Not Sleeping Well

I let my son cry it out from about 3 mths. I would go in pat his back, talk to him and then leave. I did this every 5 min or so until he fell asleep. If I wouldnt he would have to be rocked, walked, etc. It took acouple of weeks and then he would would go to sleep with no problem. I wished I would have done this with my daughter who is my oldest instead we were up walking rocking etc. I by no mean would let him scream or cry for an extended amount of time, just a few minutes to know that it's bedtime.

Hi Madeyln,
I know it is hard when our little ones do not sleep. I remember how it was for my two and I remember how frustrating it can be.

I personally believe that at 4 months you son is still in need of your love and support even when he is falling asleep. Human beings learn to trust when they can trust the people in their lives and their environments.

Babies and toddlers who can rely on parents to be there to interpret and guide their world experiences and lives are actually more independent than their peers who must navigate at times by themselves. My opinion is based on some research with co-sleeping preschoolers. The article is Cosleeping and independence - Bulletins: good news about pregnancy, birth, and parenting
Mothering, Jan-Feb, 2003 by Meret A. Keller, Wendy A. Goldberg
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0838/is_2003_J...

There is great information on sleep issues at www.askdrsears.com

And here is a link to all of his sleep articles http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

Here is a link to an article that may help.
31 WAYS TO GET YOUR BABY TO GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP EASIER http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp

Please follow your heart and listen to your baby. Your baby is crying because he wants your comfort and company. He does not know where you are or when you will return.-Babies that age do not have permanance, the ability to know that you exist when he cannot see you. He only knows that he wants you and you are gone. If you feel terible listening to your baby cry then that is a signal telling you that you need to change what you are doing.

People do not need to learn how to sleep,they know how. Our children look to us for guidance and through the bonds of a loving relationship they become independent. Human beings are not taught independence it is something that grows within a them.

I wish you well. Our children grow fast.
Take care,
R. George, CD(DONA), PCD(DONA)
Mother of Ben 16yrs and Daniel 12yrs

I did experience something like this with my daughter and it was very tiresome. Babies need that comfort, and it's OKAY to give it to them. Just remember they're making a rather HUGE transition, as we all are. I suggest getting an adjustable ring sling. These grow with your child. I've used mine daily since she was a newborn (now 18 months) & it's a lifesaver, for everyone. Don't feel "trained/manipulated", a 4 month old hasn't the thought process to "manipulate." Babies are trusting us to give them what they need. Dr Sears has great info & doesn't condone the Cry it Out method. That researcher (the name escapes me at the moment) even retracted his statements & admits it's no longer the best way to approach the situation. The more we respond to our infants now, the more independent they'll be in the future. They learn to trust others and themselves. Best wishes & sweet dreams to all of you.

i was never able to understand ,how parents can do that to their kids, no matter how old they are. and sometimes i wonder where some physicians went to school at, to give such advice.
Anyway If you want to do something for your child, don't let him cry it out. If you are worried about getting sleep, then do it, like so many parents do. Which i think, they should of thought whether they can afford to loose sleep or not, before they had a Baby.
And i am not so shure about the statement that it's no harm to the child. Well, sorry, i have to be so blunt, but that is what i think.
A.

We started letting my daughter cry it out at 6 months, that was the only way for us to ever get sleep. I think it's really up to you, you have to trust your own instincts. This subject is very controversial. What works for one may not work for the other, but in the end you are the parent so you do what's best for your baby and your family. One thing to remember is that no baby ever died from crying too much. So it's not like it's going to hurt him. I used to worry I might be doing some kind of damage to my daughter. We used the cry it out method for a long time! Some babies just use this as thier way of winding down. You could always take baby steps... just don't rush in there the first second he cries out. Start out by waiting 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 - gradually making the time you let him cry longer before going to him. Hang in there, I promise it will get better and you will enjoy sleepy nights again.

Dear M..
I know not every mom agrees on the issue of letting babies cry it out .
What I did with my son when he was an infant is get a co- sleeper and lay him down next to me. It made a world of difference for him knowing that I was there right next to him. What also helped during his little naps without me throughout the day is a bear that you can purchase, that when turned on makes the sound of a human's heart beat. This is a sound that infants are familiar with , due to the fact that this is the sound they hear while they are in a mothers womb.
Last but not least , like so many ladies advised. Go with your heart . Only a mom knows her own baby's needs. No matter what everyone tells you . At this age you can not spoil them .After all what does it cost us to give them unconditional love. Nothing!!!
Best of luck . And tell your Pedi to go and "Cry it out himself".

Hi M.. Well, I know this is a really controversial issue. We decided not to let our daughter cry it out. If you decide to go that route, you might check out the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.
Whatever method you decide to go with, I hope you get it figured out. I know those sleep issues can be so frustrating.
- P.
www.tinytottowels.com

the first few months are tough. but your baby still needs you. and just because he isn't a snotty mess doesn't mean he's completely knocked out the cold or that it didn't mess with the already (because he's an infant) short-term sleeping habits. it's really hard and i don't hink you'll find any mom who says there weren't times she wanted to rip her hair out and run screaming fom the house just to get an uninterupted nap, but there it is, your doctor's right. and i'd suggest reading some of the research on ferber's method which he has since said is the wrong approach towards mothring. just when you think your about to break despite anyone's advice, he'll start to sleep for longer strethes and eventually through the night.

good luck.

My son did not tolerate crying it out. He would cry for hours and hours. I got a folding chair and sat beside his bed and patted him or rocked him back and forth while he was lying in his bed. I didn't take him out of the crib and if he tried to get up I left and let him cry for few minutes. Then I went back, layed him down and patted or rubbed his back. It got to where it only took a few minutes

First off, I want to say how awesome it is that you're nursing him!

Secondly... sometimes babies have sleeping troubles when other things are going on... like you said, he had a cold... but, maybe now he's teething? My youngest had his first tooth erupt when he was 4 mths old. I'd suggest Hyland's Teething Tablets. They work well and will not harm your child; its homeopathic. It will calm him down; you'll be amazed.

Thirdly, I have 3 kids, I've NEVER let them cry it out, no matter what age they are. They also slept with me; its just easier that way, esp. when you're nursing them. There's nothing wrong with co-sleeping/bedsharing as long as you aren't inebriated or on sleep-inducing drugs. Just like you know not to roll off the bed unto the floor, you'll know not to roll over your baby. If you want to, you can either get a co-sleeper bed or do like we did, and take down one of the sides of the crib and push our bed up against it. That way, the baby could be far away enough so as not to harm him while you're asleep (if that is what worries you - we did it to have more room; we only have a full sized bed) or if you want him to sleep on his own, just put him in the crib on the side of your bed and get back in your bed; still close enough to attend to him fast. Know what I mean? And I'm not single. Their dad and I are still together and he works 5 days a week and he's not sleep deprived because of our sleeping arrangements.

When you're a nursing mom, your baby will need to nurse more often then moms that formula feed because of easily breastmilk digests (which is a great thing).

Oh, also, your baby could be hungry... he could be going through a growth spurt and needing to nurse to up your milk supply (supply and demand).

I also don't believe that baby's manipulate us. They cry because they need something. If its not hunger or a diaper change, it could be they just need comfort. We are human and we do need comfortering, even as babies.

Sometimes I think they just have to cry. But I would not let them cry for 40 minutes unattended. I go in every 3-5 minutes to comfort. Don't pick him up, but do pat him and talk to him. He will catch on quickly. They are pretty smart and are great at training their parents to do their bidding.

I put my daughter in her crib for the first time yesterday, figured it would be a fight, but she fussed for less than 5 minutes and then went to sleep. Then at night she went right to sleep. So don't let them cry for extended periods. Just go in and comfort him every few minutes. Start out at 3 minutes then wait 5 and so on. I would not suggest letting them cry for extended periods, anymore than 5 minutes and they realize and then they can become despondent from you and realize that you are not going to answer their cries and lose trust in you.

Well I had both my babies sleeping through the night at around 5 weeks. We were just pretty lucky on that one. My son would cry all the time when we put him down. So at night I would let him cry for 10 mins each night then pick him up. Just do that every night but make the time a little longer each night. If he is crying too much maybe he just isnt that tired yet. Just try to keep a really good time line for each day and try to follow it. You may also try putting a small fan in there for white noise. They have all those $100 dollar things out there that are sure to put them to sleep but a $5 one from anywhere will work just as good. The fan worked absolutly great for both mine. Let me know how it all works out.

Babies are smarter than we give them credit for, despite what others may think! Your son could just be taking longer to recover from his cold. If the crying persists and there's nothing you can come up with that may be wrong, maybe you should make another visit to the doctor. He may have an ear infection or some other type of problem you can't detect. Check his teeth too. My daughter's first tooth came out when she was 3 months.
What I would do is let my daughter cry for a little bit before I picked her up because I didn't want her to get too used to the arms. Then I'd feed her, change her, talk to her, then when she calmed down, I would lay her in the crib. If she started to cry, I would just pat her and talk to her, maybe sing something til she fell asleep. It usually wouldn't be long.
Whatever method works for you, I say use. There's a lot of books, professionals, etc. etc. out there, but when it comes down to it, every child is different. Only you as a parent knows what's truly best for your child! LOTS OF LUCK!!!

Please read "On Becoming babywise". A cheap paperback, and pretty quick and easy read. It will make your life SOOOOO much easier!

Honestly at his age you can't really "spoil" him... When my daughter was little bitty and would cry for no good reason (that I could determine) i would simply take her out of her bed and bounce her until she calmed down and then lay her on my chest and let her stay there until she was in a good deep sleep, then put her back in bed. By the time she was 7 months old she had no problems putting herself to sleep at night and slept all night long in her own bed. Of course we had bad nights once in a while but there were no lasting effects from pampering her at 3 and 4 months old. The key is to make sure they realize that while mommy is never far his bed is where he belongs at night. He'll get the hang of it. He may really be crying because he needs reassurance that you can hear him and that you will be there when he needs you. Good luck, I know the first few months can be painful and exhausting but have faith that it will get better soon!

He is awfully young to let him cry.... Can you go into his room and rub his belly or back and talk in a soothing tone to get him back to sleep? Then you could slowly over a course of weeks, wean him down to just a rub and so on to teach him to go back to sleep on his own?

No, I do not thin it's okay to let your baby CIO. Not at any age (well, a toddler is a different story). I think that letting your 4mo cry for 40 minutes unattended is just plain mean. Your baby needs you. He's a baby. Comfort him at night. They're only little for a short time.

Sure, you'll be tired. But that is part of parenthood, imo.

4 months seems to me a little young for a cry-it-out session. I didn't start doing this with my daughter until she was about 7 months old, but she was a pretty good sleeper from 3+ months. I would do what the previous poster said- go in every 5-10 minutes and pat his back, talk to him, read him a story, do what you want but just don't pick him up. I agree that babies need to learn how to self-soothe, but I'm not sure about the age. Good luck to you.

M.,

You don't have to wait to let him cry it out. He is plenty old enough. Babies can sleep 12 hours consecutively at night from the time they are 6-8 WEEKS old if they are not premature or have other medical complications. 40 minutes is not too long to let a baby cry. You can do this one of three ways. 1. Go in every 10 minutes and reassure him WITHOUT picking him up. 2. Go in after 10 minutes and increase the time allotment every time (10, then 15, then 20 minutes, etc.) 3. You can shut the door and say goodnight. Which is best depends on the personality of the baby and the parents.

With my first baby, we waited until she was 6 weeks old to train her and the first night she cried for over an hour. It took 6 nights to train her. With my second baby, we waited until he was 4 weeks old and the first night he cried for 45 minutes. It took 4 nights to train him. With my third baby, I started training him in the hospital the day he was born. (I made sure he was awake whenever I laid him down. Yes, this meant waking him up after nursing him.) He never did cry when we put him to bed. We learned that the younger you start, the easier it is.

All of our children could sleep 12 hour stretches by the time they were 2 months old. They would regress when they were sick and it took 3-5 nights to retrain them, but it can be done. Be strong and invest in some ear plugs.

Best of luck,
S.