.)

Good luck! -S. Kav

I have 5 kids and my now 14 yr old did this. It was the only time he has been defient. We didn't know how to handle it either (and he is our 3rd child). My parents came to stay over for a few days while this behavior was going on. It was getting my father quite upset. So in a loving, but meaningful and stern way, he went up to my son's room and said... Paul, you need to go to bed right now, we love you and you are a little boy who is only 2 yrs old. It is your bed time now.
Now, get into that bed, stop this nonsence, no crying, kicking, screeming, and carrying on. You are disturbing us down stairs and you need to stop this.-- Good Night.
He closed the door (I doupt he gave little Paul a kiss, but that's ok). Paul knew it was time for business. The next night my parents were gone and Paul tryed this again. This time I went up used the similar approach (short, stern and to the point and ended with we love you now go to bed.) He was fine. No problems since. We feel it's a power struggle.
Bed time is not to be negociated with. Two year olds don't get negociated with either. We all need our sleep and this is how it is, period. This approach might be too tough for some people, but we didn't want to be manipulated by a toddler.
Good luck!!

i copied the following from responses i gave others so i apologize for the cobbled advice...

1st, a very consistent routine before bed. perhaps he has some choices, like picking out bedtime story? but the choices are contained within a rigid routine.

also make sure his bedtime is early enough. being overly tired makes bedtime much harder.

my 2yo daughter is also hard to get to sleep. to get her into her own bed i used a gradual approach. the first night i stayed next to her until she fell asleep while touching her back. eventually i sat in the doorway and soon i could leave after a consistent routine before she fell asleep. whatever you decide, it's your choice, you and your child's, don't let anyone make you feel bad for your choice.
routine, routine, routine and don't try to rush it beyond your child's or your comfort level. i noticed that when i tried to rush into the next step i usually took two steps back.

btw, by 2.5 my daughter goes to sleep very well on her own and we have very few problems. if the cry-it-out method is not right for you this approach might be better. it was for us.

I agree with Sarah and Rachel. This is totally a control issue. (I would definitely set up a video monitor and tape him just in case.) Do not give in! If you give in now, he'll know that every time he throws a tantrum, you'll do what he wants. Trust me on that! I've seen it over and over. You don't want him doing this in a store or the library when he doesn't get his way. But, if he does, ignore him... Walk away. Don't talk to him or anything. Eventually he will get he picture that this behavior doesn't phase you in the least and it WILL stop.

Give him control in other places. Let him choose his outfit but limit him to 2 choices - the red shirt or the blue shirt. Let him choose his snack (again, limit the choices to 2 items.) He thinks he has control and he feels like a big boy. When he makes a choice, he has to stick with the choice... no changing your mind.

When he is behaving well, praise him. Catch him being good. Reward his good behavior. If you are out and you don't normally stop for ice cream, do. Tell him why you are stopping. Tell him that he has been so well behaved today, that you thought he deserved a special treat. If he asks the next time you are out, just say, "not today". Then if he whines, this becomes a life lesson - you certainly don't get ice cream for whining or head banging. :-)

This is a learning process for both of you. I've been there. You need to be in control now, because once they are teenagers, you can't just put the brakes on and gain it. You have to have it all along.

YMMV
LBC

Did you have your children natural of did you have a c-section? IF you had a c-section then your muscles were cut across your belly and you will not be able to strengthen your muscles so you may always have a little flab if you are able to get the weight off. I still have the belly fat also and for women it is very hard to get rid of that unless you are already small. I wish you luck.
S.H.

Maybe you could try reading to him while he falls asleep or singing to him and rubbing his back. It would probably take a lot less time than the nightly drama and it won't leave marks on him. Regardless of what some books and people say it won't ruin his ability to sleep for the rest of his life if you help him calm down and go to sleep. It can be a wonderful special time to share with your child. They are only little once he may just need some extra quiet time at the end of the day to calm down and go to sleep. 2 is a very busy age and it is sometimes hard for them to relax because they do not want to miss anything. If you really need a system for sleep a gentle book is The No - Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It outlines realistic expectations for your child and gives ideas on how to gently help your child sleep better.

Hi S.,

My daughter did the head banging thing with her tantrums when she didn't like something. I would suggest going and getting a book called "The Five Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman. I've been reading it myself with my husband as my daughter is having issue with certain parts of her life. I want her to know that I still love her even though she is changing. It is frustrating to see your child through a tantrum like that. I didn't know what to do either. Have you tried changing the bedtime routine any? Instead of a quiet room, try a little music and instead of a nightlight, have it dark or vice versa. Has his bed changed any? Has he gone up from the crib or toddler bed to a big twin bed? Maybe he wants extra special time with you and/or your husband without his brother. It could be anything. Keep your hopes up and Keep Trying. Something will work and he'll calm down and not be so angry at bed time. Hope this helps. God Bless.

Let him do it. Don't change a thing. He's testing you to see if you will give in and let him stay up... PLEASE DON'T
If you do he will quickly learn it works and will keep it up. My daughter did the same thing at that age but it didn't take long until she learned it didn't do anything for her but hurt her head. So she stopped and went back to a normal sleeping schedule. My Advice is to be persistent and keep doing what you have always done just ignore it. My brother had bump on his head for about a month from it when he was little he won't hurt himself.. it hurts...lol

Put a chair in his room and sit on it while reading him a bedtime story. He has to stay in bed, listening to the story and he will fall asleep there.

Sometimes when I was not in the reading mood, I just sat on the floor and sang lullabies. That worked wonders, so I did it a lot, often the younger one fell asleep in the middle of the first song.

The thing is, he might feel he is left alone. You don't need to continue this for ever thou, but get him to a habit of reading, and pretty soon he will read by himself before bed, falling asleep easily.

Also, weaning him and later his brother out of having mom in the room is done gradually, you go out of there for short while, then come back. Just sitting, not reading, not singing. They will get tired of looking at you in a dim light, but also they feel good knowing mom is there. Don't forget to tell them you are going to sleep in your own bed soon.