Bedtime Is a NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!!! Help

well, i know what works for me.My son is just 2 nad he tries to pull the same stuff. So what i did i changed what he ate some time you can be giving them foods that have high sugars only give water as a drink at night . Pretty much you have to lay the law down the law when my son doesnt want to stay in his room we stand at the door and we hold the door after we put him in there and let him pull on the door a few times what happens when he sees he cant get out after a few mins he will go lay down in his bed and wont bother the door again but, you have to hear her lay down so you can let the door loose after a few times the shorter the fighting gets.My daughter was worse then him.But, i think girls are just harder to raise then boys no, matter how old she is it will be a struggle because girls are more bullheaded then boys are. but, try it it will show her you are not going to be bossed around anymore.

Your posting sounds exactly like mine would sound! I have a daughter who has also struggled with bedtimes ever since I weaned her which was around age two. What has worked for us is a few things in combination.

1. We keep her up a little later. It finally dawned on me, that she isn't a baby anymore, therefore she's not ready to conk out so early. We start our bedtime routine around 8:30 or 9 p.m. so that she's settle in by 9:30 at the latest.

2. I took away at least one nap a week. It's usually Saturday or Sunday when we run around a lot and aren't home much, so we just keep her awake. That night she goes down earlier, around 8-ish, and then the rest of the week isn't such a fight because she's a little backlogged. Warning: that no-nap day can get a little hairy if she's not having fun and distracted from crankiness.

3. If she's being loud or banging on the walls or not staying in bed (after she's gone potty for the last time), we take away something special. Sometimes it's her bear or her blankie or her pacifier. She only gets her pacifier at night, so that is a real hardship if she loses it. Of course, she throws a royal fit, but I tell her that when she calms down she can have it back in 5 minutes. When I give it back, I ask her if she promises to be good. Only once did I have to keep the precious item the whole night. After that it worked as a wonderful threat.

We have tried the whole gammit too, and these three things are what has finally worked after 9 months of trial and error for our family. Your daughter is different than mine, though, so keep at it and stay firm. Oh, we also keep a fan in her room to drown out noises that might distract her from falling asleep.

Good luck!

I can't wait for these responses. I have had the same issue with my son. We moved his bedtime to between 8:30 and 9:00,and then also made absolutely sure that his nap ended at 4:00, no matter when it started. (He wasn't going down until about 2:00 or 2:30.) Eventually, he started going to sleep a little earlier... but I think he is just a night owl. But, a difference in how we dealt with it is that once we read the stories, sung the songs, put him in his crib, etc., we didn't go back in his room at all, unless he got to uncontrollably crying. He didn't hardly ever cry, actually. He just played in his crib and eventually went to sleep, sometimes after we did, I am sure. We're still working through this, though... so I am interested to hear the comments. I also think that kids will work themselves into their own schedule that works for them, and it is really hard if it doesn't work with YOU... and even harder to switch them to one that does. Good luck to you.

Try reading Healthy Sleep, Happy Child. I have been reading it and doing some of the things it suggests like and early afternoon nap and putting my kids to bed earlier and it is working. My first child did the same thing at night. We would be asleep before she was asleep and then she was cranky the next day. Whe we started putting her to bed earlier, things started improving because she was getting enough sleep. It did take a few days to work and we had to make sure we followed her routine at bedtime. God bless.

Your situation sounds very frustrating and I can relate a bit. Although my son is younger (only 15 months) we went through this from 9-12 months and I'm sure it will rear it's head again someday in the not-so-distant future. Three books that I have found to be good reads (or skims :) ) are

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp...

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Throug...

AND

The Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family
http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Sleep-Book-Complete-Parenting/...

These books cover the range of different approaches to "nighttime parenting". My local library carries all of them.

The one thing I will say from a behaviorist perspective is to remain consistent in any approach you choose for a period of time to determine if it is actually effective. That is, if you are using a routine that incorporates a soothing bath and tea, use that routine for at least three nights before "tweaking it" if it doesn't yield the desired outcome (e.g. EVERYONE GETTING SLEEP).

I'm so sorry for your current sleep deprived situation. Good luck!!!

Oh, I understand the frustration that leads to and guilt that follows the yelling.

I have a two year old as well and she is never ready to go to bed by 7 pm. Perhaps it's just too early. On days I work, when she has to be up by 6:30 AM, she's goes down by 7:30-7:45 PM. On the days I don't work, when she can sleep in, she goes down by 8-8:30 PM. She only has one nap - you didn't mention if or how long nap time was.

On nights when she just isn't going to go down, but I'm exhausted and need some time to myself, I give her a book to look at quietly before she falls asleep with it next to her.

On a pure jealousy thing from you - potty trained by two. Good for you. Something should be hard! :) Just teasing.

Good luck, A.

I can completely understand the frustration! My 4 and 2 year old boys have gone thru similar stages. My 2 year old has just recently dropped the nap completely because bedtime was becoming difficult. Maybe I am selfish but I really enjoy my evenings once my kids go to bed early. Now my little guy is down for the night by 6:30 or 7 at the latest and he falls asleep really fast. I have always established a bedtime routine of soft music (the same CD every night has always worked best for my boys), blanket in his crib etc.

My 4 year old son is also still in this routine and is in bed usually no later than 7:30. I cannot imagine keeping my kids up really late every night, I so much prefer getting them to bed early. They really need their sleep and this routine works great. You definitely need to drop the nap completely.

Good luck!

Hi L.,
My two girls (5 & 3) seem to have nighttime issues everytime they hit a major new development milestone, ie hit a growing cycle, learning to read, etc or when a significant change happens at daycare, change in teachers, routine, etc.
Also, they've had a harder time sleeping since it is lighter outside. We bought a room darkening roller shade that goes over their blinds and then rolls up under the valence...this has helped a ton!
I would recommend the following books:
solve your childs sleep problems and Healthy sleep habits, healthy child. both books gave me really good ideas and advice.
Good luck

I have twin boys that are 27mos. We have always had a later bedtime, mostly because their dad doesn't get home from work until 7pm. Are boys go to bed around 10pm and then sleep until 8am or so with a 2 or 3 hr nap during the day. You didn't mention what time your daughter wakes up in the morning. Maybe she is ready for a little bit later bedtime where she is more tired. Good luck

my daughter went threw a similar thing. We had moved her to a toddler bed before she was 2 because she was climbing out of her crib. we ended up putting a door knob lock on her door. Which i was completely against. But with in about 2 weeks we had no more wake up in the middle of the night and no roaming. We also found that the major reason for her behavior in the first place was her last set of molars we're coming in. She had no problems with other teeth so at first we didn't think that could be it. But she was in lots of pain and couldn't make it threw the whole night without some tylenol and a little extra cuddling. Don't get frustrated. There is usually a reason for behavioral changes. You may want to try the book what to expect the toddler years. Lots of info. It helps to keep you aware of those growth spurts and things that can also cause behavioral changes. Just don't forget the more you get upset the more she gets upset. They feed off our energy. And by the middle of the night she's probably just as tired as you. I know my daughter's behavior is terrible when she's overly tired.

Hi,

You didn't mention whether your daughter is in a crib or a big girl bed... Anyway, why is everyone so upset about it? You can't make a child sleep if they are not tired. Is she getting lots of exercise during the day? If they are tired, they will sleep. As long as she stays in her bed and is quiet, it shouldn't matter if she is asleep or not. This could even be a power struggle.

My daughter is 2 and a half and sometimes she is awake until 11pm or midnight, too. She sings or talks to herself and eventually falls asleep. I have even told her she doesn't have to go to sleep (takes the pressure off), but she needs to lay down and close her eyes. She doesn't sleep during nap time anymore, she just looks at books. I will also occasionally let her listen to headphones with music. It settles her down enough and she'll usually fall asleep.

I think the bottom line is that everyone has trouble getting to sleep sometimes. If everyone stays calm this phase will pass quickly. Her body will do what it needs to do.

Hi L.,
Is she getting her two-year-old molars maybe? We had a terrible time with my son (I actually created a post here not long ago) and then when his one year old molars finally came in all the way, voila, he was sleeping through the night. What we've been doing, though, is sitting in his room reading with the light on until he goes to sleep. Then I tip-toe out after he drops off, turning off the light behind me. I think with his discomfort, he just didn't want to go to bed alone. He's getting his eye teeth now and it's taking forever for him to fall asleep again. We don't seem to have a problem at nap time, oddly, just bed time. Anyway, could you try cutting down on her nap time and putting her to bed a little later? This always helps with my son. I'm not sure how long this has been going on, but we went through our "phase" for about 9 months, so I wouldn't want to say just hang in there... Maybe you can talk to your doctor.... Best of luck!

L.,
Definately read the book Healthy Sleep Habits...several others recommended it also. She probably needs a later bedtime. I would put her to bed at 8 or 8:30. My kids rarely fought me at bedtime. When they did, I didn't get them what they wanted and was very stern with them about staying in bed. Sounds like this isn't working. She is probably old enough to try a reward system.
Buy some star stickers and some fun small toys that you know she will like. Show them to her at bedtime and explain to her that if she stays in bed and doesn't get up that she will get a star and a toy in the morning. Have some grace and give her only one chance to get up out of bed. Show her the toy again and tell her no more getting up. She probably won't stay in bed the first night. In the morning when she doesn't get the toy she will be mad! This is good as it will motivate her to stay in bed. If she does stay in bed, you have one an easy battle, give her the toy and a sticker. Do the whole thing again at bedtime. She should get it. After she has gone to bed nicely for 3-4 nights, give lots of praise and tell her that she is doing wonderfully, you are very proud of her and she will get a sticker in the morning and after 2 stars she will get a new toy or some other special treat. (chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, a milkshake from McDonalds etc). Most kids will transition from toys to stickers without a problem. They will accept a star and a delayed reward without getting to upset. After a week or two, you should be able to drop all rewards.
I would also reccomend Dr. Dobson's book The Strong Willed Child. This will not be the first battle you have with your precious little angel and if nothing else, it sure helps to know that other parents are going through the same thing and that your child is normal! He does give lots of helpful suggestions, like the reward system that I described.
Also, you didn't actually say she was getting out of bed. If she is playing quietly in her room, let her stay up. She will fall asleep on her own. Some kids just don't need as much sleep. Make sure she knows she can play quietly on her bed, but she needs to stay in her bed. Of course she will get up! When she does, open the door and sternly tell her to stay in her bed. Most kids will rush to their beds as soon as they hear the door because they know they were disobedient. She will grow up so fast, enjoy the time she is little and take delight in all the adorable things she says and does. Rebellion is a natural part of childhood. My precious little angel is heading off to college next fall, two states away! Treasure the time you have.
B.
One last thought, she may be using bedtime as an attention getter. By getting up, both you and dad are paying attention to her. Make sure she is getting plenty of play time with daddy after he gets home. You to, especially on days that you work. Turn off the TV, stop cleaning the house etc. and play with your daughter outside of bed time. You have put a tremendous amount of time and energy into bedtime and she likes the attention. Give her that attention before bedtime and she might not demand it at bedtime.

I really hear and empathize with your frustration. It could be from all the big changes, which sound like maybe trying to get her to grow up too fast. Or there may be something going on in her life that makes her afraid to go to sleep, especially if you put her to bed alone. She may well need less sleep than she has in the past, which obviously happens as children grow. My children rarely went to bed before I did, then we just went to bed together. Cosleeping solves so many so-called "sleep problems" and is such a gift you can give to a child so they can grow up feeling really secure and loved.

L.,
Been there, done that. I have always felt that people are putting their kids to bed way to early. Our oldest son used to go to bed at 8pm and that worked for us until his brother was born. Then that time went out the window.
The complaints I hear from other parents is that their kids get up too early and it's probably because they put them to bed too early.

My suggestion is to try to put her to bed later like 9 or 10. Put in a DVD she likes around 8:30, give her some warm milk or warm oatmeal and watch the movie with her. (Make sure she has her blanket too.) When she starts to get sleepy, turn the volume down gradually on the TV and then take her to bed.
This may take a few tries, but it worked for us.

Good luck.

Hi there! I'm wondering if this is just your daughter's reaction to so many big changes in the last year. Giving up the bottle, the binky and diapers already by only age 2 is pretty huge! She may need some extra snuggling/cuddling for a while. You might also try adjusting her bedtime by 30-45 minutes, putting her down at 7:30 or so to see if that helps. My daughter needed to change her bedtime at around 2 1/2 years old because she didn't need quite so much night sleep when she was still napping. Good luck!