Not Sure About Our Caregiver - Advice Please

You could take away the TV. Use a power plug lock so she can not power it on.
http://www.familysafemedia.com/powerstop_power_plug_lock....
If she quits if there is no TV available, you'll have to find someone new anyway.

My thoughts are if you are feeling weird about it than something is wrong. The kids should be playing all day not watching TV. If she doesn't have the energy to play with them then I would find someone else. I think safety is a big priority, but also learning and interacting with siblings and caregiver are very important too.

I don't think her age hasd anything to do with her energy, I'm 53b and a daycare provider and I have plenty of energy for the children. I'm currious is to unless you are home during the day, how would you know she does not interact with the kids, and they sit and watch TV for 5 hours. And if you are home during that time, I don't understand the caregiver, but do you sugget activities for the day? maybe make a weekly calendar of things you would like her to do with the kids, I just want to say though as a mom of 26 years and a daycare provider 0f 13 years, you are the mom, are you doing the things with your children that you expect a caregiver to do? because i know in my case I put more hours into these children in one day than what they get at home with their families. mamacita made some good points and gave you some good advice, the only thing I would add is that all the things her daughter leaned about love most of it should have come from the mom and dad. J.

she's fine in the short term, but I'd be looking for someone who will interact with the babies more. There's more to child care than just making sure they're alive at the end of the day.

No. It is not OK for children this age (or any age for that matter) to watch tv for 5 hours a day. I would say that it is not OK for them to watch ANY tv at all.
If you find her great in other important ways (safety, experience, recommendations, convenience) I would say that you should provide a suggested schedule of things that she might do with the kids such as: Morning- take them to the park, Mid-day - Lunch, Afternoon 1 hour nap, Late Afternoon - Play date, Read Books, ... Don't give exact hours because you need to allow for some flexibility.
When I selected a sitter, I was concerned that the selected was not "formally educated" and could not "teach" my daughter more academic stuff. I asked a friend with more experience than I and she said something that I will never forget: "what your child really needs at this age is lots of love and security". I realized that my nanny provided lots of that. My daughter has LEARNED a lot from her, about how to be a very loving and caring person. That is more important than anything else, I think.

I would go with your insticts. Your a mom you can tell something is not right. I would start looking for a suitable replacement. Good luck.

i know this is too late but if your twins are 3 or close to 3 time to send them to daycare so that they can socialize with their age children. it would be so much fun. 5 hrs of tv for me is too much let alone for them. my kids are out of school now, it has been a week, and we have yet to turn on the tv. nearby park, pool, beach, library, ice cream outings etc that is what your kids should be experiencing not dora and diego 5 hrs a day. yes they learn from those shows, but they also learn to not become creative, use their imagination, develop social skills etc. why don't you find a daycare based on recommendations and send them there?

This is obviously eating away at you so i would seek another care taker perhaps split up the week..have her for 1/2 if you can..see how you feel about new caretaker..she's probably just old and tired..jaded..doesn't feel like interacting..where as a younger caretaker might take more joy in playing with the girls. Since you posted here I think your gut is telling you the answer already...seek a new one...5 hours of tv is just too much.

No one loves or cares more for your kids than YOU. I have twins also, and they are a difficult sort of kids to raise. However, I also find that they DO entertain themselves (together) much more than singletons.... requiring less interaction from the parent. However.... like you, I wonder if that is a "good thing." I believe your instincts are right~ 5 hours of tv time is ridiculous. Have you considered getting rid of the tv/cable, dvd, etc.? You think I'm kidding? We have found that it is a poor replacement for adult interaction.

I do believe, however, that requiring a babysitter to homeschool (flashcards, etc.?) your two year olds is unreasonable. It appears you have a grandmother-type replacement as a babysitter.... there is no way I would require my mom to educate my twins at 2 or 3. However, I would not want her to sit them in a room for 5 hours either.... I think you should find out WHAT she has to offer that would work for all of you.... explain that it is a job and this is what you expect. And then please, once that is figured out, don't let that awesome babysitting situation replace their need for YOU.

Just sayin'

Hello, Their are so many people that are looking for childcare positions, you can definately find someone who can play with your daughters while also being reliable and safe! I would find someone else for sure.
Good luck!

My suggestion......look for someone else. This is why some kids are obese too. They sit and play video games or watch TV. My hubby and I had to get rid of our babysitter and took our toddler to a daycare. She was constantly taking time off and would give us like a 2 day advanced notice. My husband and I couldn't take the time off work. So, I ended up having my sister watch her in the summer since she's a teacher, and I ended up taking time off work with no pay when she decided to take off.

We went with a daycare so she could enteract with more kids. My toddler is now 27 months old and does great at daycare! I currently have a 5 week old and she will be going to a babysitter who does enteract with the kids. You need somebody that will sit and teach your kids things (whether it's ABC's or 123's) and someone who is willing to take them outside to play. The more the kids sit and watch TV, the more they won't want to do anything and be lazy.

Please do yourself a favor and at least check into another care giver. It will be worth the time, trust me!!! During my maternity leave, I did just that and found someone, but she only does it part time.

Good luck!

Dear C.,

You sound like you care a great deal about your children and are a great momma. And I applaud that you want to find a nurturing caregiver for your children like the one youonce had.

I will share from my experience: It took me a while to find my current caregiver for 3 hrs a day 3 times a week. During that time, i insist on no TV, and that she play, read, draw, create, pretend, interact etc. The caregiver loves it and enjoys it. She says to me thank you every time she comes!!!! Any caregiver you hire should want what is best for your children and should love spending time with them. I personally had to let two caregivers go because they did not have the energy or patience to play thoughtfully with my child.

I would try to see if the current caregiver is willing to truly care for your children. If not, as difficult as it may be, try to find someone else. You will find someone, you just have to believe.

GL. Jilly

I've never been a nanny before. Maybe I'm wrong here, but I'd be bored stiff with only 2 children. That's why I'm NOT a stay at home mom! You might be able to find someone else with a little more energy. But why not find a small in-home provider with 3-4 children instead of only your 2? I am here to tell you that my daycare is much happier as a whole on the days that everyone is here. On days when we only have 1-2 children, I run out of ideas. A slightly bigger group is just more fun. There's more ideas, more pretend play, and they play more with each other. I'm here to do as you say, handle the cleaning, cooking, diaper changes and break up the fights. I even laugh with them and get down on the floor some. But I thrive on the energy that comes from a few more children.

I'm curious about something... How do you know so much about what's going on? Do you work at home?

I guess if the whole nanny thing is really what you want, you'll just have to pay a little more and get someone that's been a nanny for a long time and loves the heck out of it.

Sounds like taking the TV away isn't going to change the person she is. If she lacks the ability to interact with your children, then more than likely it will stay that way, TV or no TV. I know finding a good nanny can be hard and time consuming but in the end, well worth it when you find the perfect one again, like you had before. Definitley make some time to start interviewing some new nanny's. Even if you put one interview in a week, that's something and when the right one comes along again, "you'll just know." It's not expecting to much to want the best for our kids, that's being a mom. I researched schools for my daughter for over 2 years before thinking I found the perfect school for her, I'm still not completely happy and already want more from her school. : ) If the girls were happier before, then find someone who makes them that happy again and don't hesitate to do so. Good luck to you!

I agree with the other moms, but you also might mention to this woman that perhaps she needs to see a doctor. If she is content to do that but has been in childcare for most of her life, she might actually need to step up on some vitamins and have an overall physical. I do not see any problem with just telling her the truth and see if that sparks her interest. And if you know anything about her personal life, she might have been going through some deaths in her family, etc. While you might not find that to be part of her work life it does affect some people and perhaps she is plain old depressed and your twins are not seeing the energetic side to this woman. (Sorry, but I'm in the same age group and look at things a lot differently now). She may absolutely love the children but have some lethargy treatable by vitamins or iron or something. Since they are safe before you kick her butt out, I'd check what is going on. If nothing, then I'll help you walk her to the door. Just kidding of course, but I am now plenty energetic after many years of childcare, then i lost my energy and found out I had uterine cancer. Not saying she does, but I had to take care of that and now I'm back in the ball park! Playing with kids is my daily job, so too bad I'm so far away. Enjoy your little ones.

You've made an excellent choice by deciding to find another caregiver. Although she's meeting your children's physical needs, she most certainly is not meeting their emotional/learning needs and it doesn't sound like she's going to change!!

I think that your intuition is very important. Not all caregivers and families are a match, and with no disrespect to this caregiver, I would seek another situation. I was in your place once, and made a change, and as months passed I became so much happier with my new choice.
Best wishes.

I think you have every right to expect your children to interact with their child care provider. She sounds like a glorified "baby sitter". I think you should talk with her again and explain that "times are a chanin'" and your children NEED playtime, outside activities, games and "preschool" activities, like letter and number games. If she's not up to the task, then you have your answer. Then the next time she comes over, after your talk....

Why not just remove the t.v.? I know this may seem a bit "harsh" but it would just fix the problem if she comes to your home. Or, unplug it, have a huge stack of crayons, coloring books and games on the kitchen table.

Maybe you could do this on a Monday after talking with your kids and tell them that tv time is over. Since the kids won't understand, it may just be easier to remove the tv (temporarily) - you could even tell them a white lie and say it's broken.

Make this woman find other things to do with the kids.

You are paying and they are your children so you should not have to settle. I don't feel you are asking for to much. Did you not set up expectation and job duties during the interview process before the job was offered so you both knew what you were getting? Try to work it out with this one if not start looking your children are young and need stimulation and a routine.

We had to make a change the opposite direction when our son turned 2. We had the mother of a neighbor watching our son, and we were expecting baby #2. She did things that bothered us, but she loved him SO much - like he was one of her own grandchildren.

Unfortunately, she wouldn't do what we asked like not smoking around him and choosing to wash her hair/do her make-up while he was napping instead of letting him roam around while she got dolled-up.

So, we made the change to a traditional day care facility, and it was the BEST decision we made. We looked at in home, having someone come to our house, and ultimately, we preferred the structure, socialization and education they would receive in a "school" environment.

No regrets in 2 years.
But, it's a personal choice, and I'd simply ask yourself what you expect and what you're willing to put up with. Sounds like you hit the babysitter lottery the first time around, and anyone who follows will have big shoes to fill.

Good luck!

Hi C.,

Have you ever looked into an au pair? I do not know what you pay your current caregiver but I think you will find that the au pair program is a very affordable option. Since au pairs live with their host family they become part of your family and it is easier to discuss concerns with them especially since they are committed to making their year successful. You also have local support from a childcare expert who can help you through any problems. The approx cost for an au pair is $330/week(under $7.50/hr) thats per family, not per child. IF you are interested in more information please let me know.

Personally I don't feel this is OK. I would put out activities that you would like them to do; maybe write out a schedule of activities, walks around the neighborhood and specific shows you will let them watch--maybe two different 30 minutes sessions (?) and nap time. I am assuming you pay her to watch your children. Your expectations are not too high! I know it's scarey to rock the boat because it's hard to find caregivers, but this is not the quality of care you would give your children if it were you with them; just explain that you need them to have a variety of activities in the day. Good luck!
K.

I am sorry, but a caregiver that plops the kids in front of the TV would be a HUGE no for me. Especially after you have already advised her to turn of the TV and she keeps ignoring your requests.
I would find someone else ASAP! There is no reason why you would stick with a caregiver that does not perform to your expectations. And be sure to let her know why you are letting her go, so that she can adjust her professional behavior in the future.
Good luck!

I think you have to make your expectations cystal clear, as in define in minutes of TV allowed each day, or which one show only, or whatever you're comfortable with, and then tell your nanny that you want the set off at all other times. Some people just live a lifestyle of "tv on all the time" with no limits. And I do think it is a bit generational. DH and I both had excessive and unlimited TV as kids, but we do not allow that for our own kids and family. Also, tell her exactly what kind and how much interaction and activites you expect daily, outside play time, games, etc. If you suspect she is doing just the bare minimum and not interacting much with your kids, I would be looking for a different type of caregiver now. Also, if you find out (you could use nanny cam or something) more TV is on than you allow, I would not hesitate to remove the TV altogether and let her go as quickly as you can. Good luck!

No the TV business would not work for me either. Maybe you need someone with some more energy. I'm not necessarily saying younger just more energy and some motivation! Apparently your talking to her isn't doing the job, if you are happy with all of her other care except the TV situation...consider hidding the remote..my TV won't work without the remote. Or get rid of the TV in that room all together, like someone else suggested. Move it to another part of the house, that is off-limits, so to speak. My bedroom is always off limits!

I always say that my kids deserve "great" and not just "ok". I tell my friends that are looking for daycare that if they don't want to jump up and down about someone then they should keep looking! My kids reach out their arms to go to our caregiver everyday and sometimes don't want to leave there. I say find someone who wants to play with them and teach them. Sounds like they are getting to the age where they should also spend a good portion of the day learning too! :) Good luck!

My feeling is that is you don't feel 100% right about it, it's not 100% right.
Have a real heart-to-heart and let her know how you feel and that you are considering replacing her. And give her the opportunity to step up and make it right. If that doesn't happen, then do it.

HI C.,

Ummm, 5 hours of TV is waaaay too much. How about park/pool time, building with legos, trains, blocks, reading, etc. etc. I'd say if you've talked to her twice, and haven't seen any changes, time to look for a new nanny.

Best of luck. I know you're in a hard spot.
C.

I am with you. T.V would not be on. Mine is never on. We watch it at nigh for like an hour and thats it.
I would take the TV. cord with you during the day. Tell her that the children need to be played with and talked to. I would sit with her and tell her how important it is to you.

I would definitely not settle for okay. I think you need someone who is energetic and active. Will play, teach and spend time with them. The TV should not even be on in my opinion. That is a babysitter unto itself and it's way too much TV for them. I think you should start looking...I know the process is hard and you have to leave your children with this person. OK is just OK, GREAT is better for you girls!!!

I am a mother of two boys and in spite their age difference i have managed to know right from wrong when raising then. They haven't had realy stable lives. I am actually looking for another job that will allow me to spend more time with them both. I have a 15 year old that I know will need me there throughout his high school years and an 8 year old who will have to repeat 3rd grade.
I know it's hard to find good child care but if you are not satisfied with the care then you should start looking for someone who will respect your wishes, afterall, they are your children. I know that this lady is probably tired and it's much easier to have them sit in front of thr t.v. I know because I've even done it with my kids. I work 12 hr shifts, graveyard so I just want to sleep when I get home.
I hope you can find a solution to your childcare situation. Think of your kids future... all the things they can be learning.. Have you thought about a pre-school... even if just 3 days a week... that will give them a chance to interact with other kids while learning new things.
Well... good luck.. All the best for you and your family.
**M.**

I'd rather have poorly fed and diapered children than t.v. zombies! Energy I think is high on the list with caregivers, because there has to be some compensation for the fact that they don't love and adore your children as you do. If you can't trust her with t.v. quantity (like a strict on hour limit), then make a no t.v. rule. I'd try and work with her to keep from disrupting your children further, but if she's a slug and you see no hope of higher energy then definitely keep looking.

If this was just an occasional caregiver I'd say just deal with it. But it sounds like your children spend a lot of time with this person. I'd start looking around for a better one. There are great caregivers out there. My son is a year old and I've already found two of them. I know it's tempting to settle but I would bet on the fact that you won't be sorry if you switch.

I didn't read the other posters but I'd say to go with your instincts. Us mom's have a 6th sense about these things and I think you'd be happier to find someone like your other sitter. Good luck!

Talk to her and explain the TV is a deal breaking issue. Be clear with what you expect (at least 1 hour outdoor activity, weather permitting or whatever). Go ahead and suggest activities, sign them up for a summer class or activity, hide the tv if you feel strongly. Then give it a few weeks. If you don't see improvement then find someone new. If your kids are over 2 they might benefit from structured daycare. My son started at 3 and after a year is happy and loves preschool.